Chapter 19 Chapter Six

As an assistant physician, one of Frank's responsibilities is to perform autopsies on patients who died in the hospital. One day after Easter, during the autopsy, his throat was accidentally infected and began to inflame.Such symptoms usually do not cause any abnormalities before the official onset. In the end, he developed a high fever and became unconscious.More than two weeks later, he found that he was still exhausted and had to lie on the bed even though he was very anxious about his illness.At last, when he began to recover, he made his way to Ferney, near Tkenbury, where his father had a large medical team; next, he wanted to go to Jeston, Dorset, Cass. Tingyang and his wife will hold a small Whitsun party there.For the doctor who was on the ward and missed the August and September meetings, he had to make up to keep his place in the busiest months of the meetings.

The evening before leaving, Frank had dinner with Miss Ley, and during dinner they discussed the weather and the crops as usual.The two talked very vigorously, and both felt that they could not bear the interruption of the servant serving the dishes, so they agreed to save all topics that needed free discussion until after dinner.When the servants brought the coffee to the study, Miss Ley lay down comfortably on the sofa, while Frank put his legs on the armchair and lit his cigar.At this time, they looked at each other, each sighed in relief, and smiled with satisfaction. "You're going to Jeston too, aren't you?" he asked.

"I don't think I'll be able to face it. As that date approaches, I start to get less and less optimistic, and I believe I'm going to be seriously ill too. I don't understand why I'm going at this age That dreary party. Paul Kastinyang is always very hospitable. When you go to his house as a guest, after breakfast every day, he will ask you what you want to do. (As if a sensible woman knows early in the morning that she is going to Do something!) But it's just a formality, because he has already planned your day for you, and you will find that he has planned every minute. Also, be kind to me I'm bored with being polite to people and being polite to them—ah! I hate being polite! Two days of visits have made me feel like I should swear to break the All sorts of monotonous decency."

Frank smiled, drank his rum, and sank more comfortably into his armchair. "By the way, speaking of proper manners, did I tell you I went to three balls before I got sick?" "I thought you hated those dances, didn't you?" "Yes, but I went with a specific purpose. First, the large number of terrible people. Dinner wasn't served until midnight, and by eleven-thirty, people began to congregate in front of the closed door of the dining room. As soon as twelve o'clock came, there was a huge crowd gathered in front of the door, like the entrance of a theater, and when the door opened, people rushed in like wild animals. I dare say that even the audience in the back row of the theater Not so violent, they rush to the dinner table like a hungry tiger. I don't think civilized people should have any panic about eating. But, my God, they turned out to be noisier than animals in a zoo."

"My dear Frank, you are very noble," said Miss Ley, laughing. "How can people who go to the ball not long for a good meal? But that is certainly not what you are there for." "No, it's not. I went there because I made up my mind to get married." "Oh my God!" "I came to the conclusion that marriage was desirable and decided to go to three dances to see if it was possible to meet the right person, rather than spend my last days in pain and contemplation. I am the same as seventy Five different people danced and sat down to talk, Miss Ley, between the ages of seventeen and forty-two, but I can honestly say that life has never been so boring to me. It doesn't do any good; I'm doomed to be single forever. I don't think I'd be able to fall deeply in love on that occasion at all, but having a seventy-five-year-old bachelorette clearly makes me feel slightly Excitement: the feeling never wavered. Also, most of them were consumptive, or anemic or malnourished, and I didn't find it possible to conceive a healthy child."

They were all silent for a while, while Miss Ley was thinking with interest of Frank's interesting wife-seeking scheme. "So what are you going to do next?" she asked. "Can I tell you?" He put aside the pretended ease he had tried to hide the heaviness and thoughtfulness in his words; now, he leaned forward slightly, resting his chin with his hand , looking straight at Miss Ley. "I feel like I'm going to give up everything." "what do you mean?" "I've been thinking about it for months and I've spent the last two weeks laying in my hospital bed trying to figure it out. I'm going home partly because I want to see my family. You know , my father has worked very hard for many years and meticulously saved every penny so that I can get the best medical education. As a result, I had a job immediately after graduation and never had to worry about livelihood He knew that he might not be able to make much money in this business for a long time, but he was determined to give me a chance; it is not a good business in Ferney, and he hasn't taken a vacation in thirty years. I want to try it, if Tell him I plan to give up my current career, will he accept it?"

"But, my dear boy, don't you realize that you are giving up a very good prospect?" cried Miss Ley in surprise. "I've thought it over very carefully. I think I'm the one with the best opportunity in our industry and good luck has been with me. At St. Luke's Hospital, when one of the doctors above me died, I I took his place and qualified as a Physician Assistant very early on. I had friends and connections, so I was able to make things happen very quickly. I dare say that if I just kept at it, I would be in the In due course I could earn a hundred or one hundred and fifty thousand pounds a year, and then be made a royal physician, and finally a baronet; and then I could die contented, and leave a fortune Possessions. This is what awaits me, I can see a future that looks good and is very self-sufficient, very simple, with long watch chains, well-tailored double-breasted gowns, and a specialist doctor of the moment I would be proud of my horses and enjoy discussing anecdotes about gluttonous royals.”

