Chapter 4 Chapter 4 Winter

With the coming of the new year, the number of customers buying hats has decreased.Even so, there are few people who buy hats for New Year's dress.As long as the door is open, there are always customers. Maki, who lives in Tokyo, said that after New Year's Eve at home, she went skiing in Shiga Kogen from the first day of junior high school.Tomomi seems to be returning to her hometown in Nagoya on the 31st. In the past few years, Dongzi has only stayed in her hometown in Yokohama for one day, and hurried back the next day.Because since the relationship with Guizhi happened, Dongzi still ran away from home, so it is inconvenient to go back to his hometown.Every time I go back and see my parents and elder brother, I always feel that they are looking at me with critical eyes, so I am exhausted when I go home.

For the first time, I don’t plan to go home and stay in Tokyo. It’s really meaningless to celebrate the New Year alone.All my close friends have returned to their hometowns, and there is no one to talk to when I travel.In Tokyo, where the cold wind blows, spending the Spring Festival alone is very lonely. Four years ago, Guizhi and Dongzi spent New Year's Eve together.At that time, I don't know whether it was because of Guizhi's freedom, or because his wife was sent back to his hometown first. In short, he stayed with Dongzi until the night of the first day of junior high school.

I can't forget being hugged by Guizhi and listening to the bell on New Year's Eve.We spent New Year's Eve and New Year's Day together, and Dongzi was full of love.During the most important time of the year, Guizhi is by my side, really happy.In the second year, Dongzi was still looking forward to Guizhi's arrival.But Guizhi didn't tell her that he was going on a trip.Dongzi considered breaking up with Guizhi, and the loneliness during the Spring Festival that year was also one of the reasons.Perhaps it was because of his wife's desperate request that Takashi had no choice but to travel.Dongzi imagined the scene of Guizhi and his family celebrating the Spring Festival happily.From now on, I hate celebrating this kind of Spring Festival every year... However, even after I broke up with Guizhi, the desolation and loneliness of the Spring Festival will still be there.

The year before last and last year, I went back to my hometown for a day. After I came back, I locked myself in my room, watched TV, and made hats.The holiday, which is extremely short for most people, is too long for Dongzi. Maybe this year will be such a Spring Festival again.Fuyuko looked at the calendar and thought, closing early on the 30th, cleaning the store, and cleaning the apartment room on the 31st, so this year has passed.But how to pass the time from the first day to the sixth day next year?Just go on a trip alone or something, or just live in a trance in the room like in the past.

Whenever thinking about the Spring Festival, Dongzi felt painfully alone. Since celebrating Dongzi's recovery, there has been no news from Guizhi.It's the end of the year and it's very busy.But the last time they broke up unhappy, Dongzi had to worry: did she lose interest because she knew she didn't have a uterus, or was she disappointed with Dongzi's unflammable sexual desire. Still shouldn't tell... Although Dongzi comforted herself by saying that Guizhi's affairs were over and had nothing to do with men, she was still worried. If not, forget it.But breaking up with the excuse of losing the uterus is really unacceptable.Last time, I thought it would be more fun and neat to do that, but now I regret saying those words.Dongzi didn't expect that he would be so sloppy, which would be contradictory.

The work on the 30th was much earlier than usual, and ended at four o'clock in the afternoon.Then clean up.After the cleaning ended at six o'clock, Toko took Maki and Tomomi to the hotel in Akasaka and held a year-end party for the three of them. During the meal, Maki asked, "Ma'am, how did you celebrate the Spring Festival?" "Maybe fell asleep in Tokyo." "So, don't you meet your lover?" "lover?" "The uncle from last time." "what……" Maki humorously refers to Kishi as his lover. "He's a friend of a friend."

"I'm sorry. But if that's the case, wouldn't it be nice to meet again?" "yes……" Indeed, as Maki said, Dongzi thought a little strangely. "As expected of the proprietress's friend, she is very pretty." "He has a wife and a child." "Ma'am is not interesting, my lover is Fang Miao." "Don't talk nonsense." "However, standing with the proprietress, he is a perfect match." What is she thinking?Dongzi became uneasy. At 9 o'clock, the three left the lounge and hailed a taxi in front of the hotel.

"Then, I wish you a happy new year." From then on, we will not be able to meet each other until the sixth day of next year. "I wish you health." Dongzi shook hands with the two and got into the taxi. Back in the room, Dongzi sat on the sofa.The year is over.How did this year go... Don't think about what you got, don't think about what you lost.It's the womb and the woman... At the beginning of the year, Dongzi never thought that he would be like this.Dongzi can never forget the year when the most important thing was lost.On New Year's Eve, Dongzi was waiting for news from Guizhi.She thought, even if she couldn't come, she could at least call her.However, it was past 11 o'clock, and there was no news.

Maybe I went back to my hometown in Nagano, or the whole family went to the restaurant.Dongzi wanted to make a phone call to ask, but she gave up the idea.It is incomprehensible to call him live now.Even if he happens to be at home, he can't come out.After 12 o'clock, Dongzi gave up and concentrated on watching the New Year's Eve party broadcast on TV. The bells of the ancient temple on New Year's Eve echoed rumblingly.Eliminate one hundred and eight kinds of troubles, the main ones are the troubles entangled in love and desire.There may be far fewer worries this year.Dongzi thought about some irrelevant things, and finally drank brandy and fell asleep.

