Chapter 4 Act III Winter Solstice

The scene is the same as the first and second scenes, but the time has passed from autumn to winter, which is five o'clock in the morning of the winter solstice in the Chinese lunar calendar, and the last ten days of December in the lunar calendar. Four people slept in the cell, and three slept on the diagonal side of the gate. Counting from the edge of the "desk", they were Longtou, Yu Sangong, and Pastor Hu; The three people on the opposite side are feet to feet. Suddenly, the cell door clicked lightly, the lock was quickly pulled open, and the door was quickly opened. The sergeant rushed in with the six monitors, and the four sleeping prisoners woke up and sat up at the same time.Lao Huang not only woke up with a start, but also screamed terribly. He obviously realized what happened, and he was about to be shot.The Master Chief and the others swarmed up, grabbed him skillfully, wrapped a cloth strip around his mouth, and dragged him out of the room.Lao Huang's voice, when the cloth was wrapped around his mouth, immediately changed from wailing to another kind of hissing, which can only be made by a dying person.After completing all the quick movements and leaving, there were one or two screams from Lao Huang in the distance. In the winter night, the sound could be heard shrill.He had apparently been dragged to the execution ground.

When the Master Chief rushed in with his team, Yu Sangong and Pastor Hu hurriedly stood up, leaning their backs against the wall, while Longtou sat aside, putting on his jacket as if nothing had happened.When the cell door closed again with a click, he stood up, walked over to look through Lao Huang's things, took out some documents, and stuffed them under his "desk". Pastor Hu: (Sitting on the floor, wiping tears) It's terrible!too terrifying!What does this mean!I always put a pious priest in the same room with the condemned prisoners, and watched the scene of shooting the criminals twice in three months. The last time was the day of the autumnal equinox, in late September, and today is the winter solstice, in late December. (Kneel on the ground, praying).Oh God!I can't take it anymore, please have mercy on me and let me out of the sea of ​​suffering.Hey, Longtou, you are really calm, I see you are sitting there calm and composed, as if you are indifferent to everything, usually you talk and laugh happily, and it is not without emotions, but at this critical moment, you seem to be very calm.

Leader: You are right, when I encounter a critical moment, I stop and change emotions, the first reaction is no response.Let's use a story inside.There was a man named Ji Yuzi who raised fighting cocks for King Qi.After raising it for ten days, the king of Qi asked if it was ready?Ji Yuzi said not yet, the chicken is weak and clings to Qi, so it can't be used.After another ten days, I asked again, and the answer was that it still didn't work. When the chicken heard the sound and saw the shadow, it became impulsive.After another ten days, I asked again, and the answer was that it still didn't work, the chicken was still looking at things too fast, and was too arrogant.After another ten days, I asked again, and the answer was that it is almost the same now, there is no response, it looks like a wooden chicken, and the conditions for it to be a fighting cock have been met.As soon as the other chickens saw it, they didn't dare to fight and ran away in fright.This story, writing about the realm of self-cultivation, is very interesting.A person who has cultivated himself to perfection is to be dumbfounded first, and his first reaction is to not respond.What does no response mean?It shows that this person has deep skills, and once the skills are deep, he will not be easily violent, and his emotions, anger, sorrow, and joy are all a kind of exposure.As a fighting cock, you can't be exposed first; as a fighter, you can't be exposed first.This is called "real people don't show their faces", and real people have to hide their secrets.

Pastor Hu: I have learned that you are not showing your face, you are so ruthless. Leader: (to Yu Sangong) Is Sangong okay?It seems that you have improved from the last time, and you are more at ease. Yu Sangong: (wry smile) I may be the same as the Master Chief and others, I feel numb after watching the death row (sitting with arms crossed knees). Leader: They are insensitive, but you are insensitive and benevolent. The Communist Party is a benevolent person, but also cruel. Yu Sangong: The leader does not believe in religion but talks about gods and Buddhas. This is also a chapter outside the heart of benevolence, right?

Lead: Hope so. Pastor Hu: Thank the Lord!Fortunately, Lao Huang was finally influenced by me and believed in Christianity.The leader and the Sangong, let me tell you, he will go to heaven. Leader: Come on!There are Buddhist scriptures hidden under Lao Huang's pillow!All his treasures are all-in, and he is a speculator who has gone to heaven.I'm afraid that instead of going to all the heavens, I'll go to all the hells. Pastor Hu: Really?Where are the Buddhist scriptures hidden? Leader: (pointing) Go and see, it's hidden under Lao Huang's pillow. Pastor Hu: (hands open facing each other) I dare not touch dead things.

Longtou: Same as what I told you last time, Lao Huang is not dead yet. Pastor Hu: Oh!Lao Huang listened to me preaching Christianity to him for so long, and secretly hid Buddhist scriptures, he was really sorry for me. Leader: No, no, if I were at his level of education, maybe I would carry Buddhist scriptures with me. Pastor Hu: What?You don’t believe in evil, why do you still carry these Buddhist scriptures with you in the end? Leader: Believe it or not, but don’t forget, they may represent some opportunities. Ten of them may all be bullshit, but one of them may not.If you lose it all, you lose a tenth chance.Opportunities cannot be lost. Opportunities are the tail of good luck. If you seize the opportunity, you will seize the good luck.

Pastor Hu: When you see a tail, you grab it. How do you know it’s not a tiger’s tail? Dragon head: You can also catch the tail of a tiger. If you catch it, at least you have a chance to seek skin from the tiger. Pastor Hu: There is also an opportunity to be a tiger's minion. Leader: No, chance is a blind tigress, she can't see you, only if you pay attention to her and catch her, she is yours. Pastor Hu: It sounds like a leader is a man, never resigning himself to fate, but making a difference. Leader: Please remember one truth: one thing, it must be different if you do it or not, no matter how bad it is, no matter how small it is.Before Liu Bei died, he told his son A Dou: "Don't do good because it's small, and don't do it because evil is small." In terms of goodness and greatness, I am a man of action, a do-it-yourselfer, not an inactionist.

Pastor Hu: Just now I saw Longtou put away Lao Huang’s things, and last time I saw Longtou put away Mrs. Director’s things. Are they documents?The leader should do something, right? Leading head: It is a reference document. I like to collect information. My slogan is: "Shangqiongbi falls to the underworld, and finds things with hands and feet." Yu Sangong: These eleven houses are really murderous. Two of them have already been dragged out. There is a director in the front and Lao Huang in the back. They are all fake Communists. They say that Huang is a spy. Doesn’t the military judge know that Huang Not a spy at all?

