Chapter 14 Chapter 12 How to Talk to Colleagues

Peer-level relationships are commonplace in real life, ranging from branch general managers to department managers.A well-handled relationship at the same level will make the work of the department work smoothly, and will make the overall work cooperate closely.As mentioned repeatedly before, to handle such a relationship well, speaking level is the key. To live is to realize one's own value.Thus, different people have different needs and desires.In order to achieve life goals, there will be fierce competition between people, and people are social people. In order to survive and reproduce, everyone needs to integrate into the collective and society, and cooperate to complete the desire to transform nature and realize value.In fact, the relationship between people is all manifested as a relationship of competition and coordination.It's just that some places are more obvious, and some places are a bit hidden.The relationship between peers may be a model of competition and coordination. Leaders at the same level, everyone has this idea: "I must do better than them, so that I can hope for improvement. I must Do the best job to prove I'm good." This is perhaps the stance of the most aggressive competitor.Even the weakest will think like this: "You must not do worse than them, or you will lose your job." This is the competition among peers.

Collaboration and competition among peers are equally important. "I did a good job, but he didn't do a good job. As a group, I also suffered. We must cooperate well." Of course, some people will achieve their goal of climbing up by hurting their peers.This approach is neither desirable nor ethical, and it is not an acceptable way to deal with peer relationships.To handle the relationship between peers well, you need to broaden your horizons, recognize the situation, take into account the overall situation, and don't be a frog at the bottom of a well.You must think that the competition between your peers and yourself is a good environment for you to hone yourself. Full competition with your peers, constantly learning from each other, is for better work.The collaboration with peers is also conducive to cultivating one's own ability to cooperate.It is also an important way to realize self-worth to be good at learning from one's own strengths and making up for others' weaknesses, or taking advantage of others' and making up for one's weaknesses, and jointly maintaining the normal operation of the organization.Of course, you must be good at standing out among your peers and becoming a leader, and you must also be good at cooperating with other personnel.Only in this way can it be possible to avoid the regret of "the tree is beautiful in the forest, but the wind will destroy it".Only in this way can your dreams come true.

Feelings are the "coordinator" of interpersonal relationships.The relationship between peers should be harmonious, and there should be no "psychological defense line" for each other.This way you can work smoothly and be in a good mood.Since the quality of your work has no direct interest with your peers, when seeking cooperation or help from leaders at the same level, the "feeling" between you and him is the most important weight for whether he is willing to help.If you have a strong relationship with him, then the problem will be solved, otherwise, it will take a lot of talking.Therefore, experienced people always put strengthening the relationship with peers at the top of dealing with colleagues.

Be good at actively communicating with peers, open your heart, and clear the channels for emotional communication.If so, the other party will gradually open the "psychological portal".In this way, the "one to one" relationship will naturally increase.Between the same level, meeting and laughing can help resolve certain differences and contradictions.Lu Xun said it well: "When we meet each other, we smile and forget all kindness and enmity." It is human nature to be happy, angry, sad, and happy. It is inevitable that there will be disagreements and bumps between colleagues, and there will inevitably be some disagreements and entanglements between colleagues at the same level, but they are often resolved with a smile.This shows that laughter is a wonderful language. In real life, it can express respect, apology, understanding, forgiveness and other emotions.Don't show anger. Anger often triggers impulsiveness, rigid relationships between peers, and sometimes leads to unmanageable results.Everyone should learn to control their anger. Sun Tzu said: "The Lord cannot be angered to provoke a teacher, and the general cannot be angered to fight." This is especially true when someone engages in their own petty tricks with ulterior motives.

Criticism among peers is also important, but it is not easy to make this kind of criticism really work well.Here I want to talk about the art of criticism. Before criticizing, you must first ask yourself, what is it that I am criticizing?Is there any suspicion of "thousand-year millet and ten thousand-year chaff shaking together"?Is it possible for the other party to accept my criticism and correct it?To what extent do I expect the other party to improve?When, how, and where do I choose to express my opinion?Am I responsible for critical opinions?Is it possible for the other party to misinterpret my intentions?

