Chapter 29 Chapter Twenty Eight

In such a hot country, the body cannot be left for too long, but the authorities had to do some inspections for Eric, so the funeral was not held until late afternoon.Several of Eric's Dutch friends, Fries, Dr. Saunders, Fred Black and Captain Nichols, attended the funeral.Such an occasion was just what the captain wanted, and he deliberately borrowed a black suit from a new friend on the island.The clothes didn't fit well because the original owner was taller and fatter.When the captain wears it, he can only roll up the sleeves and trouser legs.However, compared with other unremarkable people, this completely showed the captain's respect for the dead.The ceremony was carried out according to Dutch customs, which in Nichols' view was somewhat inappropriate and, more importantly, he could not participate in it.After the funeral he shook hands with the Lutheran priest and with the two or three Dutch officials present, as if they were rendering him a personal service.There was so much hypocrisy in his demeanor that the visitors mistook him for a close relative of the dead man for a moment.Fred cried.

The four English speakers walked back together.After a while, they came to the harbor. "Gentlemen, would you like to sit awhile aboard the Fenton?" said the captain. "I'll open a bottle of wine which I found by chance in the storeroom this morning. A little wine after a funeral is no Wrong. I mean, it's not like beer or whiskey, wine is more serious." "It's the first time I've heard that," Frith said, "but I see what you mean." "I'm not going," said Fred. "I'm sorry. Doc, can I walk with you?" "if you are willing to."

"We're all very sad," said the captain, "and that's why I suggest a glass of wine. Of course it won't take away your restlessness, nothing will, and if it does anything, it will only make you more sad, At least in my experience. The whole point of drinking wine is that you can enjoy it, and if you come with me, you will definitely get something out of it, and it won’t be in vain.” "To hell with it," Fred said. "Come on, Ferris. If you're still the Ferris I know, we'll have an easy drink." "People are degenerate these days," Frith said. "People who can drink two or three bottles are as extinct as the dodo."

"The dodo is Australian," said Captain Nichols. "If two grown men can't drink a bottle of wine, I'm a disappointment. Babylon has fallen, fallen!" "That's right," Nichols responded. They boarded the life raft together, and the Australian natives on the raft sailed to the "Fenton".The doctor and Fred walked on slowly.They went back to the hotel and went in together. "Go to your room," Fred said. The doctor poured himself a whiskey and soda and another for Fred. "We'll be sailing in the evening," Fred said.

"Really? Have you met Louise?" "No." "Are you ready to meet her?" "not prepare." The doctor shrugged, it had nothing to do with him after all.They drank and smoked in silence. "I've told you a lot," Fred said at last, "so it doesn't hurt to tell you the rest of the story." "I'm not curious." "I want someone to talk about it all. Sometimes I can't help but tell Nichols, thank God I'm not that stupid. He'll take this opportunity to blackmail me of." "I wouldn't tell my secrets to someone like him."

Fred giggled, mocking in his tone. "Really, it wasn't my fault, it was just bad luck. It's cruel that a good life should be ruined by an accident like this. Damn it's not fair. I have a good job, The company I work for is one of the best in Sydney and one day my dad will buy me a share. He is a very influential person who can bring me a lot of business and I will make a lot of money and then Sooner or later, I will get married, have children and settle down. I planned to enter politics like my father. If anyone has a bright future, then that person is me. Looking at me now, I have no family, no name, no future, and only a few hundred gold in my pocket Pounds, and things my father sent to Batavia. Not a single friend."

"But you're young, educated, and handsome." "I just want to laugh when I say that. If I had a slanted eye, I'd be all right, and I wouldn't leave Sydney. Doctor, you don't look good, so you don't understand." "I recognized reality and resigned myself to it." "Resign yourself to fate! Do you still have to thank my lucky star every day!" The doctor smiled. "That was not what I meant." However, the silly boy desperately tried to be serious. "I don't want you to think I'm self-righteous, I don't really have the ego to be honest. But you know, there's no girl I can't get. That's how I was when I was a kid, and I think it's a pleasure. After all, people You can only be young once, and since I can have fun, why not enjoy it? Don't you think it's bad?"

"I don't think so, only people who don't get such an opportunity would say that." "I don't go out of my way to pursue them. They will imply that I am a fool to let go of such an opportunity. Sometimes I am amused to see them all behaving indifferently, but usually I Pretend not to notice. And then they get mad at me. Girls are weird, nothing makes them mad like being stuck. Of course I won't let this affect my work, I'm not a fool, in any sense Neither is it, I hope to get ahead.” "You're an only child, aren't you?" "No, I have an older brother who works with my father and he is married. I also have a married older sister.

"One Sunday last year, a guy came to my house with his wife. His name was Hudson. He was Roman Catholic and influential in Ireland and Italy. Father said he had a lot to do with the election, He also asked his mother to entertain the guests well. They stayed for dinner, and the Prime Minister brought his wife. Mother prepared enough food for them for a large group of people. After dinner, his father led them to the study to discuss business. Everyone sat in the garden. I wanted to go fishing, but my father wanted me to stay and behave. Mother and Mrs. Danis were schoolmates." "Who is Mrs. Danis?"

