Chapter 6 Chapter 6 Where did your father die?

Monday morning. The Dunkirk retreat of World War II was nothing compared to the struggles of working mothers waking their children up and sending them to school! At seven o'clock in the morning, the alarm clock rang and breakfast was started.Both of my kids know that when I'm sharpening my knife and ready to cut toast, I just wake up. At ten past seven, if they haven't woken up yet, wrap them together in the sheets when the bed is made. At 7:20, start nagging them to get up immediately, or their mother will go to the mental hospital. Ten minutes later, it looked like my friend was going to win the bet.

"Come on, we're going to be late!" I begged, putting hot water on my daughter for a bath to ease the discomfort of her eczema. "The school raised fish, but they didn't learn much," my thirteen-year-old son, who thought he was smart, said under the covers. Experts want us to "love your children unconditionally", which is easier to do when they can't speak! At 7:23, I couldn't bear to go into the savage mode of "Attila the Hun". "Get up immediately, or I'll call your father! Where is he?" "In the bathroom." They said in unison.

I scooped them up from the bed with a spatula, then found Jenny's favorite "cucumber grapefruit with eighty-three vitamins" shampoo, and "old ginger stone fruit" body wash, and super soft, super absorbent Towels, followed by Jamie's acne cream and fish oil supplement. At 7:30, holding back my sobs, I watched my daughter waste ten precious minutes, playing the clothes in the closet like playing the piano, and finally decided to wear them. I took them out for her last night and put them at the end of the bed clothes.My son informed me that his uniform got stuck between the mattress on the top bunk and the crossbar.

"Where did your father die?" I begged sadly. "Eating breakfast." Yes!Where else can I go? I had to risk my waist to lift the mattress and let Jamie salvage his shirt. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, bent over and buried under the heavy mattress, like a two-legged frog!I make a mental note to see a chiropractor sometime and ask Lowe to erect Jamie's twin bed that I bought from IKEA "a few weeks ago." At 7:38, I moved into the kitchen with my waist supported, and two children swept past me like a gust of wind.After a lot of punching and kicking, plus complaints about eating this and not eating that, the Zulu tribe in Africa was quieter than they were before they went to war.

Smell... OMG!It's over! At 7:39, the cornflakes war, the flying bowl hit the electric heater, cornflake paste and milk dripped and swayed everywhere like the painting of abstract expressionist master Pollack. "Where did your father die?" "In the shower." At 7:42, when I started the vacuum cleaner to suck up the mush on the ground, I saw the escaped guinea pig. I bent down to catch it to safety, but dodged.The hair was sucked by the suction pipe of the vacuum cleaner, and half of the hair was permed impromptuly.I had to use the side to teach today! At 7:46, I ran to take a shower, hoping to straighten my hair and soothe my nerves that were about to collapse.Turn on the faucet, scream, and the water from the arctic pours down on your head.

Thank you!Roy, I ran out of hot water!Moreover, the bathroom floor was full of water, and he actually hung the plastic shower curtain outside the bathtub...Damn it!hateful!damn it!Shit! At 7:50, I had to take a cold shower with a sponge dipped in water. My daughter broke in and said that the school’s fundraising fair would bring cakes.This is great!Someone's mum may have stayed up late baking delicious cakes, and all I have in my cupboard are penis-correct gingerbread men left over from last week's school girls' read.Oh...she also asked me if I could make some costumes for the puppets when I went to her school tonight to see the play Yan.

At 7:57, I finally put one foot into my trousers.The son poked his head in from the bedroom door. He just remembered that there was a football match today. "Football! Now!?" I screamed, frantically searching drawers, cabinets, laundry baskets, washing machines for his tracksuit. "Where did your father die?" "Shaving." In a flash of inspiration, I peek at Jamie's sports bag, which is also home to wild animals. There was something in it, and I poked it with a woolen needle, and the contents were stained with mud, but they wouldn't move.what is this?Experiments confirmed that it did not bite me, and then I confirmed that it was Jamie's tracksuit.