The next morning was a peaceful New Year's Day.Although it was past 8 o'clock, there was no sound around, as if half of the people in the apartment were absent. After taking a shower at 9 o'clock, Fuyuko began to prepare for Yokohama.Originally planned to stay in the room during the Spring Festival holiday, but last night, the bleakness of spending New Year's Eve alone made Dongzi decide to go back to his hometown.We arrived in Yokohama at noon, and the house was bustling with many guests.The elder brother and sister-in-law who lived with their parents, and their children, and the younger sister brought her fiancé.Although the parents are still alive, the atmosphere in the family is gradually shifting towards the brother-in-law as the center.The younger sister is also getting married, and in another four or five years, there may be no room for Dongzi to come back.Dongzi knew that she was out of harmony with the atmosphere around her, so she refused to persuade her to stay, and left the house at 6 o'clock. Before going out, her mother asked her in her ear, "How is your health?"

"Oh, nothing..." "That's good." Mother nodded silently.For example, in normal times, my mother would definitely bring up the matter of marriage. Even though Dongzi knew that Dongzi had no intention of getting married, she stubbornly forced her.But this year, he didn't say a word about marriage proposal.Once back in the room, Dongzi was exhausted very quickly.Dongzi changed her clothes and turned on the TV.The young actors were performing their easily secretive repertoire.Although Dongzi was watching TV, she was waiting for Guizhi's call.Although I thought that he would not come, I was always thinking about what happened.Leaving aside whether he will come or not, the mood of waiting for a man makes Dongzi feel kind.The next day was another calm, warm day. Dongzi cleaned the room in the morning and designed a new hat in the afternoon.Only when Dongzi is making hats can she forget everything and feel much calmer.Not long after she looked up, she realized that it was already 6 o'clock. The sun had set outside, and the direction of Shibuya was brightly lit.The second day of the new year passed by again. Dongzi felt hungry.I only drank some coffee and ate some ham during the day.Although there are sauced meat and rice cakes brought back from my hometown, I don’t want to eat them. I want to eat something light. Maybe there are shops that have opened in the second day of junior high school. Go out and buy ready-made things to make do with.While she was hesitating, after the phone rang three times, Dongzi picked up the receiver. "Is it Ms. Kinouchi Touko?" It was a very familiar voice, but I couldn't remember who it was right away. "Which one? I'm Funatsu." "Ah..." Dongzi took a breath. "Happy New Year." Funatsu greeted as usual, "Stay at home, want to go out?" "Yes, what about you?" "I want to go back, but because the plane is crowded and troublesome, so let's go." Funatsu's hometown is in Fukuoka. His face is slightly dark, and his facial features are correct, which seems to be from Kyushu. "Now, what are you doing?" "Nothing to do." "If it's convenient, let's have dinner together later. It's really boring." "You invited me because you were bored." "No, it's not because of this." Funatsu quickly denied. "To pick you up from your place, or just in Shinjuku?" "Ok……" "Other restaurants are not open. Let's go to the lounge of Jingwu Plaza. What time is good?" "How about 7:30?" "understood." Dongzi put down the microphone, sat in front of the dressing table, and began to comb her hair in the mirror. Since it's New Years, should I wear a kimono?Thinking about it, Dongzi's mood began to relax. According to the appointment at 7:30, Dongzi came to the lounge.Funatsu had already been waiting there. "Congratulations on the New Year!" The greetings were over.Funatsu still looked at Fuyuko without moving. "do what?" "No, because you are too beautiful..." Dongzi is beautiful in a purple kimono with a white crane pattern on the skirt. "The kimono fits perfectly." "thanks." Toko was surprised by Funatsu's seriousness.After all, it is the Spring Festival, and there are many people wearing kimonos in the hotel lounge.Dongzi may be too conspicuous, and everyone walking towards him has to look back.When I was with Kishi, I often wore kimonos, but I hardly wore them in the past two years.If there is no one watching, Dongzi will forget to decorate.Because I haven't worn a kimono for a long time, Fuyuko feels very tight, and always feels that her back is tightly attached to her body, and the posture of the kimono is very graceful. "Have something to eat. What would you like to eat?" "I will..." The