Chapter 30 Chapter Twenty Nine

Just after dawn, the "Fenton" set sail and left.The boat that Dr. Saunders was going to take to Bali arrived in the afternoon.The ship didn't stay long, loaded up and left, so at eleven o'clock the doctor hired a carriage and drove to Swann's estate.The doctor thought it would be rude not to say goodbye before leaving. Old Swan was sitting on a chair in the garden when he arrived.Eric Christensen was sitting in this chair that night when he saw Fred come out of Louise's room.The doctor stayed with him for a while, and the old man didn't remember him anymore, but he was in good spirits, and asked the doctor many questions, without paying any attention to the answers he gave.After a while Louise came out and went down the steps.She shook hands with the doctor.There was not a trace of grief on her body.She had the usual calm and charming smile on her face, just like the first time the doctor saw her returning from the bath in the manor.She was wearing a brown batik sarong over a native coat.Her long, soft, lustrous hair was braided and coiled around her forehead.

"Come in and sit for a while?" she said, "Father is working and will be over in a while." The doctor accompanied her into the spacious drawing room.The blinds are drawn, and the soft lighting makes people feel happy.The room wasn't comfortable, but it was cool.On the table was a bowl containing a handful of cannas shining yellow like the rising sun.The whole room suddenly filled with a strange exotic atmosphere. "Grandpa doesn't know about Eric. He's very fond of Eric, they're both Scandinavian, and we're worried he won't be able to stand it. But maybe he already knows, that's anyone's guess. Sometimes, in order not to worry him, some things are not told to him, but after a few weeks, he will suddenly say something, and we found out that he knew it all along."

When she spoke, she behaved calmly, her voice was gentle and full, as if she was talking about some trivial matters. "Old people are weird. They've lost so much, they have such a detached attitude towards people and things that they can't be regarded as normal human beings. But sometimes you feel that they There's a new understanding of the world that we don't get to experience." "Your grandfather was very active that night. I hope that at his age, I can be as energetic as well." "He's excited. He likes to talk to strangers, but it's like a gramophone turned on, and it's corny. But there's something inside him, like a little animal, like a burrowing A mouse or a squirrel coming home, something is going on inside him that we don't know about. I've often wondered what that is."

The doctor had nothing to say, and the two fell silent together. "Would you like a stengah?" she said. "no thank you." They sat facing each other in easy chairs.The whole room was full of strangeness, but also a little restless, as if waiting for something. "The 'Fenton' went away this morning," said the doctor. "I know." He stared at her thoughtfully.She was very calm. "I'm afraid Christensen's death has been a great blow to you." "I really like him." "He talked to me a lot about you the night before he died. He loved you deeply, and he told me that he was going to marry you."

"Yes." She glanced at him quickly, "Why did he commit suicide?" "He saw Fred come out of your room." She lowered her head, her face flushed. "This is impossible." "Fred told me. Eric was there when he jumped off the porch railing." "Who told Fred that Eric and I were engaged?" "I." "That's probably why he didn't want to see me yesterday afternoon. When I came in and saw the way he looked at me, I knew there was no hope." There was no disappointment in her words, she calmly accepted the irreversible fact.From her tone of voice, you can even feel that she shrugged helplessly.

"Don't you love him?" She rested her head on her hands and looked as if she was looking into her own heart. "It's complicated," she said. "It's none of my business anyway." "I don't mind telling you, and I don't care what you think of me." "Why did you do that?" "He was very good-looking. Remember that afternoon when I met you at the manor? I couldn't take my eyes off him. Then we had dinner and we danced together. I think this is what you call love at first sight." "I probably wouldn't think so."

