Chapter 12 Chapter Twelve

It had always been Frank's habit to go to Miss Rye's for tea after get off work, but when he reached Old Queen Street that afternoon Miss Rye noticed him pale and with an unnatural gleam in his dark eyes.His eyes looked bigger than usual, and his weary expression suggested that he was suffering: his square jaw showed firmness, and he seemed to be sinking into deep self-blame. "You're so late," she said, "I thought you wouldn't be here." "I'm tired," he replied, a little nervous in his voice. Miss Ley served tea, and in order to refresh him while it was served, she took up the evening paper and began to read.Miss Ley has admirable insight, and she and her friends have discovered Frank's abnormality.But she didn't point it out because she knew Frank would be ashamed of not being able to control his emotions well.Soon, he took out his cigarette and sat down in the library, lit his pipe, and then exhaled some thick smoke rings.

"Smoking is more comforting, isn't it?" Miss Ley asked with a smile. "Yes, the effect is very obvious." While waiting for him to regain the ability to speak, Miss Ley returned her attention to her newspaper, although she sensed that he was looking at her curiously, she didn't pay much attention to it. "I wish you'd put the newspaper down," he cried at last impatiently. She smiled and put down the newspaper as he said. "Frank, are you having a bad day?" "Oh! Yes, very bad!" he replied, "I don't know why, but I never cared more about my patients than I do today. His look of extreme pain."

"I hope a miracle will happen," murmured Miss Ley, "the consumptive poet and the devoted woman! The frequency of such cases is frightening. The gods are not innovative, they always through the universality of tragedy to achieve their aesthetic ideals... I suppose you're pretty sure he's got consumption?" "I found bacillus in his saliva. Where are they now?" "Bella took him back to Tuckenbury, and I promised they'd be there on Monday. Bella's going to marry the boy." "What!" cried Frank. "She wants to take him abroad. Do you think he'll survive if he goes south for the winter?"

"Nine times out of ten, nature doesn't want to heal humans, it just wants to put humans in coffins." After all, Frank got up from his chair and paced up and down the room restlessly.Suddenly, he stopped not far from Miss Ley. "Do you remember your friend Mr. Farley telling us one day that suffering can make a person more noble? I want to guide him so that he can avoid those bad things in the hospital." "If Mr. Farley had lost a tooth, he would have paid special attention to his breathing, I'm sure of that." "I guess the only reasonable explanation the pastor can find for the pain is that it's an improvement in character," Frank cried bitterly. "If they weren't so ignorant, they'd know there's no need to justify it. You It might also be said that a red flag raises the train to another level; for pain is, after all, nothing but a nervous response to damage to the collective organization."

"Don't lecture me, my dear Frank!" whispered Miss Ley gently. "But if that man has seen as much pain as I have, he will understand that there is no such thing as elevating the human soul; it only makes people more ruthless. It makes people more self-interested, Becoming more selfish—you can't imagine the horrible egoism that physical pain can produce—whining, impatience, injustice, and greed. I can name a host of vile vices that suffering can lead to, yet I can't name a single virtue... Oh, Miss Ley, when I look at all the misery in the world, I'm so thankful that I don't believe in God."

As if in order to break free from the barriers of his body, he began to pace the house restlessly like a wild animal. "For years, I have spent days and nights trying to discern the truth from the false. I wanted my actions to be clear, I wanted to keep my feet on the ground, but I found myself in a labyrinth of quicksand. I couldn't see what was going on in the world. Meaning, sometimes, I fall into despair, everything is like a psychopath's unconscious dream. What will all the efforts and struggles, all the hopes, loves, successes, failures, births and deaths point to? Human beings are out of Primitive status, simply because they are more ferocious than tigers, more cunning than gorillas. In the process of evolution, there is no more likely factor than the development of human beings themselves. We believe in progress, but progress is nothing but change."