western restaurant on the 7th floor, the famous male singer is holding a party, it seems very crowded. "Chinese food in the basement, okay?" "Then let's go there." On the evening of the second day of the first lunar month, the basement was also crowded.The two sat opposite each other at an empty table inside. "When I called, I thought, maybe I'm not here. Thanks for meeting so early in the New Year, thank you very much." When he was about to sit down, Funatsu thanked him solemnly. "I'm sorry to say that. I'm bored too." "Anyway, we got together early this year." The waiter brought the menu, and Funatsu took it, "Please, please order." Dongzi ordered beer and three kinds of dishes.The two toasted. "Congratulations on the New Year. It's better to stay in Tokyo." After Funatsu finished speaking, he drank the beer in one gulp. This is the first time I have eaten alone with a young man.I have had dinner with Fushiki and Kida in the past, but they are all married and over 35 years old.Dongzi realized for the first time that because of her association with Guizhi, she had no chance with young people.Looking at the slightly restrained Funatsu, Dongzi gradually became more relaxed. Funatsu is young and careful.When the two met for the first time, they didn't have much to say. "Your hometown is Kyushu." "Fukuoka." "It's warm in there." "Although it is Kyushu, Kitakyushu and Southern Kyushu are very different. Fukuoka is geographically connected to San'in, and winter is quite cold." "Because Kyushu is in the south, it seems too simple to think that it is warm." "Have you ever been to Kyushu?" "Only during high school school trips, I take a detour from Sendai to Aso. It's beautiful there." At that time, Dongzi was a sophomore in high school, wearing a navy blue student uniform, and didn't know the joys and sorrows of love.Ten years have passed by now. "There are many good places in Kyushu, Nagasaki, Miyazaki, Kagoshima, others..." "Have you been there?" "Almost everywhere. Let's go together next time. I'll be your guide." "thanks." Fuyuko nodded while thinking about traveling with Funatsu.If two people go, what will Kishi say, and what will Funatsu plan.But this seems to be Dongzi thinking too much, it seems that Funatsu just invited Dongzi out of good intentions. "This is delicious." Funatsu kept moving his chopsticks.Seeing the young man eating non-stop, Dongzi felt very comfortable. Dongzi asked inadvertently: "The director is on vacation for the New Year, is he in Tokyo?" "Don't you know? I have been to Hawaii since the end of the year." "So, with the family?" "Come back on the fourth day." Dongzi is drinking beer.If you go to a foreign country, why didn't you tell me?Can't you say it with your family... "When did you leave?" "30 days." "Family service." "The director is almost never at home, and the New Year's holiday is a last resort." Guizhi said that he didn't love his wife, even so, would he still take it with him for the New Year? Dongzi soon felt drunk. After dinner, the two came to the sky bar on the 45th floor.From there, through the glass window in front of the counter, you can overlook the night view of Tokyo.In the evening, under the clear winter sky, Mount Fuji can be seen. It is past 8 o'clock, and there is a layer of mist in the sky. The two sat side by side, drinking brandy. There is nothing to say, looking at the night light, as if the body is shaking.Is it because of the drift of smoke in the sky, or because of drunkenness. "You've been working in Guizhi's office?" Dongzi wanted to make things difficult for him. "temporary……" "Going to such a place is a last resort." "No, the director is the most talented person in today's construction industry." "However, it's meaningless to just be ordered from below." "I thought, sooner or later I'll be independent and have a career." "Okay, I support you." "support?" "Yes, despite the difficulties, there is still money." "No, that won't work." "Anyway, it's better to quit such a place as soon as possible." Dongzi himself didn't understand why he said that.Although I felt strange, I still couldn't control my mouth. "Drink another glass." Dongzi pushed the empty glass over. "Is it all right?" "fine." Dongzi felt dizzy just after drinking half of the newly poured brandy. Suddenly, her eyes dimmed and the lights flickered.Dongzi covered her forehead and lowered her head. "What's wrong?" "kind of……" Maybe I haven't worn a kimono for a long time, and my chest feels tight. "Let's go." "Yeah." Dongzi stood up.I wanted to stand firmly, but my heels were very light. "Did you drink too much?" "I don't know." I drank beer in the basement, but I only drank two glasses of brandy when I came up. It was not so much