He is good at integrating criticism into chat and entertainment, and only artistic criticism can achieve good results.When the other party regrets suddenly, he will thank you in turn.In this way, the purpose of enhancing feelings is achieved. Everyone hopes to be recognized and respected by other peers, get higher evaluations, and receive courtesy from other peers.Satisfying the need to be respected by peers can make you confident in your work, enthusiastic about other members, and realize the usefulness and value of your life and work in the collective. And when this kind of demand is frustrated, it will make people feel inferior, weak, lose confidence in work, and seriously damage the mutual relationship, causing interpersonal tension.Among leadership members at the same level, there is mutual respect despite differences in age, seniority, experience, cultural knowledge and abilities.In language communication, when young people talk to old people, they should adopt the tone of learning, discussing and asking for opinions, because the old people who have worked for many years are afraid that others will think that they are old and can't do anything, and they are afraid of being left out by others.The elderly should also talk to the young in an inspiring, guiding, bold and trusting tone, respect their drive and initiative, and let them do more work.If the older members don’t let go of anything and intervene too much in the young people’s work, it will make them feel distrusted and hurt their self-esteem.

Wu Qi, a military strategist in the Warring States Period, had a famous saying: "If you are not in harmony with the army, you cannot go out of Chen (array); if you are not in harmony with Chen, you cannot enter the war; if you are not in harmony with the war, you cannot win a decisive victory." To achieve "peace" The realm is inseparable from maintaining mutual respect in daily communication. Lao Tzu once said: "A good merchant hides his treasures deeply, and a gentleman has great virtue, but his appearance looks like a fool."This sentence tells us that we must be humble, restrain our sharpness, and restrain our energy, and never let others see your talents at a glance regardless of the occasion.Your strengths and weaknesses are seen through by your colleagues, and you can easily be dominated by them.

There is often competition among peers. If you want to gain a foothold in the workplace, it is best to do more and take more actions.Because the real ability is done, not spoken.In the workplace, everyone hopes to be affirmed by others. When others behave superior to us, they will have a feeling of being affirmed, but when we behave superior to them, they will have a sense of inferiority and even hostility towards us.Because no matter who they are, they are consciously or unconsciously maintaining their own image and dignity.If someone shows an excessive sense of superiority to him, it will imperceptibly challenge and despise his self-esteem, and at the same time, rejection and even hostility will emerge as the times require.

It is not difficult to find such people in daily work. Although they are quick in thinking and eloquent, they feel arrogant when they just say a few words.Most of this kind of people are because they love to express themselves too much, always want others to know that they are capable, and want to show their superiority everywhere, thinking that only in this way can they gain the admiration and recognition of others, but in fact they will only lose prestige among colleagues. Life experience tells us that only those who are humble and open-minded can win more confidants.Those who are arrogant, look down on others, and think highly of themselves are always repulsive to others, and eventually they will run into walls everywhere in their relationships.

Mr. Jiang is a very popular business backbone, but when he first arrived at the unit, he had almost no friends at the same level.Because at that time he was proud of his spring, he often said how many people asked him for help, so-and-so gave him a gift, how much his boss valued him, and so on.Not only did everyone not appreciate it, but they were also extremely unhappy.After being instructed by others, Mr. Jiang realized his fault.From then on, I seldom talk about myself and listen more to my peers, because they also have a lot to say, which is far more exciting to them than listening to others.Later, whenever he chatted with everyone, he always asked the other party to express himself endlessly first, and only when the other party stopped to ask him, he would talk about his situation modestly.As a result, Mr. Jiang became the most popular person in the office.