Leader: Why don't you know?of course I know!It's just to show the achievements of catching bandits and spies. If you don't shoot some people, you will be beaten by the top.Under the requirement of asking for credit and handing over papers, some fake spies have to be produced every year to make up the number.The higher-ups want to "hand over bandits and spies", who cares so much!Therefore, in need of spies, Lao Huang prepared his position to sacrifice, and lay down in the execution ground.Lao Huang is a Chinese farmer. In the troubled times, he got involved in the political vortex for no reason, and died in a foreign land by accident.He is ignorant and ignorant, but his encounters are also sad, just like Ah Q in Lu Xun's works.Wasn't Ah Q also shot dead in the end?The tragedy of Lao Huang is that he is purely a small person, and he is underestimated, so that he was "handed over" as a "bandit spy".

Yu Sangong: This method of "paying" the number of people seems to be a quota system. Bandits and spies also have quotas, right? Leader: You are right, it is the quota.In fact, it is also a calculation method, a mandatory calculation method. "Spying" is a quota, but it's also a strange culture.When the Mongols marched westward, more kills were rewarded, and the method of counting more kills was to hand over the dead man's right ear to count.For the convenience of others, the soldiers stopped killing people, and simply cut off their ears when they saw someone. The uninformed Caucasian people couldn't figure out what was going on, thinking that the yellow people were really crazy, why would they run away when they saw someone cut off their ears?They don't know: someone is going to "pay their ears".People in the Ming Dynasty caught smugglers, and the more they caught, the more rewards they got. The method of calculating how many people caught smuggling was to ask the salt soldiers to hand over a certain amount of smuggled salt every month.If the salt soldiers couldn't catch them, they would beat the village chief; if the village chief got angry, he would beat the people;The common people think that you are real bastards who are officials, how can you force the people to rebel?They don't know: someone is going to "pay private salt".Modern people will pay even more.Once, I met the district police looking around, I said, what are you busy with?He said that the higher-ups wanted to show their achievements in eliminating thieves, and each policeman was limited to pay two thieves a month.I said that if the thieves are apportioned in this way, won't they catch fake ones to make up for it?He said that the higher-ups had to "pay the thieves", who cares so much!The same goes for the traffic police, because the higher authorities depend on the performance of the violations and limit the number of tickets issued by each policeman per month, so the leader of the taxi has to allocate the tickets uniformly and accept the punishment in turn.I said that this apportionment will also be punished even if there is no foul?He said that the higher-ups had to "pay a fine", who cares so much!Under this kind of political chaos, the strange phenomenon we have seen in the world is spreading: primary school students do not have enough money to "pay the flies", so they have to secretly raise flies; Mouse... being a human is really not fun, because you have to pay others, and you have to be paid by others.This is life, you can’t get it if you don’t pay it if you want to,——God forbids paying papers for nothing!

Yu Sangong: Looking at it like this, it is better to go to prison. Once you are in prison, you will be confiscated, and you will not be confiscated anymore, right? Leader: It depends on what prison you are in.After the verdicts of the political prisoners were confirmed, most of them were sent to Huoshao Island, where they were brainwashed, because there were too many rats, cockroaches, and flies in the prison. For a while, each political prisoner had to pay one rat, twenty cockroaches, and five flies. Ten of them, one mouse trap and one fly swatter for the time being.After the rats were caught, the jail leaders gathered them at the beach at night, poured gasoline on the rats' backs, lit them on fire, and opened the cages. The so-called "come in the fire, go in the water" also constitutes the wonders of the Pacific Ocean. Yu Sangong: Why is it so troublesome to kill a mouse? Faucet: Exciting! Yu Sangong: What kind of addiction do you have? Tap: Live a sadistic addiction. Yu Sangong: Is this also an occupational disease of the jail chief? Leader: It should be the same. Even those with a kind heart and a soft heart can’t do it in this line of work.In Sima Qian's "Historical Records", there is an article "Biography of Cool Officials", which is dedicated to the stories of cool officials.Among them was Zhang Tang, a minister of the Han Dynasty. When he was a child, his father asked him to watch the house, but the mice ate the meat. When his father came back, he thought that he had not taken good care of the house and beat him up.He was so angry that he dug the mouse hole, caught the mouse, interrogated the mouse, wrote the verdict, and finally cut the mouse into pieces and killed it.When his father saw it, he asked him to study law, and in the end he became a cruel official.Today's military judges punish people like this, probably they all tried mice when they were young. Yu Sangong: Just now you mentioned the matter of collecting rats on Huoshao Island, which is wonderful. Leader: There are even better ones.If you use a cage