Chapter 24 Chapter 22 How to Speak in a Negotiation Situation

In order to have a high level of negotiation, one must not only have a wealth of book knowledge, but also have a proficient practical ability, but also have a good negotiating eloquence.Only in this way can we remain invincible at the big negotiating table of life. Just like people's daily conversations, negotiations can also start with pleasantries, which can not only solve the problem, but also create a relaxed and pleasant negotiation atmosphere. On the surface, seemingly insignificant greetings, although they do not positively express a specific meaning, are called non-substantive negotiation phenomena, but their role in the entire negotiation is indispensable. Thoughts, emotions and actions all have considerable influence.

Deng Xiaoping's pleasantries before the talks with the Queen of England and her husband, the Duke of Edinburgh, were instructive. Deng Xiaoping went forward and said to the queen: "It's a pleasure to meet you. Please accept the welcome and respect from a Chinese old man." Then, Deng Xiaoping said that the weather in Beijing these days is very good, which is also a welcome for distinguished guests.Of course, the weather in Beijing is relatively dry, so it would be even better if we could "borrow" a little fog from London.I have heard that there is fog in London when I was a child.When I was in Paris, I heard that if you climbed the Eiffel Tower, you could see the fog in London.I have been on it twice, but unfortunately, the weather was bad and I couldn't see the fog in London.

The Duke of Edinburgh said that the fog in London is a product of the Industrial Revolution and is gone now. Deng Xiaoping said jokingly, then, it will be even more difficult to "borrow" your fog.The Duke of Edinburgh said, I can lend you some rain, rain is better than fog.You can lend us some sunshine. This kind of greeting was very elegant and decent on both sides. Comrade Xiaoping’s words showed that the arrival of the distinguished British guests not only accounted for the harmony of people (China-UK friendship) but also the time of day (good weather). It also pointed out Xiaoping’s experience of studying in France, and also showed his knowledge and understanding of the foggy city of London.The Duke of Edinburgh's reply expressed his pride in the remarkable achievements in environmental governance in the UK.As for borrowing rain and sunshine, it more or less implies the intention of the two sides to communicate with each other.It can be seen that the pleasantries before the negotiation are like the prelude to the song, and they are not useless.

In addition, pleasantries can not only create a friendly and harmonious negotiation atmosphere, but also a good way to observe the other party's emotions and personality characteristics at the beginning of the negotiation and obtain useful information.There is such a case: When Mr. Konosuke Matsushita, the founder of Japan's Matsushita Electric Co., Ltd. "debuted", his opponents detected his details in the form of greetings, which caused a great loss in the sales of his products. When he went to Tokyo for the first time to negotiate with a wholesaler, the wholesaler greeted him friendly and said, "Is this the first time we have dealings with you? I don't think I've seen you before." The wholesaler wanted to greet him Excuses to detect whether the opponent is a veteran or a novice in the business field.Mr. Matsushita was inexperienced, so he replied respectfully: "This is my first time in Tokyo, and I don't understand anything, please take care of me." It was this very common greeting that allowed the wholesaler to obtain important information: the other party was just a novice.The wholesaler then asked: "At what price do you plan to sell your product?" Panasonic told the other party truthfully: "The cost of each piece of my product is 20 yuan, and I am going to sell it for 25 yuan."

The wholesaler learned that Konosuke Matsushita lived in Tokyo for two years, and revealed his eagerness to open up sales for the product, so he took the opportunity to bargain: "You are the first time to do business in Tokyo, and you should sell it cheaper at the beginning, 20 yuan per piece. How?" The inexperienced Mr. Matsushita suffered a loss in this transaction.The reason is that the experienced wholesaler detected the other party's reality through superficial greetings and won the initiative in the negotiation.However, Mr. Matsushita was passive and defeated because he exposed his own details in the social temptation.Therefore, it is necessary to avoid inadvertent disclosure of key information when the two parties exchange pleasantries.

Of course, an experienced negotiator can grasp the background information of the negotiating object through the greetings: his personality, hobbies, ways of doing things, negotiation experience, work style, etc., and then find a common language between the two parties. Prepare for mutual psychological communication, which is of positive significance to the success of the negotiation. It is based on the understanding of the role of pleasantries that people should choose the topics of pleasantries deliberately. The most likely topic to arouse the interest of the other party is to talk about his expertise.Mr. Hoyla, known as the "sales authority" by the Americans, is very good at doing this.Once he was going to advertise for May Department Store, and he learned in advance that the general manager of the company could fly an airplane.So, after meeting and introducing each other with the general manager, he casually said: "Where did you learn to fly a plane?" This sentence triggered the general manager's interest in talking, and he started talking endlessly, negotiating The atmosphere seemed relaxed and happy. As a result, not only did the advertisement come to fruition, but Hoyla was also invited to take the general manager's own plane and made friends with him.

At the beginning of the negotiation, to avoid the tense atmosphere, this requires mastering the skills of getting into the question. At this time, taking a roundabout approach to the question can eliminate this embarrassing situation, calm down your emotions, make the atmosphere of the negotiation relaxed and lively, and lay a good foundation for the success of the negotiation. There are many ways to get into the question in a roundabout way. You can enter the topic from a digression.You can talk about the topic of climate.Such as: "Today's weather is really cold." "This year's climate is very strange, it's already November, and it's still so warm." "It's better to live in the south, the temperature is so suitable all year round."

You can talk about travel topics.For example: "Guilin, Guangxi is truly the most beautiful place in the world. Have you ever been there?" how?" You can talk about topics related to the news.For example: "Yesterday's dragon-horse battle, the six superstars of Real Madrid were really brave, and they allowed the Chinese dragon team to swallow four eggs without any effort." You can talk about travel.For example: "Is everyone's flight on time yesterday? You have worked hard all the way." "It's always hard to buy air tickets here. When you leave, it's best to buy tickets a few days in advance."

