Chapter 21 chapter eight

That night, Mrs. Kastingyang spent a restless sleepless night. When she saw herself in the mirror the next morning, she couldn't help being shocked by the haggard face; but she also understood, During this last conversation, Reggie felt no pity for her grief, so she braced herself and went downstairs to breakfast.She noticed that Reggie was looking downcast and avoiding her eyes, so an angry Grace decided to tease him.She hid her grief and kept babbling on nonsense, interspersed with high-pitched laughter and coordinated gestures; but her exaggeration and hysteria did not escape Frank's attention. , so he wondered what was affecting her, and thought she might need a little sedation.After breakfast the carriage arrived, and Mrs. Bassett hurriedly said good-bye to everyone for fear of missing the train.Mrs. Casting Yang extended her hand to Reggie sincerely.

"Goodbye. Please remember to visit us again when you are free in the future. I hope you have a good time here these days." "Yes," he replied. He couldn't understand the indifference in her smile at this moment, which contained neither blame nor anger, and Reggie began to ask himself what Grace was thinking.He began to think about the harm she might have done to him.But he was happy at the decisive break, and relieved that the final meeting was over.He hated her even more because she reminded him that he asked her for a lot of money. "She knows that I can't take her out with my own money, and all my money has been spent on her." He murmured in defense of himself.

After boarding the train, he looked at his mother, who was sitting in the opposite corner reading the morning paper.He didn't want her to know about it.He defends himself again, and finally, he begins to resent Grace for seducing him.Eventually, his thoughts wandered elsewhere, and his heart began to beat violently. However, after Bassett and Frank left, Mrs. Castingyoung fell into a deep depression and began to tremble uncontrollably, as if a cold wind was blowing on her-for she still had to watch Paul's mother's stern eyes. For the next two days, his mother always looked at her with hatred, as if she already knew the damned secret and was just waiting for a chance to reveal it to the public.Grace just stood there, looking out the window at the stretch of swamp and leafy trees in the park.The sky was very gray, as if to match her mood, it enveloped the earth with sadness.After a forced smile in the morning, Mrs. Kastingyang finally fell into depression again.Paul walked up behind her and put his arms around her waist.

"Honey, are you tired?" he asked. She shook her head, tried to smile at him, and was once again struck by the gentle tone of his voice. "I'm afraid you're too tired. You're the life and soul of this party, and without you we'd all be bored." A customary wry tact came to her lips, but she didn't say it.She rested her head on Paul's shoulder. "Paul, I'm starting to feel terribly old." "Nonsense! You've just reached puberty! You're more beautiful than ever." "Do you really think so? I think it's because you still care about me. This morning, I feel like I'm a hundred and two years old."

He didn't answer, he was used to them debating instead of talking; he just hugged her a little tighter. "Paul, do you regret marrying me? I know I'm not the type of wife you want, and I never gave birth to you." Paul was deeply moved because his wife had never said anything like this to him before.He suddenly forgot his arrogance, and answered in a trembling voice, almost in a whisper: "Honey, I thank God every day for having you. I feel unworthy of what I've got and I'm so grateful to God, so grateful that He made you my wife." Grace's lips twitched, and she clasped her hands to keep herself from crying.Paul looked at her affectionately.

"Grace, I have a present for your birthday next week. Can I stop waiting and give it to you now?" "Of course," she replied with a smile, "I know you have something to give me, and I'm getting impatient." He left joyfully, and in a short time came running out of breath, bringing with him a diamond-encrusted ornament.Mrs. Castingyang knew a little about jewelry—she was stunned by the shining and luxurious jewelry in front of her. "Paul, you're wonderful!" she exclaimed, "this is gorgeous! But I don't want something so expensive. You've given me so much, I just want a little gift that shows you still care." Me, that's enough."

