Chapter 11 Chapter Eleven

During the second week of Basil's marriage Miss Ley received a letter from Bella at breakfast: When Frank came over for tea, Miss Ley handed him the letter—it seemed to have become his habit to come over for tea when he was free.Then she wrote back that Dr. Herrier would be happy to see the patient at twelve noon on Saturday. "I don't think there's anything wrong with him," Frank said, "but I can take a look for him. Tell her she can forget about the doctor's bill." "Don't be silly, Frank," replied Miss Ley. At the appointed time, Bella and Herbert appeared in Dr. Herrier's consulting room.The young man was shy and somewhat disturbed.

"Miss Langton, can you sit in the waiting room for a while?" Frank said. "I'll send someone to call you later." Impressed by his professional habits, Bella withdrew from the consulting room, and Frank examined the patient's face carefully, as if searching for the footprints of spring.Herbert looked at the serious man in front of him with suspicion. "I don't think I have any serious problems, but Miss Langton is very worried." "If doctors only listen to patients, they'll all be out of a job," Frank replied. "You'd better take off your coat."

Herbert blushed, he was a little ashamed to take off his clothes in front of strangers.Frank noticed then that his skin was creamy white and his body was so thin that it was almost a skeleton model.He took the child's hand and looked at the long fingers with slightly curved nails. "Have you ever killed a living being?" "No." "Do you sweat at night?" "It wasn't there before, but it seemed to be a little bit last week." "I guess most of your relatives are dead, right?" "All my relatives are dead." "Why did they all die?"

"My father died of consumption, and so did my sisters." Frank didn't say anything, but when he heard the unfortunate story, his face became particularly heavy.He began percussing the child's chest. "I don't see anything unusual here," he said. Next, he pulled out his stethoscope to check. "Say ninety-nine. Now cough and take a deep breath." Frank went through every step carefully, but found no possible cause other than bronchitis.Before lowering the stethoscope, however, he placed it at the top of the child's lungs, just above the neck bone.

"Take a deep breath!" Immediately, he heard very distinctly a slight noise, which was the cause of the fever in Herbert's face, among other symptoms.He percussed it again, more carefully than before, and the result was very unsatisfactory.There was little doubt about the diagnosis this time. "You can put on your clothes now." He said, sat back at his desk and began to write the medical records. Herbert dressed in silence, and then waited for the doctor to finish his writing. "Is there something wrong with me?" he asked. Frank looked at him gravely. "It's nothing serious. Go and fetch Miss Langton, and I'll tell her."

"If you don't mind, I'd like to hear it myself," said Herbert, flushing too. "I'm not afraid to hear bad news." "You know, you don't have to be too nervous." After a while, Frank replied, but his slight hesitation did not escape Herbert's eyes. "Your right lung is a little erratic breathing. I didn't notice it at first." "So, what does this mean?" A shiver came over him, making his hands and feet surprisingly cold; his voice trembled as he asked the next question. "Is this similar to what happened to my father and sister?"

"I'm afraid so," replied Frank. The shadow of death suddenly enveloped the whole room, which was extremely ominous to the patient; both of them knew that from then on, this shadow could not be separated from the young man: it would sit silently by the table with him, and lie in bed late at night. his long fingers would underline letters as he read, reminding him that he was a punished prisoner.When the wind blows, it sounds to him like a strong-limbed plow boy dancing, and death whispers in his ear, mocking him with soft tunes.Death would snicker at him as he watched the sun rise, against a background of purples and roses and greens, which dyed the mist more like chalcedony.A cold hand seized his heart, and it frightened and distressed him; he could not hold back his sobs in the agony that dominated him.Frank didn't dare to look at that childish face again, how honest and handsome it was, but at this moment he was disturbed by fear, so Frank turned his eyes to the ground.Next, in order to conceal himself, Herbert went to the window and cast his eyes out of the window: the house opposite this building was gray, ugly and dull, and the sky seemed to sink and crush the earth.He saw life as a spectacle before his eyes, in which the blue sky was purer than the enamel of French jewels, and the fields in the sun showed every color of jasper, and the elms were darker than emeralds.At this time, he is like a person who has fallen into the abyss. At noon, he can see the stars that people who live in the daytime have never seen.