to catch mice, there will be a mouse smell after a long time, and other mice will not dare to come, so use sticky mouse boards to stick mice.When it was sticky, it was handed over, and then the prison officer counted it, and asked the squad leaders to move it to the seaside and burn it.The monitors thought it was profitable to sell the dead rats to the prisoners who couldn’t catch the rats, so they kept them instead of burning dead fish, etc. Anyway, the prison officials thought it was burnt when they saw the smoke and smell from a distance. .Unexpectedly, if the dead mouse is sold back again, the corpse will stink, and after paying three times, the stench will be suffocating. The size of the rat’s tail became smaller, and the smell was measured. However, there were countermeasures under the above policies. In the end, the countermeasures became more and more innovative. The squad leaders simply used sweet potato vines to mix rice grains and black water in the coal pool to make a paste. A lifelike fake mouse tail has been produced, and it is more convenient to start a business. Yu Sangong: I really didn't expect to be in prison, and there was a "plague" and a lot of trouble for the rats. Dragon head: two kinds of rats, one with four legs and one with two legs.Well, forget about these idiots, Lao Huang is gone, he has a little fruit left here, let's eat it (squat down, check the fruit). Pastor Hu: (quickly shaking hands) I don't want to eat it, I dare not eat it. Leader: (laughs) I’m also afraid of dead things, aren’t I? Pastor Hu: Yes, yes, it is extremely, how awkward! Leader: (Takes a pear and hands it to Sankyo) How about Sankyo? Yu Sangong: I...I...I (hesitating). Leader: You...you...you what, you are a brave Communist Party, you still taboo this. Yu Sangong: (encouraged) Okay, then I will eat it. Leading head: (picked up two pears, washed them by the water, handed one to Sankyo, and ate the other by himself) There is a joke that said: A man woke up early in the morning and found that his wife had died on the bed.He jumped up, pale, and galloped downstairs.Shouted to the maid: "Amei! Amei!" "Sir! What's the matter?" the maid asked.This person said: "For breakfast, one boiled egg is enough." This joke actually has some philosophical meaning. You can see what it means to be "pragmatic".Anyway, the person is dead, and the most "pragmatic" first priority is to save the next egg.Today, Lao Huang died, I just saved some fruits first. (There are noisy voices coming from a distance, and gradually approaching, what I hear is a loud voice shouting all the way to the door of the eleventh room. The loud voice yells: "Change my life from life to death, I will not be afraid!" The door to the fourth room opposite was opened, and a loud voice yelled: "Move in, move in, room four is nice, the sun shines a little more, sun, I'll fuck you, you're like a little girl afraid of being fucked, you hide every day Get up, so I can't see you." Finally, amidst the yelling, the loud voice moved in, and the door clicked and locked. The squad leader shouted outside: "Old horse! See you at five o'clock tomorrow morning!" The loud voice shouted : "Damn it! Hmph! Lord Yama doesn't want it! Hmph! Lord Yama doesn't want it!") Leader: (laughs) This Ma Zhenghai is really kind!The squad leader said: "Old Ma, see you at five o'clock tomorrow morning", which means that you will be shot tomorrow, and I will take you to the execution ground at five o'clock in the morning, but Ma Zhenghai retorted: "Huh! It's not that simple yet.A person who has been sentenced to death can still be so angry, just kidding, this Ma Zhenghai really has the guts! Yu Sangong: Who is it?Long Tou seemed to know him very well. Leader: His name is Ma Zhenghai, of course I know him well. Everyone in the prison knows him very well.Ma Zhenghai is a villain with the most character, you will never see such a character in your life.He had just been sentenced to death, and he was put in shackles. It was the result of an appeal all the way. He was sentenced to ten years for the first time, but he refused to accept. After the appeal, he was sentenced to fifteen years. Typical case of appeal, if you are sentenced, admit your mistake and be lenient; resist and be strict. Ma Zhenghai will be strict all the way when he resists.But his characteristic is not to resist, but to resist regardless of size; to resist regardless of friend or foe; to resist regardless of object.He likes to sue people the most, from Jiang Jingguo, the commander-in-chief of the garrison, the chief of the military judge, every military judge, the director of the detention center, every prison officer, the sergeant chief, every squad leader, and even the fellow sufferers who have contacts with him, to deliver him meals every day His foreign serviceman, even his daughter's boyfriend... all filed suits to sue, and the more they sued, the more they went to the bottom of the sea, and he was not discouraged, suing again, three times, four times, five times and six times.The squad leader just now was one of his defendants, so he made a joke of him and asked him to shoot him at five o'clock tomorrow morning.The most interesting thing is that all these actions of his telling people are performed with a happy expression, especially for fellow sufferers.Ma Zhenghai always had a smile on his face, joking and talking eloquently to each of his fellow sufferers.His voice was loud, and he spoke with such air that he could shake a room.However, almost all the fellow prisoners who had talked with him became his "defendants". Xiaoyan reported that a lot of alcohol was added to the vegetable soup sent by a certain person's family, which violated the detention center's prohibition on drinking alcohol. .Or report that a certain fellow inmate bought fruit sugar and made bootleg alcohol in the cell, violating the crime of Article 37, Paragraph 1 of the "Provisional Regulations on the Monopoly of Tobacco and Alcohol in Taiwan Province". Although the "bootlegger" suffered heavy losses, and the detention center was also dumbfounded, although he "solved" the case because of this, he never appreciated him as an informant, nor did he give him a bonus.The middle Yan accuses someone of calling Fan Ming, Chief of the Military Judiciary, a tortoise, a bastard, and "raised by a bitch" in his cell.The big Yanzhe reported that so-and-so admitted privately in the cell that he was indeed a "communist bandit member", a "bandit spy" and so on.This is simply trying to kill people. Yu Sangong: He doesn't scold himself, does he? Leader: He scolded himself, not only scolded, but also sued!But he doesn't like being scolded by others. When others scold Fan Ming, Chief of Military Law, he will report and sue others.Later, when the chief of the military law collapsed, he shouted happily: "The chief of the military law was sued by me for 16 counts, can he not be defeated?" The certificates were all thrown into the wastebasket. Yu Sangong: Who is this strange man? Leader: His life experience is very complicated. We only know that he is from Anhui. He claims to have served as the director of the political department in Wu Huawen's army during the Anti-Japanese War.But Wu Huawen was a traitor at that time.After arriving in Taiwan, he served as the chief instructor of the provincial Jianguo Middle School.The military training instructor was sent by Chiang Ching-kuo's "National Salvation Corps" system. It stands to reason that Ma Zhenghai was directly subordinate or directly subordinate to Chiang Ching-kuo, but he said that he offended Chiang Ching-kuo because of policy issues, so he was dismissed.Later, he took part in the election of Taipei city councilors, and got an ox cart, on which a paper cannon was stuck, symbolizing the sound of his cannons.As a result, he was defeated and imprisoned, and he was asked to report to the court. He refused to report, and led his son to defend his homeland and resist foreign aggression.The so-called foreign insult is the police who went to arrest him.The police were afraid of this madman, so they surrounded his house for three days and three nights. He led his children inside to resist arrest. Every time there was an Indian roar in the house, it sounded scary.Finally the police couldn't wait any longer and decided to break into his house.You know what he did in a pinch?He set fire to the house.Look how fierce he is! Yu Sangong: It is indeed fierce. Leader: There are even more fierce ones!He was finally caught in the police station and beaten badly. He was pressed on a chair and his arms and hands were tied to the back of the chair with a rope. He thought he would be honest now, but a policeman walked past him. , he stretched out his legs and tripped the policeman!He is who he is, he does his own thing, he doesn't hesitate to sacrifice others, he doesn't hesitate to sacrifice himself, this is Ma Zhenghai! Yu Sangong: Wonderful!When he was resisting arrest at home, his sons and daughters were dispatched. This kind of sons and daughters are strong generals who have no weak soldiers, right? Leader: There are no weak soldiers, he controls them well.He was in prison, and the situation at home was completely controlled by remote control. He gave orders in the prison and made decisions.It is said that when he received family members, there were rules on how to put the bed at home, which direction to put it, and which bed the person slept on, and which direction his head was facing. He was extremely vicious, and his children were afraid of him. Yu Sangong: What about my wife, isn't my wife afraid of him? Leader: Why aren't you afraid?Scared of going crazy, and ended up mentally ill.This wife is no one to wait for. She was the campus beauty of a certain university in Nanjing back then. She was acquired by Ma Zhenghai for some unknown reason. , was finally driven crazy by Ma Zhenghai.His wife went crazy, Ma Zhenghai actually wanted to attend the meeting as the husband of the National Congress representative, and as the representative of the National Congress representative, everyone quarreled because of disagreement with the law.Many representatives of the National Congress in Anhui Province jointly sued him on an old-fashioned charge, saying that he was a "bandit spy" because he was captured for three days and did not surrender after returning. The case got bigger and bigger, until he was wearing shackles just now. Yu Sangong: Ma Zhenghai has no friends or comrades, he only has enemies? Leading Leader: Yes, it doesn't matter, Ma Zhenghai never knew friends and comrades, he only knew enemies.He was like a wild beast in captivity, a beast, and anyone who came near him was hurt.Reality seems to be particularly cruel to people like him. He must survive in the cruel reality, so he confronts cruelty with cruelty.Because he is so fierce, he is not afraid of how the prison punishes him to this day; he is not afraid of all the prisoners who refuse to associate with him; He is not afraid of not being allowed to send letters, not to borrow books, not to be allowed to do this, not to be allowed to be that. He is not