alcohol, but it was because my belt was too tight and I missed Takashi's trip. "Go back." After getting off the elevator, Dongzi said. "Send you back." "Okay, give me a ride." Dongzi was like an order. In the taxi of the hotel, Dongzi leaned against the door, her forehead was pressed against the glass, her face was hot with drunkenness. The car left Ryosando, turned right in front of Yoyogi Forest, and immediately you could see the bright lights of Sangongbashi Station, and up the slope was Fuyuko's apartment. "Ah, just send it here." Dongzi said beside the stone wall in front of the apartment. "Send it to the room." "Hmm..." Dongzi nodded and swallowed the words that came to his mouth.It is not appropriate to let men into the room late at night.In the past, no one except Kishi had entered.But this time it was Funatsu. He was a pure young man who would not have any other feelings. The apartment during the Spring Festival was indeed very quiet, and the manager's room was always hung with curtains. Dongzi got off the elevator, came to the room, and opened the door.The light in the bedroom shone dimly on the door curtain. "Can I go in?" "It's dirty." Let Funatsu enter this room, plus when he was discharged from the hospital, this is the second time. "Only coffee." Dongzi boiled water, put the coffee in front of Funatsu, and went into the inner room.She changed clothes quickly. "Is it all right?" "Better. Listen to some music?" "Ok……" "Listen to what?" "casual……" Toko played Billy Zierer's "LP" that she had bought a week earlier. "Add sugar?" "No..." Funatsu was more reserved than at the bar. Dongzi suddenly had an urge to embarrass him.This is different from temptation, it is close to taking pleasure in abuse, and it is fundamentally a mockery of Takashi. Fuyuko and Funatsu sat on the same sofa. "What do you think of me?" "Say what?" "A very lonely woman, so you want to seduce?" "no." "It's an old woman, so you sympathize with me?" "No." Funatsu replied in a clear voice, grabbing Dongzi's shoulder suddenly, and leaning forward with his upper body. "What are you going to do?" Dongzi stepped back.Funatsu lost his support and fell down. "I..." Funatsu screamed, trying to pull Touko to her side. "Don't do this." Dongzi knew he was turning into a beast.Originally thought to be an obedient and honest youth, but now he has turned into a vulgar person. "no." Just now I wanted to seduce him, but now I want to get rid of him.Dongzi struggled and rolled off the sofa, followed by Funatsu.Just when Funatsu couldn't exert his strength, Fuyuko took another step back and sat on the bed opposite the sofa.The two faced each other panting heavily. For some unknown reason, Dongzi felt very strange. "What's the matter?" Fuyuko said as if coaxing a child, and then took the hand of Funatsu who was sitting on the floor, "Come on, sit down properly." Perhaps due to the impulse of the moment.Funatsu is now obediently returning to the sofa. "Let it be cold." Dongzi re-brewed the coffee and poured it into Funatsu's cup, "If I mess around, I won't be able to date you again." "But..." Funatsu lowered her eyes and picked up the cup. "I..." Funatsu drank the coffee in one gulp, "I like you." "..." "I know I can't, but..." "Thank you." Dongzi said in a very calm voice, "But, I can't." "Why, do you hate me?" "No, I like you, I think you are a very nice person." "Then why..." "Anyway, no." "Is it because of your strengths?" "It has nothing to do with Kishi." "Then why?" "You're young, and it's better to love someone younger and more beautiful." "No, I just like you." Funatsu stared straight at Dongzi, "I didn't just say it casually, it's true." "Then, I'll tell you." "tell what?" "I don't have a uterus." "Uterus?" "It was removed in the last operation. Therefore, it is impossible to be with you." "..." "Understood." Dongzi nodded to himself. The two stared ahead, sitting side by side on the sofa.Dongzi gradually regretted it. If he didn't tell him, he would never know.Although Funatsu visited the hospital several times during his hospitalization, he did not ask about the details of the operation.I never told Funatsu who didn't know about my misfortune. But Funatsu probably wouldn't have understood me if I hadn't said "there is no womb."This sentence is the most effective way to suppress Funatsu's strong demand. What's more, I didn't expect the honest Funatsu to do such a thing.Although Funatsu also has accidents, the reason lies in Dongzi. Regardless of the invitation to go out, when he came back, he didn't take the initiative to enter the room. It was Dongzi who ordered him to "take me home". To say he is an honest and shy young man, he is indeed very honest, even so, Dongzi should know