You can talk about celebrities, such as: "I heard that a certain movie star is going to be the leading role in a blockbuster movie. This is really a perfect candidate. He is likely to win the 'Golden Horse Award' or something." "Farewell to the sports world, he is so It’s a pity to retire at a young age.” The off-topic topic is rich, and it does not need to be prepared or modified deliberately. It is a simple and effective technique for entering the topic. From polite words to the topic, if the other party is a guest and comes to negotiate at your own location, you should modestly express that you have not taken care of all aspects, and that you have not done your best as a landlord. Please forgive me, etc.

It is also possible for the host to introduce his own experience and explain his lack of negotiation experience. I hope you can give me more advice, hope to establish friendship through this negotiation, and so on. Entering the question from the introduction of personnel, you can briefly introduce the experience, education, age, achievements, etc. of your own personnel before the negotiation, thereby opening up the topic, which can not only relieve tension, but also show your own strong lineup without showing off, so that the other party Not daring to act rashly is tantamount to secretly exerting psychological pressure on the other party.

From the introduction of the situation, you can briefly introduce the basic situation of your own production, operation, finance, etc. before the negotiation begins, and provide the other party with some necessary information to show your strong strength and good reputation, and firmly establish the other party's willingness to cooperate with you. confidence. Statement is the main content of negotiation and the most important means to achieve the purpose of negotiation.During the entire negotiation process, negotiators must strictly restrain themselves, and no liberal style is allowed.This requires that the negotiators can neither talk freely nor candidly tell the other party what they want to know when making a statement, but also express their views and opinions accurately, and express them in an orderly and appropriate manner. Turning language is one of the techniques for expressing a certain point of view in negotiation. If you encounter a problem that is difficult to solve, or have something to say, or take over the other party's topic and turn to the side that is beneficial to you, you must use turning language. For example, "but", "but", "even so", "however", "however", etc., these words have a buffering effect and can prevent the atmosphere from becoming rigid.It will neither cause the other party to feel too embarrassed, but also make the problem change in a direction that is beneficial to oneself. When negotiations are difficult and an agreement cannot be reached, in order to break through the predicament and relieve yourself, you can use rescue words.For example: "It's a pity, it's only one step away from success!" "It's almost a pity to reach the goal!" Both sides are disadvantaged." "If we continue to delay like this, I'm afraid the end result will not be good." "Since the matter has reached this point, it's useless to be upset, let us try again!" These rescue words can sometimes produce better results. As long as both parties have the sincerity of the negotiation, the other party may accept your opinion and promote the success of the negotiation. No matter what kind of negotiation, you can't talk too much, let alone talk too deadly. For different negotiators, you should "look at the dishes".If the other party is well-cultivated and speaks elegantly, one's own party should also adopt similar language and have extraordinary conversation.If the opponent's language is unpretentious, then one's own language does not need to be modified too much.If the opponent's language is frank and straightforward, then one's own side does not need to twist and turn, but should also open the skylight to speak frankly, and have a showdown cleanly. In short, in the negotiation, you should adjust your own tone and words at any time according to the other party's knowledge, tolerance, and self-cultivation.This is an effective way for both parties to communicate ideas and exchange feelings.From the perspective of people's listening habits, on a certain occasion, he can often leave a deep impression on the first sentence and the last sentence he hears.In the negotiation, if you end the conversation with negative words, then this negative words will give the other party an unpleasant feeling and leave a deep impression.At the same time, it will have a negative impact on the next round of negotiations, and even endanger the issues or agreements reached in the previous round of negotiations.Therefore, at the end of the negotiation, it is best to give a positive evaluation to the negotiating opponent. For example: "You did a great job in this negotiation, which left a deep impression on me." "You handled the problem decisively, admire, admire!" It is a cooperative process between the parties involved in the negotiation. Therefore, under normal circumstances, expressing gratitude to the other party for their cooperation at the end of the negotiation is not only a due courtesy of the negotiator, but also beneficial to future negotiations. Questioning is a very