even afraid that the prison will freeze his account and not allow him to buy any daily necessities, even toilet paper.His wife has been driven crazy by him, so he is still afraid of being punished? Yu Sangong: Then how do you wipe your butt after defecating? Faucet: Dig and wipe with your hands before washing your hands! (Gestures) But in the end, he took advantage of a little convenience, that is, after all, he is the husband of the National Congress representative, and a husband is more expensive than his wife. Although his wife is driven crazy by him, he still receives the ten thousand year salary of the National Congress representative.In short, when looking at Ma Zhenghai, you have to look at him as a trapped wild beast, a ferocious beast, as an animal, so that you can see the mystery.Treating him as an animal is not to underestimate him, but to exalt him.From the perspective of animals, animals estimate their abilities much more accurately than humans.Animals seldom do things beyond their abilities, please pay special attention to cats.A cat seldom fails. It does everything successfully and neatly.When a cat jumps a wall, it seldom falls off. If it cannot jump, it will not jump.People can't.A man often does what he thinks he can do, and falls terribly.This is the big difference between humans and animals. Yu Sangong: There is a big difference between human beings and animals. The leader only said half of it, and he hasn't finished it yet. Leader: Haven't finished yet? Yu Sangong: I haven't finished talking yet. You only talked about people falling down, but you didn't talk about what happens after falling down.The real spirit of a person lies in the attitude after the fall.After a person falls down, don’t get discouraged, and try to come back again. This is the spirit of a real person.Human progress and human civilization can achieve today's achievements because there are so many people who have fallen and come back again, and they have set so many records.To put it bluntly, this is a matter of outlook on life, and the brilliance of human beings is manifested in the few people who have this outlook on life.At first glance, this kind of person does not know the limit of his own ability, but wants to "show off his abilities", but the result is that only this kind of person can change history and make the impossible possible. Leader: You mean they don't fail?Not to sacrifice? Yu Sangong: Who said that?Of course they failed, of course they sacrificed.How many times have people failed in order to fly to the sky, dive into the sea, and conquer the Antarctic and the North Pole?How many people were sacrificed?I'm not talking about individuals, individuals will fail and sacrifice, I'm referring to this type of people, many people with this outlook on life, their successors, A falls to B, B dies C Over time, one after another, passed down from generation to generation, it gradually became a success line.The so-called success is the success of connecting people on this line, not personal success. Leader: The success you refer to does not refer to individuals. Yu Sangong: I don’t refer to individuals. Individuals rarely succeed.Personal success is only a little bit, and the record of personal failure is more than success.A little bit of success is a small segment on the line of success.Therefore, it can be said that success belongs to everyone, and failure belongs to oneself. Dragon head; in this way, is it fair to the individual? Yu Sangong: It is very difficult for an individual to seek justice from the masses, and at most an individual can only seek justice from other individuals.There is really no way to discuss the question of fairness.In history, individuals helped the masses, but in the end the individual was sacrificed. It is good to be unknown, and some people are wronged at all.The leader talked about Ma Zhenghai just now, and it seemed that he was doomed now, he was at the end of his rope, and he couldn't keep going. Leader: You really don’t understand this kind of traitor. His personality is not as simple as that of ordinary people. Ordinary people will do it if they can, and they will get discouraged if they can’t do it. But the traitor is never like this. He will never be discouraged if he can't make it go on, he will still do everything possible to make it go on, this is the difference between ordinary people and traitors.When ordinary people can’t handle it, they will be discouraged, negative, blame others, blame themselves, feel embarrassed, cough and sigh, feel depressed, chant poems and drink too much, cry, fall down, and even die... But The traitors don’t have this set, the traitors don’t have this set of discouraged reactions, because this set of reactions are all the reactions of the weak, even if there are a hundred traitors who are wrong, but you have to admit that he is absolutely strong, he Don't react to the underdog. Yu Sangong: In comparison, the leader of the KMT, isn’t it the same?Can the Kuomintang be effective in this way? Leader: (laughs) Just kidding, playing with the Kuomintang is like playing with cunt.This is not a question of whether or not it is possible, it's just a question of having fun!Sexual desire and incapacity are another issue, the point is that you have to be committed to it. Yu Sangong: (frowning) So, one of the important reasons why most people can't beat the villain is that most people have a weak reaction of discouragement, but there is absolutely no villain? Leader: There is absolutely no traitor. Yu Sangong: Didn't the traitor also say that