Suddenly he paused and thought about this imaginary swaggering Mr. Herrier, fat-brained, successful, and acclaimed.And Miss Ley, who was interested in the excited soul of human beings, was attentively observing the contemptuous expression on Frank's face at this moment. "But maybe eventually I'll look back and feel so tired of my success and realize that I didn't really live a day for myself after all. I'm thirty years old now, and my youth is slipping away— —Those first-year suckers might think I'm middle-aged, but I haven't lived for myself yet. All I have is time to work, man! I used to be like the devil busy Work. When my students are reckless nights out, frolicking at concerts, rowing and getting drunk, having sex with beautiful, slutty women, or when they play poker all night long I was always at work. Now, generally speaking, they are calmer; dull GPs, socially respected people, mostly in enviable marriages. A fool would say, I got I am rewarded because I have achieved greatness, and yet they squandered their lives and became mediocre. But one day, when they recall the bravery and freedom of the past, they must be thrilled. And I have nothing to deserve Memories are only slowly increasing knowledge. Ah! If I had gone to play with them, how wonderful it would be! But I am just a serious person. I have been working, so I can be a model , but now, my youth is going away, but I have not done the ridiculous things of young people. My blood is also boiling, and I have begun to go crazy regardless of everything. This medical career is not what I imagined before it is now starting to meander. We only see one side of things; the world is to us a hospital full of sick people, and we see humanity in terms of disease alone. Yet wise men Just go about your own business, get busy with living, not dying; not sickness, but radiant health. Sickness is just accidents, how can we direct our lives when we're all dealing with exceptions? I feel I don't want to see patients anymore, I can't help it, they scare me, make me sick. I've been busy with science, but that also means death and boredom to me, my temperament People who are not really fit to be scientists. There are many people who don't care about the world and glory, but I still have my passion - a burning passion; I am very aware that I want to live. I want to live Is juicy fruit that I can take in my hands and crush, and eat it mouthful. When my blood boils in my veins, when my muscles crave some pure muscular labor, I How can you still sit in front of the microscope day after day!"

As he spoke, he stood up excitedly, walked back and forth in the room, and exhaled white smoke vigorously.Miss Ley suddenly remembered the old fable about ants and grasshoppers. She thought that when autumn was coming, she might look at the food she painstakingly collected; Too lazy to be but a singing grasshopper, her thoughts may not be of empty food storage and the coming winter, but of the idle, comfortable summertime of heartless singers. "Do you think you would think so if you went to the country for a fortnight and recovered your health?" asked Miss Ley gravely. Immediately, she began to be surprised by the effect of the question: Frank turned and looked at her angrily; she had never seen Frank like this before.

"Miss Ley, do you think I'm a complete fool?" he cried. "Do you think it's just a girlish idle fantasy? I've been thinking about it for months, and it's just that my illness has made my head a little bit harder." Just clarity. We are all bound by the wheel of fortune, but every time one of us tries to break free, the rest of us start laughing at him and trying to stop his efforts." "Son, I didn't mean to hurt you," Miss Ley smiled generously, "You know I respect you very much." "Forgive me, I don't want to be so impulsive," he replied, and quickly began to confess, "but I always feel that the chains have penetrated into my bones, so I desperately want to be free."