popular negotiation technique and plays a very important role in negotiations.Asking questions may be for different purposes, sometimes to obtain information, sometimes to avoid answering questions, to delay time, and sometimes simply to find something to say. There are many ways to ask questions. By asking questions, you can grasp the initiative on the field and give the opponent an offensive. The first time negotiators use questioning is as a way to test the other side's defenses.Finding a weakness in the opponent's claim, and in order to affirm it before launching a major offensive, express such matters in a deliberately general way.Immediate general clarification of this type of question is difficult.For example, a buyer who reads an offer from a seller can start the discussion with something like: "I saw your offer, and before delving into the details, can you fully explain that this time the price is higher than the last time, How was it calculated?" The seller does not know whether the buyer generally agrees with the items proposed in his bid, and any comprehensive answer may simply provide the buyer with new points of attack.In fact, this is exactly what the buyer is asking.The seller's response, therefore, is counter-questioning, designed to force the buyer to limit the scope of his questions and reveal more about intent.The seller responds as follows: "I'm sorry if there's any difficulty here. I thought our offer made the general situation clear. But we will be happy to clarify the issues that make you dissatisfied. What is it that worries you in particular? Please note that the seller not only asked the other party to clarify their opinions, but also raised rhetorical questions.This rhetorical question is to find out more clearly which situation the buyer belongs to: whether he is dissatisfied with the quotation, or not dissatisfied with the quotation, but just wants to get more information.In this way, the seller regains the initiative by asking rhetorically. A question that can only be answered with data is called a specific question, and its nature depends on the wording of the question itself.For example: "What wage and material price index do you use to calculate the price increase?" "What are your production and inspection procedures?" "How long does it take to produce layout drawings?" Specific and offensive questions are It cannot be raised blindly. The questioner must know the other party's answer in advance or at least part of it before attacking the other party. Some questions can only be answered with a simple "yes" or "no".There are also some questions that can be answered with "yes or no" if the other party wants to. A "yes or no" answer is the strongest commitment a negotiator can make.Therefore, the questioner should never ask the kind of question that the other party can only answer with "yes" or "no", unless the questioner has prepared the reason in advance and is sure that he will get the answer he needs.This answer is best if the two parties have reached an explicit agreement informally.Another type of situation is that such questions, if they have facts to answer, will lead to the asker's desperation, unless the asker has prepared supplementary questions.If the presenter cannot cope with this answer, it can only be accepted, and the problem in this regard can only go so far.Therefore, a specific question can only be asked in two situations: one is that the questioner believes that the question raised is a weakness of the other party and is ready to continue asking the question; want to confirm. This is a way of asking questions that is both valuable and dangerous.This kind of questioning tends to arouse the impulse of the other party and may cause conflict.Generally speaking, conflicts should be avoided as much as possible, and this kind of question is only raised when the conflict is considered necessary after careful consideration.Any question that falls into the following category is called an offensive question: "How can you justify that?" In short, both sides of the negotiation may ask questions. A more proactive approach is to forward the questions to their own experts for answers, so that they can get time to think about the questions and the strategies they should adopt in the next step. Keeping your mouth shut and feigning a misunderstanding is one of the most effective defense strategies in negotiation, and it is to get the other party to keep talking.The more you talk, the more you expose, the more you feel compelled to continue speaking in order to be persuasive, and the easier it is to expose your true motives and the bottom line of the minimum negotiation goal.A combination of tight-lipped and feigning misunderstanding is another effective method.The way to get the other side to repeat their point is to feign a misunderstanding.When the other party repeats its topic, it can give one's own side time to consider the merits of the other party's arguments in order to decide on countermeasures.This technique tends to be particularly effective against technologists. When answering the other party's questions, be ambiguous and not give the other party the desired answer.This method can start with a phrase of the following kind: "As far as I understand your question, you are asking for...", then describe the question again, change the wording slightly, and