"Mr Durnis is prime minister, the biggest man in Australia." "sorry, I do not know." "They both always had a lot to say. They tried to be polite to Mrs. Hudson, but I could tell they didn't like her very much. Mrs. Hudson did her best to compliment them, and said good things, but The more she complimented, the less they liked her. Finally Mother asked me if I would take her for a walk in the garden. When we left, the first thing she said to me was: 'For God's sake, Give me a cigarette.' She took one look at me while I was lighting her cigarette, and said, 'You're so pretty.' 'You think so?' I said. 'Surely other people have said that about you? ' she said. 'Only my mother said that,' I said, 'but I think she said that in partiality.' She asked me if I liked dancing, and I said I did. Then she said she was going to have tea the next day, Asked if I would like to come over after work and have a dance together. I didn't really want to go, so I said no. She said: "What about Tuesday or Wednesday?" I can't say that I have something to do on both days, so I just Say Tuesday is fine. After the guests left I told my father and mother about it. Mother didn't want me to go, but my father thought I should. He said it wouldn't do him any good if we treated people coldly.'I don't like her The way she stares at her son.’ said the mother, but the father told her not to be stupid. ‘She’s old enough to be his mother.’ He said. ‘How old is she?’ asked the mother.

"She's not good-looking at all. She's as thin as a stick, and her neck is skinny, with no flesh at all. Tall, with a long, thin face, sunken cheeks, brown skin, and the same color all over her body, The skin is rough and leathery, if you know what I mean. And her hair is messed up, like it's about to fall out. She always has a bunch of uncombed hair hanging in front of her ears or on her forehead, which I like The woman has her hair clean, how about you? Her hair is black, sort of like a gypsy's hair. She has very big black eyes. Her whole face rests on those eyes, you I can't even look away when I talk to her. She doesn't look British, she looks like a Hungarian or something foreign. There is nothing attractive about her. "I went on Tuesday. I have to admit, she knows how to dance. You know, I like dancing. I had a better time than I expected that afternoon. She had a lot to say for herself. If I Those friends were there too, and I wasn't going to have fun, they would have laughed at me for dancing with that old lady all afternoon. We danced all kinds of dances one after another. I soon Just saw what she was up to and I couldn't help but feel amused, what a poor old lady, I figured if it made her happy, let's go ahead. One night her husband was at a meeting and she asked me to see it Movie. I said yes and we went on a date. I held her hand during the movie, I thought she would be happy with it and it wouldn't do me any harm. After the movie she asked if I could be with her Walk around. We knew each other quite well, she was very interested in my work, and wanted to know my family. We talked about horse racing, and I told her that the most I wanted to do was to be in one of the big races Riding a horse to a race. She didn't look ugly in the dark, so I kissed her. I ended up taking her somewhere and had a big fight. I actually did it more out of politeness than anything else .I thought that was the end. How wrong! She was madly in love with me. She said she fell in love with me the first time she saw me. To tell you the truth, when I first heard this, I'm a little smug. She's got a knack for it. Her big, twinkling eyes amuse me sometimes. Her gypsy look is, how should I put it, very different. It's like transporting you to another world. , you can't believe you're in beautiful Sydney. It's like living in a story about nihilists and grand dukes, and I'm so clueless. God behold, she's hot. I always thought, I still know a thing or two about those things in between, in fact, facing her, I know nothing. I'm not particularly picky, but sometimes she almost makes me sick. She is very proud. She often said that when a man falls in love with her, other women are more tasteless than cold roast lamb. "In a way, I enjoy it, but you know, I don't find it easy. Nobody likes a woman who's not ashamed. And she's always going to push things and never get enough. She wants me See her every day, she calls my