Chapter 91 The more abstinent the more romantic

In the TV series, Yu Zecheng, played by Sun Honglei, and Cuiping, played by Yao Chen, pretend to be husband and wife because of the needs of revolutionary work. They live together in the same room from the fifth episode, but they have never had a physical relationship until the twenty-seventh episode. Break through the defense of men and women, and the entire TV series only has 30 episodes.This is simply the longest sexual confrontation in film and television since "It Happened One Night" starring Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert. However, in the more than 700 novels written by British romance novelist Barbara Cartland (Barbara Cartland) and Qiong Yao's novels, it is almost impossible for the hero and heroine to have premarital sex. On the one hand, for Cinderella, chastity and beauty It is Cinderella's biggest capital in the game between noble sons. On the other hand, "How can a true nobleman with noble character damage the reputation of a lady, especially a lady who loves him deeply?"

They all endured bitterly, procrastinated, and took the initiative to put shackles on their desires.But what they pursue is not asceticism in the traditional sense, even on the contrary, they just want to prolong the foreplay of sex as long as possible-the part we call love is to prolong the imagination of erotic experience And play with, and let the ultimate erotic experience reach its highest value.This is another value of abstinence: maximizing lust.The more abstinence, the more fully the pleasure you get in the end, and the more abstinence, the more romantic. After the sixth century BC, "asceticism" (asceticism) was gradually formed through the generalization of Eastern and Western religious teachings and moral philosophies, requiring people to completely abandon physical desires, quit worldly pleasures, and achieve moral self-improvement.And if you want to find a specimen of asceticism among modern figures, it must be Mr. Gandhi.In "The Autobiography of Gandhi", he seriously discussed the importance of abstinence. In order to achieve the purpose of abstinence, he even stopped drinking milk, because milk is too nutritious and therefore "stimulating".

The Chinese who joined the WTO have never advocated this kind of abstinence.Gao Zi, a contemporary of Mencius, said: "Food and sex are also related to sex." Confucius said: "Eat and drink men and women, and people's great desires exist." ——Desire is human nature.The ancient health-preserving book "Sanyuan Yanshou Counselor's Book · Desires Cannot Extinct" regards sex as an important method of health-preserving: "The Yellow Emperor said: One yin and one yang are called Tao, and partial yin and partial yang are called diseases. It is also said: both I don’t know, like spring has no autumn, like winter has no summer, so harmony is called sanctity. The sage never stops the way of harmony, but it is more important to be closed to keep innocence.” ——The balance of yin and yang is the basic law of life.Traditional Chinese medicine also believes that long-term abstinence can lead to "menstrual blood stasis, lack of nourishment of the tendons", and even "weakness and uselessness".

The American sexologist Ellis also said: "The result of abstinence can cause small-scale disturbances and make people feel uncomfortable." Freud believed that abstinence is a kind of consumption: "Suppress your sexual impulses instead of Satisfying it requires a person to put in all his strength. Only half of the people can do it, and we have to constantly struggle with it—a battle that goes against our sensibility and consumes our energy.” According to foreign reports, the abstinence of people, their aging and The mortality rate is more than 30% higher than those who have normal sex life.

Us mortals don't want such abstinence.What we want is the maximization of worldly pleasures, and abstinence can be just one of the means.For this kind of abstinence, we might as well call it "technical abstinence". "As an adult, I have an engine that can drive up to 210 kilometers, but I am driving on a road with a speed limit of 60 kilometers." This is the line in the French movie "Two Little No Guess". In this movie starring Oscar-winning actress Marianne Cotillard, abstinence, separation, and artificial twists and turns are the best ways to keep love.The hero and heroine have developed a set of games since they were young. When one person asks another "Dare you dare", the other person must say "Dare", and an iron box is the witness of the game.Dare to separate?dare.They separated for ten years.Does he dare to hurt her?dare.He married someone else and invited her to be a bridesmaid.In short, dare to do anything, but dare not be together, why?Because getting is the beginning of losing, because "love is the process of love disappearing" - Duras's words.

People who have watched the movie call them lunatics, but lunatics have the sobriety of lunatics. Modern society has destroyed most of the barriers to marriage and love in human society, such as family status, wealth, gender, skin color, age, disease, and marital status. , is no longer a problem, because desire can be easily realized, but it disappears faster. If you want to keep your desire, if you want to gain tension in a relationship, you have to find it yourself.Because they are deliberately not together, the love between the two has never been consumed, and it has always been full and strong, so strong that the two finally have to sacrifice their love to freeze their love.

"A wife is worse than a concubine, a concubine is worse than stealing, and stealing is worse than not being able to steal." The folk saying sums up the truth of lust. After reading "Two Little Wu Guess", we can add another sentence: It is better not to steal than not to be able to steal.Procrastinating, restraining, and restraining means that the desire is not allowed to come true, that is, it is not willing to go to the point where we can meet each other comfortably and nakedly. Instead, the desire remains and is gradually stimulated to the highest point, just like in a bullring, in a bullfighting arena. In front of the bull, the red cloth is waved back and forth, shaken and retracted, so as to maintain the fighting spirit of the bull and finally stimulate it to the peak.

