Chapter 16 15 Who influences and changes me?

The world has progressed too fast in the past few decades, and of course this progress is more reflected in technology.When I was born, the radio was still a treasure, through which we slowly learned about and approached the world, but now, in the age of the Internet, we no longer need to be "closed" to the world, we are part of the world, and whoever can make himself and It's simply a fashionable life when the world keeps its distance.I was born in a time when telephones were few and far between, and people went looking for someone, purely on luck, finding the best, not coming back tomorrow.However, they can generally be found, because people's living radius is too small, even if the person they are looking for is not at home, they will come back after a while, and people can't go far.Nowadays, it is common for a person to have two mobile phones, and the voice is close in front of you. In fact, you don’t know where he is, whether it is far or near, it is possible, but it seems that the distance between hearts is getting closer and closer among the crowd. farther...

Have humans progressed?Has humanity progressed?Are those things that make us happy, angry, sad, and happy have to do with material things?Does technology drive the world, or does the human heart control the world? I believe that in the past, present, and future, what really pushes us forward is still only people—others, and yourself.Human stories are the eternal theme of this world.For myself, looking back on the past, what I should be most grateful for is of course people, they are the ones who push me forward. For the Chinese, no matter how many books they have read, they may have been more or less influenced by poets.Li Bai and Du Fu are in the blood, so there is no need to write more; for my generation, Bei Dao and his comrades in arms are unavoidable names, so let's start with him.

In the mid-1980s, I went to college in Beijing from a small frontier city. At that time, unlike now, there was no Internet, and resources and information could not be shared equally. Maybe my Beijing classmates knew Bei Dao and Shu Ting since they were in middle school, but I did go to Beijing. I only found out later.In my opinion, from teenagers to youths, from students to intellectuals, from copycats to independent thinking, an important turning point starts from reading the poems of the Bei Dao people. In the early 1980s, Gu Cheng said, "The night gave me black eyes, but I used them to find light." Bei Dao used poetry to give us rare doubts, and began to learn to use doubts to find answers to reality.And the reason why I like and be influenced by Bei Dao is because his poems have a kind of hardness in doubtful thinking, which is full of calcium.

At that time, this kind of influence was nothing more than the impulse and passion of every encounter. Only when I think about it now can I know more accurately: how my sight and thinking today are related to the lines of Chinese characters in the poem.When I graduated from university, the volume of "Selected Poems of Bei Dao" was not thick. I remember that it had a black cover.In fact, too many things have been left behind in the past twenty years, but that little book seems to be unable to let go of it. In the year I graduated from university, Bei Dao also left. In his words, he wandered the world with his only luggage, Chinese.Many, many years later, I first saw "Selected Poems of Bei Dao" with a light green cover in a bookstore. I was very excited for a moment, like a lost treasure that I thought would never be found again. I bought a lot of copies to give away. Classmates, naive and excited, thought they had bought back the past years.After that, encounters in writing became much easier, but in these years, Bei Dao wrote more prose.But as you read, you will know that there are still poems in the bones, but the years have elongated the poems and turned them into prose, which also casts more ripples in the hearts of readers.In fact, wandering is also very good. In the past twenty years, if Bei Dao has been in Beijing, I wonder if there will be a series of anthologies such as "The Gate of Midnight".Distance does not necessarily produce beauty, but it may produce a kind of quiet and undisturbed thinking that is not disturbed by the rapid changes of the times.

In the year when Bei Dao left, he was not the only poet who left, there was also Haizi, a poet who was almost our peers, but he left completely and never came back. When he was alive, he read but not many of his poems. After he left, he read almost all of them, not just once. "Facing the sea, the spring is warm and the flowers are blooming" has entered the prosperous age, blooming in laughter and laughter, and has become the slogan of one real estate project after another.But I guess, Haizi may not be willing, because his mood when writing this poem is quite different from that of people reading this poem today.What I like the most is the big "Motherland" and the small one. The opening of the former has four lines: "I want to be a loyal son far away / and a short-term lover of material / and all Like a poet who uses dreams as horses / I have to walk on the same road as martyrs and clowns..." The latter one was written when the poet passed Delingha on the western Gobi by train. At the end, these two sentences "sister , tonight/I don't care about the world/I just want you" keeps me sighing.Regardless of whether it is about family affection or love, they are all love poems, and there are not many good love poems, and this line is among them.

In a blink of an eye, it has been more than twenty years since the poets left. Haizi is commemorated with great fanfare and performances. There are many stories told, but no one reads his poems carefully.I'm really afraid that Haizi has been closely associated with "facing the sea, spring is warm and flowers are blooming" since then, but what Haizi can't get has become his symbol.But there is no way, the poet is always misunderstood.Twenty years later, when Bei Dao came to Hong Kong, Chinese no longer needs to be a luggage, and Beijing can be visited frequently. They are all old. The original tension was like a joke, mocking ourselves and the times. Passion is old, only the city It is so strangely new, will some grievances and hatreds be reconciled under the harmony of the years?