office, even my house, I told her, for God's sake, be careful. After all, she has a husband, and I have my parents, if I My father sensed something was wrong and he could have easily sent me to the sheep farm for a year. But she said she didn't care. She said if I went to the sheep farm she would come with me. She didn't seem to Don't care about the risks I'm taking, if it wasn't for me, word would be all over Sydney in a week about us. She called my mother and asked if I could come to her for dinner, they played bridge and they were three out of one And when I was at her house, she was able to have sex with me right under her husband's nose. When she saw that I was terrified, she laughed and laughed and got even more excited. Pat Hudson took me for a Boy, didn't pay much attention to me, he was very self-righteous at bridge and liked to talk and show off. I didn't dislike him. He was a bit vulgar, the kind who would throw the bottle out. But he also had His smart way. He is ambitious and likes me to go to their house because I am my father's son and he is ready to join my father's side, of course it is not gratuitous, he is trying to get a substantial amount of money from it benefit. "By and by I thought enough was enough, my soul wasn't my own, and she was very jealous. If we were out together and I happened to take one look at a girl, she'd ask me: 'Who is that? Why are you looking at her like that? Have you slept with her before?' If I say I've never talked to her, she'll call me a goddamn liar. I think we should cool down a bit, in case I suddenly Break up with her and she'll stab me in the face. She'll have Hudson in her hands, and dad's going to be mad if he joins us in the election. So I started making excuses. She called me When I go out, I always say I'm busy at work or I have to stay home. I tell her my mother is getting suspicious and we have to be careful. She's very smart and doesn't believe me. She made me A lot of shitty situations, I'm kind of scared to be honest. I've never seen anyone like that, the girls I've played with before, they just take it as a pleasure, like me, so it usually just ends naturally No more clinging. You might think that when she guessed I was bored, she would stop clinging to me out of pride. No wonder! Quite the opposite, you know, she told me to elope with her, Go to America or something so we can get married. Seems like she never thought about being twenty years older than me. It's just ridiculous. I can only pretend it's impossible because of elections, And we couldn't support ourselves. She was absolutely nuts, she said, why should we care about elections, and said that in America, everyone can survive, and she was an actress before, and she was very confident that she would get the part. She seemed to think she was a little girl. She asked me if I would marry her if she hadn't got a husband. I said yes. I was so nervous by her that I could say anything. You don't know What kind of life she made me live, I really wish I hadn't met her. I was so worried, I didn't know what to do, I thought about telling my mother, but she would be terrified. That woman never left me, once She came to my office and I had to greet her politely and pretend everything was fine because I knew she would definitely embarrass me in front of big guys. But then I told her that if she did it again, I would Don't talk to her anymore. Then she was waiting for me on the street outside my office. God, I should have broken her neck. Dad used to take a special car home, and usually I walked to his office after work Waiting for him. She insisted on walking this part of the way with me. Eventually it got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and I didn't care what was going to happen and I was going to tell her I was tired of this and it couldn't go on like this. "I made up my mind and I finally said it. God, it was too bad. It was at her house, a rough little house built on a cliff overlooking the harbour. It was far away, I had to come out of the office early in the afternoon on purpose. She was crying and fussing, she said she loves me, can't live without me, and I don't know anything. She said she would do anything I like, and never will Annoy me, she said she would change. She promised me everything, nothing she didn't mention. Then she went berserk, cursed me, cursed me, cussed everything. She told me I rushed, I