He smiled contentedly and rubbed his hands happily. "There is nothing like my lovely, loyal wife!" "Paul, we can't let your mother see it, she will definitely curse." Grace replied slyly. He suddenly burst into laughter. "No, no, don't let her see it." Mrs. Castingyang put her mouth to Paul's, and the complacent man kissed her very passionately.At this moment, the hansom came suddenly to the door, and Paul, who was in a state of astonishment, asked his wife if she wanted it. "Oh, I almost forgot," she exclaimed, "I'm going into town. I should have told you sooner. Miss Ley's going from bad to worse, I thought I'd go over and see me Can you be of any help?"

After a night of melancholy meditation, she decided to seek Miss Ley's advice, and when the maid came in to draw the curtains, she gave orders that she should be taken to the railway station in a carriage after the guests had left.Now she slickly found an excuse for her trip, and ignored Paul's objections—he was afraid she would get sick from it; and he refused to accompany her. "I think I shouldn't stop you when you want to do what is right," he said at last, "but please come back as soon as possible." Miss Ley had just finished her lunch when Mrs. Castingyoung arrived.

"I thought you were alive and well in Jeston." After seeing her, Miss Ley was very surprised. "I feel I must come to see you, or I'm going to lose my mind. Oh, why don't you come? I want to see you so much." Miss Ley, who was obviously in good health, could no longer give the reason for being unwell, so she didn't explain, but just brought out food to the guests. "I don't want to eat anything," Grace cried in disgust. "I'm so distraught right now." "I reckon you're in trouble," murmured Miss Ley, "because you're probably a little too much-dressed on your face, aren't you?"

Mrs. Castingyoung immediately covered her face with her hands. "Let me go wash it off. I had to fiddle around with this this morning because I look awful. Can I go wash my face? That'll calm me down too." "Certainly," Miss Ley replied, smiling.After she left, she began to guess what Mrs. Castingyang was visiting for. Soon, Grace returned and began to examine herself in the mirror.At this moment, there is no rouge and gouache on her face, it is only yellow and wrinkled; the makeup on her eyebrows has not been washed off, which reflects the paleness of her face even more.Instinctively she took a cosmetic case from her pocket and quickly re-powdered her face; then she turned to Miss Ley.