To him, Frank's words seemed to come from another planet. "If I were you, I wouldn't take it too seriously. If you're cared for, you recover easily, and, after all, many people with tuberculosis live to a very old age." "My sister died four months after it was discovered and my father died a year after it was discovered." He was pale and expressionless at the moment, so that Frank could only surmise that fear had worn him out; he had seen many such condemned men, and knew that the final pain was in fact nothing by comparison. what.These are the scariest moments of life.A God who is not satisfied with punishing human beings for their crimes and follies, and sending them into a state of misery and despair, must be very cruel.In addition, all human beings suffer: the premature death of a child or the ingratitude of a friend, the loss of honor or wealth, being entangled in trivial matters.This is a cup of bitter wine that everyone must drink, which is what distinguishes humans from beasts.

Frank rang the bell. "Call for Miss Langton, please," he said to the servant who answered. Miss Langton looked very worried, looking at Frank, then at Herbert standing by the window—the child was now facing away from everyone; the silence of the two men, and the restraint of the doctor, made Miss Langton feel anxious Dreadful foreboding. "What's the matter with you, Herbert?" she cried. "What did the doctor tell you?" The boy turned around. "It's just that I can't do anything in this world anymore. I'm going to die like a dog, leaving behind only sunshine, blue sky and green trees."

Bella cried out.Then, despair filled her eyes, and tears rolled helplessly down her cheeks. "How can you be so cruel?" she asked Frank. "Maybe it's not true, Herbert... Dr. Herrier, is there anything else we can do? Can you save him?" She slumped into a chair and began to cry.The boy put his hand gently on her shoulder. "Honey, don't cry. I already know it in my heart, I'm just trying not to believe it. It won't help after all. I'm going to face it like everyone else." "It seems so hard and pointless," she moaned, "it must not be true."