There was no time to wash it, so I spritzed it with perfume, stuffed it back into the gym bag, and handed it to Jamie. At 8:05, rush hour, I had to drive my two kids to two schools within fifteen minutes, find a spot in my school's parking lot, and rush to a meeting with the principal about the vice principal. I was full of purses, books, toothbrushes, lunch boxes, and was about to go out. The kid said that I had to pay for the excursion. I started looking for money in various purses, drawers, and coat pockets, and finally had to steal the milk money that the neighbor left at the door.

"Where did your daddy die?" It's become a mantra like a broken record, I ask, looking for the key to lock the front door. "Here I am, Kitty." "Roy, where have you been hiding all morning?" "I really admire you, you really have three heads and six arms!" Monday night. As soon as I got home, Jess called right away. "How? Did Roy help you make it to the meeting on time?" "Perhaps it's more reliable for a woman to rely on her three heads and six arms!" I wiped the dust off the skirting boards in the living room. dust?Who am I lying to?My baseboards already have enough topsoil for a tree!

"From my teaching experience, I know that men definitely don't have as good coordination as women..." "Let's be clear, Kathy. I suppose even if your husband could unlace his waistcoat in the dark, you'd still be too clumsy to let him open a milk bottle, would you? Don't tell me you Late for the meeting!" "It is true that you are late, and the headmaster will not listen to any excuses, even the doctor's certificate will be refused. His reason is that if you can go to the doctor, of course you can come to school." With the phone tucked around my neck, I searched the refrigerator for food that hadn't turned into penicillin. "Anyway, speaking of the Husband's Hall of Fame, have you ever confronted your scumbag husband about his superficiality?"

"Not yet, I'm still in the shock phase and can't decide whether to vent my temper or attack him. I did get a call from the United Nations, though, asking me to measure him so I could order a bulletproof suit for him. Vest. They said to measure him standing up and then when he was sitting and erect." "Holy shit! Do you have a measuring tape big enough?" I acted out comedy as I walked downstairs into the bathroom. "Ugh... when I measured... I didn't get it right." "Well, the wife of the humane surgeon is about to retaliate, you are so evil! Mrs. Stewart." I giggled, and washed away the dregs of Roy's beard that was about to sprout in the sink. "I'm kidding, Kathy, I'm actually so sad. I can't sleep, I have a headache, I'm depressed... and I'm hot all over, my body has even developed its own 'micro-weather' system!" "Really? Should Miss Weather include your condition in the daily weather report? East London, cold and windy; Jasmine Jardin hot and humid with a front coming in." "Stop kidding me! I know it's just stress, but I made an appointment with the doctor to see it. How I wish I had the patience of a saint like you, Kathy." "No, I only have two kids, a husband, a job and seven hundred animals to feed, that's all I have." "Hey... ask your handsome husband to help you more!" Tuesday morning. The way Roy helped me was by making the alarm go off an hour earlier. "The bird eats the early worm," my husband said sleepily, grabbed the alarm clock to reset it, and went back to sleep. But I managed to rush out of the house at 7:55 and let out a sigh of relief.It shouldn't be late! "Goodbye, Tiger." He waved to me as he slid into his jeep. "Roy, it's your turn to send the child off today. I'm going to have a meeting with Shi Hao." "But I've got to go to a seminar. They have research on why rats get cancer, and besides, the kids' schools are on your way. And, Kathy, can you send Mrs. Berkson's Doberman, To the St. John's Zoo? I mean, you're on your way anyway." "But……" "I love you modern women the most! You are really three-headed and six-armed, super capable!" He smiled and blew me a kiss. At eight o'clock, Roy's car slammed away, and the two speakers of the car stereo blared: Heaven goes here! Lowe can always find a parking space in front of the house, but I seem to have to park as far away as possible, so far away that I feel like taking a taxi to drive every morning. So, I, two children, a Doberman pinscher, and a group of