grabbed her hand, I was afraid that she would gouge out my eyeballs. She was crazy. Then she said that she was going to commit suicide, so she ran out of the house. I was afraid that she would jump off a cliff or do something else, I pulled her back with all my strength. She kicked and kicked and twisted into a ball with me. Then she knelt down again, trying to kiss my hand, but I pushed her away, and she fell to the ground, whining I started to cry. I took this opportunity and ran away quickly. "As soon as I got home, her phone came after her. I couldn't talk to her, so I hung up. The phone rang again and again, luckily my mother was not at home, and I didn't answer any of them. The next day I was in the office. There was a letter, ten pages, you know, that kind of thing. I didn't even read it, and of course it was impossible to answer it. I went out to lunch at one o'clock, and she was waiting for me at the door of the company. I probably passed her quickly, and then squeezed into the crowd. When I returned to the company after dinner, I thought she might still be there, so I found a colleague who ate at the same place as me and walked back together. She Sure enough, I pretended I didn't see her, and she didn't dare to come forward to talk to me. When I left the company at night, I found another colleague to go with me. She was still there. I guess she had been waiting there, so that we There was no way to slip away. But you know what, she had the audacity to walk right up to me and put on all the social decorum. “‘How are you, Fred?’ she said. "Before I could call my colleague to stop him, he left by himself. I had nowhere to escape. "'What do you want?' I said. I was furious. "'God, don't talk to me like that,' she said. 'Have pity on me, I'm so depressed that I can't see clearly.' "'I'm sorry.' I said, 'I can't help you.' "Then she started crying and stood in the middle of the road in front of so many people coming and going, I wanted to kill her. "'Fred, you can't do this.' She said, 'You can't leave me, you're my everything.' "'Don't be a fool,' I said, 'you're an old woman, I'm just coming of age, and you should be ashamed of yourself.' "'So what?' she said, 'I love you with all my heart.' "'But I don't love you,' said I. 'I can't bear to see you. I tell you, it's over between us, and for God's sake, leave me alone.' "'What can I do to make you love me?' she said. "'No use.' I said, 'I'm tired of you.' "'Then I won't live either,' she said. "'That's your business,' I said, and walked off quickly before she could stop me. "I said that, and it didn't seem like I cared at all, but I was really worried. People always say that people who threaten suicide will never do it, but she was different. The truth is, she was crazy. She'll do anything. She'll totally come to my house and shoot herself in the garden. She'll swallow poison and leave some bad last words. She'll blame me for everything. You want Understand that I have to think not only of myself but of my father. It would be bad for him if I got involved in anything, especially at that juncture. And if I do something stupid, he won't let it go easily. Mine. I tell you, I barely slept that night. I was almost sick. If I saw her hanged herself in front of the company in the morning, I would be very angry, but in a way, this It was a relief, too. But the next day she wasn't there, and she didn't send me a letter. I was starting to get a little scared, really, and I was trying to refrain from calling her and checking to see if something was wrong with her. I snatched the evening papers when they came. Pat Hudson was a very important man, and if anything happened to him the media would make a big deal of it. But there was nothing about him in the papers. It was an uneventful day, she didn't show up, no voicemails, no letters, nothing in the papers, and the next day. So I started to think that everything was all right, and I finally got rid of her. Finally I came to the conclusion that In conclusion, everything was a false alarm. At that time, my heart was full of gratitude to God. This incident taught me a great lesson. I vowed to be careful in the future and never provoke middle-aged women again. With her My every nerve was on edge when we were together, so you can't even imagine how much relief it was for me. I don't want to show off myself, but I'm a decent guy and that woman