he wanted to go to the wild and go back to Linquan when he couldn't do it anymore? Leader: That's all drama, can you believe it?Didn't you retreat to advance that time? Yu Sangong: So you think that although he is finished, he still wants to continue? Leader: Of course.When the villain is in trouble, he never wastes a minute coughing and sighing or reciting poems and drinking. He is still not discouraged at all, cheers up and brings disaster to the country again.When there is no country to blame, everyone is in prison. Yu Sangong: Is this character good or bad? Dragon head: Whether it is good or bad depends on who is born on it. It is good to be born on a mahatma, but it is not good to be born on a traitor.Because not discouraged itself is a strong personality, if the direction is correct, it is good to have this kind of personality. Yu Sangong: Most people lack this kind of character, so most people are too weak.Traitors shouldn't have this kind of character, but they actually do. We would rather they not have this kind of character, and when they encounter difficulties, they will go down and down, that would be great. Leader: Because I was in prison, seeing a real person like Ma Zhenghai was an eye-opener for me.Ma Zhenghai is tall and burly, with a red face, he walks vigorously, speaks like a bell, and deeds can kill people. He is a villain and a bad person, but he is so bad. He comes and goes alone, so bad that he makes enemies on all sides and prestige on all sides, so bad that no matter what happens, he will never be discouraged, never cough and sigh, and never feel depressed, at least no one can see that he coughed and sighed, no one can see It's a monster to think he's been down, and while he's a bad guy, he's so bad!After seeing him, maybe one day when I get old, I will change my career to be a bad guy, of course, this is just a joke. Yu Sangong: (To Pastor Hu) Even if the leader is a bad guy, he is different from other bad guys. Pastor Hu: Why is it different? Yu Sangong: Although other bad people are bad, they want to be good but fail to do so; the leader is bad because they are tired of being good.Other bad guys don’t feel comfortable being a bad guy; he was a bad guy, but he did it flexibly and brought a lot of philosophy with him. Pastor Hu: (laughs) Was it stimulated by something? Yu Sangong: No.He should have set a limit for himself long ago.He stipulated that he should be a good person before the age of sixty. After the age of seventy, when a person gets old, he will start to deteriorate, until he dies. Pastor Hu: So how bad is it when you are old? Yu Sangong: It is because people are old and have no ability to go bad, so he has the courage to go bad.Seventy-year-olds are completely different from young people in being bad. They can neither kill for money, nor set fire to murder, so they have to come up with bad ideas and let others do it for them. Leader: I have no chance, right?When I am seventy years old, the times and people's hearts have already changed, and I have become another kind.At that time, the standard of good and bad may have been reversed. What is considered good today is already outdated; what is considered bad does not matter. Yu Sangong: In this way, whether it is good or bad, it has to be done as early as possible? Longtou: (laughs) I'm afraid it will really be as your Excellency said.However, let's digress out of the way, the key is whether it is a big villain or a small villain. Yu Sangong: What big bad guy and little bad guy?If it's broken, it's broken. What's the size? Leading head: There is an old saying: "A big fake is true, a big evil is right, a big private is public, and a big harm is good." Only a bad fake looks fake, and it looks fake at first glance. The real and the fake look real. of.So is bad.Maybe the more perfect the bad, the better the expression, the more it is exactly the other extreme of itself.Bad masters often perform well to trick the bad, and to ambush the bad. Although their motives are not pure and their intentions are bad, but they have performed well for a long time, but they often want to stop.So, you can be afraid of a small villain, but you don’t have to be afraid of a big villain. The big villain often pretends to be a good person, until he can’t end it in the end.Therefore, the really good people and the good people are often faked by the bad people, and in the end they die suddenly at the right time, and it is too late for the good people to turn around. Yu Sangong: That's weird. In this way, maybe you are the leader right now. Why wait until you are seventy years old? Leader: (laughs) Maybe so.In short, I would rather be a really bad person than a fake good person.However, our standard of being a good person today is problematic.People have been educated and trained to be good people since they were young. When they grow up, some are confident, some claim to be good people, and some claim to be good people. They have always been so confident and Self-promise or pretense, never doubt him.But good people, good people, are they really good people?Looking into it, it's not necessarily true.In fact, the so-called good people in the world are actually really bad.How can a good person be bad?It will be bad. I will cite three main points to prove it to you. Look at where good people are bad.The first evil of a good man is not daring to compete with a bad man.They are afraid of bad people, and because they are afraid, they dare not fight with bad people.Good people often want to "give way to the virtuous way". In fact, it is