The poets are all gone, I prefer to look for poets in the crowd, if I change my mind, I will not be so disappointed, because poets seem to be found at any time. Let's talk about officials first, such as the prime minister.I have seen Zhu Rongji emotionally twice. Once he met with the families of the victims who were accidentally bombed at the Yugoslav embassy. After shaking hands, the Prime Minister cried bitterly. Another time, when he met the Sydney Olympic sports delegation, when the women’s football girl mentioned that the Chinese women’s football team lost Yes, I went home after the group match and got on the bus to go home in the morning, only to find that some members of their opponent, the US women's football team, came to see them off... At this point, I noticed that the prime minister's eye circles were red again.Obviously, this is a man with a majestic appearance but a loving heart.No wonder, at the press conference, the sentence "Whether there is a minefield or an abyss in front of me, I will go forward without hesitation", in my opinion, is a rare poem in the language of politics. It is no wonder that people are deeply impressed by this .

It is said that Premier Zhu does not like to laugh, but in this photo, he is smiling like a child.In fact, not only him, everyone laughed happily.I don't know why, looking at it today, I always feel that there is a kind of cleanliness and innocence in this smile. On the fifteenth day of the first lunar month in 2003, at the Lantern Festival party, I bid farewell to him who was about to leave office. I said, "You have worked hard!" Yes." He replied half-jokingly and half-seriously: "It would be nice if you can remember my name and not scold me!" After he left office, some people also said that he was tough when he was prime minister, but a deputy governor of an underdeveloped western province said to me this sentence: "Have you heard people from poor provinces scold him?"

After retiring, Zhu Rongji really seldom appeared in public. Some people said that he was devoted to mountains and rivers and his hobby of Peking opera. In fact, not only Zhu Rongji, Wen Jiabao seems to be like this, but the style is different.Zhu Rongji has the temperament of Li Bai, and Wen Jiabao reminds people of Du Fu; Zhu Rongji is like Wudang, Wen Jiabao is like Shaolin, and there is a poetic feeling in his bones.This is not only reflected in the fact that Wen Jiabao must recite poems at press conferences, but also in the fact that he hopes to have people who "look up at the starry sky".In fact, it is a poetic act to write "dignity" into the government work report. Compared with daily necessities, dignity cannot be eaten as food, but it is more important than food.Like poetry, it is not necessarily useful, but it has a seemingly useless but precious value.In my opinion, the proposal of "dignity" is the first truly poetic goal proposed after more than 30 years of reform in China.

Because of this, I often look forward to some poetry in politics occasionally, good poetry, which will make politics less cold and utilitarian. Similarly, those who left the official university said that each of us, perhaps in competition and busyness, should also make life a little poetic, otherwise, even the flowers of nature will bloom for no one, and life will slowly dry up .The ideal of life should also be a little poetic. If it is all reality and material, it really turns life into hard labor, and reality will drive us crazy. Therefore, I am never pessimistic. When someone feels that the poet is dead, I am used to looking for the poet by my side.I always quietly look for the breath of poets in them. If I have them, I can always communicate with them and even become friends;This is a boring era, and life without poetry is even more boring. People, there must be something other than daily necessities.

Therefore, it is only poetry that is dying, but poets are still there. It is just that people do not necessarily use the way of writing poetry to create, which requires readers to be more careful. I must admit that I like many old men, and I am willing to be close to them, not only to gain wisdom and enlightenment, but also to be close to role models.Among my goals in life, the biggest one is: to be a fun old man in the future, just like many old men I like now. Such as Huang Yongyu. I heard that he was one of the first owners of a private car in Beijing, and he was specially approved by the high-level.In this story, what really moved me was that when he was driving, he was already over sixty.Later, I liked all kinds of good cars, and I enjoyed it when I had time. It was only in recent years, when I got older, that I just couldn't see them anymore. The old man seems to be as interested in many things as he is in cars.When people mention him, they will think of the title of painter, but in my eyes, he is the first in writing, the second in woodcut, and the third in