then answer the re-described question.Not only does it avoid answering questions directly, but it also gives your side time to consider countermeasures. When the other party asks specific questions in order to understand the details, one's own side can answer with broader general concepts.For example, "What wage and material price index do you use?" Answer: "Obviously, the impact of inflation is a problem we must consider. We are not going to pursue profits in this regard, but we are not willing to lose money." This turns the topic to General question about price increases. For the question raised by the other party, you can also avoid it without answering it directly.Such as "Can you guarantee to finish before the specified date?" Answer: "Let's take a look at the plan, and then tell you the progress at the end of the period, you can see the problems and the margin we promised. " A blunt, negative "no" expresses a certain, unreconcilable attitude and should be reserved for when you really intend to do so.Because this means that there is no room for maneuver in the negotiations, and the negotiations may break down.But "yes" has three usages: one is "no", the other is "maybe", and the third is the real "yes".A negotiator is faced with a direct question to which he wishes to answer in the negative.But in order not to offend the other party or give a positive promise, you can use the "proviso" technique.If the other party requests to shorten the delivery period, you can answer: "Yes, I also think that the delivery period is a little longer, but there are several factors to consider, such as the shortage of materials is affecting the level of production, and the plan has not yet been fully completed. Do it well." The affirmative part of the answer should appear to be on the other side's side, while the negative part aims to point out the reasons why the other party cannot do what they want.Ideally, negotiators of one's own side can use the negative part of the answer to prompt the other party to take a position that is beneficial to the other party, or at least make the other party face two choices in the end: either stick to the above position or withdraw the request. Closely related to the "but" technique is the use of rhetorical questioning to answer questions.For example: "Why don't you accept that the installation period is 20 weeks, but 25 weeks?" Your side can answer: "Why don't we look at this issue from another angle? What is the basis for your estimate of 20 weeks? Can you do a detailed account and see How about your vision?" Another rhetorical questioning method is to change the direction of the debate to prevent the focus on one point and not on others.If the other party raises a question about the transportation cost in the price, Party B may not answer the question raised by the other party and say: "Can we not talk about the transportation cost, that is only a small question. Of course you are interested in the price as a whole, you are Say it's unreasonable?" redirects the focus of the question elsewhere. The so-called "straw problem" means that the problem itself has no value to one's own side and is insignificant.The reason why it is proposed is to prepare to give it up in order to create opportunities for one's own side and return the real concessions given by the other party.Therefore, including one or more straw issues in the initial demands made by one's own side at the time of negotiation can ensure some "reserves" that can be used as compensation for the concessions made by the other party.However, when deciding what to choose as a straw issue, one must try to see the issue through the eyes of the other party, considering both the objective aspect of the issue and the subjective aspect of the issue. Observing the other party is the first step in negotiation. The two parties involved in the negotiation usually meet for the first time at the negotiating table, and this first round of formal contact is a good opportunity to observe the other party. Therefore, it is necessary to pay attention to the other party's expressions and movements, and find out his special habits, so as to quickly get the right result. Only in this way can we decide what kind of negotiation tactics and skills to adopt. Obtaining information from people who have had contact with negotiating opponents is very important for "knowing the enemy's situation". If the third party has a deep friendship with the negotiating opponent, the information he provides is especially valuable for reference, but it may also be a trap.Therefore, you must consider the following two situations: Before the negotiation, the interview records, speeches and other relevant materials of the negotiating opponent must be studied in detail.The information conveyed by interview transcripts and speeches is more direct and should be paid more attention to.For example, when you represent employees and are about to negotiate with the company on the issue of resetting wages, in the process of collecting information, you find that the chairman of the company said in a previous meeting: "I have never Having received a formal education, it is entirely the result of my continuous struggle over the years and not giving in to difficulties. Now that the company’s operations are on the right track and I have a place in the industry, I am