"I admit," interrupted Miss Ley, "that I sometimes ask myself what Japan can gain from inheriting Western civilization. I wonder if the Malays in the jungle or the Kenakas on the islands would I envy the slums of London very much." "What's the result of all this?" Frank demanded, but he was still in his own thoughts, not listening very carefully. "What's the use of all this? I've tried everything, but I can't come up with any Answer. I can no longer tell what is good from what is evil, what is high from what is low, or even if the words themselves have meaning. Sometimes it seems to me that human beings just want to Crippled, hiding their cripples, gathered in a suffocating room lit by a smoky candle, gathered for mutual warmth, they shuddered at every unexpected sound. Do you think that in the process of evolution, the best and noblest survive and reproduce? No! Only the cunning, tough and strong survive."

"My dear Frank, I find such laborious things boring." Miss Ley replied, and at the same time, she shrugged slightly, "That's what a philosopher said. About the universe, you can ask Few, and you get no answers. Ultimately, we all succumb to the facts, and our satisfaction at mealtimes is no less satisfied because there are so many questions constantly and discreetly in the mind. It seems to me that human existence There is little plausibility in saying the end, as people in the Middle Ages guessed (forgive me if I seem erudite), people in heaven moved in circles, because circles are the most perfect shapes. But I I can assure you that my night's rest is unimpaired. In my youth I too went through periods of storm, and if you do not find it tedious, I will tell you about it."

"But it doesn't matter," Frank responded. He sat down and looked at her with piercing eyes, while Miss Ley began her story fluently, with clarity of thought, and appropriate words, with the utmost confidence. "You know, I was brought up in the strictest evangelical ideology, and believed in certain dogmas that would bring eternal damnation, but at twenty I rarely spoke of it, and I almost turned my back on it All that I've learned before. Faith can be a matter of temperament, and good intentions don't help, and I'm shocked when I look back at my ignorance, how ill-conceived reasons were enough to destroy it over the years All prejudices. Back then, I was convinced that God didn't exist. But now, I don't believe in anything: it saves a lot of trouble. And, whenever you make up your mind, you rob yourself of a contemplative Chance. Yet theoretically, I cannot help thinking that, for a more rational life, it is necessary for us to think that there are no immortal souls."

"How can a man live consistently in this world if he is easily disturbed by other people's thoughts?" Frank said suddenly and eagerly, "God is the force that throws the center of gravity out of the body. " "I agree with that, Frank, and I was going to expand my point of view," replied Miss Ley, with a touch of sarcasm, for she never liked being interrupted. "Forgive me," Frank said with a smile. "I agree with you that it's not unreasonable that you picked the wrong time," she continued deliberately, "when a person finds that the world he lives in doesn't make sense, and time becomes his most personal concern." He can focus or order himself according to the situation around him. He is like a chess player who knows exactly what to do with each move. No one asks why the rook goes straight instead of diagonally. These things With these rules, no matter what the result of the game is, the purpose of a wise person playing this game is not to win (because it is not easy), but to compete with others. If he's smart enough, he'll never forget that, after all, it's just a game, so don't take it too seriously."