"You never wear makeup?" she asked. "Never. I've always been afraid of making myself weird." "Oh, getting used to it--though I know it's silly; I'm going to give it up." "You speak so wretchedly as if you were announcing entry to a convent." Mrs. Castingyoung glanced suspiciously at the door. "Will no one come in?" she asked. "No; but in any case, I advise you to calm down," replied Miss Ley, who feared that Grace was about to do something excessive. "Reggie and I are totally screwed. He dumped me like a rag, and he's got someone else." "It's good for you to get rid of him, my dear." Miss Ley watched Mrs. Castingyang carefully, hoping to read the secret hidden in her heart from her face. "You don't care about him anymore, do you?" "No, thank goodness. I know you won't believe me, Miss Ley, but I really want to try and turn the page. I've learned something new about Paul in these last few months." ...of course he's ridiculous, cocky and uninteresting - I know that better than anyone, but he's so kind; even now, he loves me with all his heart. And his honesty. You don't know What it means to be with a very genuine man - that's a huge relief!" "Honey, it's normal to find the best in your husband. What you're seeing is not only interesting, but very original and original." "It makes me feel bad," replied Mrs. Castingyoung, looking wistful and miserable. "I feel like a complete bastard. He trusted me so much after all the shameful things I've done." Me, this makes me feel a bit unbearable; I can't face his tenderness anymore. You guessed that I was tortured by conscience and wanted to tell him the truth, but now, I really can't help it anymore This morning, when he was still so gentle and kind to me, I couldn't help myself. I can't go on like this; I have to tell him to end this torture. I'd rather he divorce me than continue this It's an endless deception." Miss Ley watched her for a moment calmly. "How selfish you are!" she said at last, in a calm, level voice. "I think you'd better think of your husband." "I'm really thinking about him!" Mrs. Kastingyang said in surprise. "Of course you didn't, or you wouldn't have wanted to cause him so much pain. You know very well that his happiness depends on you; you are the only light of his life force; if he loses his confidence in you, Then he loses everything." "But is it an honest thing to admit my guilt?" "I think you remember the old adage that it is good for the soul to confess wrong. There is something else in it--it is good for the soul for the penitent; but are you really sure that Is it still a good thing for the listener? When you're thinking about telling Paul what you've done, you're just thinking about reassuring yourself, and completely ignoring your husband's feelings. Maybe you're a beautiful and chaste The matter of his wife is just an illusion, but everything else is just an illusion. Why do you insist on destroying everything about others, and what Paul regards as the most precious thing? Haven’t you hurt him enough? When I When I see a madman wearing a paper crown and mistaking it for gold, I cannot bear to tell him the truth; let no one shake the faith of our fantasies. There are three good maxims that can guide our lives: Do not Do immoral things; if you have done it, don't repent; and if you have already repented, never admit it. Can't you make a little sacrifice for the man you have failed?" "But I don't understand," cried Grace, "that keeping silent is not self-sacrifice, it's cowardice. I want to be punished; I want to start over with nothing to hide, so I can face Paul." "Honey, your penchant for big talk is hopeless. You don't think about Paul at all; you just want to cause trouble; you want to be someone who suffers for admiration. All in all, you Want to get rid of your own guilt, and in order to achieve this, you don't think about other people's feelings at all. Can I give you a suggestion? If you really regret what you did in the past, you can behave well in the future , Make up for your mistakes; if you really want to seek punishment, you can choose to be careful, and never let your husband know about the disgusting things you have done." Mrs. Castingyang lowered her head and looked at the carpet under her feet.She was thinking about what Miss Ley had said. "I came to you just to get some advice," she moaned desperately, "but you made me even more confused about what to do." "Forgive me," replied Miss Ley, very rudely, "you came to me with your mind made up, and you came only to get my approval of your 'integrity'; but I think you Very stupid, very selfish, so I'll save my applause." As a result of this conversation, Mrs Castingyoung promised that she would keep her mouth shut; yet, leaving Old Queen Street to catch the train back to Jeston, she must have wondered whether she was more relieved now, or More disappointed? When Mrs. Castingyoung returned to Jeston just in time to get dressed for dinner, she was a little tired and didn't notice the serious atmosphere at home; she was used to their dullness, so she ate in silence I hope to finish eating and leave quickly.When Paul and Bainbridge came into the living room after dinner, she tried to give her husband a welcome smile and reserved a place for him on the couch where she was sitting. "Tell me what you wanted to say last night," she said. "You wanted to ask me for advice yesterday, and I was too angry to give you good advice." He smiled, but soon returned to seriousness. "It's too late now; I must decide now. But I'll tell you anyway." "Help me with my coat, and we'll walk out on the balcony and talk; the light in