what will happen in a secret room with a man.She didn't feel tight in her chest, and she didn't want to go back to the room alone, she wanted to be alone by her side.Ever since hearing that Guizhi took his family to a foreign country at the end of the year, Dongzi's mood began to become serious, and the speed of drinking also greatly accelerated.The scene of Guizhi and his family basking in the sun on the beach in Hawaii from time to time comes to Dongzi's drunken mind.In order to drive away this imagination, she had to turn to the wine glass. But, even so, is there any reason to tell him?This made him confess to Kishi and Funatsu.When I told Guizhi, I felt both regret and relief.Tell Funatsu now that it doesn't seem to matter anymore. From the bottom of her heart, Dongzi didn't want Funatsu to know.Letting well-meaning young men know that they don't have a womb is painful, and it shatters an elaborate dream.But she can't tolerate her lying, and she doesn't want to hide something from people who have good intentions.She wants to tell everything. Anyway, sooner or later, it is better to say it now. However, after I finished speaking, I still regretted it.Funatsu's silence made Fuyuko even more sad. "Surprised?" "No." Funatsu shook his head, but his words were weak. "Therefore, it is not worthy of your love." "I guess that's all right, though." "yes?" Funatsu said as if she had made up her mind: "I like it too without a uterus." "It's a lie." "Really." Funatsu looked at Dongzi again.Dongzi turned his face away. "You are young, just find a younger and more beautiful girl." "No." "What a wayward child." Dongzi poured another cup of coffee for Funatsu, "Okay, don't talk anymore." "Why can't it work without a uterus?" "Because I'm not a woman anymore." "No. My aunt also had her womb removed, but she's still a woman." "Your aunt had it removed too?" "Because of uterine cancer." "How old are you now?" "52 years old. Healthy and even prettier after surgery." "But, I can't." "That's nothing. It's just an illusion to think that the womb is important." "Is that what your aunt said?" "I have a friend who is a doctor. I asked him." "Thank you for comforting me." Dongzi said sincerely, "However, I can't." Funatsu didn't want to say anything.However, Dongzi's heart was filled with boundless melancholy.Funatsu sighed and picked up his coffee.It seems that Dongzi's firmness is very incomprehensible. "It's already 10." Dongzi felt a little tired.Funatsu took another sip, then turned to Toko and said, "Then, I take my leave." "yes……" "I'm very rude today, sorry." "The same as each other, please forgive me." Seeing such a docile Funatsu, Toko always felt as if she had done something bad. "Please ask me out again." "is it okay?" "If something like just now doesn't happen." Dongzi glanced at him, and Funatsu lowered her head in embarrassment. "Have you been at home before the fifth day?" "I guess about the same." "Then, call again." After Funatsu finished speaking, he took another look at Dongzi and walked out. Back on the sofa alone, Dongzi took out brandy from the sideboard. Dongzi recalled what happened just now.When Funatsu asked her for it, she wanted to say yes to him for a moment.Guizhi and his family are so happy, he should also entertain himself.It was not so much because of Dongzi's firm will that she was able to get rid of it, but because she thought of the miserable scene when she gave him his body.She was terrified of disappointing Funatsu and hated having Funatsu think she was a boring woman with no sexual pleasure.If she was a normal woman like before, she might have agreed to Funatsu.Although Funatsu is younger than her, he is an ideal man. Even if he doesn't consider the unreasonable idea of ​​marriage, he is the most suitable person to solve the temporary loneliness of love.He works under Kishi, which is also perfect in the sense of revenge for Kishi. However, Dongzi still didn't have the courage to accept.I have both hatred and love for Takashi, and besides, there is also the matter of losing my womb.Compared with Takashi, Funatsu probably has too little experience with women, and maybe he just made random demands.If you don't say it, maybe he won't know anything.Thinking about it, Dongzi felt that Funatsu, who asked her so hastily, was very cute. It's not good to go back then... Dongzi drank brandy, and soon had an illusion, as if she had become a bad woman after losing her womb.The next day was also a very sunny day.While watching TV during lunch break, Funatsu called. "Hello." Even though they just met yesterday, Funatsu greeted her. "Ah, very good." "You were rude yesterday, are you angry?" "No." "After leaving yesterday, I went to see my