was just unbearable. I Know it sounds stupid, but sometimes, she really scares me. I'm just having fun, but damn, I don't want to be a jerk." Dr. Sanders didn't speak, but he deeply understood Fred's words.Hasty and hot-blooded, coupled with the unique unscrupulousness of youth, he likes to enjoy himself in time, but youth is not only indifferent, but also temperate. The seasoned woman irritated his instinct with unbridled enthusiasm. "Ten days later I got a letter from her. The envelope was typewritten, or I wouldn't have read it. But the letter was sensible. She called me 'Dear Fred,' and she said she was sorry for letting me I was so embarrassed, she said that she was crazy at the time, but now she has calmed down and doesn't want to annoy me anymore. She said that she was too nervous and took me too seriously. Now everything is over, she is right I don't have any malice. She said I shouldn't blame her and I was wrong too, who made me look so handsome? Then she said that she was going to New Zealand the next day and would stay for three months. Her doctor advised her to change Circumstances. Then she said that Pat was going to Newcastle that night and asked if I could come and say goodbye. She swore on her glory that she would not give me any more trouble and it was over and over. It was just that Pat had heard some rumors, It's not a big deal, but if Pat asks me something, it's best I agree with her. She wants me to go to her place that night, because even if it doesn't matter to me, I'm safe, but the thing is It's tricky for her, and she doesn't want to get into any trouble if she can get it under control. "It's true that Pat went to Newcastle, because I heard from my father about it at breakfast. It was a normal letter. She scribbles sometimes and you don't recognize her writing is What, but she can write very well if she wants to. I can see from this letter that she writes very calmly. I am a little worried that she said that Pat heard the rumors, because although I warned her over and over Well, she's still not shy at all, very open. If he does hear something, I'd better speak with her. As the saying goes, be prepared. So I called her and told her I'd be there at six o'clock I was taken aback by how natural she was on the phone, like she didn't care if I went or not. "When I got to her house, she shook my hand as if we were just friends. She asked me if I wanted some tea, and I said I had before. She said she wouldn't keep me because She was going to the movies, and she was already dressed. I asked her what Pat knew, and she said it wasn't a big deal, but she was a little upset to hear that I went to the movies with her that day. She told Pat Te, we just happened to meet. The first time I saw her sitting there alone, so I sat next to her. The second time, I happened to meet in the vestibule, so I bought a ticket for her and went in together. Yes. She said Pat wouldn't bring it up, but if she did, she wanted me to agree with her. Of course I said I would. She re-checked the story with me, and then we talked about her Travel. She knows New Zealand so well and she talked about it. I haven't been there and it sounds like a good place. She's going to spend some time with friends and she told me about her friends and I couldn't help but laugh Lol. She can be really good if she wants to, as long as she doesn't throw a tantrum, she's a real pleasure to have around, I must admit. I don't feel the passage of time at all. She Just like when I first met her. Finally she got up and said she was going. I figured I was there for half an hour, maybe three quarters of an hour. She shook my hand and smiled look at me. "'I guess kissing me good-bye probably won't do you any harm, will it?' she said. "When she said it, there was playfulness in her tone, and I laughed. "'I don't think so,' I said. "I bent down to kiss her, or she kissed me. She put her arm around my neck, and I tried to shake it off, but she didn't let go, and it wrapped around me like a vine. Then she said, she I'm leaving tomorrow, can't I just want her again? I said you promised I wouldn't make me hate you. She said she didn't mean it, she just couldn't help it when she saw me, and she swore it was the last time. After all She's leaving tomorrow, what's the point of doing it again. She's been kissing me, touching my face, she says she doesn't blame me for anything, she says she's