painting.This is not a gimmick, if you don't believe me, you can look through his book, from the beginning to the end, you can find a chance to laugh.However, the articles written are not all comedies, and even more tragedies, but in the text, there is always relief and resolution.Of course, how can there be no laughter and scolding in the writings of Hunan people, but he always adjusts various emotions very well, allowing you to complete a text journey with laughter and tears.I even think that in the current Chinese literary world, there are very few masters of prose writing that surpass the old man. What's more, facing the name Huang Yongyu, it is almost impossible to own a painting by him, but it costs a hundred and eighty yuan. It's a huge plus to own a few of the books he's written and thereby share in his wit, thought and humor. The old man also wrote poems and made it into a collection of poems, and then he went to the bookstore to find a group of old friends to read slowly. Li Ruihuan, who had retired, came to help, no one stood up and shook hands, everyone had a good time.And in the eastern outskirts of Beijing, the old man built a garden called Wanhetang, which is often full of guests. When there are important gatherings, the old man sends invitations written by himself, and the game is also treated formally.I have received invitations, but I have never been there. Firstly, it is not a coincidence, and secondly, I am afraid of disturbing the quietness of the old man.However, thinking about him still makes me happy.At this time, you are not too afraid of the erosion of the years. It turns out that getting old is just another possibility of life. You may even wonder, where have all the sufferings in the years gone? At this point, I should stop writing, because I think of a painting by the old man. It is not surprising that there is a big bird on the picture. The words next to it amused me: Birds are good birds, but they talk a lot! I guess, this painting is about the host, so that's all for now. Ding Cong is an old friend of Huang Yongyu. I walked into the home of "Xiao Ding" more than ten years ago because of an interview, and I have missed and cared a lot since then.A few years ago, the old man was admitted to the hospital due to a serious illness. After I came out, I saw him and expressed condolences. Unexpectedly, the old man was still smiling and said, "I should go, but after asking around, he won't accept me." So, we The father and son continued to chat, and the old man amused me with another sentence: "Hospital surgery is really good. You see, I lost dozens of catties in one fell swoop, so I don't have to worry about it!" Looking carefully, it is true that the old man lost too much weight. Many, but the optimism has not changed.In fact, in this life, it is not just illness that tormented him, such as raising pigs in the golden years, but looking back, the old man would proudly say to me: "I raised that pig, it is very fat!" Thinking about it, it is true that people who have come from that era have no optimism.It is estimated that there are also many good old men who have been tossed out of their old age, and relying on optimism and open-mindedness, Ding Cong and others have reached the end of their lives. In 2009, the old man left.Facing this news, I am not sad. Since the old man has used his whole life to turn a smile into a kind of strength, why don't we use a smile to commemorate him? Huang Miaozi and Yu Feng are a pair of fairy couples who have gone through hardships. When they are old, their loveliness intensifies.Once, Yu Feng asked me solemnly: "Spain invited me to go, tell me, should I go or not?" , she is nearly ninety years old.When they were young, a group of their classmates yearned for Spain, but later times turbulently changed, and Spain finally became a dream. When they were nearly 90 years old, the opportunity came, and the old man's heart was moved. I naturally replied: "Go!" The old lady was overjoyed. At this time, Huang Miaozi who was next to her interrupted: "Please help her contact the Shenzhou spacecraft, she still wants to go to space!" Everyone laughed, and no one forgot that this is a couple who are close to ninety. Another young one.Han Meilin, who is 74 years old this year, had a major operation two years ago, and felt "much smarter than before" after coming out!In fact, he was smart before, otherwise, Fuwa, the Olympic mascot, would not have been born from him.But when dealing with this work, he is used to understatement, because during the process, "people who don't understand art talk too much." You see, the old man's words are no worse than paintings!And there are many such words. As a member of the Standing Committee of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference, during a meeting, I saw many people saying good things, and the old man smiled: "Everyone, we are here to offer advice and suggestions, not to