people took a compass and a picnic basket, and started our off-road race to find my little Honda. Whoever wrote "Enjoying the process is more important than getting there" is not sending their kids to school during the morning rush hour. The two kids started arguing over who should sit in the front, and the way I resolved the war was to both sit in the back, with the dog strapped to the front passenger seat. Parents will never understand why a dog can kiss mouth-to-mouth with a dog who doesn’t know if it has rabies, can chew the same piece of gum with classmates who don’t know how many people have chewed it, and can pick boogers and put it in his mouth every day. The stinky boy actually said that his sister had "girl germs" and refused to sit next to her? By the time the car reached the corner, the two kids were on the verge of killing each other, desperately trying to push the other person or me out the window of the car. I believe that in the traffic rules, there must be no "do not push the driver out of the moving vehicle", because a sane person would not do such a thing. I also believe that traffic lights are not actually used to direct traffic, but to provide mothers who are about to go crazy to stop and kill their children.Unfortunately, it was a Doberman pinscher this time, and I screamed as I got bitten on the arm by an angry dog. I missed the first green light because I was busy stopping the bleeding.Missed the second green light because he was too busy removing the chewing gum from Jenny's hair and supergluing Jamie's work, the Leaning Tower of Pizza made out of toothpicks.I missed the third chance to pass the green light because I was busy writing a late proof on the back of yesterday's parking bill with an eyebrow pencil, and asked the child to show it to the teacher. As it turned out, I was so late that I had to throw my kids out of the car like a mail bag when I got outside their school, as did Killer Dog Kuchu. Turning the car toward Rose Hill, where my school is located, I almost hit a four-wheel drive vehicle as soon as I stepped on the gas pedal to the bottom, and I was stuck in the traffic. I really don’t understand why a working mother in London sends her child to school, why is it necessary to drive a car that can fly to the Sahara desert or Kathmandu, the capital of Nepal, with one step on the accelerator? Their motto is probably: Better die than give way, sandwiched between powerful traffic monsters, my little Honda is only up to their wheel covers, like a "jeep lineup" as Hannah doesn't care to call it. dwarfs". My panicked self was racing upwards. I only had five minutes left before I had to appear in front of the principal refreshed and motivated.I turned around on a one-way street, backed up as fast as I could, and got the first ticket for backing up and speeding in traffic history. I think I could have gotten away with it if I hadn't crashed into a tiny Smart.But the police should have spotted me while I was talking on the phone and driving onto the bus lane. "I'm sorry!" I said quickly. "Maybe I sucked too much superglue from gluing the Leaning Tower of Pisa during rush hour, but, I'm a working mom, we really should have our own lane - the pink lane, right next to the bus lane Aside. I mean, we really need all the help! Besides, a Smart wouldn't be a Smart if it was hurt by such a light touch, so, I'm risking my life like this, pointing out the fault in its design, It's supposed to be social service, isn't it? Besides, I'm a frenzied mom who's atrociously drooling animal attacks, and in that case, any infraction should be wiped out, isn't it?" I showed him The arm bitten by the dog, while begging. "Isn't it?" The traffic cop raised his eyebrows amusedly and said he thought the insurance company would frame my creative excuse and hang it on the wall, but he still had to issue me a ticket.He then escorted me and my trampled arm to the hospital. While the nurse was stitching me up, I called Lowe to explain what had happened and suggested that he take the kids to school in the future, concluding that the kids in the backseat were to blame for the accident. "Accident with the baby in the backseat? That's how Jamie was conceived, remember?" he dared to hint. "Loy, I'm in the hospital! I need care, and you just want to take my temperature with your penis!" Noticing that everyone in the nurse's station