A humble person is often trusted by his peers.By being humble, they don't see you as a threat to them, and you'll earn their respect and build a better relationship with them. Therefore, you must underestimate yourself and learn to be humble. Only in this way will you be welcomed by others forever. When getting along with peers, we must pay attention to propriety.Too few words will not work.People in today's society are social animals, and those who speak few words will be regarded as out of gregarious, withdrawn, and unsociable.Over time, it will be isolated by everyone and it will be difficult to develop.Talking too much is not good, it is easy to make others feel disgusted, and it is also easy for others to misunderstand that you are a frivolous and unstable person, and it is easy to get a reputation as a "crow's mouth".Therefore, it is the most ideal way to speak not to say one more sentence, but also to say one sentence less. Right and wrong happen every day in the office.No matter whether you are involved in these disputes or not, and whether you are a "hero" who likes to see injustice and draws his sword to help, or an "idleman" who "has nothing to do with himself and hangs high", you have to deal with these The same level gets along day after day, year after year.This requires mastering some art of speaking with peers, especially grasping the proportion of speaking, and creating a popular and appreciated speaking image and style among them. Regardless of your personal relationship with your peers, if it comes to official business, you must not confuse your personal relationship with official business, otherwise you will put yourself in a very embarrassing situation. Li Xia is a department manager of a certain company. She is very close to another department director of the company, Chen Hua.One day, Chen Hua suddenly came to look for Li Xia.Li Xia was very strange and asked, "Why are you looking for me? This is working time." Chen Hua said, "Li Xia, our department has a plan to cooperate with a certain company. But I don't have any acquaintances in this company, so I would like to invite Do me a favor." Li Xia was taken aback.Chen Hua continued: "I know, you are very familiar with the PR manager of this company. Just be an intermediary and say a few words for me. After the matter is completed, I will not treat you badly." Li Xia felt that It was very embarrassing, and I wanted to refuse directly, but I was afraid that Chen Hua would be unhappy.Promise, she doesn't want to mix business and personal relationships yet.So she said to Chen Hua: "This matter is not difficult, but I have heard about your plan, and I am very anxious. I know the company's public relations manager. However, she is on vacation during this time. I am afraid When she comes back, your plan will be delayed." Chen Hua understood immediately.Li Xia added, "I heard that the boss of this company is very easy-going, you might as well go to him directly." In fact, Li Xia's friend didn't go on vacation, she just didn't want to get herself involved.She and Chen Hua are not in the same department, and interfering in the affairs of other departments is a big taboo in the workplace.Besides, if it can't be done, it may affect the friendship between me and Chen Hua. If you encounter a colleague asking you to lend a helping hand, you can jokingly say: "Actually, this matter is very simple, and you must be able to handle it comfortably. If you are influenced by my opinion, it may not be good." These words It is indirectly reminding him: a successful person must be independent and confident.And this will not damage the friendship between the two parties. At the end of the year and the end of the year, the marketing department of a digital product company will organize a large-scale product promotion at a nationwide product exhibition.Due to the shortage of manpower, Zhao Feng, the marketing manager, urgently needs to recruit some sales promotion girls temporarily.So he asked his assistant to type an application, report to Lao Chen, the head of the human resources department, and said to Lao Chen on the phone: "It's urgent! Arrange as soon as possible." Originally, Lao Chen usually disliked Zhao Feng, but this time it was again With this kind of attitude, Old Chen thought: "You kid usually doesn't even say hello when you see me, but now you have this kind of virtue. Aren't you in a hurry? Okay, I'll take care of it in a hurry and tell you to be dumb and eat Coptis chinensis. !" As a result, Lao Chen held back his anger and went through the regular recruitment process completely.Filling in forms, written tests, interviews, pre-job training... By the time the ten sales promotion girls are fully in place, the fair is drawing to a close. The old Chen Huai in the story is a bit bad, but his requirements are actually not high.If Zhao Feng had a sweeter mouth and a more respectful attitude, maybe this story would have another ending. It stands to reason that, as the head of the human resources department, Lao Chen should recruit a sales promotion lady for the marketing department according to Zhao Feng's request.This is Lao Chen's job. It is his duty to do it well, and it is his dereliction of duty if he fails to do so.Because of this, when Lao Chen recruited people, even if he had done his duty, no one could find fault with him.Whether Zhao Feng is in a hurry is your own business, why does Lao Chen have to follow your orders? In fact, the above ideas are nothing more than the word "benefit" in the final analysis. "In the workplace, the word 'benefit' comes first." Between departments at the same