Chapter 13 spring to the depths of spring

My friends Zhang Yang and Ma Yanlin have never called me by my name since they met, they only call me Heimei. "Heimei, don't go anywhere at night, you will be hidden in the night when you go out." "Heimei, don't go to school, call the TV station, and go straight to the toothpaste endorsement." Ma Yanlin is a girl of the Hui nationality, with two lumps of plateau red on her face.With a loud voice, he spoke standard and authentic Qinghai dialect.What she said most often was: "Gawa, don't force me..." All day long, she acted like a big sister who can't be provoked by anyone.And Zhang Yang is a scumbag, is the TV station run by my family, let me do the endorsement?

In short, I often feel a little ashamed that I have these two little friends.Ma Yanlin beat up people twice on the No. 4 bus to school.Every time, I would tell others: "You are also from No. 5 Middle School, don't let me see you!" Every time Zhang Yang counts down in the exam, the big names on the white list are particularly dazzling. For this matter, my mother also talked to me specifically, asking me to end our friendship and build a good relationship with Xiang Bo, a top student who lives in the same community as me. Xiang Bo and I always take the No. 32 bus to school together, and occasionally we chat.Later he also started calling me: "Heimei, have you seen "Fast and Furious"?"

With earphones plugged in my ears, I didn't want to talk to him. "It's really cool..." I still ignore him.Five minutes later, he handed over two movie tickets, "I'll invite you to watch it." "Okay." I grabbed two tickets and stuffed them into my schoolbag.In the end, I didn't see it either, so Ma Yanlin snatched it away and went to watch it with her little partner.Ma Yanlin fell in love with her male netizen. And I, who had just learned what rock and roll was, listened to Nirvana, Queen, and The Cranberries with Zhang Yang.My whole being was rocked by rock and roll.On the weekends, I go shopping with Zhang Yang to play CDs.Because we are poor, we dare not buy the same ones, and we always exchange them.We stood on the overpass with the discs we bought from Taobao, each with a headset, listening to the traffic while watching the traffic.At that time, there were not many cars in Xining, and occasionally Tibetans and monks on horseback could be seen on the road.The wind made people's faces sting, and the driveway was lined with lilacs.Zhang Yang and I got closer and closer in the music, feeling the temperature of some kind of love gradually rising.

After Ma Yanlin knew who Zhang Yang and I were talking about, she yelled, "Mom!" She is always taken aback.During the girlfriend time with her, the ears are always shocked.We squeezed out our date time and went shopping for trinkets together.She insisted on buying a pair of very long tassel earrings, saying that wearing them would make her neck look long, and she even compared them on my face. Our tastes are always in polar opposite directions.For example, her male netizen is a native of Yanjiao who claims to be from Beijing.At that time, Zhang Yang, Ma Yanlin, and I all regarded Beijing as the perfect stop for youth escape.Beijing is so mysterious and beautiful, like a beautiful woman wrapped in a veil, it fascinates us.But her little object is really not going to work.People are short and thin, just a monkey.

Ma Yanlin also really looked down on Zhang Yang, saying that Zhang Yang is so good-looking, he can't fight, he can't study, he can't do anything, and he is fat. Zhang Yang's fat looks like baby fat to me, and it feels very comfortable to the touch.When his hand held mine for the first time, it was soft and warm.Back then we usually went to bars when we were dating.He met a group of friends who played in a band, and we drank wine together, Erguotou was mixed with Sprite, and when we slammed hard, there was a lot of foam, and we basically poured it in a glass.Maybe it's because of my natural supernatural power, I can go home without shaking or blushing after drinking, avoiding my mother's eyes.

Zhang Yang said, it's not that I don't blush, but my face is too dark to see red. Zhang Yang is always talking badly, laughing at me.I'm not angry either, who would be angry with their first love when they were young?But he was nice to me too.The rum burger restaurant that opened that year was ridiculously expensive.He saved pocket money for two months and took me out to eat once.We solemnly held our knives and forks, and we almost didn't have to bathe, change clothes, burn incense, and kneel before a plate of international-style meat clips. Zhang Yang is a typical Northwesterner, and he can't afford to lose face.We are together, basically I have not spent money.As soon as I took out my wallet, he stared.I still remember that I finally watched "Fast and Furious", Zhang Yang invited me to watch it at the Ximenkou Cinema.I also remember our wet and disorderly first kiss in the dark corner of the auditorium, the sweaty palms, slightly trembling legs, and the uncomfortable wooden seat.

I discussed with Ma Yanlin about the feeling of kissing.I think it tastes like eating stuffed skin with kang yam.And Ma Yanlin felt like roast lamb with two knots.We quarreled for a while, and later found out that before the kiss, I ate stuffed skin and kang yams, and Ma Yanlin ate roast lamb and Erjie, it was as simple as that. In 2003, I was admitted to a secondary school in Wuhan, but Zhang Yang could only go to a private university, so he chose a school in Beijing.Ma Yanlin went to Lanzhou, and Xiang Bo was admitted to Tsinghua University. Before we left, Zhang Yang and I took the bus to Kumbum Monastery.Zhang Yang, who was dangling along the way, grabbed my hand.He lost some weight, and his palms were slightly sweaty.Several times, I couldn't control myself from crying.I leaned on his back, tears soaking his Cobain T-shirt.I can barely bear the impending separation.Like suffering from lovesickness, I can't eat and I can't sleep at night.The weight dropped, and the figure changed from strong to graceful.