flatter!" Then came applause. In Tongzhou, Beijing, Han Meilin Art Museum is full of various works, attracting people to visit and appreciate.One day, he received a notice, and the next day, a big person was coming to visit, put down the phone, Han Meilin packed his luggage, bought a ticket, and ran away, a silent empty city plan. Seeing this, you may see an image of a sharp, harsh, thorny old man who is not easy to cooperate with. In fact, it is the opposite. It depends on who you are dealing with.To most people, he was always kind and smiling.Although he has suffered too much in his life, his works are almost all optimistic, "because of the needs of the people." This master, who has ushered in his sixty-year artistic career, recently said a word to everyone: "My art is about to begin!" I agree, the realm of great artists must return to childhood! When mentioning Ji Xianlin, everyone will think of his seriousness and rigor. In fact, the old man occasionally shows a cute and humorous side.I remember going to see him once, in the middle of talking about other topics, the old man suddenly asked me to tell the insomniac about something. It turned out that during World War II, Ji Lao was studying in Germany. Due to the war, he could not return to China for ten years. During this period, he contracted insomnia symptoms and began to take sleeping pills. The old man asked me to bring a message: It is said that taking sleeping pills is not good. I am a living example. I have been taking sleeping pills for more than 70 years. Isn’t it okay?Tell those who are scared, it's okay! For a while, I, a Russian-speaking person, became interested and enrolled in Wall Street English classes. At a school party to welcome Bush Sr., an old man sat next to me. He looked like he was in his 60s, but he was actually over 80. After a chat, I learned that he is the former director of Beijing Friendship Hospital.I was very puzzled, "Are you also learning English here?" The old man replied: "Yes." I was even more puzzled, "You are a doctor and the dean, you must be good at English!" The old man replied: "It's okay. , but my English is academic English, too old, I want to learn how to learn American English." I will never forget this conversation. I remember that in the year-end review program of that year, I told this story specially. An old man who is over eighty years old is still studying for the sake of interest without any utilitarianism. How should we be young? Thoughts?This may be the strength and significance of the elderly. I haven’t had much contact with the old people mentioned above, so they are still a little far away, but when I read their stories, listen to their words, and ponder their life, I feel close.I often smile knowingly, and I am always full of emotions, so they are always by my side like relatives.Write it down to thank you. Having said that, in a society, if there are too many lovely old men, this society must be lovely, but for myself, I have been thinking, what will happen to me as an old man in a few decades?I hope I still listen to classical music and rock music; the old man chats about being a teenager, and he still has to do the thing of taking his wife to eat ice cream in the middle of the night; always smiling in front of young people is tolerant or even conniving, appreciate more and support them Don't be stubborn and continue to learn, don't complain about the past, but only smile at the future, and never act like an old man who looks down on this or that; more importantly, you can't be an obstacle to the progress of the times, but still be a Promoters of social progress, some words, young people are scruples, it is hard to say, let the old man say, the sunset is red, there is nothing to be afraid of; then let the home always be open to young people and young things... Enough, if I can do this, I still yearn for old age today, but whether I can do all this depends not only on tomorrow, today's middle age determines the possibilities of old age. For more than 30 years of reform, we have "abolished" many of the commonly used titles in the past. First, "Miss" was "killed", then "comrade" was "killed", and then "professor". The problem is, now " The term "teacher" has also been flooded and used all over the street, but in this article, I want to write about real teachers. I grew up in a family of teachers. My father, mother, aunt, uncle, aunt, sister-in-law... are all teachers. Therefore, in such an atmosphere, I used to have an illusion that the teachers I have experienced are like family members. in this way. Today's parents, when considering their children's education, want to "choose a school". They think that choosing a good school means anything is possible.But according to my own experience and understanding, "selecting a teacher" is the most important thing. However, you can choose a school, but often you can't choose a teacher, so I only focus on choosing a