"Oh?" She looked at him in surprise, then took a quick look at the doctor, as if he had caught her attention for the first time. "I knew he was in love with me, and I felt something I'd never felt before. I wanted him so much. Normally I'd sleep like a log at night, but I couldn't sleep that night. Dad said the next day I offered to drive him here to show you his translations. I knew he would only stay for a day or two. If he could stay for a month, maybe nothing would happen, because I would feel that there are many more Time, don't rush for a moment. And if I could spend a week with him, I dare say I wouldn't be so haunted. But now I don't regret it, I feel very satisfied and free. After he left that night I Lying awake for a while. I'm happy as hell, but you know, I don't care if I see him again, I'm so comfortable being alone. I don't expect you to understand me, but I feel dizzy from the bottom of my heart .”

"Aren't you afraid of the consequences?" asked the doctor. "What do you mean?" She suddenly understood, and then smiled, "Oh, that. Doctor, I have lived on this island for a long time, and I used to play with the children on the island when I was a child. One of my good friends is the foreman My daughter is the same age as me. She has been married for four years and has three children. Sex is not a mystery to Malay children. I have known everything about sex since I was seven years old. things." "Why did you come to the hotel yesterday?" "I was distraught. I loved Eric so much and I couldn't believe it when I got the news of his death. I was afraid he died because of me, and I wondered if he knew about Fred and me."

"It's your fault." "I'm very sad that he died. I owe him a lot. I adored him as a kid and to me he was like what my grandpa called an old pirate. I liked him a lot. It's not my fault though." "Why do you say that?" "Maybe he doesn't know it himself, but I do. He doesn't love me. He loves my mother. She knows it, and I think she's in love with him in the end. It's funny to think about it. He both Young enough to be her son. What he really loves is the shadow of my mother in me, but he won't understand." "Don't you love him?"

"Oh, of course. Emotionally in love but not emotionally, or emotionally in love but not nerve-wracking for him. He's a very nice guy, extremely dependable, and he can't Anything bad, he's very sincere. There's something saintly about him." The mention of Eric brought tears to her eyes.She took out her handkerchief and wiped her eyes. "Since you don't love him, why are you engaged to him?" "I promised my mother before she died. I think she hoped to realize her love for him in me. And I also like him very much, I also know him, and spend a lot of time with him at home. I think if my mother He married me after he died and I might have fallen in love with him, I was so sad. But he thought I was too young and he didn't want to take advantage of my emotions at the time.