Miss Ley paused, thinking it was time to give Frank a chance to comment, but he said nothing.So she had to go on slowly. "I think the most important thing I've learned in my life is that every problem has two very rich sides, and the trade-off between those two sides is often very difficult. This makes me tolerant, so , I listen to you with the same interest that I hear my cousin Algernon. After all, how can I say that truth has only one side, or many? How many mistakes it faces with a smile, it Thinking of something contradictory and incongruous, more unpredictable than the wind in April, more capricious than the moon in the mirror. My art and science is to live well. Weak people always say that everything is Nothingness, because happiness is short-lived: a beggar looks at the tombs of the emperors, and he will feel comforted, but at the same time, it also shows that he is a fool. The happiness of life is only an illusion, but when pessimists say that human happiness is insignificant Yes, because they are not real, but absurd. Because no one knows what is real, and few people care about it: the only things we are interested in are illusions. If because the mirage in the desert is just a How foolish it would be to call it unbeautiful without an atmospheric effect!" "So, isn't life like a man sailing on the sea, unable to stay in one place, but drifting forever on the treacherous sea?" "Neither. There are not always storms at sea, and the wind does not always blow so violently: sometimes it blows so hard that the ship has to rock with it. Sailors will cheer for their skill, I will jump for joy at the endless horizon. Sometimes, the sea is as calm as a sleeping youth, and the air is fragrant, pleasant and fresh, filling people's hearts with a kind of lazy warmth. The sea has endless Secrets, thoughts and all kinds of emotions. Why don't you take the journey of life as a game, and even the worst weather will always pass, and soon it will be sunny again-towards the end without complaint or regret , to be happy even in a hurricane, and in a storm, don't forget to remember the days of happiness and peace in the past? Why not put aside the present life and say: I have bad luck and good luck, and happiness will heal me in the end Pain. Though my journey has been full of dangers that have blinded me to see where I am going, and though I have worn myself out and returned in old age to the point where I once had hoped, I still Be content with the life I've lived." "Also, with all your experiences, all your learning along the way, and all your thinking, you'll eventually find that they're absolutely meaningless," cried Frank, frustrated. "I create all kinds of meanings, like a critic explaining a symbolic picture, or a schoolboy constructing an essay that he never figured out himself, but I at least let These words are logically connected. My purpose is to find happiness, and I think that, on the whole, I have found it. I live according to my nature and feel all the emotions I feel. I move freely from ugly to and the tedious, and to focus my attention solely on the beautiful—I wish to be able to appreciate the absurd carefully. I am never disturbed by what people currently think of as good and evil, because I know that they are just Relatively speaking, but I've been working hard so that in the end, my eyes must be able to see the beautiful patterns in this dark, empty world." Miss Ley paused, a grotesque smile crossing her cheek. "But I should tell you that, like Mr. Sandy, he spent so much time thinking about his son's educational program that by the time he finished, Tristram was old enough to not need it, And it’s not too late for my philosophical system to be said to have no chance to be realized.” "Madam, dinner is ready." The butler came into the room to inform everyone. "My God!" Frank yelled, standing up. "I didn't know it was so late." "But you're going to stay, aren't you? I think you'll find that this is the right place for you right now." "I've ordered dinner at home." "I'm sure your dinner isn't as good as mine." "Miss Ley, I've never seen anyone else take such pride in their chef's skills." "My dear, just as it is easier to be a philosopher than to be a gentleman, so it is easier to cultivate a Christian disposition than to cook a good meal." They went downstairs together, and Miss Ley had a bottle of Miss Dorris's champagne opened.She has always been a firm believer in the power of a good meal, which can go a long way in relieving people of mental torment.Plus, it's of epic value—because she'd rather suffer herself than please her guests.She talked on and on about many things, cheerfully and tenderly, while Frank smoked countless cigarettes after dinner.Finally, when the clock struck midnight, he finally stood up with a smile on his face, no longer obsessed with those philosophical issues.Frank took Miss Ley's hands. "You are such a gem of a woman. When I walked through your door, I felt so miserable, and then you made me find the meaning of life again." "Not me!" she exclaimed, "chocolate soufflé and champagne. I've long since discovered that the human soul is particularly susceptible to good food. Personally, when I overeat, my emotions On the contrary, it's the best. I hope you don't crush my hand." "Among the women I know, you're the only one who has as much fun talking as a man." "God, I think if I had been twenty years younger, you might have proposed to me." "As long as you say that word, I will lead you to the altar." "I'm really proud that I'm still going to be proposed at fifty-seven. But, my dear, if I marry you, where will you be having afternoon tea?" Frank laughed, but there seemed to be a slight sob in his answer. "You're such a lovely, kind person. I'm sure I'll never meet another woman who makes me half as fond of you as I am." The emotion must have been very touching, for Miss Ley's tone was not so cold and firm as usual. "My dear, don't be a rambling fool!" she replied, and after Frank had left she said to herself, slightly exasperated, "God bless the boy! I wish I was his mother. "