level, without the coercion of power, of course they can only use benefits to attract each other.Recognizing this, when the department head asks someone for help, if he wants the other person to do his best to help you, he must make the other person feel that you are worthy of his help in words and deeds. Taking Zhao Feng's example again, if he could talk to Lao Chen like this, wouldn't the effect be better? Old Chen, do me a favor, it's urgent, and the promotion lady will be available within three days.If the timing is missed, you and I will be busy for nothing.Here, I also ask for your opinion. If you agree, this event is jointly organized by our two departments.I am sure that this activity will definitely produce results.In this way, your department's year-end assessment will have one more performance. What do you think of this idea? After hearing this, I believe that Lao Chen will not refuse Zhao Feng's request. Relatively speaking, due to the advantages of power and status in the communication between superiors and subordinates, it is often easier to resolve.Only horizontal communication, because there is no restraint of power, and because of the strength, position, and interests of various departments are not equal, some communication barriers often form. Actually, it's not a big deal.As long as you can do it in inter-departmental communication: Take the initiative to contact more at ordinary times; talk about skills and flexibility at critical moments; deal with problems based on the principles of equality, mutual benefit, and overall consideration, I believe that you will definitely win more for yourself in the work Your helper and ally, rather than someone breaking down the stage as soon as you sing. Among managers, there is a "must tell story", that is, how to reject the boring, boring, thankless, and unsuccessful jobs thrown to you by your brother departments?Below is a representative example. Xiao Xu is the director of the editorial department of a film and television company.The company has to shoot a special program before New Year's Day.At this time, Xiao Xu has to coordinate the reporter's editing, editing and broadcasting arrangements on the one hand, and coordinates the communication with the planning department on the other hand, so he is very busy.But at this time, the new director of the planning department wanted to leave the work of topic selection and planning to Xiao Xu on the grounds that he was not familiar with the business. Xiao Xu knew in his heart that the planning this time was quite difficult, and it was the planning department's credit to do it well. The last crime of overstepping the authority and taking power without permission is really thankless.And the most important thing is that most of her time and energy are spent on the daily work of the editorial department, and she has no skills at all.But she couldn't simply refuse. After all, the planning department and the editorial department cooperated most frequently, and if the relationship froze, there would be a lot of trouble at work. Looking at the expectant eyes of the director of the planning department, Xiao Xu said frankly: "I understand your difficulties. At this time, our two departments are the hardest, and you just took over such a major planning activity, the pressure may be greater .Do you think this problem can be solved in this way? The main planning project is still made by your planning department. I can transfer a reporter to be your assistant during this period to help you familiarize yourself with the process and our style of topic selection. What do you think? Will it help you?" The head of the planning department said with bright eyes, "It's much better than my original idea." Xiao Xu strikes while the iron is hot: "Now there is another problem, because this arrangement involves the temporary assignment of a reporter, we have to discuss it with the boss. When are you free?" The director of the planning department said very cooperatively: " It depends on your schedule." In the end, both parties were happy. Facing the "hot potato" thrown by the other party at a critical moment, Xiao Xu was neither anxious nor annoyed, nor resisted.First stand on the other side's standpoint, express understanding of the other party's difficulties and difficulties, and at the same time raise the difficulties of your own department; and the solution you give not only solves the other party's actual problems, but also makes you retreat from the whole body, and returns it with a This ingenious way allows the boss to see Xiao Xu's quality of being a department head, taking into account the overall situation and understanding the general situation at critical moments. Of course, in this case, there is another way to deal with it.Xiao Xu can also "cry and cry poor" to the other party without exaggeration, talk about his difficulties, and then suggest that the head of the planning department find the boss to solve the problem. In the end, the solution may be the same.But in that case, the impression she left on her colleagues and boss would be different. And if Xiao Xu is not good enough, facing the "hot potato" of the other party, he will preconceivedly feel that "he is too selfish, he only wants to take advantage of himself, and does not consider other departments at all."Under such a mentality, it is of course difficult to deal with the problem well.In the end, if they started arguing with the boss, it would not only embarrass Xiao Xu and that colleague, but also scold the boss for being incompetent.Let your colleagues think you are cold and unreasonable.Over time, other colleagues