the house tires my eyes, and I hate talking to you in the presence of other people." Paul was happy to do as she said, and he also thought it would be more pleasant to walk in the light of the stars; the clouds that had hung over the sky in the morning parted and a gentle breeze blew under the reflection of the setting sun.Grace took her husband's hand, and Mr. Castingyoung, feeling his wife's need for support, suddenly showed his manliness. "A dreadful thing has happened," he said, "so I'm very disturbed. Do you remember Fanny Bridger who came to work for us in London last year? She's back and seems to be in trouble... ..." He hesitated for a while, unable to bear to tell his wife the cruel truth, "Her man abandoned her, and she came back with a child!" He felt a sudden shudder in his wife's body, and decided not to tell her the latter decision. "I know you don't like to talk about these things, but I feel like I have to do something. She can't just live here." Fanny Bridger's father was a gamekeeper, and his two sons also worked with a similar occupation. "I went to see Bridget today and told him his daughter cannot be here; I am in no position to tolerate such immoral behavior." "But where can she go?" asked Mrs. Castingyoung in a voice that was almost a whisper. "That's none of my business. The Bridges have served us for many years, and we don't want to make things too difficult for them. I told Bridges old I'd give him a week to find a place for my daughter." "What if he can't find it?" "If he can't find it, it just means he's a stupid and stubborn fool. This afternoon, he started making excuses; he talked a lot about wanting to take care of her himself, saying that if he sent her away, his heart would be broken." Broken, he couldn't do it. I didn't think it was a thing to put on a show, so I told him that if Fanny wasn't gone by next Tuesday, I'd dismiss him and his two sons." Mrs. Castingyang suddenly hooked his hand, and a chill came over her instantly; she felt both indignant and frightened. "Paul, we'd better go to your mother," she said, knowing who was behind her husband's decision. "We have to talk right away." Mr. Kastingyang was very surprised by the change in the tone of his wife's words, so he had to follow her quickly to the living room, watching her quickly hang the coat aside.Then she walked straight to old Mrs. Castingyang. "Did you tell Paul to drive Fanny Bridge away?" she asked angrily. "Of course. She can't stay here, and I'm glad Paul did as I wanted. People in our position have to be extra careful; we can't allow any defilement." "What do you think will happen to that poor child if we drive her away? Her only hope now is to stay with her family." Paul's mother, who had never been a patient creature, hated Grace's face, which was so evidently full of contempt and anger; she stood up, and responded bitterly: "My dear, you may not be quite able to discern things like that. You have lived in London so long that I dare say your sense of right and wrong may not be quite clear. But, you know, I am only a bumpkin. I am very Glad I'm not what you think. I've always believed in something called morality. In my opinion, it's too kind of Paul to give them a week. If it were my father, it must be within 24 hours kicked them out." Trembling at the words of that narrow-minded, self-righteous, and very stubborn man, Grace slowly turned her eyes to look at Paul, who was looking at her.He was suffering because Grace was angry, but still didn't think he had done anything wrong.She bit her lips tightly, said nothing, and went straight back to her room.Feeling that there was nothing she could do, she decided to go and see the poor girl early next morning.Paul, troubled by his wife's refusal to speak to him, was thinking of trying to persuade her again; but his mother, to stop him, slapped the table vigorously with her fan. "Paul, don't you follow her," she cried imperiously. "You're acting like a complete fool, and she can play you around so easily. If your wife has no morals, the others do." , you have to do your job, no matter how much Grace might be upset about it." "I think we'd better find a place for Fanny Bridger." "Paul, I think you'd better leave it alone," she replied, "that girl's a goblin. I've known that since she was a kid, and she's always been that way. I'm still thinking, How dare she come back, but even if you put up with it, you can't help her. How can we keep people moral if we put up with the depraved? Remember, I still have some demands on you Yes, Paul, and I would hate to see my wishes completely ignored." She looked around domineeringly, remembering the total control she once had over the home.Paul is indeed the master of the family, but the money in the family belongs to the old Mrs. Castine Yang, and she can choose to leave all the money to Bainbridge.The next day, she came to the lunch table happily. "Paul, I think you should know that Grace has been to Bridger's Cottage. I can't imagine how your sharecroppers can respect modesty and etiquette." Grace turned to look at her mother-in-law. "I felt so sorry for the girl so I went to see her. Poor guy! She's in excruciating pain right now." She saw again the cottage at the park gate, a lovely place with lots of ivy, and a little garden full of all kinds of brightly colored flowers, all well tended.Bridger, who has entered middle age, is working. His appearance is rough and sullen, and his skin is dark brown due to years of sun exposure.Seeing someone approaching, he turned around; when Mrs. Castingyoung asked him good morning, he replied reluctantly. "I've come