was quiet, I quickly lowered my voice. "You must take care of the two children tonight, okay? I called the principal in the car and said I would be late..." "Of course you will be late, Kathy. The teachers all slowed down obediently when they saw the notice 'near the school, drive slowly'. How could you arrive at school on time?" "Loy, this is not the time to be joking. Shi Hao told me on the phone that he has designed a promotion questionnaire, and I must fill it out before I can see him tomorrow. The questionnaire has fifty-seven pages!" "Hey! Little Fox, have I ever let you down?" "No, I can't ask God for a better husband." Then, I whispered to myself: Although I really want to ask God. "How?" I bumped into Jess at a pharmacy on Candin Road at lunchtime. "I'll have soluble vitamin C, a bottle of echinacea pills," she told the clerk, then raised her voice a full ten decibels and said, "And tampons." Then, she pointed to the wound on my arm. "Let me guess, you missed the meeting?" "Absolutely not!" I replied mockingly. "The meeting is rescheduled for tomorrow morning. Lowe will take care of the children tonight and let me study hard. Shi Hao asked all candidates to fill out an inexplicable questionnaire." "Don't forget the tampons! I want the biggest box!" Jess called to the clerk, then turned to look at me, "But you're the most qualified, Kathy. You've been teaching sixth grade for five years, and every The results of the first and second exams are the best in your class. Your principal receives letters from parents all day long, thanking you for qualifying their children to enter the most wanted secondary school. Every inspector is impressed by your creative teaching , also rated the highest score. Colleagues and students like you, what is he waiting for?" "He likes the traditional blackboard writing method. The teacher stands in front of the blackboard and the students copy obediently below. He designed this set of papers to exclude me and give him an excuse not to promote me." "Really? Do you think there will be questions on the questionnaire that you can't answer?" "No," I said patiently, "it's because I don't know how to write the answer." "My tampons!" Jess continued to remind the clerk tirelessly. "If it's all right, I'd like 'Super Suction Sanitary Pads', thank you." "What did the doctor say?" I asked her. Jess' face immediately fell down. "At our age, the scariest thing should be: You thought it was menopause, so you didn't have menstruation, but it turned out to be three months pregnant. Besides, what's more serious?" "I do not know what it is?" "Of course discovering early menopause! Apparently I'm already a 'premenopausal' woman, can you believe it?" "I think you're lucky, I'd rather have menopause earlier, and now I'm bleeding so much each month that I have to use cotton pads that go up to my knees, and I almost feel like I'm carrying a couch seat with me! But since you I am about to have no menstruation, what are you buying these sanitary napkins for?" "My God! I don't want people to know that I don't have menstruation. You must keep it a secret! Promise me. No wonder Stuart doesn't want me..." Tears rolled in her eyes. "Which man in the world would want a woman who... has expired?" "Uh...Prince Charles? He's giving up supermodels in favor of older women." "That's right." Jess calmed down a bit, and she blew her nose. "Actually, I've liked Prince Charles since he said he would be Camilla's tampon. Although, it's also a metaphor for his life - always in the right place at the wrong time." We laughed, hugged, and made an appointment to call the next day. "Where's Stuart?" I asked her. "I don't know, have an affair with a few prostitutes somewhere!" "Are you going to confront him?" "Not yet, he's going to Haiti. Look," she took out a handwritten letter from the famous gold dew bag. From the words printed on it, it can be known that it was from Port-au-Prince, the capital of Haiti. From a prison. She read it aloud: "Thank you for your support and for coming to help me get a stay of execution. I trust you know that I always welcome you and your family to my paradise island, sun kissed, with the island. Those Creole beauties whose charms have not been discovered by the world... It should be these beauties that made him decide not to bring his family to that paradise island!" She concluded bitterly. "Maybe he