sincerely happy.” How to apply this passage to negotiations?The company's operating status and its position among peers can be learned from business management magazines or related reports.However, the chairman's personal background and business philosophy can only be "hearsay", which sometimes has a great impact on the outcome of the negotiation.However, now you have grasped a rather important point - "I have never had a formal education".In the negotiations between labor and management, the most controversial issues are the payment system and the additional payment of wages.As for these professional issues, it can be assumed that the chairman does not know much because he has no formal education.Under such circumstances, the person who comes forward to negotiate with you may be an expert specially hired by the chairman.Then, what you have to deal with is these experts, not the chairman himself.As long as the experts are willing to accept your proposal, the chairman will naturally have nothing to say.Of course, just because the chairman has not received formal education does not mean that he does not understand professional issues, so from the beginning of the negotiation, you must observe carefully to test whether your judgment is correct.In addition, the chairman is a person who keeps striving, does not bow to difficulties, and succeeds after going through untold hardships—this kind of person usually does not easily accept the requirements of employees.Self-made people always have a concept: they cannot make concessions, and if they do, the fruits of years of hard work will be destroyed in one go.Therefore, you must prepare enough materials and try to make the chairman understand that the requirements of employees will not hinder the company's growth, but will contribute to the company's future development. It can be seen that in face-to-face negotiations, listening more is the basic skill of negotiators.Not only to listen more, but also to feel with your heart. In addition to listening to the direct content of the opponent's conversation, you must also hear the "undertones" of the opponent.If you don't even understand what you are listening to, you will naturally be unable to understand and answer the other party's questions. Every negotiation has its own unique atmosphere.In some negotiations, the atmosphere is very enthusiastic, positive and friendly, and both parties participate in the negotiations with an attitude of mutual understanding and mutual accommodation; in some negotiations, the atmosphere is very cold and tense, and both parties participate in the negotiations with the attitude of fighting for every inch of land and every inch of profit; however, More negotiating atmospheres fall between the above two extremes, hot and cold, fast and slow, friendly amidst confrontation, and relaxed amidst seriousness.The selection and creation of a negotiation atmosphere should vary from person to person, but it must serve the goals, principles and strategies of the negotiation. If a good atmosphere is formed at the beginning of the negotiation, it will be easy for both parties to communicate and negotiate, so negotiators are willing to negotiate in a good atmosphere.If both parties are angry at the beginning of the negotiation, refuse to shake hands when they meet, or even refuse to sit at the negotiating table, it will undoubtedly cast a shadow over the entire negotiation. According to the requirements of the reciprocal negotiation mode, the negotiating parties should work together to seek the best result of mutual benefit.Negotiation in this way requires a good foundation at the beginning of the negotiation.Therefore, we must first establish a cooperative atmosphere, then have a smooth start, and then both parties will work harmoniously.Of course, the negotiation atmosphere is not only affected by the opening moment, but also the pre-contact before the two parties meet, and the communication during the negotiation will have an impact on the negotiation atmosphere, but the impact is the strongest at the beginning of the negotiation, which lays the foundation for the entire negotiation. The atmosphere fluctuations are relatively limited.Therefore, in order to create a good atmosphere of cooperation, negotiators should do the following. First, negotiators should walk straight into the room, present themselves in an open and friendly manner, with relaxed shoulders, and eye contact that is believable, approachable, and confident.Psychologists believe that any subtle changes in the negotiators' psychology will be manifested through their eyes. Second, act and speak with ease, without panic or lack of restraint.Start by talking about light, non-business casual topics.Such as the visitor's travel experience, sports performances or cultural news, weather conditions, personal problems, and past common experiences and successes.Such opening remarks can enable both parties to find a common language and prepare for psychological communication.In fact, in the small talk, the two sides have already begun to pass silent messages.Because, the postures of both sides of the negotiators can reflect whether they are confident or indecisive; whether they are energetic or exhausted.The key parts that reflect these emotions are the head, back, and shoulders, so the negotiator must act with ease, or lose the