just a stupid woman in love, I can't be nice to her A little bit? I'm so relieved that she accepted the breakup and everything went well, but I don't want to be a heartless beast. If she doesn't go, I will refuse anyway, but she tomorrow I was about to leave, so I thought, why not let her go happily? "'Okay,' I said, 'let's go upstairs.' "It was a loft with bedrooms and guest rooms on the first floor, the kind of houses that are everywhere in Sydney these days. "'No,' she said, 'it's a mess upstairs.' "She dragged me to the couch, which was big enough to curl up and sleep on. "'I love you. I love you.' she kept saying. "Suddenly the door opened and I jumped off the couch and saw Hudson. For a split second we both froze in amazement. Then he started yelling at me, I don't know what he was saying, and then he Jumped in front of me. He threw a punch at me and I dodged, I was fast and had a little bit of boxing, and then he came at me and we wrestled. He was a tall, strong Man, taller than me, but I'm also strong. He tried to knock me down, and I tried my best not to let him. We fought all over the room, and every time he got a chance, he punched me, and I punched him back .I broke free from him once and he came at me like a bull. I staggered. We knocked down tables and chairs in the room. It was a hard fight. I tried to break free from him again , but couldn't escape. He tried to trip me, and it didn't take long for me to realize that he was much stronger than me, but I was more flexible than him. He was wearing a coat, and I was only wearing underwear, and then I fell. I don't know if I slipped and fell, or if he threw us down, we were rolling around on the floor like a couple of madmen. He pinned me down and started hitting me in the face, I bit There was no way but to block it with my arms. Suddenly I thought he was going to kill me, God, I was so scared, I ran away with all my strength, but he fell back like a bolt of lightning I felt that my strength was slowly exhausted, he pressed my trachea with one knee, I knew I was about to suffocate, I wanted to shout for help, but I couldn’t. I stretched out my right hand, suddenly Suddenly, I felt a revolver in my hand. I swear I really didn't know what I was doing, it happened so fast. I twisted my arm and fired. He let out a cry and flinched instinctively I got up. I fired again. He groaned in pain and rolled off me onto the floor. I jumped up. "I tremble like a leaf in the wind." Fred leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.His face was pale, and there were beads of sweat on his forehead, and he looked as if he was about to faint.He took a long breath. "I was stunned. I saw Flory on her knees and, you won't believe it, I observed that she was very careful not to get blood on herself. She felt for his pulse, and then Closing his open eyes, she stood up. "'It's all right,' she said. 'He's dead.' She gave me a strange look. 'As long as we try to get rid of him, it won't end well.' "I was horrified. I guess I was completely out of my mind at the time, otherwise I wouldn't have been stupid enough to say to her 'I thought he was in Newcastle'. "'He didn't go,' she said, 'he got a phone message.' "'What phone message?' I said. I didn't understand what she was saying. 'Whose message?' "You know what, she was on the verge of laughing then. "'My message,' she said. "'Why?' I said, and all of a sudden, I had an epiphany, 'You're not trying to say it was a premeditated one, are you?' "'Don't be silly,' she said, 'all you have to do now is calm down. You go home and have a quiet dinner. I'll go to the movies, as I said before.' "'You're crazy,' I said. "'I didn't,' she said, 'I know what I'm doing. Just do what I tell you to do and you'll be fine. Just pretend nothing happened and leave it to me. Don't forget if this If word gets out, you're going to be hanged." "She laughed when she said that, which really surprised me. God, what a guts this woman is! "'You have nothing to fear,' she said, 'I won't let them touch a hair of yours, you're mine, and I know how to take care of my things. I love you, I want you, and so on Things settle down and we get married. How do you think I'd be willing to let go? How stupid.' "I swear I felt my blood go cold in my veins. I was caught in a trap and I couldn't break free. I stared at her and didn't want to say anything. I'll never forget the look on her face. Suddenly she Look at the tank top on me. I was only wearing this and panties at the time. "'Look!' she said. "I looked down at myself, the side of the vest was dripping with blood, and as I reached out, for some reason, she grabbed my hand. "'Don't touch,' she said, 'wait.' "She took a newspaper and wiped it. "'Head down,' she said, 'and I'll help you take it off.' "I put my head down and she peeled off my vest. "'Is there any blood anywhere else?' she asked. 