thinks it's too dangerous for you to be kidnapped or something." "No way! My liar husband is too busy saving the world to save his marriage." My Roy may not be famous for healing the world's wounds, but it's better than that.You may be just a small person in the world, but you can be someone's world. "You know? Jess, I really love Roy!" I said impulsively. "He will make it up to me tonight, and I know he will." "Yes! Of course! Bush will recite Shakespeare, too." Two-income families often end their day with just as much chaos and confusion as they began. At 4:30, I managed to park the car in the small gap between the two SUVs, and then made the long journey home for an hour, fortunately without encountering robbers.what!a happy day! At 5:30, Roy hadn't arrived home yet, and his jeep was not seen outside the door, only garbage on the ground. When he took out the rubbish yesterday, the bag was loose and a favorite of the urban feral foxes who have recently invaded London.Scattered in the garden are working moms' most shameful secrets—frozen food wrappers and fast food containers.Let's hope the stay-at-home moms in the neighborhood who are home all day and only feed their families organic food don't see it. At 5:40, I entered the house and found two children staring at the refrigerator in confusion, as if asking it to conjure some food. The "Goddess of Housework" on TV made ordinary women like us miserable!They said, none of us can do it, and the recipe I want most is to catch one of the goddesses and roast them slowly. In the end, we had to choose cartoon chicken nuggets for dinner, and I didn't care if it would cause brain tumors in my offspring that couldn't be cured by surgery. At six o’clock, while I was making dinner, I yelled at the children to do their homework, and at the same time expressed apologies for not being able to answer the children’s questions——Jamie asked me, should the scores of the religion class test be determined by God? At 6:30, I picked up the phone, which was sticky with chocolate sauce, and called Roy's cell phone. "Loy? Where are you? I have to start filling out the vice-principal promotion questionnaire." "Just write a lot of 'blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!" he said, promising to be back soon.A golden retriever died during surgery to remove a foreign body and had to report the bad news to his owner. While I was researching and revising my answers, the child asked a series of ridiculous questions—— "Mom, Hitler's last name is 'Hail,' right? You tell Jenny, she never believed it." "Mom, the commercials for dog food on TV say new products are tested and most satisfied. Who tested them? Did they ask the dogs? Are they really satisfied?" I watched my next generation in amazement.Didn't I swallow tons of fish oil capsules during pregnancy to help his mind develop?Really, that's when I thought I was going to grow fins and start breathing with gills.But what's the use? At eight o'clock, I called Roy again. "I'm going crazy with two kids!" He actually replied: "Well, you're still mad at them for having babies butt-first." "You go home immediately!" I begged angrily, and I was so angry that I slapped the lid of the plastic box. "But I just took the dog owner out for a beer to take away his grief. The truth is, I forgot to ask him to sign the surgery consent form first, and now, I have to let him have a few drinks and sign the papers when he feels better. Me. You're not going to sue me, are you?" "Oh... that's it! Which tavern are you in?" "monster." "The one with the big TV screen? Jesus! There's a ball game going on right now, isn't there?" "I'll be back soon, I love you." I can only moan.Any tavern with a huge TV screen on the earth is equivalent to a black hole in space. Once a man enters, he will not come out until eternity. "Roy! Roy! No, don't hang up..." At nine o'clock, Jenny was asked to pack her schoolbag, but she refused to put down her cell phone.To be honest, I can't remember her without a mobile phone in her ear. At 9:15, the "mobile phone removal operation" was performed on her daughter, and she was escorted to the bathroom to brush her teeth. At 9:30, he called Roy's cell phone again, and he finally answered it. He seemed drunk from the voice. "I know kids are hard work, but they're useful sometimes, Kitty. Get them to bed early and you'll have a lot of time. Better