Chapter 30 Twenty-nine, big ghost

The big hairy monster in my body: hello. I don't know since when, you have been in my body.It's no use denying it, I know you've been there. I didn't know you were there in the first place.Before I was two years old, I had no individual consciousness, no feelings, no aesthetics, no memory, no fame, no profit, no relationship, no involvement in the world, no habits different from other fart kids, sleepy, hungry Eat when you are thirsty, drink when you are thirsty, be happy when you sleep well, eat well and drink comfortably, cry if you can’t get it, forget about it even if you cry, and you are infinitely close to Buddha at an unconscious level.Thinking about it now, children are also pitiful. Although they are close to the Buddha, they have no power and are at the mercy of adults.I have seen children cry at the airport, asking their mother to buy chocolates, and when the mother finally bought the chocolates, the children cried even harder because the mother opened the package and ate the chocolates in front of the children.I shared the same elevator with my nephew, who was not much higher than my knees, with his little head pressing against my butthole from below. I couldn't help but let out a slow, silent fart. I felt his little hand Keep pushing my ass like hell, but I can't push it away.After I was two years old, I started to talk, my eyes looked around, and my ears listened at all times. I guess it started from then on, you woke up and started to grow, non-stop.

I sometimes think, in fact, before I could speak, even before I was born, you were here, you were sent by God to be an undercover agent.This topic is too deep, so I will talk about it later. If you compare with other people, you mature later than the big hairy monster in other people's body.Before high school, I read, went to school, slept, ate vegetables and drank water, did not peep into the garden for three years, and had little difference. There were only categories of things, not high or low. For example, at that time, I knew that sneakers and sandals were There are differences, but I don't know the difference between Nike and Double Star in sports shoes.At that time, in the distinct four seasons in Beijing, I heard the different sounds of the poplar trees in the four seasons with the same mood, and I was very happy.

In my memory, there are three stages. You grow wildly, like mushrooms after rain, like Vanke building a building. After the three stages, you understand everything and you become a big hairy monster. The first stage of insane growth was high school. I started to realize beauty and ugliness. I no longer let my dad shave my hair. I kept a long parted head, covered my eyes, and occasionally sneaked in my brother’s jacket. At that time, I could hardly hear any teacher's lectures in my ears, and I kept hearing you, a big hairy monster, shouting: "I wore a handsome jacket today." Different, girls are prettier than boys, individual girls are prettier than other girls, and many boys always agree that these individual girls are prettier than other girls.I know it's you, the big hairy monster, that's doing it, and it's the big hairy monsters in the boys in the class doing it together.If the big hairy monster in my body likes Xi Shi, and the big hairy monsters in other boys like Dong Shi, I hug Xi Shi to sleep, they hug Dong Shi to sleep, everyone is happy, the world is easy to be peaceful, but you big hairy monsters all like Xi Shi.After I made this discovery, I started worrying about world peace.

The second stage of growth spree is the second half of college.Graduation is about to happen, and the country does not assign jobs. Everyone has different school grades, GRE/GMAT/TOEFL scores, different parents, and different prospects.Girls also have big hairy monsters in their bodies, and their big hairy monsters seem to have similar requirements. Their big hairy monsters all like boys with good grades, rich and powerful parents, and promising prospects.In the eyes of these big hairy monsters, boys' grades, parents, and future seem to be far more important than boys' level of knowledge, muscle strength, and dick length and thickness.This point is kept secret in any school, and no teacher does any simple teaching.

The third stage of overgrowth occurred when I was around thirty.I graduated from medical school and MBA, and started my first full-time job as a consultant at McKinsey.At the age of thirty, I published my first novel, but I didn’t take it as a big deal at all. That writing was like a long self-exposure in a long winter night, with rich images and hype in the process, but, It's cool, it's over, it's over, after dawn, I have to go to the airport, catch an early flight, and continue working.This full-time job is management consulting. To put it bluntly, it is to help clients understand, explain clearly, and promote change.I guess, a hundred years ago, when the founding partners designed the internal operating system of this consulting company, they should have also referred to the characteristics of the big hairy monster in their own bodies, and designed this operating system to present the warmth and cruelty of the biological world .Senior consultants teach new consultants all their money without reservation, but they will be evaluated every six months and eliminate at least 50% of the personnel every two years without mercy.Thirty people who joined the company with me either voluntarily left or were passively eliminated. After two years, only three remained.

I occasionally wonder, where are you in my body, in my brain, heart, and blood?Your schedule is different from mine. When I wake up, you may fall asleep, and I fall asleep, so you have more chances to come out.The manifestation of your crazy growth is that I will have a few similar dreams repeatedly for a long time.After your first stage of crazy growth, I often dream about exams, Chinese exams, I dream that I dream about composition questions, if the dream is right, I will laugh out loud in the dream, if the dream is wrong, I will wake up from the dream .After your second stage of crazy growth, I often dream about exams, math exams, occasionally do it, but basically I can’t do it, and I basically wake up from the dream.After your third stage of crazy growth, I often dream of meeting, all late, all mobile phones have no battery or can’t find contacts, and all wake up from the dream.

These three dreams appear alternately. Although I have published five novels, I still dream about the composition exam. Although I have held countless meetings, I still dream about the meeting.From these dreams, I know that your growth is crooked, like a bonsai, seemingly complete, but actually incomplete, seemingly beautiful, but actually twisted.You interfere with my happiness, you are a big hairy monster. You big hairy monster who has been in my body all the time, remember, I will always tease you.I don't know whether you will die or I will live, whether you will die together or live in peace in the endless years to come.I vaguely felt that if I could completely destroy you, I would be at another level, not far from Buddha.

Let's go here first this time, and talk about it next time. Feng Tangbai