school.In fact, whether a child can grow up healthily, not get tired of studying, whether he can develop good habits, and whether he is confident, the real key is what kind of teacher you first met.Along the way, the teachers you meet, from a certain point of view, determine your life. Maybe I was lucky. Although my grades fluctuated greatly in school, I was at the top when I was good, and I fell behind when I was bad. I also suffered a lot of criticism from teachers along the way, but as long as I have grades, I will always be encouraged.Self-confidence has never been really destroyed, but under the careful care of the teacher all the way, he has the courage to move forward. I remember high school classmates gathered in their hometown a few years ago. When we were leaving, we all went out to see the head teacher, Teacher Liu. After hugging and exhorting, the teacher left. With white hair all over his head, he can no longer walk agilely, so he moved with the help of the child.Why are you getting old?In everyone's minds, the teacher is still the one who stares at us from 7:00 am to 9:00 pm, has a neat image of talking about big things and taking care of small things.But when you think about it, how can you not be old?Even we are all middle-aged, and the teacher is over seventy.It's just that memories freeze the image. High school classmates are different from college classmates. Because the latter are studying the same major, even if they live in different places after graduation, the industry relationship makes it more convenient for college classmates to meet each other from time to time.As for high school students, because the universities and majors they go to are very different, it is more difficult to gather, and they can only go home.This is a group photo of high school classmates 20 years after graduation. The location is the new building of Hailar No. 2 Middle School, our alma mater, which we no longer know. The teachers and we are very happy. When I arrived at university, I thought that there would no longer be the friendship between teachers and students that accumulated over time in middle school. However, the unique atmosphere in the late 1980s made us have a rare relationship between teachers and students as a family, especially when we were about to graduate. The turmoil has turned the teacher into a guardian god, worrying about us like a parent.It stands to reason that the iron-clad soldiers should take care of the next group after one group is gone, but the students of our class, under the special background, even though they have fallen in the north and south, the growth and changes since then However, the teachers still can't let go of their attention and worry about it for a long time.So much so that when our teacher Cao Lu celebrated his 70th birthday, the students still came back from all over the country. The dozens of people really felt like family, and they had a lively time with the teacher for nearly two days.But now, the days are calm and the sea is calm. I don’t know, is there still such a "teacher's love and painting" on the university campus? Teacher Cao Lu is very qualified, so some students in front of her became our teachers later on. The teacher-student relationship has been passed down through generations, like our class teacher Ding Junjie, who was a student of Teacher Cao back then.On campus, it is even more heartwarming to have several generations living under the same roof, but sometimes, special stories are also left behind. One of Cao Lu's students, he became popular in the Chinese literary world and the press in the mid-1980s. His reportages that focused on reality straddled the two circles of literature and journalism, and actually played the initial role of public opinion supervision.For us college students who study journalism, the name of this big brother is naturally recognizable.However, not long after, he really entered the school and became our teacher, teaching reportage.To be honest, his reportage is well written, but the charm of his lectures seems to be inferior to his writing style, but there is an opportunity to let a "popular" person be a teacher, and the reportage class of that semester is very special. However, he seemed to be involved in the turmoil in the year we graduated, and then he went to the United States and was unable to return home. After many years, his wife finally went abroad to reunite with him with the tacit consent of humanity.Unexpectedly, it didn't take long for the comedy to turn into tragedy. The couple were driving, and when they overtook the car in front, a large truck came oncoming. The couple couldn't dodge, and a car accident happened. Fortunately, their lives were saved, and the couple were admitted to the same hospital for emergency treatment.My elder brother got up with difficulty, and tremblingly moved to the adjacent ward to see his wife. When he saw his wife who was almost in a