It doesn't have to be as absolute and perverted as in "Two Little No Guesses". If you want to achieve the more abstinence and more romantic effect, the emphasis is on moderation. Abandoning sex, the British "Daily Sports" made it clear: "There is no doubt that a few weeks of abstinence will increase the passion of their first night of marriage." Nicole Kidman's tricks were learned from her friend Russell Crowe. Russell also lived without sex for several months before marrying Danielle Spencer in 2003."I was determined to save a lot of energy for the big wedding night," he said.

In short, only restraining desire can increase the happiness when desire is released, and only moderate abstinence can increase sexual attraction.The well-known Japanese essayist Kaneyoshi Yoshida also said in his collection of essays "Uran Grass" that no matter what kind of woman she is, if she gets along day and night, she loses her attractiveness and becomes bored.The solution is that the two live separately, and the man occasionally goes to the woman's place to spend the night. Only in this way can the concentration of desire be guaranteed and the relationship between the two can be maintained for years.When a man visits suddenly, a woman will also feel fresh.

However, they are nothing compared to the German female pianist Clara and the composer Brahms.Back then, Clara and her husband Schumann discovered Brahms' musical talent and arranged for him to live in their home when he was 20 years old. During the day and night together, Brahms fell in love with Clara, who was 14 years older than him. He tried his best to restrain himself, because she was a benefactor, and she was Schumann's wife and mother of seven children. Unexpectedly, Schumann died in a mental hospital shortly afterwards. The barriers disappeared. The two could have been together, Bra However, James went far away, and kept correspondence and spiritual love with Clara for forty-three years.It is conceivable that if they crossed the barriers of morality and reality, the 43-year spiritual love marathon would be impossible to talk about.

Therefore, in the novel, the love method taught to Baoyu by Fairy Jing Huan is "obscenity", focusing on the spirituality and restraining the pleasure of the flesh.Therefore, Baoyu can try again with Xiren and Qin Zhong, but not go beyond that distance with Daiyu. If Baoyu and Daiyu go off the rails early, if Yu Zecheng sleeps with Cuiping early, this breath will be vented. I'm afraid I can't write enough 120 chapters, and I can't film 30 episodes. However, is the efficacy of abstinence only in delaying it? The story of the erotic film "Bitter Moon" directed by Polanski is quite inspiring.The writer Oscar met the beautiful girl Mimi, and he was shocked immediately. The two quickly became a couple, and the fire of passion burned from before marriage to after marriage. They tried various positions and methods, from missionary to SM Nothing was missed, but boredom crept in.They have to pursue a new person, a new body, to quench their lust.The result of excessive pursuit of desire is to be dominated by desire.They have lost the initiative in sexual love, which must be pursued, and must continue to be pursued. When people choose to do something, they often forget that they also have the right to choose not to do it.Therefore, Zhou Muyun and Su Lizhen in "In the Mood for Love", when their wives and husbands have other secrets, when everyone around them is like a dog, when no one cares about their innocence, still To deliberately "not be like them" is probably not out of reserve, but to take the initiative in sex.You can do it, or you can not do it.There is a right to sexual expression and a right to sexual refusal.In the French movie "Fang Fang", the hero and heroine obviously live in a house, but they have to separate a glass wall in the middle and maintain asexual state. Do that, and do it.Instead of becoming a slave to sex like "Bitter Moon". Mahatma Gandhi's abstinence is difficult for ordinary people to practice, but Gandhi's understanding of abstinence has something to learn from. In "Gandhi's Autobiography", he said: "'Abstinence' has the power to protect the body and mind. Because now abstinence is no longer a process of hard confession, but a kind of comfort and joy, showing a fresh beauty every day." It is precisely for this reason that some people actively choose a life of abstinence and actively enter a state called "sexual fasting".They see abstinence as a form of therapy, "a period of physical silence in order to take inventory of the state of your life."Their abstinence is to empty the negative energy accumulated in sex, to regain the motivation of sex, and to correct the position of sex in life.Psychoanalyst Naciwo called such ascetics "sexual awakeners." Some of them are abstinent because their marriages are over, some are abstinent because of trauma, some are tired, and some feel a lack of communication during sex.And Chantal Bhabhabier's statement in "Desire" is quite representative: "My body is saying stop! I don't want a man anymore, I don't want a man in my bed anymore. It’s not normal not to have sex, but if I’m going to get close to myself, I have to stop having sex. For a woman as exhausted as I am, happiness is all about giving your body the rest it needs.” But no matter what the purpose of abstinence is, everything we do is actually to tame desire and let desire put on the bridle of reason.Such desire is the source of romance and joy.