to see Fanny," said Mrs. Castingyoung. "May I come in?" He stared at her for a while, sullenly, without speaking. "Can't you just let my daughter be quiet for a while?" he finally muttered hoarsely. Mrs. Casting Young looked at him suspiciously for a while.Suddenly, without saying anything, she quickly walked into the room.Fanny sat sewing at the table, with a cradle beside her.Seeing Grace come in, she stood up nervously, and a pain surfaced on her pale face.She used to be a beautiful girl with a rosy face, full of vitality, and a charming smile rippling at any time, but now, her eyes are full of anxiety and haggard.She looked depressed, a once neat girl who had suddenly become scruffy and slouchy.She stood in front of Grace like a criminal, full of guilt; for a moment, it made the visitor blush and didn't know what to say.She turned her gaze to the child in the cradle.Seeing this, Fanny came anxiously and crossed between them. "Are you looking for the boy's father?" she asked. "No, I'm here to see you. I thought maybe I could be of help. If you don't mind, I want to help you." The girl looked at the ground stubbornly, her lips began to turn pale again. "No, I don't need anything." Looking at the girl in front of her, Grace understood that they had something in common, they were all in love with someone else, and they were all unhappy.She felt a sudden uncanny sympathy for the poor girl, and it was a torment to her not to be able to break the cold and hostile barrier between them.She did not know how to make the child understand that she was not looking at her jokes as a victor, but as a poor person looking at another poor person.She longed to tell Fanny that she need not be ashamed before herself, who was more shameful than she.However, the girl just stood motionless, waiting for her to leave, and Mrs. Castingyang was so full of sympathy for her that her lips trembled uncontrollably. "Can I see your baby?" she asked. The girl made way silently, and Mrs. Castingyoung walked to the cradle.The child opened his big blue eyes and yawned lazily. "Give me a hug, please?" she said. Fanny's face then regained its former luster briefly, and she looked at the child tenderly, then picked it up and handed it to Grace.Suddenly, with a strange motherly feeling, Grace rocked the baby in her arms, hummed softly to him, and kissed him.She couldn't help crying. "Oh, how I wish it was my baby!" She looked at Fanny with pitiful eyes, which were still full of tears; her own emotions at last melted away the girl's indifference and despair;Grace put the baby down and leaned tenderly towards Fanny. "Don't cry. I think there must be something we can do. Tell me, and I'll see if I can do something." "No one can help us," she cried, "We have to leave within a week, Mr. Kasting Yang said." "But I can try to get him to change his mind; if that doesn't work, I'll put you and the baby somewhere nice." Fanny shook her head hopelessly. "Father said that if I had to leave, he would come with me too. Oh, the Kastinyans can't make us go! What shall we do? We'll all starve. Daddy isn't getting any younger , it was difficult for him to find a new job, and Jim and Harry had to leave." "Don't you trust me? I'll do everything I can to help you. I promise he'll let you stay." "Mr. Castingyoung is a difficult man," said Fanny vaguely. "When he makes up his mind, he will." Now, at the lunch table, Mrs. Castingyoung looked at Paul and his mother, at Bainbridge and Miss Johnston, and felt a sudden surge of hostility—for they were all so cruel.How do they, who get everything easily and are complacent about it, know how hard life is? "Fanny Bridges is no worse than average, and she has been very unfortunate. I am glad I went to see her, and I promise her to help her as much as I can." "It's none of my business!" exclaimed old Mrs. Castingyoung excitedly, "but I can tell you, Grace, that I'm shocked and outraged that you don't have even a rudimentary sense of morality. I Think you should think about your husband's reputation, and don't ruin your own by appeasing a loose woman." "I don't think it's right for you to go to Bridger's cabin," Paul said softly. "Your hearts are so hard. Have you ever had sympathy and pity? Haven't you done anything in your life that you regret?" Old Mrs. Castingyang turned to look at Grace seriously. "Please don't forget that Miss Johnston is a single woman and is not used to hearing these kinds of things discussed. Paul is just too merciful. If he was any more merciful, he would be considered acquiescing to these inappropriate behaviors .As far as people of our status are concerned, it is entirely our responsibility to take good care of those who God asks us to take care of. It is our duty to punish evil and promote good. If Paul remembered his duty, he would have simply put the whole cloth Everyone in the Regis family was driven away." "If he does," cried Grace, "then I'll get out of here too." "Grace," cried Mrs. Castinyan, "what do you mean?" She looked at him with teary eyes, but didn't answer.There were too many people against her, and she knew that it would be best to wait until tomorrow, after Paul's mother left, to make further efforts.She found it increasingly difficult to keep her mouth shut, and she desperately wanted to say shameful things about herself in front of everyone. "Oh, these virtuous people!" she murmured, "these people will never be satisfied without seeing us burnt in hell! Like the bitterness of every sin It takes hell beyond punishment. They never think about us, they have no idea how many temptations we resisted before we fell."