vegetative state, he said four words with tears in his eyes: "I want to go back. Home……" At that moment, there was no politics, no doctrine, no grievances, only a lonely child. When he had just had a partner, God accidentally broke her... The above contents are all described by my elder brother in a letter to Teacher Cao Lu.Teacher Cao told me that in the overseas letter, around the words "I want to go home", there are still traces of tears clearly.After so many years, times have changed, people's hearts have changed, and some topics are sensitive or dangerous, but this letter can still be sent to the teacher, because with the teacher, you can make mistakes, you can say grievances, you can confess frankly, and you can wait for advice as always.Therefore, a good teacher not only represents the boost of the past, but also a safe haven that can be found at any time in the long years.No wonder some people say: doctors and teachers are the two most sacred professions, one for healing the body and the other for mental health.Therefore, behind "doctor" and "teacher", there is a word "virtue". Leaving the campus, there is no real teacher anymore, but as I grow up, too many people around me continue to push me. In fact, they are the ones who have taken over the "teacher".From the age of 21 to the present, there have been too many people playing the role of my teacher in the past 20 years. However, gratitude, to me, is not only to thank you in person, but more importantly, when you have the opportunity, Doubling the help we received in the past to give back to young people in need.Everyone, not only can recall the teacher, in fact, you also have the opportunity to be a teacher. At this time, do you think: Am I doing better than my teacher? When people reach middle age, they often hear their peers laughing at themselves: getting old.Because the past is very clear, but I can't remember what I did this morning. If this means getting old, then I'm afraid I'm already old, because every class reunion, the situation is roughly the same.Every detail about going to school has been dug out, and everyone knows what they don’t know. However, it seems that they have forgotten how they lived in the days before and after the party, because they are all focused on the party. For some unknown reason, a fashion is expanding rapidly, that is the class reunion.My son and his companions often have gatherings when they are in their teens. My mother is over seventy, and when she returns to her hometown, what she looks forward to most is the reunion of old classmates.And I have also experienced it. I just had a big drink with my high school classmates last night. At ten o’clock this morning, my elementary school classmates were already waiting at the door. Don't be dazzled by wine, but at the end of the wine glass, the oath disappears in smoke. Whether or not a class can gather frequently depends on the atmosphere of the class and the closeness of friendship during the school period; secondly, there must be a few enthusiastic people who use their hard work and enthusiasm to ignite those students who are half-pushed and half-hearted; Third, it also requires the organizers to have inexhaustible wisdom and always be able to create reasons for one party after another. For example, in my high school class, there is a big reunion every ten years, and a middle school reunion every five years. Some students return to their hometown from other places for a small reunion.The middle school students in Beijing are not divided by class due to the precious resources, but the students of the whole grade are like relatives. In addition to the daily gatherings, we also created the tradition of gathering on September 1 every year, because "school starts up". Once on the plane, I read an interview with director Kang Honglei in a magazine.Like me, he is also from Inner Mongolia. Every year, he will go back to the grassland and be with his classmates. Needless to say, needless to say, everyone just talks about it, that is, drinking heavily, and it doesn’t matter, as long as the wine is drunk If it goes well, the students and myself will be very relieved: this kid has not changed, he is still our old classmate. Seeing this, I burst into tears, so I had to close the magazine and never read the remaining half.No way, empathy. College students are not in the grassland, so they don't have to fight to drink, but they also drink a lot.One of my Tianjin classmates left a classic feeling like Ma Sanli: Every time our class gathers, I only remember the first half, and the second half is what the classmates told me at the next meeting.Because every time in the second half, I drank too much and didn't remember anything. In fact, many people are probably like him. The group photo of the party when I entered the university for 20 years was in the original classroom.The funniest thing is this kid in the front row, whose?What was he thinking