first move. Third, in terms of clothing and appearance, negotiators must conform to their own image.Clothes should be beautiful, generous and neat, not too bright in color, not too strange in style, and not too big or too small in size.Although different countries and regions have different levels of economic development, customs and customs are also different, and clothing cannot be generalized, but cleanliness and tidiness are necessary in any occasion. Fourth, pay attention to gestures and touch behavior.When the two parties meet, negotiators should extend their right hands to shake each other without hesitation.Shaking hands is a fairly simple gesture, but it can reflect whether the other party is tough or gentle, reckless or rational. In the West, if a person shakes the opponent's hand with his right hand and puts his left hand on the opponent's shoulder at the same time, it means that the person is too energetic or has a strong desire for power.At the same time, it should be noted that the most taboo actions on any occasion are actions such as pulling down the tie, unbuttoning the shirt, and rolling up the sleeves, because this will give the impression that you are exhausted and bored. Fifth, in the opening stage, it is better for the negotiators to stand and talk, and it is not necessary for the group members to form a circle, but it is better to naturally divide the negotiating parties into several groups, with one or two members in each group.In short, the negotiation atmosphere is extremely important to the negotiation process, and negotiators should be good at using flexible skills to influence the negotiation atmosphere.Only by establishing a sincere, relaxed and cooperative negotiation atmosphere can the negotiation achieve the desired result. Negotiation is a competition of interests, and it cannot be smooth sailing. When it is deadlocked, it is necessary to be good at turning the situation around, so that the negotiation can turn around and the future will be bright.For example: The former Soviet Union and the Nordic N countries conducted marathon negotiations on the purchase of oolitic herring. Country N's asking price was astonishingly high. Although the two sides had a fierce stalemate, Country N didn't care about the deadlock, because the Soviets wanted to eat fresh fish, and the shipper was none other than Country N.In order to break the deadlock, the former Soviet government sent a strong woman, Kollontai, a famous female ambassador and an outstanding negotiator. As a result, she couldn't hold back in the negotiations.In order to negotiate successfully, this strong woman adopted a humorous method and retreated as an attack. She said: "Well, I agree with your offer. If my government does not agree to this high price, I am willing to pay it with my own salary. But, please allow me to pay in installments, I may have to pay for the rest of my life." N country people have never encountered such a negotiating opponent, can a dignified man force a woman into this situation?When the other party couldn't help laughing, they finally agreed to lower the price of oolitic herring, and Kollontai finally solved the problem that the previous negotiators could not solve. In 1986, when Guangdong Glass Factory was negotiating with Owens Glass Company of the United States to introduce equipment, it froze on the issue of whether to import all or part of the equipment.In order to ease the atmosphere, the Guangdong representative used a series of reversal tactics and said: "Your Owens technology, equipment, and engineers are world-class. Cooperate with us with first-class technology and equipment, and we can become the number one in the country; this is not only beneficial to us, but also more beneficial to you! (Analysis: First Give a very high evaluation, and then point out that you and I are one body, and we live together in honor and disgrace. The other party feels that it is very true, these views are acceptable, and continue to listen with great interest) Our factory's foreign exchange is indeed very limited, and we cannot buy too much (Analysis: Then use the ancient psychological tactic of "comparing your heart with your heart", hoping that the other party will accept the content behind "but". When they observe that the other party has agreed In their point of view, in order to consolidate the "results of war", they further used the "radical method".) Now, you know, France, Belgium and Japan are all cooperating with our northern manufacturers. If you don't reach an agreement with us as soon as possible, If you don’t invest in the most advanced equipment and technology, then you will lose the Chinese market, and people will laugh at you for being incompetent at Owens!” (Analysis: In this way, the atmosphere of negotiations that was on the verge of a deadlock immediately eased, and finally, the two parties reached an agreement .) In short, to break the deadlock requires the use of certain strategies. Using strategies to break the deadlock is not only conducive to the smooth progress of the negotiation, but also may gain the initiative in the negotiation and seize the opportunity to obtain a favorable negotiation result.It is generally believed that the following strategies can be adopted when an impasse occurs in negotiations: American scholar Dale Carnegie mentioned in: "If you want