not the virtuous way to give way, but the out-and-out "bad way".What is "retreat from the evil road"?Conceding the evil path is a negative way for good people to shrink back. They admit that they can't fight the evil people, and finally step down and bow, close the door and sigh, and let the bad guys mess around in the dark.In the end, "all the bad guys are singing on the stage, and the good guys are squatting in the house and sighing", and the situation in the world will only get worse and worse.There are two reasons for the bad things in the world. One is that bad people do bad things;The results of it?Good people who have the ability or may have the ability, when they have the opportunity or may have the opportunity, give up their actions to fight against the bad guys and prevent the bad guys from doing evil.As a result, the bad things in the world spread one by one.So, to put it bluntly, not all bad things are done by bad people. In fact, good people also have a share. Tolerating, sitting by and watching, or even acquiescing to bad people doing bad things is the last procedure to complete the merits of bad things. How can the sins of good people be avoided? Yu Sangong: What else? Leading leader: The second worst thing about a good person is that he thinks that he is a good person if he is alone.The biggest problem with good people is that they have too much negativity and not enough positivity; they sigh a lot and have too little arrogance.As a result, what they can do is at best to "be good to themselves", and they are by no means good men who "deliver all living beings".But in the end, the bad guys don’t spare the good guys just because they sigh negatively. The bad guys still want to bully and rape the good guys, so that they can’t even be good at the most basic “self-care” and even the lowest level of “self-determination” in Buddhism. Can't do it either.In the end, I had no choice but to join forces with the bad guys, sell my soul to a considerable extent, and help the bad guys "expand their evil" or "support their fellows to become evil".What a tragedy for a good man!The reason why good people "lonely care about themselves" is actually a considerable amount of self-deception.The reason for this kind of self-deception is that good people think that "being alone" is the completion of a good person's personality. In fact, this completion is far from it!Why?Because a good completion must be outward, not inward. Gu Yanwu said that he did not dare to learn the teachings and put the world in poverty without saying a word. The long-term existence of all shows the extroversion in morality.The old Roosevelt cracked down on the "plutocrats" and promoted the anti-trust policy. He firmly believed that if everyone could not live well, one alone would not live well. (This country will not be a really good place for any of us to live in if it is not a really good place for all of us to live in.) is a great demonstration of this outwardness.Good people who deceive themselves by "being alone" deceive themselves so much that they think that they are good people by "being alone". In fact, they are completely wrong, because bad people are outward-looking.The relationship between good and bad is a mutually exclusive relationship that goes up and down. If you think that you are a good person by "being alone", it is like stepping on a cesspit and shouting that you don't stink. This is impossible. Yu Sangong: Well said! Leader: The third worst thing about a good person is that he thinks that he is a good person if he "has kind thoughts in his heart".当“独善其身”大行其道以后，伦理学上的“动机派”motivism便成了好人的护符。 “动机派”的走火入魔是，它判断一件事，不看事的本身，反倒追踪虚无缥缈的动机，用动机来决定一切。孟轲说：“乃若其情，则可以为善矣，乃所谓善也。”清明学者俞正燮直指孟轲说的“情”，就是“事之实为”。无异指动机就是事实，一切要看你存心如何。存心好，哪怕是为了恶，也“虽恶不罚”；存心不好，就便是为了善，也“虽善不赏”。这样不看后果，全凭究其心迹的测量术，一发而不可收拾，就会变得舍不该舍之末，而逐不该逐之本，以为人在这种本上下工夫，就可得到正果，这真是胡扯！明朝的王阳明说：“至善只是此心纯乎天理之极便是。”他全错了！善绝非一颗善心，便可了事。善必须实践，必须把钱掏出来、把血输出来、把弱小扶起来、把坏蛋打在地上，才叫善；反过来说，“想”掏钱、“准备”输血、“计划”抑强扶弱，都不叫做善。你动机好，没用，动机是最自欺欺人的借口，十七世纪的西方哲人就看出这点，所以他们点破——“善意铺成了到地狱之路。”Hell is paved with good intentions. 这就是说，有善意而无善行，照样下地狱，阎王老爷可不承认光说不练。可怜的是，好人在“独善其身”之余，竟自欺到以为只要“心存善念”，便是行善了、就问心无愧了，其实这是不够的。问心无愧算什么？要问的是行动。没有行动同步作业，空有一颗好心，只是自欺而已。 余三共：那信佛的为人祈福、信基督的为人祷告，也属于“心存善念”那一类了，不是吗？ 龙头：你说得全对，祈福啦、祷告啦，有个屁用！行善行善，善是行的，不是祈福祈出来的，也不是祷告祷出来的，专搞祈福与祷告的，其实是一种伪君子的好人，画饼给人充饥而已。 胡牧师：（举手）我抗议，你们否定了祈祷的功能，你们太不客观了。 龙头：好，抗议成立，但这证明什么，还不是口惠而实不至，还不是空头的，唯一落实的只有一项，就是伪善。我又想到对面的马正海，他是恶人、是恶棍，但他有一大长处，他很真，真的很恶，但他不伪善。我生平最厌恶伪善，伪善的执行人是伪君子，所以我最厌恶伪君子，而伪君子中，却以中产阶级最多。佛兰克林《自传》中记清教徒从欧洲坐船去美洲，半路上碰到海盗，清教徒是反对战争的，所以不肯打，他们纷纷跑到船舱里，听甲板上打来打去。这时候，忽然一个仆人也从甲板上下来了，清教徒们一起骂他说：“你不是清教徒呀！你怎么不上去打，上去保护我们呀！”这个故事，就是伪善的典型。宗荣禄《天民回忆录》记他在山西夏县四交村，房东家养了一条黑狗，老夜里鬼叫，大家认为不祥，但不敢杀生，于是骗他去杀，说杀了可治他朋友的病。结果他去杀狗，大家却骂他太狠心，可是狗肉煮熟后，“不仅他们吃得比我们多，连汤都喝完。东一碗，西一碗，都讨来要。”这个故事，又是伪善的典型。 胡牧师：龙头的不伪善是我们佩服的，但别忘了，伪善也是一种规则，它让人间可以运作出一点事，全部撕破了脸，玩真的、玩硬的、玩狠的、玩恶的，也不一定全好吧？含蓄一点、礼节一点，那怕是一点虚礼、一点虚情假意，有时也未必全是要不得的，至少它减低了人与人间不必要的冷漠与敌意，弄得大家都紧张兮兮，又何必呢？龙头是绝顶聪明人，聪明人有时候也有些没搞通的地方吧？ 龙头：胡牧师的指教，使我想到一个故事。我记得我被疲劳审问时，大概是四天四夜，我被关在不见阳光只见灯光的密室内，怎么知道是四天四夜呢？因为迷迷糊糊之中，出现过四次豆浆，早餐吃的豆浆。虽然在极度疲劳下，我想我还是能抗得住，任凭他们怎么问，也问不出什么名堂来。后来他们让我小睡一下，醒来时候，出现在我眼前的，牛鬼蛇神都不见了，而是一个高大的老头子，他自称“刘科长”，他请我坐起来，坐在床沿，他坐在床边藤椅上，跟我聊起天来。他说了许多话，大意是我虽然博学，但历史没搞通，因为搞通历史的，绝不会以个人同团体斗。他说：“你是个人，一个人，你斗的对象是群体，一个集团，不管你多对，不管我们多错，你不会赢的。共产党他们会赢。因为他们也是群体，对我们是群体对群体。没有群体，就便是一个毛泽东，在台湾又能如何？十个又能如何？你一个人，已经做得很多了，我怀疑老毛一个人在台湾，能比你做得更多，能比你兴更多的风，作更多的浪。”这个“刘科长”这段话，我直到今天还能记得。他说得那么坦白、慓悍，那么单刀直入，那么血淋淋、赤裸裸，我当时心里想：“这王八蛋是个狠角色，他不谈任何高调与废话，只谈活生生的利害与现实。听他的一番话，我彷彿觉得，他不失为我的知己，因为他真能了解我；另一方面，又觉得他对我的了解，就差那点儿'闷功'，像是煮饭的电锅一样，当红灯熄了，你不能立刻掀锅盖，你必须'闷'它十五分钟，饭才能熟透，不然饭就半生不熟。