about? Twenty years after entering the university, we organized a class reunion and named it "At least there is still you". The intention is very obvious. No matter how the world is impermanent, no matter whether the road is smooth or not, no matter whether there are more tears than smiles or vice versa, the good news is: at least and you. Before the party, we collected the old school photos provided by each student, edited them a little, and made a big album.At the beginning of the party, dozens of us middle-aged men and women reunited in the original classrooms on campus, and the teachers were also invited back.In the beginning, old photos were played. During the past twenty years, not to mention sometimes not being able to recognize others, it is estimated that even oneself is difficult to recognize. Amidst the chatter of "Who is this" and "Is this me", slowly Slowly, began to "cry and cry", teachers and students are like this.At this time, watching the children brought by someone still happily playing games between the desks, I suddenly had a huge illusion. Is this the past or the present?Has twenty years really disappeared? In the gathering of classmates, there are often jokes.For example, a male classmate made a toast to a female classmate, and said sincerely through the strength of the wine: "I have always had a crush on you in school, what's your name?" During gatherings, the usual phrase of the students is "no change, no change". Everyone grows old with each other, and naturally feels that each other has not changed.But after walking into the campus after a while, seeing the young juniors and juniors in the campus, who are the same age as I was when I was in school, everyone laughed dumbfounded, "It hasn't changed", it's pure self-deception. There is no party without music. Once, we compiled two CDs of the most popular songs and dance music on campus in the past, which lasted for two and a half hours. The dance in the party was marching in the melody of the past , and in this familiar melody, everyone seems to be comforted, and they don't feel old. There was another party, the dinner was over, the dance was over, and the drunken people woke up. Everyone was still unfulfilled, and sat on the concrete floor outside, singing all the songs from school that I can think of now, until My mind went blank. In 2009, it was even more ambitious. After 20 years of graduation, a whole-year party was organized. Before that, the planning meeting was held nearly ten times. In the end, hundreds of people gathered on the campus to play football, dance, and have a big party.The organizers did their best, the students did their best, and the school did their best, making it another unforgettable memory.So much so that a year later, many students organized a "Celebration of the First Anniversary of the Great Party" party. Partying is good, but the side effect is that it is difficult to return to reality after the party.And the older you get, the more this is the case, and it even makes you fantasize: Why can't you go to school forever in the world?It is in this kind of loss that, day by day, it is difficult to return to the chaotic world of reality from the innocent campus years; and it is also difficult to return to the competition or possession between the clean and clean friendship of classmates. distance environment.However, there is nothing to complain about. Because of this, there is the value of class reunions, which makes class reunions more and more fashionable and strides towards the development of the industry! For us, the class reunion is already like a belief, and what is interesting is that after separation, it seems to be more close and caring for each other than on campus.There are too many parties, and we have come to a conclusion: under the catalysis of the years, our friendship has become a family relationship, and every gathering further ferments the family relationship. Also because the classmates are there, the party is there, some days are not so difficult on weekdays, at least we all know it, so we don't have to worry about the passing of time.Everything in the past will be blurred, it doesn't matter, if you can't remember it, your classmates will remember it for us.Of course, more importantly, even if the future is no longer exciting, at least we still have a warm past together. My son is getting older, and he seems to like music too, so he put posters of Jay Chou and Jackson all over the walls.I didn't interfere, and I even saw myself in it, not to mention my youth, even though I was not young, I still did similar things, and it was even crazier. My favorite conductor, Carlos Kleiber, since he is not Jay Chou Jackson, nor even the conductor Emperor Karajan, it is impossible to find a decent poster of him, so I took his portrait CD, asked my colleagues to find a great oil painter, and asked them to draw a pencil sketch for me.For this painter, I have always