also respect you, can you still do a good job? Since peers are in the same position as themselves, and their status and power are also very similar, most people think that they have no power or qualification to criticize colleagues at the same level as them.In fact, this is a wrong concept.At work, there are quite a lot of situations where peers criticize each other. Although sometimes it will cause hostility, but if it is done properly, it will benefit both parties. One of the hardest things about criticizing colleagues at your level is convincing them that you're not crossing the line and meddling in their affairs.Therefore, when criticizing a peer, you must first make the other party understand that you really care about a certain issue, and this issue is related to you.Another obstacle to criticism among peers is the psychological existence of competition among peers.If there are any opinions between each other, the potential sense of competition will think that the other party is competing with itself, and it is inevitable that there will be a tendency to repel. Xiao Wang and Xiao Li are the managers of the second and third divisions of a company respectively.The two usually have a good friendship, and there is often cooperation between the two departments.But Xiao Li has a problem, that is, he doesn't like to do summary work.Every time Xiao Wang cooperates with him, Xiao Wang makes the concluding summary. Xiao Wang is very dissatisfied with this, but he can't say it directly.It was Friday, and Xiao Li came to see Xiao Wang before he got off work, and asked Xiao Wang to go on an outing on the weekend.Xiao Wang said: "Hey, I don't have time. This time I cooperated with such and such company, but the guys over there threw me the conclusion. This weekend is ruined again." Xiao Li listened and silently Silent.Since then, when the two of them collaborate again, Xiao Li always asks for a concluding summary.Xiao Wang's insinuating criticism had a very good effect. Criticism between peers must master certain essentials. Criticism should be based on objective facts and not mixed with personal prejudice.The behavior being criticized must be correctable, and if it cannot be corrected at all, then please excuse yourself.To make the other party understand the reasons for your criticism, you must emphasize that the other party's mistakes are harmful to both parties, and make them understand that if you don't correct them, you will be dragged down by him, and that correcting them will benefit both parties.Although this is a bit of a complaint, he will never say that you are "meddling your own business".Criticism should be aimed at the common goal as far as possible, and the wording emphasizes cooperation, and once the criticism has a positive effect, praise or gratitude should be expressed immediately. Criticize with clear language, not accusatory or arrogant language.We must be good at integrating criticism into "invisible and unintentional" such as chatting and entertainment, so as to reduce the other party's tension, guard, resistance and other psychology.This is helpful for the other party to accept criticism.Do not make conclusive or "qualitative" comments.Such as: "Your approach is completely wrong." "Stop talking about it, it's useless to justify it." Such words can easily arouse the resentment of the critics.Be good at substituting praise for criticism.Here praise is a strategy, and criticism is the purpose, which is the so-called "drunkard does not want to drink."While criticizing, pay attention to affirming the other party's strengths and achievements, enhance the other party's self-esteem and self-confidence, urge them to take responsibility or review problems, and propose the conditions and significance of correcting mistakes, so that the other party feels that the correction is beneficial. Be good at expressing your understanding of the other party's situation and feelings, and wait for the most suitable time before publishing criticism. Blunt criticism is often out of control, thus affecting the effectiveness of criticism. Remember the wise saying that "people are not sages".Some mistakes need to be criticized, and some mistakes need to be tolerated.Some mistakes must be criticized and tolerated, at least temporarily, so that it is more conducive to the harmony and stability of peer relations.If you are unhappy in your heart, don't show it in your words and attitudes, and pay special attention not to show sarcasm, discrimination, disgust, hostility and other emotions.Avoid expressing anger such as clenching fists, staring eyes, frowning, etc. There will inevitably be friction between peers, but no matter how others offend you, or any conflicts between you, in short, "you have to forgive and forgive".As the saying goes: "Be patient for a while, let the sea and the sky open up." One more sentence is worse than one less sentence.Be patient in everything, and if you make any mistakes in the future, others will not go too far and push you to a desperate situation.Your patience with him does not mean that you are afraid of him, but that you are open-minded and magnanimous. Due to the close communication between the same level in work and life, the frequency of language communication is correspondingly relatively high, and it is inevitable that there will be inappropriate words and incongruous words.This requires tolerance and generosity with each other, mutual understanding and mutual accommodation, proper proportion, enough is enough, and not to care too much about and pursue non-principled trivial matters.In case of verbal friction, the cause should be