to achieve the desired purpose without causing hatred or hurting feelings, the first creed is: Praise the opponent from the front." Regarding the role of praise, the famous American writer Mark Twain Even put it this way: "You can live for two months on just one word of praise." Sincere praise is like hitting a beautiful float on a calm and dull lake, which can stir up waves and ripples and make the whole atmosphere lively.In the negotiation, the proper use of the art of praise will shorten the distance between the negotiating parties and close the relationship between them, thus laying a good foundation for spiritual communication.Generally speaking, everyone loves to hear praise. When people receive praise, they will show a happy mood and greatly increase their confidence. When they are affirmed, they are also likely to have a good impression of the praiser.But praise also requires a certain skill. Overly exaggerated compliments will embarrass the other party, and inaccurate or inappropriate compliments will appear hypocritical. Therefore, compliments must not only be sincere, but also be good at discovering the place where a person really deserves sincere praise. For example, more praise should be given to the elderly His glorious past, healthy body, happy family or promising children, etc.; it is often more effective to praise her children to a young mother than to praise her directly... Carnegie told such a story: Once, I went to the post office to send a registered letter. There were so many people that I queued up.I found that the clerk in charge of the registered mail was very impatient with his work-weighing letters, selling stamps, making change, writing invoices, I thought: maybe he encountered something unpleasant today, maybe year after year. Doing monotonous and repetitive work for years, I have long been bored.So I said to myself, "I'm going to make this man like me. Obviously, to get him to like me, I have to say something that pleases him." So I asked myself, "What's there in him that I really appreciate?" Is that right?" With a little effort, I immediately saw something in him that I really admired. So when he weighed my letter, I said earnestly: "I would really like to have your hair." He looked up, a little surprised, smiling. "Oh, not as good-looking as before." He replied modestly. "While your hair loses a bit of its original shine, it still looks great." After hearing what I said, he was very happy, and he suddenly became active in his work. We talked happily for a while, and when I left after posting the letter, he said to me excitedly: "A lot of people have complimented my hair." I bet the guy had a great time at work the rest of the day; I bet he mentioned it to his wife when he got home; Looking in the mirror, he said, "This is indeed beautiful hair." Thinking of these, I am also very happy. In the negotiation, clever use of some common spoken language will have a special negotiation effect. A person who says "by the way" means that something pops into his mind, and he wants to tell you quickly so that you don't forget.The term implies that the sentence is unimportant.But in fact, what the person using this term is really saying is that the point in the discussion is important to them, please listen. The wording is peculiar.Logically, an argument beginning with "frankly" implies that the other party is not being candid and honest about other arguments.However, what the person using this expression is really saying is: "You should pay special attention to what I am about to say, because I think this sentence is very important." This expression has nothing to do with frankness and honesty. Clues that your opponent is about to say something important that deserves your attention. This wording, like "by the way," appears unimportant, but hides an important argument from the opponent.This phrase is ridiculous if you think about it, but it's used so often that negotiators should take it as a signal that the other side is mentioning something important to the negotiation. This is a speaking technique that is often used in negotiations.有一位著名的电视节目主持人在访问某位特邀嘉宾时，就巧妙地运用了这种技巧：“我想你一定不喜欢被问及有关私生活的情形，不过……”这个“不过”等于一种警告，警告特邀嘉宾虽然你不喜欢，不过我还是要……在日常用语中，与“不过”同义的，还有“但是”、“然而”等，以这些转折词作为提出质问时的“前导”，会使对方较容易作答，同时又不致引起其反感。 “不过”具有诱导对方回答问题的作用。前面所说的那位主持人，接着便这么问道：“不过，在电视机前面的观众，都热切地希望能更进一步地了解有关你私生活的情形，所以……”被如此巧妙地一问，特邀嘉宾即使不想回答，也难以拒绝了。 策略能使谈判的形式不拘泥于固定模式，用在谈判开始时的一般性探底阶段，效果是相当明显的。例如，在谈判中，不断地提出如下种种问题：“如果我再增加一倍的订货，价格会便宜一点吗？”“如果我们自己检验产品质量，你们在技术上会有什么新的要求吗？”在试探和提议阶段，这种发问的方法，不失为一种积极的方式，它将有助于双方为了共同的利益而选择最佳的成交途径。然而，如果谈判已十分深入，再运用这个策略只能引起分歧。如果双方已经为报价做了许多准备，甚至已经在讨价还价了，而在这时，对方突然说：“如果我对报价做些重大的修改，会怎么样？”这样就可能有损于已形成的合作气氛。 以上所列举的要点看似简单，其实不然，不要只是看看就算了，想想各个要点，考虑如何运用在你的谈判上。一旦你成为一位好的聆听者，你会发现人们愿意和你说话，而你的知识也会随之大增，你也将获得更多人的敬重。 人人都爱面子，尤其在大庭广众面前更是如此。 调查表明，男性往往比女性更不愿意被人认为他在经济上吝啬。许多男孩子喜欢在女孩面前掏钱买单，甚至宁可欠钱也不肯让女孩作东。正因为如此，许多公司总爱有意派女代表与男性代表谈判。 要运用当众讨价法争取利益，必须选择以下几种不合适谈判的环境： 一是会议场合。当对方前来谈判时，在谈判场合的对面或隔壁特别安排一场会议。这时，你提出事先确定的要价，对方即使不满意，也不致于猛烈反驳，只好将就屈从。因为他们担心过于争执会波及会场人员，给人“不光彩”的印象。 二是娱乐场合。谈判地点确定后，你可以事先约请一些人在谈判地点打牌、下棋等，对方到达后，你便若无其事地带他到离娱乐场不远的地方。发生争执时，你就有意识地提高嗓门，让娱乐者听到，并使对方感到再吵嚷会招致娱乐者的反感或诅咒，因而宽容地满足你的要求。 三是宴会场合。知道对方来谈判，可以特意安排一席酒宴，邀请一些老练持重的合伙人参加。席间，先谈些无关话题，待对方兴趣正浓时，便急转正题。这时，即使你要价要得较高，对方碍于人多，往往不愿费口舌，而同意你的要求。 如果你被当众讨价，可用以下方法应付。 你可以采取“笑骂由汝笑骂，好官我自为之”的态度，我行我素。这要求你敢于打破面子，不要把讨价还价当作一件丢人现眼的不光彩行为，不要怕别人讥嘲你是吝啬鬼，始终把人家精心设计的热闹场景当做谈判密室。这样，对方也就无可奈何了。 也可以采用“太极推手”的法子。 