yet, I'm not bothering you in the house, so peaceful, isn't it? " "But, Roy, I..." At nine forty-five, bribe (Jess would say "reward") the two kids to bed early.It's ironic when you think about it, you can't get them out of bed in the morning and you can't get them into bed at night. I pour a glass of wine and finally sit down to write the "self-assessment" questionnaire. At nine-fifty, earth-shattering screams emanated from Jenny's room, and I rushed up the stairs at cross-country speed, with jerks that would make an athlete cramp.It turned out that the sheets were all used up, so I had to use her brother's old Batman sheets to make her bed. Under the fluorescent light, Jenny was scared out of her wits by the clown's grinning face. I had to take out the king-size sheets used in the master bedroom to wrap her small single bed. The huge white cloth made me lost my way. I felt like an explorer who went to the North Pole. I saw a piece of white, Why can't it be plugged well.never mind!Tell her to sleep in our bed. At ten o'clock, finally settled, I began to look at Scholl's vague educational jargon, trying to decode it, when it occurred to me that Jamie's school assignment was to record "The Six Wives of Henry VIII." The Japanese were defeated in the Second World War. Their way of revenge was to invent and manufacture a bunch of powerful household appliances, and then attach a manual that you can’t understand. This kind of mentality makes you think you are stupid. The torture is actually more painful than inserting bamboo slices under the nails. As I got down on the floor, setting the VCR's buttons, I noticed a tumbleweed-shaped mess in the corner of the floor.I often think, how nice would it be if a house could clean itself like a cat?But with days to go until the Friday cleaning lady arrives, I'm the only housekeeper, so the next hour is just brushing and washing. I remember when I first got married, I was a very hardworking bride. After Jamie was born, everything had to be sterilized. When Jenny came, the pacifier was put in my mouth and sterilized with saliva.Ten years later, my ability to manage the house has atrophied to the point where anything that doesn't talk back can be wiped down with a gray rag. At eleven o'clock in the evening, in order to save time in the morning, I first prepare tomorrow's lunch box, take out the meat to be eaten tomorrow night from the freezer, put a pile of clothes into the washing machine, iron the clothes that I will wear to meet the principal tomorrow, Water and talk to a dying plant, add food and water to animals in various cages, make a shopping list, clean up a Monopoly game, put the dishes in the dishwasher, sew a Midsummer Night's Story for Jenny "Dream" costumes, fighting with the golden decorations that refused to obey... At this time, Roy came back. "See? It's so quiet at home. I don't bother you all night, how wonderful? You don't have to help me cook dinner, I ate outside, and the surgery consent form is signed, let's go to bed to celebrate, okay?" He How dare you wink at me! "That's it!" Is this dreadful day ending with what I fear most - "the hand"? Then I remembered Jenny sleeping in our bed. It's safe!Roy finally got it right—kids are useful sometimes! Wednesday. It's finally Wednesday and thankfully halfway through the week. "How?" Jess met me at a small restaurant near the school. "How was the talk with the headmaster?" "I overslept!" "What? Didn't Roy promise you that you didn't care about anything last night?" I shrugged. "He had to have a knife or something in the interim." "Stop making excuses for your lazy pig, Kathy, people have to climb up to a high position before they can say you're coming back." Alerted, I saw Jess take out a pack of cigarettes from her purse. "When did you start smoking?" "I don't smoke, I'm faking it so that when I start wearing menopause hormone patches later on, I can trick people into saying it's a smoking cessation patch." "Why didn't anyone invent the 'husband patch' so we can wean them off slowly?" I blew off the milk froth on my cappuccino. "That's true, sweetheart. Husbands are becoming less and less necessary, and maybe they'll be cut off like toenail polish and the cecum." There was no way I would miss the vice-principal's interview again, and Lowe was still busy with his lectures, so I decided to take the lead.I can't let myself