"Father is not very willing to let me marry him. He always expects some fairy tale prince to come from afar and take me to his magic castle. I think you will probably think that father is not promising and unrealistic, of course I don't believe in a Prince Charming, but my father's ideas are not groundless, he has an intuition about things. He lives in the clouds, if you know what I mean, but his clouds often reflect the light of heaven. I think if nothing happened, at the end of the day Eric and I would still be married and live happily ever after. No one can ever be unhappy with Eric, go to those things he used to talk about on our honeymoon It must be a wonderful place. I've always wanted to go to Sweden, which is where my grandfather came from, and Venice." "Unfortunately, we ended up here. After all, it's just a coincidence that we came to this small island. We could have gone to Ambona." "You could have gone to Ambona? I think eternal Providence has brought you here." "Do you think it is because our fate is so important that God arranged this disturbance for us?" said the doctor with a smile. She didn't answer.The two fell into silence. "I'm very sorry," she said at last. "Don't be too sorry." "Oh, I have no regrets." She said firmly, and the doctor looked at her in surprise. "You blame me, everyone thinks that, but I don't blame myself. Eric killed himself because I didn't live up to his idealized version of me." "what." The doctor realized that her intuition had aligned with her own reasoning. "If he loves me, then either kill me or forgive me. Don't you think people who take physical actions seriously, at least white people, are stupid? You know, I went to school in Oakland Religious shock. Most girls at that age experience that. I took a vow during Lent to never touch anything with sugar in it. The cravings were unquenchable, and it was a real torture. One day I passed a candy store, and I looked at the chocolates in the window, and I was so itchy, so I went in, bought a half pound, and ate it on the street, Until there wasn't a single chocolate left in the bag. Then I went back to school and I held myself easily for the rest of the fast. I told this to Eric and he laughed and said That's normal. He's very forgiving, don't you think if he loves me, he'll be kind to me in other ways too?" "Men are sensitive to that aspect." "Except Eric. He's very wise, and very kind. I tell you, he doesn't love me. He loves my own image. He loves my mother's beauty and all the qualities in me, And shadows of Shakespeare's heroines and Andersen's princesses. What a reason people conjure up an image of themselves, force it on you, and get mad at you for letting him down! He wants to trap me in his ideal. He doesn't care who I am and accepts me for who I am. He wants to take over my soul. He senses that there is something in me that doesn't fit him so trying to replace the little flame inside of me and turn me into what he imagined. So I was sad but not remorseful. And Fred was the same. He lay next to me that night When I was next to him, he said that he wanted to live on this island forever, marry me, and then run the manor together. I forgot what else. He drew a blueprint and hoped that I could adapt. He also wanted to make me Imprisoned in his own dream, although this dream is different from Eric's, but this is only his dream. I am me, I don't want to live in someone else's dream, I want to have my own dream. What is happening now Everything is terrible, and my heart is very heavy, but deep down, I know that I am free because of it." Without being agitated at all, she spoke each sentence slowly and carefully.Her composure always made the doctor feel that she was different.He listened intently, trembling in his heart, because it always frightened him to face the naked soul.And in Louise, he saw that straightforward and almost cruel intuition forced the chaotic creatures that existed at the beginning of the creation to forcibly break out from the uncontrollable hostility of accidents.He wondered to himself what this girl would grow up to be. "Do you have any plans for the future?" the doctor asked. She shook her head. "I can wait, I'm still young. This is mine when Grandpa dies, maybe I'll sell it. Father wants to go to India, the world is wide." "I have to go," said the doctor. "Can I say good-bye to your father?" "I'll take you to his study." She led him down a long corridor and into a slightly smaller room at the other end of the house.Frith was sitting at his desk, which was cluttered with his manuscripts and books.He was typing away at the typewriter, sweat streaming down his chubby, flushed face, his glasses slid down the bridge of his nose. "Here are the last paragraphs of Chapter Nine," he said. "You're going, aren't you? I'm afraid I won't have a chance to show you." He has forgotten that when he read his work aloud to the doctor, the doctor fell asleep.Or he remembered, but wasn't frustrated by it. "I'm almost done. It's been a massive project and I can't imagine myself doing it without the encouragement of my precious daughter. She is a deserving main beneficiary." "Dad, don't overwork yourself." "Time flies," he murmured as he tapped on his typewriter. "Life is short." She put her hand gently on Frith's shoulder and smiled at the scraps of paper on the typewriter.Dr. Saunders was touched again by the devotion she had for her father, and it was impossible, in her intelligence, not to see that Frith was wasting his energy in vain. "Dear Papa, we didn't come here to disturb you. Dr. Sanders wanted to say goodbye to you." "Oh, of course." Ferris said, standing up from the desk, "It's a gift from God to meet you. In such a remote place, there are almost no visitors. You were able to come to Christensen's funeral yesterday It's great that we Brits should unite on occasions like this. It will impress the Dutch. Although Christensen is not British, we have had a lot of contact since he came to the island, and after all he and Queen Alexandra is from the same country. A glass of sherry before you go?" "No, thank you. I have to go back quickly." "I was very upset when I heard the bad news, the prosecutor told me he couldn't stand the heat. He wanted to marry Louise and I'm glad I don't have to give permission now. No one in control! Only Brits Being able to move to a strange place and still maintain our own balance. His death is a great loss for us, of course he was a foreigner, but I am still very shocked and saddened." Apparently, the death of a Dane was not as important to him as the death of an Englishman.Frith insisted on sending the doctor to the yard by the door.The doctor got into the carriage, turned to wave them goodbye, and saw Frith put his hand on his daughter's waist.A beam of sunlight filtered through the thick leaves of the Java olives and kissed Louise's long hair, leaving a golden halo.