been apologetic and grateful, because it must be an overkill, but for me, it was a big surprise, as if I had found a treasure, carefully framed it, and hung it on the wall at home, triumphantly.The only trouble is, there are always guests asking: who is this?In appearance, he doesn't look like your relatives.So, I always give a brief explanation and then shut up, because this gentleman can't make it clear in a few sentences. Loving him starts with liking his music. Some people say that if there is one must-listen in a symphony, it must be Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony. Among the countless versions of this song, Carlos Kleiber’s version is placed in almost all of them from Britain to Japan to the United States. I won the first place, so I was curious, where is the sacred place?Come and listen. I gritted my teeth and bought the original version. There are both "Bei Wu" and "Bei Qi" on it. Naturally, I started with "Bei Wu" and worked hard from the knock on the door of fate. Well, it is natural, but this symphony of fate is due to the concept first. , Every time I listen to it, there is less room for association, so although I can hear Kleber's good, I am not surprised.延着惯性，继续听同一张专辑的“贝七”，没想到，这让我进入到一次奇妙的赏乐之旅，酣畅淋漓，欲罢不能。那种深陷其中的感觉，或许和当初听著名的迷幻摇滚乐队平克·弗洛伊德相似，眼前，只有音乐里的世界，现实的那一个，消失了！ 就这一首曲目，几十分钟，彻底打乱了我过去心中所有对指挥的排序，让他牢牢地占据了第一位，于是，开始搜索和追寻克莱伯的身影。 然而，寻他是一件又简单又艰苦的事情，简单在于，他的录音专辑少之又少，原因是他不喜欢录音只喜欢现场，而喜欢现场也非常克制。一般情况下，是躲在人群之外的乡村居所里，直到家中的酒都喝完了，才给外界寄一张明信片，于是各大乐团趋之若鹜，这之后，老先生出来演个一两场，又消失掉，让人们在好奇与期待中，去等待他的下一场。这样一来，他的专辑自然总量很少。不过，有一点才是他真正的伟大之处，虽然专辑少，但几乎张张是精品，这其中，很多曲目与歌剧，竟都是无数版本中的首选，于是，他靠近了传奇。可艰苦也就在于此，作为一个喜欢他的乐迷，有限的专辑早就反复地听过无数遍，想再拓展，难了。不过也好，有些东西，多了，味道乱了，失望也开始增多，而好的东西，哪怕就一张，够了，永远没有变味儿的机会。 如果让我自己认定：只推荐卡洛斯·克莱伯的一张专辑，我会放弃如痴如醉的贝多芬第七交响曲，而毫不犹豫地选择他的《勃拉姆斯第四交响曲》，我已经无法形容这种演绎。总之，我也听过这首交响曲其他指挥的十几个版本，但总的感受是：卡洛斯·克莱伯指挥的是这个曲目，而其他的指挥是另一个曲目。 我一直也在问自己，为什么被卡洛斯·克莱伯这样深深地打动？它并不来自于一种理性，而是直觉或冥冥中的一种东西，如同生活中的很多事，喜欢与厌倦，道理无法说清。 不过，有一个细节被我知晓之后，还是感受到一点小小的震惊。喜欢上他很久之后，找他的介绍，可在九十年代，缺乏互联网支持，国内媒体对卡拉扬、伯恩斯坦的介绍覆盖一切，克莱伯躲在后面。有一天，终于拿到手，意外发现，这位先生小时由于战事，从欧洲移居阿根廷，在草原上的国家长大，这几行字，我给自己找到了答案。我家里挂了三个外国人的画像，竟都是阿根廷人或都与阿根廷有关。一个巴蒂，一个格瓦拉，而另一个就是克莱伯。有趣的是，我是在喜欢他很久之后，才知道他与阿根廷的关系，而这个时候，我作为球迷，追寻阿根廷队已经多年。 于是，我更加明白了他音乐中的魅力所在，不全是欧洲严谨厚重的基础，还有阿根廷特有的激情与浪漫，也因此才有了他独特的吸引力。近年来，中国人已都知道维也纳的新年音乐会，但1989、1992年这两届由卡洛斯·克莱伯指挥的音乐会恐怕很难再被超越，这两年的新年音乐会，最好不要听CD，而是看DVD，这样，才能更直接地感受到克莱伯的魅力，因为他那舞蹈般的指挥动作与高贵放松的表情，在我看来，空前绝后。 2005年7月15日，我突然听到一个消息，卡洛斯·克莱伯两天前去世，也就是7月13日，一个中国人因申奥成功而必然难忘的日子。 那一瞬间感觉周围的声音全部消失，世界无比安静，这种感受，以前只有过一次，就是1994年传来马拉多纳在世界杯上被禁赛的消息。其实，这两个消息也有相似的地方，有一种美好，从此只能回忆。 还好，喜欢的是一个音乐家，他留下的旋律会继续陪伴着我，但一个奇妙的结尾是：有一天，和著名的乐评人刘雪枫聊天，他突然告诉我，在欧洲也有人认为，克莱伯没死，因为没人看过他的遗体没人参加过他的葬礼，他不过是用这种方式来继续开这个世界的玩笑，并让自己生活得更安静。 我笑了，这符合老人家的性格，虽然一年之后，另一位乐评人陈立，给了我克莱伯最后一次演出的实况录音后告诉我：“老人家是真的走了，墓地都有。”可我依然愿意天真地相信另一种结局。这世界上有太多可能，为什么不留一点想象当中的不可能？更何况，他本就活着，在我每次把他的CD放进CD机的时候。 接下来，要换个名字。 我知道，刚刚人到中年，就想写莫扎特，这事要么太早，要么已经晚了，因为很多人会觉得，莫扎特要么是一个永远天真的孩子，要么就是一个看透世事之后微笑的老人。但不管如何，莫扎特一定是上帝派来的，为了抚慰人间的痛苦，让他在极其有限的生命里，疯狂并不可思议地创作出超量的作品，然后，将他收回，而他的音乐从此像上帝的永恒之爱一样在人间流传。 我喜欢柴可夫斯基、勃拉姆斯，这些年还格外喜欢马勒，在这些大师的曲目中，随时都可以听到洋溢的情感，无法排遣的困惑、痛苦与挣扎甚至是绝望，它符合人世间的七情六欲，于是，总有击中你的时刻，也会因此让你瞬间被拯救。 然而，身陷其中，怎样的帮助都是一时的放松，有的时候，需要在这钢筋水泥的丛林中适当逃离，每天总该有一些时候或抬头仰望星空或低头看看花草，逃离才是一种更好的解脱，否则，污浊的空气会压得你喘不过气来。 我身后便是位于萨尔茨堡的莫扎特故居。莫扎特是奥地利的国宝，每天吸引着世界各地的游客前来朝圣。来过这里以后，再听莫扎特的CD，会听出一些与过去不一样的东西…… 这个时候，你就会知道莫扎特因何而来。也许刚刚喜欢莫扎特的人都会有一种感觉，莫扎特的音乐奇妙地相似，不管是钢琴协奏曲，还是长笛协奏曲或是四重奏或是其他什么，都一样的轻灵飞舞，一样的即使有一些小雨和阴云，也照样阳光灿烂，蓝天绿草。所以，不管你怎样地失望着，莫扎特音乐中的世界总会让你觉得更好一些，还可以再往前走走试试。 我一直认为，莫扎特干的事不叫创作，而是流淌，是上帝委托他送给人间。不生涩，不用太思考，高低之分没那么明显，不能叫他天才，他本就是来自天堂的信使。于是，你会想，这个世界如果真像莫扎特的音乐那样该多好！可惜，这样的美好世界只在他的音乐里。 2006年的夏天，借德国世界杯采访报道的机会，我专门去了一趟莫扎特的故乡，奥地利的萨尔茨堡，一边做节目，一边朝圣。在萨尔茨堡这个安静而又喧闹的小镇，莫扎特无处不在，从巧克力到明信片再到游人的寻找，中间都是莫扎特。小镇的至美，是在游人走了之后，那份安静让你知道莫扎特音乐的灵魂所在。或许，是一个有苦有乐的年轻人，与流水、森林、蓝天和整个大自然的对话，于是，在莫扎特的旋律中，你听得到斗转星移，听得到雨后的草原，听得到一天之中的日升日落，当然，也听得到人在自然面前必有的忧伤与叹息。这忧伤与叹息并不是主旋律，因为大自然永远充满生机，周而复始，枯木可以逢春，这其中，便是希望便是美好所在。 当然，今天的萨尔茨堡大多数时间不那么安静，来自世界各地的观光客把小镇搅得人声鼎沸。当初，莫扎特曾在这里遭到驱逐，而现如今，莫扎特故居上挂着大幅的奥地利国旗，莫扎特已是他们的国宝。没办法，人类总是如此势利，没人再来和你讲述这个小镇和莫扎特之间曾有的不快，所有的黑灰色都被过滤掉，只剩下温情与美好。不过，也好，这像莫扎特的音乐，不管其中蕴藏着怎样的不快与忧伤，莫扎特都在怜悯众生中欢快起来。 只是不知道，在当今这个五味杂陈的时代里，真正的莫扎特还是不是被真正地聆听着，功利的人们功利地消费着莫扎特，其实，那离莫扎特很远。如果有一天，你感觉内心沉静，世事浮沉暂时抽离，而窗外又风和日丽，你试着再听听莫扎特，用你最简单和纯真的心，这时候我相信，真正的莫扎特会在上帝的指使下再度归来。 人是写不完的，仅仅是那些推动我成长的人，都写不过来。以上这些文字，甚至只是我想写的文字当中，一个短短的开头。 影响并推动我的，不仅只有人，还有家乡那片永远的草原。其实，不只我，每个人心中都有一个草原；在这个人们越来越没有故居和故乡的岁月里，呼伦贝尔草原几乎成了一个时代的故乡。而对于我，家乡就是年少时天天想离开，现如今天天想回去的地方。 音乐家中，还有巴赫，还有马勒，指挥家中还有克伦贝勒、马里纳呢。 还有罗大佑、齐秦、凤飞飞……太多，每一个名字背后都是太多的故事。 当然，还有作家、身边的同事，逝去的陈虻、罗京以及您不知道名字的我的年轻同事。都该写，可又往往落笔处百感交集，不知从何写起。 家人也无法写，他们不是影响或推动我的人，而就是我生命中的一部分。比如说，妈妈在变老，可是有她在，我就永远是一个孩子，如同有哥哥在，我就永远是一个弟弟；还有妻子，媒体上有很多对我们恋爱与婚姻不真实的编写，其实现实中的婚姻要比文字更多一些浪漫和平实，而那些编造的“浪漫”情节，也往往缺了一些想象力；还有儿子，不用说了，他是生命中的主角，我与他的母亲不负责编写他的剧本，只想做一个称职的观众和欣赏者。他们是我心中最重也是最长的文章，但这该属于我们的晚饭或旅途或周末时光，也因此，人生不再是苦旅。 还有朋友，他们是重要的推动者，也常常是我生活的意义。这其中，有很多没有血缘关系的哥哥姐姐、弟弟妹妹，相互照应，相互陪着慢慢变老。我不愿意时常用言语去表达情义。朋友，该是得意时，离得可以远些，不顺时，必到身边的一群人。这其中的情谊，我又怎能用几百字或几千字去写呢？写好朋友，只能用心，用时间用生命。 所以，有人就有趣，有人也才有真的欣喜与悲伤。人的一生，只有一个工作无法更改，那就是做人，永无止境。几十年后，我可能成为我心目中的那个可爱老头儿吗？而今日，当我记述着别人在我心中印记的同时，我又将在别人心中，留下怎样的印记呢？