'You're lucky you're not wearing pants.' "I didn't get any blood on my panties, I got dressed quickly and she was holding the vest. "'I'm going to burn this and the newspaper,' she said. 'I've got a fire in the kitchen and today's my laundry day.' "I looked at Hudson and he was dead. It made me sick to look at him. There was a big pool of blood on the carpet. "'Ready?' she said. "'Yes,' I said. "She came down the corridor with me and before opening the door she put her arms around my neck and kissed me like she was going to eat me alive. "'My dear,' she said, 'dear, dear.' "She opened the door and I got out. There was nothing to see outside. "I seemed to be in a dream. I walked very fast, in fact, I almost ran. My hat was pulled down and my collar was turned up, but I hardly met anyone, even We met, and no one recognized me. I took the long detour as she said, and got on a streetcar, and went to Chester Avenue. "When I got home, they were just sitting down for dinner. I usually eat dinner after nine, so I went upstairs and washed my hands. I looked at myself in the mirror and you know what, I was so hungry I was taken aback because I looked exactly like I always did. But when I sat down, my mother asked me: 'Are you tired, Fred? You don't look well.' My face went red, Like a turkey. I didn't eat much that dinner. Fortunately, I didn't have to talk, and the family talked very little when we were together. After dinner my father read the report and my mother picked up the evening paper. I Feeling bad." "Wait a minute," said the doctor, "I don't understand what you mean when you say you suddenly feel a revolver in your hand." "Flory gave it to me." "How does she have a gun?" "How would I know? She took it out of Pat's pocket when he was on top of me, or somewhere else. I just shot in self-defense." "continue." "Suddenly my mother asked me: 'What's going on, Fred?' It was so sudden, and her voice was so soft, I broke down. I tried to control myself, but I couldn't. Cried. 'Yo, what's the matter?' said my father. My mother put her arms around me and rocked me gently like she did when I was a child. She kept asking me what the hell was going on, and at first I didn't speak, but in the end妥协了。我重新镇定下来，将所有事情和盘托出。母亲非常不安，她哭了，而父亲却让她闭上嘴。她转而责备我，父亲又制止了她。'现在说什么都没用了。'他这样说。他的脸色铁青，如果他说一句话，大地就会裂开将我吞噬的话，那他肯定不会有一丝犹豫的。父亲常说，一个罪犯唯一的机会便是对他的律师道出实情，因为除非知道每个事实，否则律师是无法帮忙的。 “我说完后，母亲和我一起看着父亲。我说话的时候，他一直盯着我，然而现在，他的目光却落在了地板上。看得出来，他正在拼命思考着。你知道，在某些方面，父亲是很卓越的人。他是美术馆的理事，也是组织交响乐演奏会的委员会成员。他很绅士，也很安静。母亲常说他看起来非常杰出。他总是很温和，和蔼又彬彬有礼。你甚至会认为，他连一只苍蝇都不会伤害。表面看起来，他就是他所表现出的样子，然而实际上他内心隐藏着很多其他东西。毕竟，他有悉尼最大的律师事务所，对人们的各种行为都了如指掌。当然，他非常受尊敬，所有人都知道，和他耍手段是没什么好处的，警察也是一样。他领导着整个政党，老达尼斯做每件事情前都要向他咨询。如果他愿意，完全可以做总理，但是他没有，他很满足就这样待在政府里，同时在幕后操纵一切。 “'吉姆，不要太责怪他了。'母亲说。 “他的头不耐烦地侧了一下，我甚至觉得，他现在并没有考虑我的问题。这让我背脊一凉。最后他说话了。 “'看起来很像是他们俩设下的圈套，'他说，'哈德森最近很难对付，如果说他背后预谋着什么勒索，我是一点儿也不会惊讶的。不过她出卖了他。' “'那弗瑞德怎么办？'母亲说。 “父亲看着我。你知道吗，他的神情就像往常一样温和，他的声音中仍旧带着亲切。'如果他被抓住了，那就是绞刑。'他说。母亲尖叫了起来，父亲皱了皱眉。'别担心，我不会让他被绞死的，'他说，'他只要走到外面一枪毙了自己就能逃脱绞刑了。''吉姆，你想要我命吗？'母亲说。'很不幸，那样的话并没有好处。'他说。'什么？'我说。'我是说如果你现在死的话。'他说，'这件事一定得瞒过去，现在可不是出丑闻的时候。这次的选举是一场恶仗，要是我出局了，那获胜的机会就非常渺茫了。''父亲，我很抱歉。'我说。'我知道，'他说，'当需要承担后果时，傻子都变成了无赖。' “我们相互沉默了一会儿，然后我说：'或许我走出去毙了自己是最好的办法。''别傻了。'他说，'事情只会更糟，你以为媒体不会把两件事联系起来吗？别说话，让我好好想想。'我们沉默地对坐着，就像是三个哑巴一样。母亲握着我的手。'还有那个女人要解决。'他终于开口，'我们都在她的魔掌中，有这样的儿媳真好。'母亲大气都不敢出。父亲靠在了椅背上，跷起了二郎腿，他的眼睛中流露出一丝笑意。'幸运的是，我们生在世界上最民主的国家，'他说，'没有人廉洁奉公。'他总是喜欢这么说。他盯着我和母亲看了一两分钟。当他下定决心实施某件事情时，总会习惯性地将下巴向外努，就我所知，母亲也是一样。'我估计这件事明天就会见报的，'他说，'我会去拜访哈德森太太。我知道她将要说什么。如果她一口咬定原先设计的故事，不出意外的话是找不出什么有力证据的。就我看来，她计划得很周全。警方肯定会审问她，不过我会确保自己在场。''那弗瑞德怎么办呢？'母亲问。父亲又笑了。我发誓，他看上去正派极了，一点儿也看不出他在背后藏着任何诡计。'弗瑞德到床上去睡觉，待在房间里。'他说，'多亏老天爷深谋远虑，现在外面猩红热流行，这可是传染病。明天或者后天我们就把他送到发热专院去。''为什么？'母亲问，'那有什么用？''亲爱的，'父亲说，'这是我能想出的将一个人隔绝起来又保证安全的最好的方法了。''他要是真的染上了猩红热怎么办？'母亲说。'他不会有事的。'父亲说。 “早上父亲打电话给我老板，说我发烧了，而且看上去情况不好。他让我躺在床上，请来了医生。医生一会儿就来了，他是我舅舅，自打我出生后，他就一直照顾着我。他说他还不能肯定，看起来像是猩红热，不过在出现更多症状之前，是不会把我送到发热专院去的。母亲叫厨子和女佣不要靠近我，她说要亲自照料我。 “晚报上铺天盖地都是哈德森案的报道。哈德森太太一个人去了电影院，回来的时候一进客厅便发现丈夫躺在血泊中。