down anymore! Only by really trying, girls will know where they "can't do"! Thursday morning. Make the two kids sleep in their uniforms, book a cab to take them to the McDonald's next to the school for breakfast, get them out of the way so I can be out at 7:45. At eight o'clock, I finally found my car that seemed to be parked as far away as Wales. At 8:03, I started the engine, and there was a strange flash of light on the dashboard. Unfortunately, my little Honda only spoke Japanese to me.Using all my common sense about cars, I determined that the signal was the gas tank. Damn Lowe, he promised to cheer me on last weekend! At 8:08, I went to the nearby car repair shop to fill up some gas first, but their computer was broken, and they couldn't swipe their cards, so they had to pay in cash. At 8:15, rush to the cash machine across the street. There are five people in front, and the front one is a bearded man who looks like a bomber. He put the ATM card upside down and put it into the small hole, then took it out to look, then looked at the small hole, and then looked at God, Just ignore the instructions on the machine.He pushed the card in again, and this time he pressed the wrong combination three times in a row, so the machine confiscated his card, and he started screaming and cursing, then of course went to get his black backpack. I actually hoped that he really was the bomber, so that when the news came out, I wouldn't have to think about brainstorming and inventing excuses for being late!I couldn't bear it anymore, so I had to leave the car and run to work. The warp and woof of the British Empire were originally woven by a group of snobbish and arrogant colonial officials, and my headmaster was cut from this cloth.When I burst into the Executive Building (arriving eight minutes late, panting like asthma), he was chatting affectionately with my counterpart, Padida Pender. He raised his thick eyebrows and said in a thin voice, "Your lateness is about to become a habit, Mr. O'Connor." "Oh, I would like to come earlier, but it seems difficult to attract attention on time." I said while panting. He pursed his lips coldly.The whole school staff knew that he would speak in this deliberately soft voice before he lost his terrible temper. "Is this kind of time management suitable for being a vice principal? Teacher Pan De has always been punctual." Padida was not only punctual, but also from a good family.Sometimes I really feel that the only way to survive in England is to pick an ancestor, put a lot of manure on it, and let it grow into a branch of the family tree.Padida not only has a family tree, she has a whole forest, and a father who is the superintendent of education. I'm the exact opposite of her, I come from a family of criminals who hang around.My ancestors were exiled to Tasmania in the South Pacific for stealing a lace handkerchief and a loaf of moldy bread... oh, plus dealing in Class A drugs. Padida is the one who puts coasters under the glass when drinking tea. The towels in her bathroom are all set, the clothes hangers are all wrapped in foam, there is a special knife for eating fish, and there is a special small porcelain for putting butter. Moreover, she also has a very rich husband. She was overheard moaning in the faculty room one day, saying that she couldn't make up her mind which babysitter to take skiing, and that all the female teachers wanted to kill her on the spot.And, you know what?I believe that if the jury were all working moms, we would be acquitted! "Well, what's your excuse this time?" The principal seemed to take a lot of pleasure from my embarrassment. "Uh..." I have taught at North Rose Hill Elementary School for many years, and I have probably used every excuse in "The Book of Excuses". My poor relatives never know about the diseases that are common all over the world, and my children I have survived everything from cholera and dysentery to whooping cough, and even been bitten by a weasel (husband is a veterinarian, allowing me to show off my zoology occasionally). Look at my boss, who raised two eyebrows that looked like mating caterpillars, waiting for my answer. I racked my brains to come up with a fresher excuse, for example, the leader of my mystery religion locked me up to practice how to slit my throat.This certainly won't get me an upgrade, but should get me an early retirement. "Truth