"I think London should provide people with a vibrant and colorful life." "London doesn't offer people life, but culture. Oh, they bore me to death, the people I meet, they all talk about the same things, and are just as complacent with their narrow views! Think Think what culture is! That means you go to the theater to see a play, and then read your personal opinion about it in an academic journal; it also means you go to read the most popular novel in Paris at the moment, and you need to be able to discuss the books published there. , and occasionally had tea with the men who wrote them. You travel to Italy and France, despise Cook's Traveler's Handbook, and yet you are nothing but a vulgar traveler yourself. You love to boast about your poor France, but Little knowledge of worse Italy. Sometimes, you admit to being bored to death by symphony concerts, so you go to Wagner's fashionable operas, collect stickers, and read the Daily Morning." "Excuse me," cried Miss Ley, throwing up her hands, "I have found a very unlovable side of you." However, Frank, who was still agitated, ignored Miss Ley's comments. "Also, I've been smothered by dull fools, so I have a special longing for fresh air. I want to go sailing in a sailboat, and fight storms. I want to stay away from people who do practical things— — to new countries, Canada and Australia, to places where people wrestle with nature with their bare hands. I yearn for fiery metropolises, to places where there are no nasty policemen guarding your virtue. I'm for Egypt, India in the East I want to understand the corrupt and passionate life of the Malays, and the violent adventures of the islands in the South China Sea. I may not have the answers to the mysteries of the world, but when I go out, I must be more than Here is a little nearer to the answer; I can no longer get anything from books and civilization. I want to witness life and death, passions, virtues and vices, and know face to face those who are uncovered; I want to experience life while I'm still alive, and I want to leave something worth remembering for my old age." "It's a nice idea, and a romantic one," replied Miss Ley, "but where do you get all the money to make these wishes come true?" "I don't want money, I can support myself. I'll sail to America, and work as a laborer for a living; I'll keep doing all kinds of work. When I know America, I'll take another ship Go to the East. I am tired of the life of the upper class, and I want to work with those who really understand the lower class, experience their hunger and toil, and their primitive love and hate." "My dear, this is sheer nonsense. Poverty is worse than all the customs of the world put together. I dare say that a trip in a sailboat might be very interesting and teach you to know contentment and useless luxuries. comfort. But you know, whatever it is, once it happens, it becomes a routine." "That sounds like an epigram," Frank interrupted. "Is that what you mean?" Since Miss Ley was not sure whether this meant anything, she quickly continued what she had said before. "I assure you that people cannot be free without money. Take me, I have always thought the praises of the complacent poor man ridiculous, a man naturally indifferent to music, who has no place in the theatre. would be glad to leave, but dullness of the senses is evidence of want of wit. A man who earns less than £500 a year can never be truly free, nor can he really understand the meaning of life." Frank stared straight ahead without answering; he was still thrilled by what he could imagine.So Miss Ley decided to continue to express her views. "On the other hand, if a rich man devotes himself to a lucrative trade, it bores me, and I don't like those who are accustomed to pettyness or mental poverty to engage in some dull, dirty trade. People have no patience. I know a millionaire who put his only son to work ten hours a day in the bank, and he thought he was giving his son useful training! Now, I would rather rich people put the money they earn Opportunities are reserved for those who desperately need to make ends meet. Just concentrate on thinking about how to spend the money you have earned in the past. I hope there will be a wealthy and leisurely class who have time to concentrate on elegant things such as art. In this way, wisdom and Gentleness can be conceived; I want to make interesting experiments in life, like Louis XV, to study the necessities of the world's existence, to form a boring, friendly contrast to this dark and difficult world. We now There's no point in talking about the dignity of the worker, but I think it's people like preachers who tell factory workers what value there is in their hard work. I think they're praised because people You can forget yourself, and some stupid people get bored when they have nothing else to do. It is absurd to call it sublime to work with such a large number of people just to escape ennui; Idleness, on the contrary, is probably more noble, requiring much innate talent, much nurture, and a remarkable and well-constructed mind." "Now let's talk about the practical significance of your tirade." Frank suggested with a smile. "I'm just saying that we can't let our short lives suffer from boredom. I don't say that about regular occupations to reproach you for wanting to give up your current job; Or wealth, I would not force myself to do a job that would bind me to any habit or routine. If being a doctor really distresses you, there is no reason for you to do it anymore, but, for God's sake For the sake of it, please don't despise those creature comforts in Egypt. Now, I have a proposal. You know, my income is much more than my expenses, and if you will accept it, I will be happy to give you five hundred pounds a year— —that's the minimum amount I've always told you you need to really enjoy life." Frank smiled and shook his head. "It's very kind of you, but I can't take it. If I could get my father's permission, I'd go to Liverpool and get on a ship like a normal sailor. I don't want anybody's money." Miss Ley sighed. "Men are hopelessly romantic creatures." Frank bade her good night and went to Ferney the next day.But Miss Ley kept thinking about what he said, and the next morning she called on her solicitor at Lancaster Gate, an elderly, ruddy gentleman with a mustache like a mutton chop. . "I want to make a will," she said, "but I really don't know what to do with my property. No one wants my property, and my brother died, and no one will because I didn't leave it. Not happy to leave him an inheritance. By the way, can I transfer a part of the annuity while I'm alive to someone who doesn't want to receive it?" "I'm afraid you can't compel people to take your money," replied the lawyer, and couldn't help giggling. "Your laws are so annoying!" "I think they're all right, because a man who refuses money can only end up in a mental institution." In addition to the house in Old Queen Street, Miss Ley had an annuity of about £4,000, and how to arrange it reasonably had lately become a major concern of hers. "I think," said she, after some consideration, "that I shall divide it into three parts--a part for my niece, Bertha Craddock, who has no idea how to spend money." ; one to my nephew, Gerald Audley, who is a rascal, and bound to waste, dissipate, and live in luxury; and the other to my friend, Francis Herrier." "Okay, I'll draw it up and send it to you." "No, you take out one and write it now. I will wait for you to finish writing before leaving." The lawyer sighed at being insulted at the legal delay, but knowing his client was determined, he called for the clerk, and with him he witnessed Miss Ley's signature.Afterwards, Miss Ley left very satisfied, because from now on, no matter what happened, Frank would never be in financial trouble again.Miss Ley smiled slyly at the thought of Frank's possible shock when he learned of this gift.