这位'刘科长'对我的了解，似乎就差那口气、那点'闷功'，少了这点'闷功'，他就不能了解个人和个体也有开天辟地造化神功的一面，可是，在群体里俛仰的人总不能了解到这一层面，所以，走狗再精，还是走狗。” （牢门咔嗒开了，班长拿着钥匙，朝余三共一指。） 班长：余三共，出庭！ 余三共：大概要判决了。 （余三共匆匆下，牢门咔嗒又关了。） 胡牧师：刚才我冷眼旁观、冷“耳”旁听，听到你们两位谈话，处处都有机锋。 龙头：我有一点，我要试着去给三共打打气，恶补一点有关生死的学问。 胡牧师：你的意思是说—— 龙头：有点麻烦。依我看来，他们的案子有点麻烦，判下来可能凶多吉少。 胡牧师：会判重刑？会判死刑？ 龙头：（一脸严肃）非生即死。 胡牧师：这么严重吗？ 龙头：我看很严重。蒋介石的国民党，在大陆吃过大学生的苦头，如今大学生不但反政府，还组起“成大共产党”来了，此例一开，还吃得消吗？我看国民党会下毒手。 胡牧师：三共他们的“成大共产党”算什么共产党，只是年轻人的家家酒而已，值得那么认真吗？ 龙头：“星星之火，可以燎原。”共产党相信这个，国民党也相信共产党如此。 胡牧师：龙头感到情况不妙，要给三共上点课，洗洗他的脑来应变，不是吗？ 龙头：不一定有什么用，但总要尽点力，我们是大人啊！ 胡牧师：其实，三共毕竟是年轻人，他可以听得进真理，并且，我觉得他跟你龙头朝夕相处这么久，一定受了你不少好影响。三共的心理有一个大魔障，就是他过分喜欢报复。记得有一次你去医务室，我跟他谈到宗教里的宽恕，你猜他说什么，他说： “当诗人海涅临死前，牧师到床边做临终祈祷，牧师说：上帝会宽恕你海涅犯的罪。海涅说：'当然他会宽恕，他是干那行的啊。'每当人家要我余三共宽恕，我就想起这句话。我很高兴他们拿我当上帝。宽恕是上帝干的，不是人干的。人干的是报复，不是宽恕。”我听了三共这段话，就说：“报复能证明什么？报复太消极了。”他一听就有点气，他说：“报复能证明最后伸张了正义，制裁了邪恶，清算了为非作歹，它一点也不消极，它的结果是积极的。否则坏人有能力作恶时，就会为所欲为无所不为；没能力作恶时，就以请你宽恕逍遥法外，既往不咎，这等于是纵容，等于是姑息。”我说：“很多过去的，其实应该忘掉，学会忘掉，是人生重要的一课。坏人坏事，既属于过去，也可以忘掉。”他说：“你忘掉的不是坏人坏事，你忘掉的是正义。正义在坏人得势时候，它在那里？它在脚底下、在阴沟里、在监狱内。当最后，最后，多少年以后，多少头发白了、掉了，多少烈士冤魂死了、完了，那时候，偶尔有倖存的一些人劫后余生，主持最后审判，那时候，向坏人报复就是为了那些白了掉了的头发，就是为了那些死了完了的烈士冤魂，给他们追悼，给他们安慰与怀念。那时候，你必须用报复坏人来证明正义已经不在脚底下、在阴沟里、在监狱内，正义已经重见天日。所以，我说，胡牧师，那时候你忘掉坏人坏事，忘掉的不是坏人坏事，而是多年不见天日的正义。”我听了他的话，我真从脊背发了凉。还有一次，我看他埋头在写来写去，我有点好奇，我问他：“你在干什么？”他说：“我在做计划，做这个星期的计划。”我问：“计划什么？”他说，他计划这星期每天恨的东西是什么。他一天恨一样东西，上星期日到这星期六七天，他恨过了这牢房里的苍蝇、蚂蚁、白蚁、蟑螂、蜈蚣、蚊子，和蚊子。其中蚊子他妈的最可恨，要连恨两天。并且，每天恨一样，不多恨，多恨了会分散。也不少恨，今日事今日毕。一星期来，都已按照进度，恨得不亦乐乎。我问他这星期又要恨些什么？他说：“上星期恨动物，这星期准备恨人。”我问他是不是人比动物可恨？他说，当然。他说他认识人愈多，他愈不恨狗。我说，小老弟啊，何必这样跟自己过不去呢？社会黑暗，早就开始了。要使社会光明，得慢慢来。上帝造世界，也得造六天。他说：“你们这些信教信迷的家伙，只会白着头发叫别人慢慢来慢慢来，你以为一个人能活多久？活九百岁？”我说：“九百岁活不到，但也总不该由你们这些毛头大学生来造反吧？由你们来改造社会，会不会太年轻一点？”他说：“年轻什么？我二十三岁了。”我说：“二十三岁就很年轻。”他说：“哼！你以为二十三岁是年轻，是你完全中了这个地方老人政治宣传的毒，这个地方盛产老头子，他们愈老愈不死，每个人的底价都是八十岁，医药发达加上他们的漫无心肝，正好湊成一个个长寿的条件。他们长寿，所以占住所有位子不放，怕你抢，就到处散布你们还年轻要慢慢来的怪论。他们提高了年轻的上限，从宽录取，四五十岁都以年轻论。这样宣传久了，四五十岁也自以为年轻，二三十岁也自以为年轻。其实年轻什么？年轻个屁！他们这些老不死，在我们这个年纪，早都出来翻江倒海了，做教授的做教授、做部长的做部长，……他们现在传记文学起来，一个个以早慧自豪，不说他们年轻，现在轮到我们，就骂我们少不更事了，只有你才信他们。”我说：“他们太年轻就出来翻江倒海，恐怕也是国家没给他们搞好的原因之一。”他说：“照你这么说来，要到多少岁才适龄？你有没有标准？”我说：“总是成熟一点才好呀！三十五六岁、四十一二岁，这些年龄比较好。”他说：“那你怎么解释你的主呢？你的耶稣呢？耶稣几岁死的？三十四岁。不是吗？照你这么慢慢来，耶稣什么事都没做，就先死了。”我说：“耶稣是被人杀的，不能算，他要自然活，总可以活个七老八十。”他说：“那跟耶稣年纪差不多的亚历山大大帝怎么说？亚历山大不到三十三岁就病死了，但他已打通了欧洲、非洲和亚洲，照你胡牧师这么慢慢来，亚历山大死时，还没打出家门口呢！照你的蜗牛进度，要完成耶稣或亚历山大的事功，他们得活到亚当的年纪才做得完。照你们鬼《圣经》的说法，亚当活了九百三十岁，不是吗？”我说：“小老弟啊，你总是夸大其辞。说慢慢来，只不过劝你很多事是急不来的，以上帝那样全能，造世界也得造六天。人造罗马，也不能一天造成啊！”他的答话可恐怖了，他说：“谁说要一天'造'罗马的？你怎么知道人不是要'烧'罗马？尼禄烧罗马，用不了一天，就成了。”我说：“噢，原来你是要破坏，不是要建设？”他说：“我的破坏就是建设，大破才能大立。”我说：“所以你要造反。”他说：“是。”我说：“造反造到牢里，算成功吗？”他说：“该不该造反是一回事，造了以后成不成功是另一回事，你谈的是成功问题，不是该不该的问题。这两个问题不同，你看看你的主，就明白了。你的主该不该传教，是一回事，他认为该，去传了，传了被钉在十字架上，当时看是失败了，这是另一回事。我的情形，和你的主一样，你不可以以成败论英雄，谁能保证做一件事一定成功？不成功，并不稀奇；相反的，在这种环境里，成功才稀奇呢！ ”我说：“那你明知造反不成功，竟还要做，岂不是傻瓜？Why? ”他说：“为什么，你何必问我？去问你的耶稣。你的耶稣的理由和我一样。你这个为什么，问得很傻，我特派耶稣代答。 ”我说：“你这个年轻人真不好，你老是占人便宜，人家信教，你就口口声声你的主你的耶稣，一点也不尊重人家的信仰。 ”他说他才尊重呢，上天下地，他恨这么多，可是从不恨耶稣。我说：“耶稣没有可以给你恨的理由，耶稣是爱。 ”他说：“爱，爱到被门徒出卖，爱到钉在十字架上。 ”我说：“用你的标准，那是另一回事，你不能用成败来论爱。 ”他说：“我没用成败来论爱，因为爱本身并不属于成败范围，它没有成败的性质，爱本身只是一种不太聪明的情绪。 ”我问他，人不能又聪明又爱吗？他说不能，因为爱是盲目的。我反问他，难道恨不盲目？他说：“恨比爱清醒得多、理智得多，恨能说出理由，爱却很难。你可以一见钟情，但你很难一见生恨。对一个人，你不知道他可能不喜欢他；但要在知道以后，才会恨他。爱就不会这么理智，所以，清楚的恨，比盲目的爱，理性得多。 ”我说恨本身就是不理性。他说：“恨有许多理性成分，只是你们这些把爱挂在嘴上的教棍子不知道。 ”我问，你为什么老是挖苦我们信神的？他说：“因为你们爱得很假，却满口是爱，爱得叫人恨。真相是你们要掩饰你们的假，所以满口是爱。真正懂得爱的人，就没办法排除他的恨。不会恨的人，也爱不好。 ”我说，那耶稣呢？他说：“耶稣很会恨，只是你没注意他说的那些激烈的话。像耶稣那样有着伟大生命力的人，他必然有强烈的情绪，爱的情绪和恨的情绪。 ”上面这些话因为印象太深刻了，所以我没忘记，今天趁他不在，特别说给你听，你注意这个小共产党，他的话并非全无道理，但我总觉得他内心里有很大一股冲突或压力，使他不能脱身，他是信服你的，龙头，请特别注意注意开导他。 龙头：我已经觉察到了，你这么一说，我会更注意。 胡牧师：三共的仇恨想法以外，他另外还有一种，就是他要仇恨以外，还要痛快、要爽。我同他说，你认为这是一摊死水，要变一变。但你怎么能说变一变后一定更好？谁能保证未来？他说：“未来有未来的解决方法，我们现在不必操心，操的心、做的设计到那时候也不切实用。现在操心的是变一变是不是更好？结论是至少不会更坏，现在太糟了、太糟了，必须要变，变才有机会。我们只要脱离现在这种死局，就觉得自由，那怕是跳出油锅，又掉进火坑，也心甘情愿。至少，落个痛快、落个爽。对，痛快，爽。他妈的落个痛快就是理由，不管成不成，落个痛快、落个爽，就值回票价。太闷了，局面太闷了，闷死人，总得要痛快一下、爽一下。他们这些老不死，虽然把国家搞到这步田地，但他们个个都有过一个搞的机会，个个当年——在我们这个年纪的时候——都痛快过、都爽过。他们现在凭什么不让我们痛快、不让我们爽？搞得成不成、好不好，是另一回事，至少我们该有痛快一下、爽一下的机会，痛快一下、爽一下的权利。想想他们当年，他们那时候的路多宽，他们要出国，谁向他们要出境证了？他们要逃亡，谁抓得着他们了？他们要做县太爷，谁选了他们了？他们要办报，谁限制他们不准办了？他们要讨姨太太，谁拦了他们了？那时候大陆那么宽、那么大，成仙成佛也好，为非作歹也罢，都条条是大路，不管成不成、好不好，他妈的都落个痛快呀！落个爽呀！龙头请注意，又仇恨又爽，这就是余三共同志的特色，我有点忧虑。 龙头：胡牧师啊，你忧虑的余三共同志的两个特色，其实是少不更事、年轻气盛的有良知有血性的年轻人很容易有的特色，我在他那种年纪也是一样，只是我比他们更精，并且单打独斗，在知识水平上也比他们深厚得多，所以我在一过了他们那种年纪，就窜起来，变成所谓名人。还有，我不但精，并且不像他们那样武断，在现实层面，我圆滑得像海里的一条沙鱼，像是一个机会主义者。事实上，我抓住机会来充实我的实力，完成我的理想，不但做一个战士，并且是精明的战士。请注意，我是要做精明的战士，做掉敌人，而不是做糊涂的烈士，被敌人做掉。 胡牧师：龙头，我好奇怪，我看你坐在牢里，好像若无其事似的，根本不像在坐牢。 龙头：你说对了，其实，我在哪里都一样。真正的高人不是活在大陆或海岛，真正的高人活在他自己的家里。现在我只是以坐牢为家而已，我还习惯，为什么？因为我的家就是牢啊！这个小岛四面都是海，我置身其中，彷彿就坐在一个大水牢里，不是吗？ 胡牧师：你在外面的时候，也一个人孤独的过吗？ 龙头：这问题，让我自炫式的答复你好吗？我在外面的日常生活是：一个人在小房里，每天不烟不酒不电视不养猫不见客也不见家人，不午睡，精力过人，有全套的翻江倒海的作业，遁世，又大破又大立；救世，又悲天又悯人；愤世，又诃佛又骂祖；玩世，又尖刻又幽默，当然这种人绝不会出世或厌世。我性格复杂，面貌众多，本来该是好多个个人的，却集合于我一身，所以弄成了千手千眼的大怪物。这些特色，都来自一个基础，就是我有一种“宁静的本领”。我们都是群居动物，要整天你看到我我看到你、你挤我我挤你才能生活。一落了单，就慌了，就待不住了，就要把头朝外伸，向人招手。但我却能不这样，我自己跟自己活，像是闭关式的生活，这种生活，过去我们都认为只有老和尚才做得到，如今看到我，才发现老和尚只是小巫见大巫。天主教里的修道院也有闭关，但那种闭关是集体行动，所以尽管不出门不说话，但却因为是群居，也不太觉得孤独。我的生活却全是自己，好像荒岛上的鲁宾逊，但鲁宾逊却有大自然，不是关在一个房间里，并且鲁宾逊是被动的不得不孤独，并不是主动的自己关自己，所以鲁宾逊也赛不过我。为什么要这样，这样跟自己过不去？据我所知，是从内心里真真认定一个人必须能够完全“个别谈话”，必须在某些时期和时间完全过闭关的生活，才对自己和别人有益，才能完成自我。这是一种对自己的检定考试，做流氓，先得通过三刀六眼扎自己大腿，扎出个三刀六眼，就证明你小子是好汉。做英雄也一样，我认为自己能够关自己，过闭关生活是一种起码的三刀六眼。若连这种段数都不到，就十足证明心浮在外面，这样浮，怎么能成大局面？闭关的意义是一种信念、一种发誓、一种决心、一种意志、一种抗议、一种方法。有趣的是，这种闭关训练功德圆满后，移植到监狱来，正好相得益彰。 胡牧师：所以你不怕坐牢？ 龙头：比一般人不怕，当然也不喜欢坐，因为受到限制，不能暢所欲写。我是说，一个男人一生中，不妨有一段时间在坐牢，那是一段难得的经验与考验，对锻练男子汉性格而言，不全是坏事。当然，我这样说，也许有人认为我有被虐待狂。 胡牧师：我承认你说的，坐牢不全是坏事，但是被枪毙就不是什么好事了。 龙头：人生永远会有一种微妙的像生态平衡一般的得失平衡。失之东隅的人，必然收之桑榆。我承认你说的，被枪毙就未免失得太多了。 胡牧师：你说坐牢不全是坏事，要坐多久才算啊？ 龙头：重要的不是时间长短，重要的是你对时间的态度。你必须用整个一生的尺子去去衡量这一段。至少以年为单位吧，或以几年为单位吧，一年又一年，不管年头好坏，年头好这样，年头坏也这样。年头好坏跟自己无关，因为自己的事业是以一生为单位计划的，至少也是十年八年，才看出一点变化，所以，一年两年的好坏，简直同你无关，你不用这种单位。从另一方面看，年是时间的一种，但时间对你好像已经静止，你