is, I stayed up late 'tasting' your questionnaire and couldn't sleep enough to get up this morning. Oh, and those questions were radiant with wisdom," I began to lie. "They're so profound, they stimulate me to think, so I can't sleep." The sycophants took his breath away a little. "Uh... well, can you give me the questionnaire?" "I brought it here. The topic is great. It's good for teaching." Padida interjected oilily and handed over her questionnaire. I was thinking about whether to tell Shi Hao, for a job that requires action, is this kind of interview too theoretical?But in the end I just said "Oh my gosh! I forgot to bring the questionnaire to catch up with work! First thing tomorrow..." "You can use the oral test." Padida suggested sweetly. Shit!He was actually defeated by a person who said nothing. "Good idea!" Shi Hao praised her from the bottom of his heart. "Usually I would interview the two separately, but Mr. O'Connor, you have been late so many times that I had to squeeze you into the scheduled meeting with Mr. Pender. Please tell me, do you think you have..." the principal Looking at Padida's questionnaire, read: "Continuously and efficiently guide students based on the new social knowledge you have absorbed, set reasonable expectations for students, monitor their progress, and give clear and constructive feedback. , so that they learn the knowledge relevant to the curriculum?" "Course?" I quickly grabbed the only word I understood in this string of words. "Society classes in London? Oh, you mean how to read, write, and do drug deals?" I babbled. "Ah! That at least taught those kids the metric system." My smile wasn't answered, in fact, the headmaster's stiff reaction could turn Granite into a cartoon character. Padida offered to verbalize her answers for an almost eternity of admiration, and then it came to her: uh... a glorious family tree dating back to the Crusades. "Very good, Mr. O'Connor, I have had a meaningful discussion with Mr. Pan De about the conditions for being the vice principal..." I too would love to have a meaningful conversation with Padida, but first I must have a cricket bat ready. "But I have to go to a meeting now, please use the noon time to fill out the questionnaire, explain what a good teacher you are, and list your strengths..." "Always being late doesn't count!" Padida interjected, sharing a bemused smile with the headmaster. Asking a good teacher to explain how good he is is like trying to nail jelly into the wall.We just applaud because we don’t think we are good. "Principal, my best condition is that I like my students and I love my job." Strangely enough, my principal didn't believe I was telling the truth. He stood up and motioned Padida to leave with a smile. "Thank you, Teacher Pande." After Padida left, he said, "Ms. O'Connor, there is something I want to say quickly... You may have been in this school longer than Teacher Pande, but你知道，她有一流学校的教育学位，而且，她正在写一篇论文——课堂上的控制与结构。”他好像鹦鹉那样，乖乖地说着赞美之词。 我没有一流的学位，我最有成就的教育技巧，是我知道谁在我背后扮鬼脸，以及哪一家的狗真的吃了哪个孩子的作业簿，这些都不是一流的教育学院可以教你的事。 “告诉我，你为何选择教小学？”他最后问。 “呃……教小学生比教高中生更有收获的是，小学生会用头撞你的肚子！”我开玩笑。“好吧！笑话少说。我喜欢教小孩子是因为他们的幽默感，例如，才上个星期，罗丝·皮尔斯在她的地理作业写道：把红海和地中海连在一起的是'下水道运河'。而我要雅蒂·葛林堡倒数一到十的时候，她竟然转过身去，背对着我数了起来。”我轻声笑出来，可是发现好像只有我觉得好笑，又赶紧收敛。 史镐先生深吸了几口气。我们常在教员休息室开玩笑说，我们的校长就是因为太过残忍，才从击杀海珊的小组被解职；而他发脾气时（这是每天要发生的事），真让人以为他想重操旧业。 “欧康诺老师，你对这次的升级是认真的吗？邓迪先生这个学期结束之后就要离开了，我需要一个能干而有毅力的老师来当副校长。你是最资深的申请人，没错，督学和学生都喜欢你，可是我就是看不出你的领导能力。” 他继续咆哮什么“重新设计重点”、“机构瘦身”与“冗员裁减”时，我研究着他那从旁边往上铺到头顶的发型。那真像一条条意大利细面松软地垂挂在煮得太老的鸡蛋上！ 当他继续拷问我究竟在问卷上写了怎样的答案时，我审视着他办公桌上咖啡杯的印子，有点想问他护照上的“发色”写的是什么颜色。看他的样子，你知道的，几乎应该写“秃头”！ 从他身后的玻璃窗可以看见帕笛妲趾高气昂地走过操场，她穿着两件式的套装、戴着珍珠项链，神情从容、态度悠闲、架式十足，嗯……如此完美！ 噢，我想任何一个出门去赚钱的丈夫，站出来大概就是这个气势。 我别玩了！ Friday. 根据老师们在教职员休息室喝的饮料，就可以看出很多事情。 大部分人抓着星巴克精选的浓缩咖啡，有气无力地走进学校，史镐先生是加了两块糖的奶茶，帕笛妲喝迷迭香药草茶。接下来的一整天，我们就用那一把内壁黏有垢石的水壶煮出来的水泡茶喝，胡乱地使用印有一堆自嘲字眼的杯子，例如“跟班上一起用功的老师”、“定要你做到对的老师”，但没人敢动帕笛妲那个印着“最佳老师”、充满恶兆的马克杯。 我抱着一杯都是保利龙味道的温咖啡，像挂掉许久的犁牛，瘫坐在脱线的破沙发上，微热的饮料跟我冷淡的旁观心态相互呼应。 我无精打采地回顾这个星期，太多证据像潮水总会抵达涨潮点那般提醒我：洛伊真的从“怎样当个好丈夫”的教室中旷课了。 是谁说过“生命只是一件又一件的事”？在上班族妈妈的生命里，那些事都是同样的事，而且重复又重复，只是速度非常之快，好像在流沙上面慢跑。对上班族妈妈来说，每天都像手上拿着插梢拔掉一半的手榴弹。 不管我多么希望自己能一手换尿布、一手做焦糖布丁，同时用电话主持商务会议，我其实都在自欺欺人。所以，当星期五的晚上，我像个永远必须笑脸迎人的空服员，穿着高跟鞋飞了半个世界之后，累得双腿麻痹，当然，只想对所有的人狂吼就没有什么好奇怪的了。 或许，洁思的说法从一开始就是正确的。或许，我真的对洛伊有着满腔的愤怒，所以才无法在床上对他好一点。 This is just great!我早已超载的脑袋必须思考的事又更多了。我也感觉到对于这“神圣的婚姻”，我必须有个策略出来了。

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