the most important, and the conflict should not be intensified. Even if you are polite, you might as well give up three points. The story of Lin Xiangru and Lian Po of Zhao State during the Warring States Period "reconciling generals" is a model of this kind of tolerance.Lin Xiangru came from a poor and humble background, but he was resourceful. He had outstandingly safeguarded the dignity and interests of the country, and was rewarded by King Zhao.Lian Po refused to accept it, and threatened everywhere: "When I see Xiangru, I will humiliate him!" However, Lin Xiangru proceeded from the overall situation, put the national interest first, and did not care about personal grievances. Lian Po was finally moved by his attitude.Lian Po took the blame and pleaded guilty to reconciling with the general, and did not give the powerful enemy an opportunity to take advantage of it. In fact, forgiving others is taking care of yourself and laying the groundwork for a more genuine and intimate relationship.Sometimes, other people have problems in their work, and the reason may not be their own.A whole work always restrains and influences each other.Can you find the reason from yourself?Maybe other people's problems are caused by your own negligence at work.In this case, you should take the initiative to communicate the situation and admit your negligence.In this way, better results will be obtained, and it will have all advantages and no disadvantages for establishing a sincere and friendly relationship between the two parties and for cooperation in future work. In modern society, it is normal for talented people to be promoted to higher positions.Most of these people are in the prime of life and have a bright future.Whether they like it or not, once they reach a leadership position, they must master the art and skill of speaking.Before being promoted, you may be a small official, or just an ordinary employee. Whether you speak well or not does not have much influence on you.It's different after being promoted.You become a leader, you become someone else's boss.What you say will affect many people.The ancients believed that the beauty of officialdom lies in scheming and tongue.So learning to speak as soon as possible is the top priority after you become a leader. When you are promoted, the original boss may become your peer, and the original peer becomes your subordinate. This change makes you suddenly have a very subtle sense of distance from them.How can you speak at this time to break this situation as soon as possible and make them adapt to your new identity? "To be honest, I never thought that I would be an official before, so I feel quite sudden about this appointment from above. If everyone trusts me, I will definitely strive to be this official. As the saying goes: 'Being an official Instead of making decisions for the people, it’s better to go home and sell sweet potatoes.” I used to be an ordinary person, and I know everyone’s life and difficulties very well, so I hope I have the ability to change this situation.” "Not long ago, the new leadership group held a meeting and decided that I would be in charge of infrastructure and logistics work. This is a job that affects everyone's life. People can't do without food, drink and housing, so I am determined to do my best to do this job. Well, let every employee eliminate their worries and devote themselves to their work wholeheartedly." "In the past, we were all colleagues. We played and fought together, and we got along very happily. Although we don't have the opportunity to have more fun with you now, our relationship is still the same as before. I hope everyone will support me at work; In addition, it is no different from the past. You can put forward any opinions and requests at any time, and report any suggestions and dissatisfaction at any time, and I will definitely try my best to solve them as soon as possible.” If you are running for a leadership position, say something like, "Thank you for your support and I will work hard to deliver on my campaign promises." "I hope everyone understands and supports my work! I hope everyone will cooperate with me to do a better job!" It is conceivable that everyone will give their best help in daily work after hearing these sincere words. "You are all my superiors. They have encouraged me to strive for progress many times, and have given me many opportunities to show my abilities and talents. It is precisely because of the support of the leaders that I have been selected among many candidates. Stand out and get promoted." "I am very grateful to all of you for your support and help, and I hope to continue to help and guide me in my future work." "As for the art and knowledge of being a leader, I don't think I'm as good at it as you are. You have been engaged in leadership work longer than me, and you are all my teachers. I want to ask and learn from you. Please, everyone Advise." In short, you must not be domineering just because you are a leader, you must still be humble and polite. Unless you become the boss one day, you will have to face your boss.So what should you say to your new boss? "Thank you for your trust in me. I will work harder and never disappoint the expectations of my leaders. However, I am new to my new position, and I am not familiar with many things. I hope that the leaders can give me some pointers. I am not thinking carefully Where there are places, please ask the leaders to criticize and correct.” No boss likes a domineering subordinate, so that he will feel his position is threatened, and it will not be so easy for you to get promoted in the future.