friend." "What's up?" "It's about the surgery." "Ah..." Dongzi frowned and became depressed. "He said removing the uterus was questionable." "why?" "For uterine fibroids, even cutting off the uterus is problematic." "However, there are several fibroids, and they tend to get worse." "That's right. For young women, first of all, only the fibroids should be removed, and even the uterus should be removed. This is an excessive approach." "..." "It's medically doubtful, so it's better to ask in detail." Dongzi couldn't answer such a question suddenly, and the operation had already caused such consequences. "So, what should we do?" "How about directly investigating the hospital where the operation was performed? If it is true that an operation that should not be performed is performed, then there is a problem." "That way..." Dongzi didn't have the courage to ask further. "I remember telling you yesterday that my good friend from high school is now working in the surgery department of K University Hospital. He is almost professional, but he knows that there is a problem with removing the uterus." "..." "Why, don't you want to investigate?" "Please let me do this." "You investigate?" "Talk about it with him." "Wait a minute, please. It's not good for the doctor who operated on me to do this kind of thing." "So don't let him know, okay?" "But……" How could a doctor do unnecessary surgery? "Anyway, let me think about it again." Did Funatsu do this because she felt aggrieved by Fuyuko's rejection yesterday on the grounds that she didn't have a uterus, or did she do it out of a sense of justice?In any case, it is superfluous. "No." Dongzi said firmly. "Made you angry?" "Well, yes... please be cool." Dongzi dropped the phone as if trying to escape.Even now, even knowing that the operation was wrong, the lost uterus cannot be restored. Funatsu told Dongzi out of good intentions, but she didn't want to think about it. Dongzi returned to her seat, and continued to design the model structure diagram of the hat.Even though she started working, Fuyuko still couldn't forget Funatsu's words. Was the removal of the uterus really a mistake... Dongzi was thinking, and unconsciously, her drawing hand stopped moving. If it is true that the unnecessary uterus has been removed... Dongzi's mind is filled with the dean with a soft voice and the round-faced nurse.Are they doing such a thing?But I can't find a reason why they should do this. It's Funatsu's friend, I guess... Dongzi muttered alone.Maybe it was the shock of telling him he didn't have a womb last night, and maybe he had misunderstood what his friend meant.Dongzi stood up and looked out the window.The sun slanted slightly to the west, and the bare tree trunks cast long shadows on the smooth asphalt road. Dongzi suddenly wanted to see Mrs. Zhongshan.She hastily packed up the drawings and called Madam. Mrs. Zhongshan seemed to be bored. "What are you doing? If it's convenient, come and play." "Are there any guests at home?" "People from the university came yesterday, but no one is here today. My son went to play, and my husband went to an acquaintance's house. I won't be back until very late." "Let's have dinner together, come right away." After leaving the apartment, Dongzi hailed a taxi.I bought cheesecake as a gift in Shibuya on the way.When we arrived at Zhongshan's house, the sun had already started to set. "Welcome. I thought you must have returned to your hometown in Yokohama, and you will not be in Tokyo." The lady came out to welcome Dongzi wearing a white sweater with a small collar that did not match her age, and a long dark blue skirt underneath. "It's just that I went back to my hometown on the first day of junior high school and stayed in Tokyo." The lady glanced at Dongzi and took out the wine from the refrigerator. "It's Chateau Margot, '69, straight from there. No drink?" "Sir, you won't blame me." "He doesn't drink much wine." The lady poured the blood-red liquid into the wine glass.I heard from Guizhi before that 1969 was the year when wine production increased.Dongzi took two sips of the wine, and it tasted really good. "Today, let's celebrate a woman's New Year together." The lady took out the cheese, ham, and even the leftover Chinese New Year dishes, and the two began to drink. "At our age, even though it's the New Year, we only have fun eating." "Me, too." "You're still young. Have you seen Kishi recently?" "I heard that he has gone abroad now." "Go again." "Together with the family, said to go to Hawaii..." "He's so vulgar too," said the madame curtly. "Then let us two women drink to our heart's content." The lady's face was already red. "It's not interesting to be a housewife. I also want to do something