I would rather not go to college, as long as I can be with Zhang Yang. In the Kumbum Monastery, under the watchful eyes of prayer wheels and butter flowers, in front of the Bodhi tree, among various solemn miracles of red, yellow, and white, we put our hands together, prayed for the future love, and vowed to die. My 18-year-old believed in our love so deeply that it went all the way to the end of life. Now think about it, is it pure love or stupid? After arriving in Wuhan, I discovered that there are such things as mosquitoes in the world.My skin stings don't go away for months.And without the sun on the plateau, my face slowly turned dark, and none of my new friends knew that I was once called a black girl.

I call Zhang Yang every day, and the calling cards fill a drawer.Maybe love will also be unacceptable. Across the phone line, our conversations are getting shorter and shorter, and there are fewer and fewer topics.He was too poisoned by rock and roll, and was always angry. Kurt Cobain's suicide seemed to give him inspiration. For him, death seemed to be the only way to maintain purity and nobility in this noisy world.I untie him, and he persists in anger.He was swearing more and more and we started fighting.Constantly quarreling and constantly reconciling.A few times, I was so angry that I cried.

He came to Wuhan to see me once, and I went to Beijing twice.For Christmas, I gave him a Gibson electric guitar.He played a tune for me. It was a very simple "Love of Love", played in a very rough way.I was holding the phone and weeping while listening.I think we love each other so much that we will be together forever. But later, later, we broke up. It was rumored that he had found another young partner and formed a band with a few people.He plays the guitar and the chick plays the bass.Write some angry songs that don't really make any sense. I questioned him on the phone, and he said, "Then what do you want me to do, you are not by my side."

I only hate that I am in Wuhan. It would be great if we were in one place, no matter where we are, as long as we are together. Ma Yanlin also called me: "I've talked about you a long time ago, and you're not in the same place, so why are you talking about love?" I cried and said, "I can't forget it." I can't forget that in Qaidam Park, that boy went into the water to catch a koi for me.I can't forget that boy put his face in my palm on the ancient city wall of South Beach.I can't forget that July, when the hailstorm suddenly fell, he, who was a lover for the first time, held my head in his arms. The more he can't forget, the more resentful he will be. How can he use the gift I gave to harmonize with other girls? Then, I called him, and that was the last sentence I said to him: "Don't you want to die, God will help you." My college life was muddled through, and I have never been in love.I also went to Beijing after graduation. Whenever I feel happy or confused, or feel a sense of accomplishment or loss, I will think of Zhang Yang.And whenever I walk on the road, my heart is full of anxiety that "maybe I will meet him". But I never met him again. There is always a reason for this saying.Ma Yanlin said that Zhang Yang would not fight, but I said that God will fulfill Zhang Yang's anger. The Bible says that a man's mouth carries authority. In July 2009, Zhang Yang died.It happened to be his twenty-sixth birthday that day.He celebrated his birthday in a bar in Beijing, because the northwesterners were too heroic in their bones, which aroused the dissatisfaction of others.When the dispute broke out, he moved his hands, and he was stabbed with a knife. When Ma Yanlin called me, I was also in Beijing, and I was preparing for an interview for a new job.After answering the phone call, I felt the world spinning in the crowd, and I almost fell on my back. That year, Xiang Bo was also in Beijing.We went to the hospital together and accompanied Zhang Yang's parents to send his ashes home.During the twenty-two hour train journey, I was shaking all the time and couldn't sleep for a minute.Later I dozed off and woke up to find that my hand was held by Xiang Bo. After Zhang Yang's funeral, we stopped in Xining for a few days. At that time, preparations for the Cycling Race around Qinghai Lake were in full swing, and Xiang Boyue rode a bicycle around Qinghai Lake together.Under the blue sky and white clouds, among the endless rapeseed flowers and the blue lake, we feel the wind blowing towards us, living embarrassment and beauty. I rode in front and Xiang Bo rode behind.He called me loudly: "Heimei, do you know that I have always liked you?" "I know." I replied loudly. I don't hate Xiang Bo, I might fall in love with him.I may love many times, but the wine of love is only one glass.When I was eighteen, I had a drink with a fat boy.Love is concrete and trivial, love is weird and abstract.Like chickenpox, once it occurs, it will never happen again. Later I went back to Beijing with Xiang Bo and we lived together.I still dream about Zhang Yang, dreaming that he is still a teenager.But those bits and pieces we shared no longer frequently surfaced before my eyes.Spring is not seen in the depths of spring, and I am gradually getting used to the days without him. In 2013, Paul Walker passed away.After breaking up with Zhang Yang, I never followed "Fast and Furious" again, but this news made me feel depressed for a long time after being shocked.Memories hit like water, irresistible.Tears that have been absent for a long time seem to be paying homage to impermanence with me. But Xiang Bo said, you can review the classics with me, and review those old times when we were absent from each other.