如可以说：“价格问题，要由我的上司拍板，我们另外找个时间商议吧。” 或说：“我今天身子有点不舒服，我们是否改日再谈？” 这样既保全了面子，又维护了自身利益，可谓一举两得。 沉默也是语言，甚至是谈判桌上的一件利器。 如果对方提出不合理的要求，或者你对他所说的东西感到厌烦，最好是坐在那里，一言不发。 我们有时会看到这样的现象：一位谈判者在和别人谈话中，当他感到乏味时，会拿起桌上的报纸或其他什么，随便翻阅起来，这是暗示对方，报纸虽然很乏味，也比你的话有意思。 这种做法，知趣者自然会停止谈话。 谈判中，恰到好处的沉默也是一种艺术，所谓“此时无声胜有声”。 英国政治家赖白斯在一次演讲中，突然停顿，取出了表，站在讲台上默默注视观众，时间长达72秒之久。正当听众迷惑不解之时，他说： “诸位刚才所感觉到的、局促不安的几秒长的时间，就是普通工人垒一块砖所用的时间。”赖白斯以默语（即话语中短暂的间隙，又称停顿）的方式来表现演讲内容，实属高超，这是吸引听众注意力的一种方法。谈判中默语所表达的意义是丰富多采的。它既可以是无言的赞许，也可以是无声的抗议；既可以是欣然默认，也可以是保留己见；既可以是威严的震慑，也可以是心虚的流露；既可以是毫无主见、附和众议的表示，也可以是决心已定、不达目的绝不罢休的标志。谈判者应根据谈判进展和现场气氛，分析对手沉默的真实含义，从而做出应对之策。 当然，在一定的语言环境中，默语的语义是明确的。 林肯在辩论中善于使用默语，甚至运用默语反败为胜。 林肯和道格拉斯著名的辩论接近尾声之际，所有的迹象都显示出林肯已失败。 在林肯最后的一次演说中，他突然停顿下来，默默站了一分钟，望着他面前那些半是朋友半是旁观者的群众面孔。 然后，他以那独特的单调声音说道：“朋友们，不管是道格拉斯法官或我自己被选入美国参议院，那是无关紧要的，一点关系也没有；但是，我们今天向你们提出的这个重大的问题才是最重要的，远胜于任何个人的利益和任何人的政治前途。朋友们——” 说到这儿，林肯又停了下来，听众们屏息以待，惟恐漏掉了一个字。 “即使道格拉斯法官和我自己的那根可怜、脆弱、无用的舌头已经安息在坟墓中时，这个问题仍将继续存在……” 林肯在辩论中，巧妙运用默语，一举扭转败势，是成功运用默语的经典。 默语不仅可以增强语言的效果，还可以作为谈判中一种有效的策略。 比如，你提出一个诚恳的建议，而对方却给了你一个不完全的回答。这时，你应该等下去。用耐心的沉默让对手感到不自在，非得用回答问题来打破僵局不可。 要注意的是，你提出问题沉默后，不要继续提出其他问题或发表评论，以防止对手抓出话柄，这样，默语才有可能奏效。 用沉默来对付饶舌的对手，要注意礼貌问题。如果对方在兴致勃勃地讲述，你却表现得极不耐烦，或无动于衷，那都是不礼貌的。 但如果你随声附和一两句时，对方会误认为是对他的赞同，他述说起来就会更起劲。 你不妨采取这种方式的沉默： 不时地劝酒端茶，或者不时地看看表。 这样，多数人见到这种姿态就会终止谈话。当然，也有少部分人故意视而不见，非得讲完不可。这时，你可以做一些明显动作： 如动一动身体，或故意上一趟厕所，或借故干点别的什么事。 如果担心这些动作还是有不礼貌之嫌，你可以眼睛故意不看对方，而看身旁的某处。从道理上讲，听别人说话时应当看对方眼睛才算有礼貌。但游离的目光会影响沟通效果，减弱对方讲话的兴致。 谈判的方案很重要，一般的谈判都是建立在事先拟订的预案基础上。如何进攻、如何让步绝不是头脑发热的一时冲动，而是对预案有深刻的了解和领会。所以构造一个或一系列的方案是十分重要的。为了提出创造性的选择方案，必须做到： 将“构思”与“决定”分开。只有充分的构思，才会导致理智的选择。而过早的判断与定论势必遏制“想像力”。不应着手于寻求最佳方案，而应极力开拓谈判的空间——由各种各样的建议构成的构思世界。 扩展备选方案。一是让思维在“特殊”与“特殊”之间穿梭。已提出的某一优良选择方案，可以促使人们追踪获得这一方案的根源，然后再利用这一理论探索出其他的选择方案；二是从不同专家的角度探讨，这样可产生多种选择方案；三是拟出不同“强度”的协议；四是改变协议的范围。可将问题分割，从局部出发，也可以把主题扩大，增强某项协议的吸引力。 寻找双方有利的解决方法。一是确认共同利益；二是契合分歧的利益。圆满协议达成的根源在于，双方所要求的是“不同的”东西而构成共同的利益。 创造对方易于决定的条件。一是“帮助”对手做决定，比如给出对方一定的回旋空间；二是注意“决定”的内容，注意不能太伤害自己的利益；三是多提建议，少施威胁。建议可使对方开拓思维，多想办法；威胁则会激起抵触和反抗情绪。 谈判过程是利益博奕的过程，需要双方都做出某种程度的让步，说到底谈判就是让步的艺术。如果谈判的双方互不让步或一方始终坚持不作任何一点让步，谈判各方无法达成任何协议，各方利益无法得到满足，谈判必定失败。因此可以说，没有让步，就没有合作，也就没有谈判。实际上，许多商务谈判中，卖方价格的递减和买方价格的递升，也就是谈判中的让步，这种让步——实质上就是双方积极互动，当然，怎么个让步法，这又是一项策略问题。在谈判中，对己方来说，让步应注意以下几点： 不要让步太快，因为双方等得愈久，愈会珍惜获得的让步（这种等待是要让对方明显地感到是有希望的），不致得寸进尺。 同等级的让步是不必要的，如他让你40％，你可让他30％。如果他说“你应该也让40％”，你可以说“我无法负担40％”来婉言拒绝。一般来说，要先松后紧，绝不能先紧后松。 绝不轻易让，更不作无谓的让步，即每次让步都要从对方那儿获得某些相应的回报。但在一些细小或枝节问题上，可首先主动让步，让是为了进。当然，有时甚至可以作些对自己没有损害的让步。 谈判水平高的人一般很能控制自己的让步分寸，使用的让步方式，也令你难以揣测。观察的结果表明，他们比较能够忍受事物的不确定性，当双方相持不下的时候，他们一般不会轻易地中止谈判。 假设有一位美国商人，他准备减价60美元。在谈判过程中，他有8种不同的让步形式，可以达到同一个目的。 第一种让步形式：［0／0／0／60］ 这是一种坚定的让步方式，让对方一直以为妥协的希望很少，若是一个软弱的买主可能早就放弃和卖主讨价还价了，而一个坚强的买主则会坚守阵地，继续迫使卖主作小的让步。他先试探情况，然后争取第4期的最高让步。当然买主必须冒着形成僵局的风险。 第二种让步形式：［15／15／15／15］ 假如买主肯耐心地等待，这种让步形态将会鼓励他继续期待更进一步的让步。假如卖主能把谈判拖得更长些，使让步形式成为［22／17／13／8］便能使对方厌烦不堪，不攻自退了。 第三种让步形式：［8／13／17／22］ 这种让步形式往往会造成卖主的重大损失。因为它诱导买主相信“更加令人鼓舞的日子就在前头”。买主的期望随着时间越来越长，要求也越来越多。 第四种让步形式：［22／17／13／8］ 这种让步形式能显示出卖主的立场越来越坚定。表示着卖主愿意妥协，但是防卫森严，不会轻易让步。 第五种让步形式：［26／20／12／2］ 这种让步形式表示出强烈的妥协意愿，不过同时也告诉了买主：所能作的让步非常有限。在谈判的前期，有提高买主期望的危险，但是随着让步幅度的减少，卖主趋向一个坚定的立场后，险情也就渐渐地降低了。一个聪明的买主便会领悟到，更进一步的让步已经是不可能的了。 第六种让步形式：［49／10／0／1］ 这种让步形式很危险。因为一开始就大让步，将会大幅度地提高买主的期望，不过接着而来的，第3期的拒绝让步和最后一期的小小让步，会很快就抵消了这个效果。这是一个很有技巧的方法，使对方知道，即使更进一步地讨论也是徒劳无功的。从卖主的观点来说，危险全在于一开始就作49元的大让步，他永远不会晓得买主是否愿意付出更高的价钱。 第七种让步形式：［50／10／（－1）／（＋1）］ 这种让步形式乃是自第六种形式脱胎而来。第3期的轻微涨价（可能是由于刚刚发现到计算错误），表示出更坚持的立场。第4期又恢复了一元的减价，这将会使得买主深感满意。 第八种让步形式：［60／0／0／0］ 这种让步形式对于买主来说，有着极强烈的影响，一下削价60元，使他把期望大大地升高了。假如他把这种兴奋的情绪带回公司去，则受了感染的伙伴们，便会期待他带回更好的消息。 可是紧接而来的却是卖主的坚持，甚至双方会因此而形成相持不下的僵局。碰到这种情形，买主只有愧对公司同仁的期待了，因为他实在无法再得到任何让步。 以上八种不同的让步形式表明：不同的让步形式可以传递不同的讯息。在谈判中，对方的反应决定于你所使用的让步策略。对买主来说，最理想的让步策略应该是：起步要慢而小。要让对方经过反复努力力争，再让，这样对方才会倍加珍惜，而对卖主来说，正好相反，应该是：起步要快而大。 谈判具有极强的实践性与功利性。要使自己的谈判水平高超，既要有丰富的书本知识，又要有熟练的实践能力，更要具备良好的谈判口才。惟其如此，才能在生活这个大谈判桌前立于不败之地。 即要求对方和你一道共同解决问题，其中关于你们怎样才能照他们的要求做要征求他们的意见。 即不断地提出进一步的小要求，一点一点地接近你的谈判目标，直到最终掌握全部情况。 即以假设性的提议小试舆论和对方的反应，这对于在准备工作完全就绪之前避免许诺是有用的。 即提供假材料，给人造成一种有比实际更多信息的假象。 即表面上向一个方向行动，实际上意在将对方的注意力转移出已被他们关注或察觉的你方的真正目标。 即以假装你不想让他或她做的方式使对方做了某事。 即要求休会，一直往后拖延会期，千方百计不回答问题。其目的在于制造一个冷却期，以松弛紧张情绪，争取时间进行深入的思考，获得更多材料等。 即假装你已经退席，但实际上是人离席位不离会，或是正在幕后实施控制。 即作出你的最后提议，明确说出“要么接受，要么放弃”，但谨防听起来火药味太浓。 挑拨对方与第二个真正的或假冒的竞争对手的关系，用竞争巩固你的地位。 一个常常被遗忘的策略是，幽默能够减轻谈判的紧张程度或问题的严重性，通常最好开自己的玩笑，记住要微笑。 即公然表示出除非对方作出让步，否则将以一种不利于对方利益的方式行事的意图。 即在谈判中转而对谈判的目前状况或共同话题作出简洁但全面的总结，这是一种通过给予对方成就感而将谈判推向实现最终提议的有用策略。 即在谈判中不断增加要求并下定决心坚守到底，不作丝毫妥协。运用这种策略需要信心和乐观精神，同时避免顽固地不知何时收场。 即行动已达目的，然后等待，看对方对此是否作出反应。如果他们抱怨，就有礼貌地退席或假装你是无辜的。 即如果遇到困难的局势，为缓解矛盾公开声明自己曾犯了一个错误现已纠正。这时对方对你的诚实一般会表示饮佩并作出友善反应。 即当处于弱势时，发出投降信号并请求对方宽大。运用此策略时，要表示出你相信对方会原谅你，不会因为你的示弱而拼命讨价还价。 即在谈判中先由你方作出许多微小让步，如果对方没有作出相应让步，你便声称对方缺少友善和诚意转退为进展开攻击。 即使用一种令人信以为真的气愤表情来吓唬人，或是表明你认为此局势已严重之极。 即以一种异乎寻常的荒谬方式行动，使对方惊慌失措。 公开挑衅或许能够得到短期让步，也许反而加强了对方坚持到底的决心。 即以无言和面无表情的、不可思议的行动展示你的不满，主要的是保持沉默以避免过多交谈。沉默会令人难以忍受，引起并增加焦虑。这时，缺乏经验的谈判者或许等不到你说话便先行作出妥协反应。 即根据对方身份、双方关系的特征等，通过呼吁爱国主义、兄弟般关系、睦邻关系、共同宗教理想等特殊情感来实现谈判意图。 谈判中有意识地给人留有引经据典的印象，如引证权威性的典籍支持你的方案，述说行业惯例、法律观点、公司政策和先例等。 如果对方敢问你以往的经历是为了攻击或蔑视，你就在假装震惊之后，引证你以往的最佳成就给他们听。 即把你提出的安排与对方的实际利益联系起来，如提高对方的威信，增加生意等。 即把对方或他们的方案的某一方面与某些不光彩的事件联系起来，类似的策略如作否定的评论等。 对对方的立场、条件等，提出质疑并以评论方式加以否定，从而使对方处于守势。 即对对方认为适当的、平常的、渴望的事情作反向思维，常可出人意料地得出一个更好的方案。 即撇开分歧，此策略有益于迅速消除分歧并试验对方反应。该策略常在决定最终方案时使用。 即在争论尚未大规模正式展开之前，向对方提供覆盖面很广的大量信息，以便未及争论就突围而出。 即在谈判中提供带有倾向性的、对对方最有利的实例来支持自己的方案并使对方点头称是。 即在佯装不知、对方不提防的前提下拖延程序、做假动作，以无心取有心之利。 即故意曲解对方的意思和行为，就好像被曲解了的东西才是事实。 即己方的两个谈判者扮演两个不同的角色，假装是内部分歧，一个谈判者扮演坏蛋主张强硬路线，坚决不让步，似感情用事，另一个人扮演好人显得合情合理，似乎愿意妥协。 即重新讨论以前已决定的事情，但放弃以前的立场，提出追加要求或是重新讨论假定决定的事情。