this year." The wife is one year younger than Guizhi.But he looked only about 35 years old, his face was smooth and full of vigor.It may be like this to give birth to a child early and settle down in the family without any worries.Dongzi watched intently. "I'm envious when I see people like you working outside." "However, I am also very envious of my wife who lives leisurely and contentedly in this peaceful home." "That's true. But, repeating the same thing every day, I shudder at the thought of becoming an old woman if I go on like this." Madam frowned exaggeratedly. "Come on, keep drinking." When Madam was drunk, she seemed to talk a lot.His eyes were slightly red, and his voice was fast and heavy. "You don't want to go on a blind date?" "I?" "The other party is a doctor. He graduated from T University and stayed in the university hospital. He is tall and beautiful." As soon as he heard the doctor, Dongzi became nervous.After the operation, as long as I hear the words of the hospital and the doctor, I feel scared. "30 years old. My parents are in Shizuoka, and they are also doctors." The lady put down the wine glass she was holding at this point. "Take a picture. I know him very well, though, and he's a very nice guy. You're only twenty-eight, so young and pretty. I think he'll like you." "..." "Hey, anyway, it's better to meet up. Not seeing each other?" "I can't do that." "Haven't you forgotten Kishi?" "no……" "I'm worried about the operation. But the doctor also performs the operation himself, so he doesn't seem to care about the scars." "I am not qualified to marry." "I don't care about things in the past. As long as the two of you love each other now, it's fine to get married." "No." "He said he likes thin and sexy women. You're just right." It's rare for a woman to love helping people as she gets older.But sometimes, it's difficult.Mrs. Zhongshan is the latter. "It's not about getting married right away. It's just a meeting. There's nothing to lose." It is not because of gains and losses that Dongzi escapes.Meeting each other in the form of a blind date is painful in itself, which Madam doesn't understand. "How about this Saturday?" "Forgive me about this." "Can't you?" Madam said disappointedly, "You still like Guizhi." "No, that's not the case." "So, is there anyone else you like?" "No." "Then why?" "Must I say?" "Stop putting on airs. Say." "put on airs……" "Hey, tell me, aren't you and I friends?" "I don't have a uterus." "Uterus?" "In the last operation, the fibroids were removed together." Madam looked at Dongzi incredulously, and nodded again. "That's right." "..." "Excuse me." Madame flicked the ash off her cigarette. "I heard it was just hospitalized for a very simple fibroid." "At first it was like this." "Cut open the stomach to see if it has deteriorated?" "Ok……" "I don't have a uterus either. It was also removed five years ago because of uterine fibroids." "real?" "Let me show you the scar." "No……" "Don't feel embarrassed, we are all friends." Madam stood up abruptly and unbuttoned her skirt. "No one has seen this." Pull it away from the side, exposing the lady's legs.Probably because of the beauty, the lady's legs are also slender.Under the thin pantyhose, you can see the shorts of fine patterns. Madam turned the sweater up without hesitation, and took off the shorts with the other hand.What appeared in front of Dongzi was white and smooth skin. It was unbelievable that this was the skin of a person over forty years old. "Hey, let's see." At the top of the hand holding the shorts, there is a horizontal scar.On the white skin piled with fat, there was only the scar, which was slightly red. "Well, yes. At first it was 15 centimeters." "..." "It's weird, getting a little smaller with age." Although Dongzi was asked to look at the scar, the lady's attitude was still straightforward.The virtuous wife may comfort Dongzi by letting Dongzi see her scars. "Oh, I see." "Ok……" "Besides your husband, this is the first time you've seen it." "Sorry." "Don't apologize." Madam turned and put down the long skirt that was draped over the chair, "Cheers to this." It can be said that the same disease is a companion, Dongzi raised his wine glass. "Your wound is also horizontal?" "Ok." "How many centimeters." "almost." "Yes, it's almost that long." Madam nodded, and then said: "My physique is scar-type, and it was re-stitched after the operation, so it's a bit ugly." "No, that's fine." "Your, let me see it too." "I'm very..." "Miss Toko's skin is beautiful." "No." Dongzi shook his head in denial. Mrs. Zhongshan smiled and said, "Oh, I will forgive you today." After speaking, she gave Dongzi a light look, "I don't know." "Well, not at all." "It was