他们没有请仆人。你不知道悉尼，那里的房子有点儿像那种正在修建的独栋小别墅，一块地一栋屋子，隔得最近的邻居也在二三十码之外。弗洛丽并不认识什么邻居，不过她还是跑到了一户人家门前，拼了命地敲门。这户人家当时已经睡觉了，弗洛丽说她的丈夫被谋杀了，请他们赶快过去看一看。他们一路跑了过去，看到他鲜血淋漓躺在地板上。过了一会儿邻居才想起报警。哈德森太太非常歇斯底里，她扑在丈夫身上，尖叫着，哭着，众人不得不将她拉开。 “接下来便是记者了解到的各种细节。法医认为死亡时间在两到三个小时之前。奇怪的是，他是被自己的左轮手枪杀死的，不过自杀的可能性立刻便被排除了。哈德森太太稍稍稳定了情绪，然后她告诉警察，自己整晚都在电影院里。电影的票根还留在她包里，而且她还在电影院里和两三个熟人打了招呼。她说她的丈夫当晚本来要去纽卡斯尔，所以她就准备出去看电影。然而他六点前就回来了，告诉她不出差了。她说她本来也准备不去看电影了，留在家陪他，为他做晚饭，但是他叫她照旧去看电影，因为有一个重要的人要来和他谈事情，他不希望被打扰。所以她就出门了，谁知竟成了永别。房间里有激烈打斗的痕迹，很显然，为了活命，哈德森曾和歹徒奋力相搏。屋子里并没有丢失什么东西，警方和记者于是一致得出结论：这场谋杀是和政治有关。在悉尼，政治斗争很激烈，众所周知，帕特·哈德森生前确实和几个性情残暴的人有牵连。警察要求民众一旦在社区或者有轨电车上发现形迹可疑、身上有打斗痕迹的人，尤其是意大利人，便立刻上报警方。几天后，一辆救护车来到了我家，我被送去了医院。我在医院待了三四天，然后便溜了出来，到了'芬顿号'等我的地方。” “但是那通电报，”医生说，“他们怎么弄到死亡证明的呢？” “我现在知道的不比你多。我也一直想搞明白。进医院的时候，我并没有用真名，而是叫布莱克。我一直在想，是不是有别的什么人以我的身份进医院了。虽然官方在报纸上一直否认有大规模疫情，事实却并非如此，所以医院非常拥挤，护士们脚下生风，一刻都不得闲。还有其他疑点，不过可以肯定的是，确实有人死了，埋在了本属于我的位置。你知道，父亲是非常聪明的，他不会坚持冒风险的。” “我倒是很愿意见见你父亲。”桑德斯医生说。 “不过我始终担心会有人起疑心，毕竟我们俩出去时被人看到过，他们有可能就此提出质疑。我估计警方会全面地调查，我料想父亲一定认为，只有我死了，才能更加安全。估计我的死让他博得了很多同情。” “这也许就是她上吊自杀的原因。”医生说。 弗瑞德惊恐地看着医生。 “我在埃里克·克里斯汀森从弗里斯那儿拿来的报纸上看到的。” “你当时知道和我有关吗？” “没有，你和我说了之后我才想起来的。” “我看到这条消息的时候很难受。” “她为什么要那么做呢？” “报纸上说她受不了流言飞语所以自杀了。以我的了解，父亲不报复她是不会罢手的。你知道吗，我认为让父亲发怒的是她竟然想嫁入我们家。当他告诉她我死了的时候，他一定很爽。她很恐怖，我恨她，不过上帝啊，她一定是因为爱我才会殉情的。”弗瑞德停下来思考了一会儿，然后说，“父亲知道整个故事。我不应该让他去通知她，我在死前已经将所有的事情和盘托出，而警察很快就要去抓她了。” 医生缓缓地点了点头。整个故事对他来说，是一场很精彩的钩心斗角，只是他不明白，为什么那个女人要选择上吊这样痛苦的死亡方式。不过确实，她看上去好似急着要做什么一样。弗瑞德的猜测听起来不无道理。 “无论如何，她都已经走了，”弗瑞德说，“而我得继续活下去。” “你一点儿都不为她惋惜吗？” “惋惜？她毁了我的生活。更令人难受的是，这种事百年难遇！我从来就没打算和她有什么，而且如果我知道她是认真的，打死我也不会碰她。如果那个礼拜天父亲让我出去钓鱼，我根本连遇上她的机会都没有。我不知道该怎么接受这一系列阴差阳错。而且，要不是那些事，我根本不会到这个该死的小岛上来！我走到哪里就把不幸带到哪里。” “你该给你的小脸蛋泼点儿硫酸，”医生说，“你就是一个公害。” “别嘲笑我了，我现在难受极了。我从来没有像在乎埃里克那样在乎过谁，我无法原谅自己。” “别把他的死怪罪到你身上。这和你并没有多大关系。如果我没猜错的话，他之所以自杀是因为发现他挚爱的女神，那个拥有一切美好的品质和美德的女神竟然也只是一个普通人，他受不了这个事实。这其实是他自己的疯狂，这也是理想主义者最大的悲剧，他们并不客观地对待他人。而且上帝不是说过吗，'原谅他们吧，他们并不知道自己在做什么'”。 弗瑞德睁着憔悴而困惑的眼睛望着医生。 “你不是不相信宗教的吗？” “明智的人信仰的都是同一种宗教，是什么呢？他们从来都不说。” “我父亲是不会这么说的。他会说理智的人是不会义无反顾地冒犯别人的。他会说，去教堂也并没有什么不好，而且应该尊重邻里间的成见。他会说，既然能够舒舒服服地骑在墙上，为什么又要费劲地去把它推翻呢？尼克尔斯曾和我就这个话题讨论了很久。说起来都无法相信，他能滔滔不绝地聊几个小时宗教。真是太奇怪了，我从没遇到过有哪个脑袋里根本不知道正派是何物的卑鄙小人竟然虔诚地信仰着上帝。他也相信有地狱，不过却从来没想过自己会去那儿。他认为其他人死后将为自己犯下的罪行赎罪，但他是一个勇敢的人，他是不会有事的，因为即便他对朋友做了卑鄙的事，那也无关紧要，在那种情况下，任何人都是会那样做的，而上帝是不会因此而惩罚他的。一开始我认为他是一个伪善者，但他并不是，这正是最匪夷所思的地方。” “也许这话你会不高兴，但是人的信仰和他的行为之间的差距是生活为我们提供的最有趣、最壮观的景象。” “你是旁观者，当然能够自清，但我是当局者，我就像是一艘失去了方向的船一样迷茫。生命有什么意义？我们为什么会在这儿？我们将要去向哪里？我们能做些什么？” “孩子，你不会真的想要我回答这些问题吧？自从人类在原始森林里进化出了一点点智力后，便开始问这些问题了。” “你到底相信什么？” “你真的想知道？除了自己和过去的经验，我什么都不相信。这个世界是由我、我的思想和我的感受组成的，其他一切都是幻象。生活就是一场梦，在这场梦里，眼前一切的事物都是我创造的。每一样可认知的事物，每一个经验对象，都是我脑海中的灵光，离开了我的思想，它们便会灰飞烟灭。在这个世界上，不可能也没必要脱离我而假定任何事物。梦和现实本就是一体的。生活是一场连贯又持续的梦，当我停止做梦时，这个美丽、痛苦、哀伤而又不可思议的繁复着的世界，也将不复存在。” “这实在是太难以置信了。”弗瑞德大声地说道。 “所以对我来说，根本没有必要去相信什么。”医生微笑地说。 “我可不准备这样被你愚弄。如果生活不能满足我参与其中的需求，那么便毫无用处。它是一场沉闷又愚蠢的戏，干坐着旁观只是浪费时间。” 医生的眼睛闪闪发光，他那丑陋的脸庞上挤出了一丝笑容。 “噢，我的孩子！多么美好的胡话啊！你就是太年轻了！太年轻了！你还没有真正走进这个世界。现在，就像是流落荒岛的可怜人儿一样，你将逐渐学会不去奢望无法得到的东西，而是充分利用已经拥有的东西。一点儿常识，一点儿宽容，再加上一点儿幽默感，你可以在这个星球上过得逍遥自在。” “通过放弃那些让生命熠熠生辉的东西？就像你一样。我希望生活是公正的，是勇敢而诚实的，我希望人人都是君子，事事都有善终。这样的要求，并不过分吧？” “我不知道，这已经超过了生活的能力范围了，它给不了你那么多。” “你难道一点儿都不介意吗，这样的生活？” “不是很在乎。” “只要有个水沟供你打滚，你就满足了。” “旁观其他生物各种滑稽可笑的举止让我得到了很多乐趣。” 弗瑞德生气地耸了耸肩，轻轻地叹了一口气。 “你什么都不相信，不把任何人放在眼里，你认为人性本恶，你就是一个束缚在轮椅上的瘸子，认为别人能走能跑都是扯淡。” “我恐怕你不是很赞同我。”医生幽幽地说道。 “你没有心，没有希望，没有信仰，没有敬畏，上帝作证，你还剩下了什么？” “顺从。” 年轻人激动地一跃而起。 “顺从？那是丧家犬才选择的路。好好顺从去吧，我不会像你那样的。我不会淡泊地将邪恶、丑陋和不公全盘接受，我也不会在好人受罚恶人当道时袖手旁观。如果生活意味着美德受到践踏，诚实遭到嘲笑，美惨被玷污，那么我想说，去死吧，生活！” “我的孩子，生活是怎样，你就应当怎样接受。” “我已经厌倦了迄今为止所经过的生活，它让我充满了恐惧。我要么按照自己的意思活，要么就不活。” 大言不惭。不过这孩子现在既紧张又不安，说出这样的话来也合情合理。桑德斯医生可以肯定，早晚有一天，弗瑞德会蜕变成一个理智的人，而他的心高气傲是注定要被磨灭掉的。 “你听说过欢笑是唯一一样上天单独赐予人类，并未让野兽也分享的恩典吗？” “什么意思？”弗瑞德阴郁地问道。 “多亏得到了那持之以恒的荒谬感的帮助，我才学会了顺从。” “那就笑吧，笑到大牙都掉光。” “只要可以。”医生回答道。他看着弗瑞德，眼神中充满了宽容的幽默感，他说：“上天也许能毁掉我，但我仍旧是不可征服的。” 大言不惭？Maybe. 若不是突然响起了一阵敲门声，这场谈话也许可以无休止地继续下去。 “谁？该死的！”弗瑞德生气地喊道。 一个略懂一些英语的男孩走了进来，他说有人要见弗瑞德，不过他们没有弄明白来者到底是谁。弗瑞德耸了耸肩，向门口走去。然后，他突然想到了什么，停下了脚步。 “是男人还是女人？” 他不得不用不同的方式将这个问题问了好几遍，传话的男孩这才明白过来。男孩为自己的聪明感到很高兴，不由得露出了笑容。他告诉弗瑞德，是个女人。 “路易丝。”弗瑞德断然摇了摇头，“你告诉她，我病了，不能见她。” 男孩领会了弗瑞德的意思后便退下了。 “你最好见见她。”医生说。 “绝不。十个她都抵不上一个埃里克。他对我来说就是全世界，我一想到她就厌恶。我只想离开，我想忘记这一切。她怎么忍心那么蹂躏那颗高贵的心呢！” 桑德斯医生抬起了眼皮，看着弗瑞德。他的那些话冷却了自己对他的同情。 “也许她也很难受。”他幽幽地说道。 “我以为你是犬儒主义者，谁知道你是个多愁善感的人。” “你刚刚发现吗？” 门缓缓地被推开了，然后悄无声息地抵在了墙上。路易斯站在门口。她没有走进来，也没有说话，只是看着弗瑞德，嘴角挂着一抹淡淡的、羞涩的、略带自嘲的微笑。能看得出来，她局促不安。她的整个身体都散发出一种胆怯，一种不确定，就像她那美丽的容貌一样楚楚动人。弗瑞德看着她，一动不动，也没有让她进来。他一脸阴郁，眼神中燃烧着一股冷漠又残酷的仇恨。她的笑容僵住了。就好像一阵剧痛刺穿了她的心脏一样，她的整个人都像窒息了一样。她在那儿站了两三分钟，直直与弗瑞德对视着，两人连睫毛都没有眨一下。然后，缓缓地，轻轻地，就像刚才打开门时一样，她带上了房间门，不再打扰房间里的两个男人。在医生看来，这个场景很奇怪，很可怖，当然也很悲哀。