five years ago, and it's not worth boasting about. However, we are sisters and friends in need." "..." "Anyway, let's be good friends." After finishing speaking, the lady drank the wine in the glass in one go. Dongzi looked at the lady sitting on the chair again. No matter how she looked at it, she was a satisfied middle-aged lady. It was hard to imagine that there would be such a long scar on her stomach. "Is there nothing abnormal after the operation?" "It's not just an abnormality. After cutting it off, I'm in good health. I don't have menstruation, but I feel comfortable. How are you?" "Hmm..." Although Dongzi felt relieved without menstruation, she also felt a little desolate. "It is said that the presence or absence of a uterus has no effect on a person's life. Nothing happened, right?" Dongzi heard from the doctor, but she still couldn't believe it. "No, it doesn't affect your sex life." "Is that so?" Of course, you wouldn't use your uterus for intercourse anyway. "But, I heard that if it is removed, there will be no hormones..." "I can't help it, even you think so. The uterus is just a pocket for the birth of children, not a place where hormones are produced. Although I removed it, it won't have any effect." Madam said confidently.But then the tone changed quickly, "However, when it comes to men, it's not enough." "What doesn't work?" "After my husband knew that I had my uterus removed, he thought I was no longer a woman. He is a very conservative person. No matter how he explained it, he stubbornly believed that the uterus is a woman's life." 中山夫人的丈夫，是T大学的工学系教授，今年50岁，头发灰白，戴着眼镜，高高的的个子，很象一个耿直的人。 “因此，从那以后，几乎没有同床。” "But, then..." “他说，性交的时候，总感到奇怪。” "strangeness?" “他说得不可理解，说是进去的瞬间感到冷飕飕的。” “怎么会？” “我想绝不会有那事，是他神经过敏。”中山夫人说着，又往杯里添酒。 “自从说了这话以后，他就在外面乱搞。” “怎么会？” “他外出游玩，也是从那时开始的。” "Really?" “我知道的。”中山夫人擦了擦眼泪破涕为笑：“说起我来了，真可笑。请原谅。” "No." “连这么无聊的事都告诉你，真蠢。” “不过先生对夫人不是很温柔的吗？” “他的热情很成问题。他是看我已经失去了子宫，是个可怜的女人，所以才同情、爱护我。” “去外国的时候，不总是和你一起吗？” “那只是作作样子。别人差不多都和夫人同行，有我更合适，所以才带我去。” “他带你去，还是因为他爱你。” “在去外国期间，他也不想和你亲热，一上床，就呼呼地睡了。” “是因为旅途疲劳吧。” “在日本也是一样。他从最初就断定你是不行了。” “那样……” 冬子想否认，但找不到合适的理由。 “因为你作了手术，说什么不能勉强，以此作为理由，出去惹花沾草。” “先生真的那样轻浮？” “不是骗你，连那个女的我都认识。” “你知道吗？” “是他研究室的助手，一个濑川的女人。35岁，穿着牛仔裤，很讨厌。”夫人十分憎恶地说，冬子反而觉得好笑。 “先生只是想玩玩。” “不会。利用开学会的机会，一起去旅行。那样的女人，哪里好。可是他以为无论什么样的女人，只要有子宫就行。” “会有这种事？” “男人太随便了，说什么家里的老婆没有子宫不行，以取得女人对他的同情。” “连那个女人也知道？” “丈夫说的，我一问，他说连女人都很同情。” “如果是真的，就太不象话了。” “是啊。因此，我也背着他找人。” 可能是由于喝醉了，今天的中山夫人说得那么大胆，和平常在商店、茶馆见到的中山夫简直判若两人。 “让人看看，我也是很漂亮的女人。”夫人从眼眶到脸颊早已微微发红，如果再喝下去会大醉的，但冬子无法劝阻夫人在自己家里喝酒。 “现在有喜欢的人对啦，介绍给你我就没了。不介绍了。是啊，和贵志差不多吧。你怎么样？” “我这种人已经没有那样的勇气了。” “可是，即使作了手术，那种感觉也一点没变吧。” "..." “虽说是摘除了子宫，因为是在肚子里面，与那个地方一点儿没有关系。你手术后还没有？” “嗯……”冬子神色慌然地垂下眼睛。 “再来，不要在乎。” “可是总感到害怕……” “我一点儿没变。尽管如此，我丈夫还是以为我不行。” 中山夫人站起来去了化妆室，不久就拿着一瓶苏格兰威士忌回来了。 “来吧，这次喝威士忌。” "Are you still drinking?" “说起来有趣的话，就兴奋起来了。不要马上走啊。”夫人把话说在前头，冬子不能再站起来了。 “我的秘密全部说了，这回想听听你的秘密啦。” “我这种人什么也没有……” “说谎。象你这样漂亮的女人不会没有吧。”夫人打开崭新的乔尼商标封口，往杯子里倒了威士忌并加了冰。 “摘除了子宫，用不着再担心怀孕了，所以尽情地玩方合算。喂，有没有一个年青漂亮的情人？”冬子勉强地笑了笑，她想起了船津。船津告诉我不管有没有子宫都喜欢我，可是，也许那只是年轻时的偏激，随着年龄的增长会改变想法的。 “不管怎么说，现在不玩不合算。象我这样，成了老太婆以后就晚了。” “你那样的事……” “真的。20岁漂亮，受欢迎是当然的，30、40虽然美，但说起受欢迎，就不能那么讲了。” "I understand that." “因此，你正处在女人的好时候。” “我想问你点别的事情，行吗？”冬子想起船津说的话。 “请，如果我知道的话。” “是子宫的手术问题。只长肌瘤便连子宫一块割掉，是不是太过分了。” “我就是因为肌瘤割的呀。” “我听一个人说，20来岁未婚的女性，即使再不好，也不成摘除。” “是么……”夫人抱着胳膊陷入沉思。“可是，肌瘤恶化可是危险的事呀！” “我也是这样想的。” “年轻人还没有结婚、生孩子，是应当尽力留下来。” “难道是医生把不必摘除的子宫割掉了。” "yes." 船津毕竟不过是过虑了，怀疑到这种程度，就象想得太多了一样。 “不管怎么说，事到如今再说三道四也没有办法了。”冬子打起精神，端起威士忌，刚喝了一半便呛得咳嗽起来。 “不要紧？”夫人马上给她倒了一杯水，但冬子咳得身体打颤，不能喝。这时夫人已来到冬子的身边，给她捶背。 "Drink water?" “不，已经不要紧了。” “你的身体真是那么苗条、柔软呀。” “没……”冬子抬起来，正好看到眼前夫人的脸。 “多可爱啊。”夫人把冬子拉到自己身边，抚摸着她的头发，逐渐地又从脖子摸到耳朵。“都这么小巧、柔软。”夫人的声音象唱歌一样。她静静地把嘴贴近冬子的耳朵。“我放心啦。”吹着热气，夫人慢慢地捧起冬子的脸。“我很喜欢你。”说完，夫人便把嘴唇紧紧地压在冬子的嘴唇上。 “不要紧……” 正因为是女人，夫人的动作细腻耐心。她慢慢地吐着舌头，叩着冬子的牙齿，另一支手轻轻揪着冬子的耳朵。 “不行……”刚说出口，冬子的力量就没有了，一种娇甜无力的感觉在全身扩展开来。 “只有我们女人。”夫人一面嘟囔着，一面把舌头塞入冬子的嘴里。 “啊……”冬子轻声地叫喊着。不知不觉夫人柔嫩的舌头，卷动起冬子的舌头。 “我们，是女人。” 轻声细语，使冬子完全醉心于一种甜蜜的感觉。 "bring it on……" 当夫人催她时，她就象被施了催眠术一样，顺从地站起来。 “我给你更多的温柔。”夫人在冬子耳边柔声地说着，牵着她的手，进了卧室…… 一想起刚才和夫人两人作爱，一种羞耻感就使冬子浑身发颤。冬子知道“女性同性恋者”这个词，万没想到自己也成了这样的人。20岁左右的时候，对年长的女性，有时候产生过这种感情。但那只是在脑子里想，没有付诸行动。现在，真正被卷入了这个旋涡。 冬子慢慢地下了床，刚要收起落在地板上的内衣，夫人就说：“起来了？”冬子马上拿着内衣蹲了下去。 “不冷？” "Ok……" “我也起来吧。” 夫人用毛巾被卷着身体，慢慢地坐起来。 “嗳，洗个淋浴吧，浴室在这里。” 夫人卷着毛巾被走出房间。冬子急忙穿上内衣、裙子。夫人洗完后，冬子进了浴室。她从头洗到肩，想起刚才夫人香水的香味沁到自己的身体里。霎时，感到自己做了了极肮臃的事。冬子使劲地擦洗着，好象要把身上的一切味道洗掉，反复淋了几次，才出了浴室。 夫人换上藏青色的睡衣，坐在沙发上吃着葡葡柚。 “喂，来吃吧。” “必须回去了。”冬子想起刚才的情景，背过脸去。 “才11点呀。” “先生快回来了吧。” “穿着衣服呢，不要在乎。”夫人若无其事地说。 如果先生看到俩人正赤裸裸在床上，会怎么样。冬子想起刚才所做的事，身体打颤。 “反正他12点之前不会回来。” “我要走了。”冬子站起来，取过提包。 “果真要回去？” "Ok……" 夫人来到冬子身旁，静静地抚摸着她的头发。 “再来玩呀。” "..." “不来可不行。”夫人说着，用细软的食指抬起冬子的下吧，“因为我们是有秘密的伙伴……” 冬子默默地看着夫人茶色的瞳孔，最初感到的惊惧、害怕已经没有了。 “再会。”夫人说完就和冬子接吻。这是和贵志也没有经历过的狂热的吻。 “下次打电话。” 冬子点点头，走了出去。 “冷，要小心。” “再见。今天晚上可以好好睡了。谢谢。”夫人说完，就关上了房门。 冬子穿过罗汉松林，来到大街。正月的住宅街早已进入睡乡，周围一片安静。冬子蹑手蹑脚地向前走去。