Herbert looked at her without answering, as though her suffering were a curious affair, which aroused no emotion in him.After a while, Bella sighed, stood up, and wiped away her tears. "Let us go, Herbert," said she, "to Miss Mary's." "Would you mind if I go by myself? I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I want to be alone for a while and think about it." "All right, Herbert, do as you wish." "Goodbye, Mr. Herrier, thank you." The enthusiastic and painful Bella just watched Herbert leave. She also felt that there was something wrong with him, so she didn't want to go against his wishes.When he spoke, his voice was weaker than before, which was something Bella had never encountered before.Soon, however, trying to pull herself together, she turned to Frank. "Now, can you tell me exactly what we should be doing?" she said, trying to maintain her assertiveness at the Tkenbury charity. "First of all, you need to realize that there is no need to be so tense right away. He has undoubtedly tuberculosis, but as far as the present is concerned, the harm is minimal. What he needs is attention and proper treatment. . . . Is his income entirely dependent on his current job?" "I'm afraid so." "Is it possible to let him go? It would be best for him to spend the winter abroad - not only because of the climate, but because the new surroundings can distract him." "Oh, I'd love to pay him that, but he'll never take a penny from me. Is that the only way I can help him?" "You can't say the same. The human body is like a machine, and it often works the opposite of what it's supposed to do. Sometimes, when all the organs are dead, it can still stagger forward." Bella didn't listen very carefully, because at this moment, a thought suddenly flashed through her mind.Her face became flushed; but she looked very pretty.Her heart was beating wildly, and a surge of ecstasy came over her.She got up from her chair. "I think I can sort things out. I'm going to talk to Miss Ley. Goodbye!" She offered him her hand, leaving Frank alone to wonder what had changed her so suddenly, the desperation on her face was gone, her steps were light, and she seemed to be hopping of. "What did Frank tell you?" Miss Ley asked after kissing Bella. "He says Herbert has tuberculosis and must go abroad for the winter." "It's a pity, but is this proposal possible?" "If only I took him out." "My dear, how can you?" cried Miss Ley in surprise. Bella hesitated for a moment, and her face flushed instantly. "I'm going to let him marry me. There's no need for us to pretend now. It's the only way to save him, and, after all, I love him the most. A month ago, when I told you that I couldn't possibly be in love with someone who could almost I lied when my son was a young man. I was having an intense ideological battle and thought it was humiliating and ridiculous, but I fell in love with him from the first time I met him." Bella's enthusiasm made Miss Ley forget her usual sarcasm.She carefully suppressed the smile that was about to climb to the corner of her mouth. "My dear, there is no way your father will agree." She said seriously. "I'm sure he'll agree after I've explained the situation to him. I think he might be distressed, but if he refuses to support me, I remind myself that I'm a grown woman and can make my own judge." "I don't know what he will do to you. All his comfort and happiness rests on you." "I have served him for forty years. I have dedicated my youth to him, not because I feel it is my duty, but because I love him. And now, someone needs me more than he does. My Father was rich, he had a comfortable home, books, friends, and fortune. Herbert had nothing but me. If I took good care of him, I might give him a few more years of life, even if he was still Death is inevitable, and I can comfort him in his last days." Miss Langton spoke so quickly and so firmly that Miss Ley found it unnecessary to persuade her any further.Her mind was made up, and neither the persuasion of her friends nor the entreaties of her father could stop her any longer. "And what does Herbert think of your plan?" asked Miss Ley. "I haven't told him yet. He thinks I'm a middle-aged woman who sees love as absurd. Sometimes, he makes fun of me for being too practical and matter-of-fact." "Where is he now?" Before Bella could answer, the doorbell rang, and they heard Herbert ask the butler if Miss Langton was here. "Here he is!" cried Bella. "Mary, I'm going to fetch him now. He's headed for the living room. Ah, I'm very nervous." "Don't be ridiculous, Bella," replied Miss Ley, laughing. "I never saw a woman who was about to propose to the man she loved was as calm as you." But at the door Miss Langton stopped, and looked pitifully at her friend. "Why, Mary, I wish I wasn't so old. Please tell me the truth, am I horribly ordinary?" "My dear, you're good enough for that stupid boy," replied Miss Ley, looking as though she were trying to hold back her sobs, "if he had any sense, he would have I will insist on marrying you three months ago." When Bella closed the door, Miss Ley glanced at the bronze statue of Narcissus standing on a stand, he was always so eager to express himself, his long index finger pointed forward, and his head was slightly bent He turned to the side, as if he wanted to hear something.She made a testy comment at him. "I hope you don't take your beauty too seriously, don't panic, don't get confused. What you should know is that when love and self-sacrifice sprout in a middle-aged woman's heart, nothing can stop her from doing it And madness. Spinsters may not have been known in your time, and it was impossible for you to understand their emotions, because, as strange as it may seem, spinsters are human too. And if you are not If you are slandered at the right age, then you are an idiot, ignoring some problems in the sense of psychology and physiology. For myself, I also like young people of that generation, but our relationship has always been strict remain within the platonic bounds." Narcissus, on the other hand, just listened, showing indifference to Miss Ley's tirade, so she turned away impatiently. After coming to the living room, Bella found Herbert standing by the window. After seeing her come in, Bella walked towards her with a smile.She found that he was much calmer than before. Although his face was still pale and dignified, he was no longer eroded by fear. "You didn't blame me for leaving you and let you go home by yourself?" he asked softly. "I was troubled just now, and I thought I would make a fool of myself if I didn't get a chance to be alone." Bella took his hand. "You know, no matter what you do, I would never think it was heartless. But if you make any decisions, please tell me now." She hesitated, but it seemed that expressing regret was no longer helpful, How could these sentences comfort him at this moment? "What I want you to know is that you can always count on me no matter the time." "It's very kind of you. I don't know what to decide now. I'm afraid I'll have to get used to not thinking about the future, but it might be hard at first. I've got everything in that dull bank. I'll do my best. Maybe stay there for a long time, if the condition is too serious, then I will go to the hospital. I think the presiding pastor will help me to make the hospital accept me." "Don't talk like that! This is terrible," Bella cried pitifully. "Is there anything I can do? I feel so hopeless." He stared at her for a while. After a moment, he replied, "Yes, there is indeed something you can do... Bella, there is something I want to ask you. You have always been a good friend of mine, and now, I need you more than ever." "I'd do anything for you," she replied, heart pounding at the same time. "It might be selfish. But this winter, I don't want you to leave me—in case something happens. You know, my sister died three months after showing symptoms." "No problem, I can do more for you." She put her hand on his shoulder and looked into his blue, sad eyes.She examined his face carefully, which was paler than usual and more crystal clear, his soft lips still trembling with the fear of death.Bella remembered the way his mouth and eyes looked when he was happy, when he smiled like a child, when he would even blush at his joyful words.Then, she turned her gaze to the ground. "I was wondering if you could marry me." Though her eyes were averted, she knew that Herbert was probably blushing at this, and she withdrew her hand in hopelessness and shame.The time before he answered seemed unbearable. "I'm not that selfish yet." He replied softly, his voice full of tremors. "Yes, I'm also afraid that the thought will disgust you," she said, choking. "Bella, how can you say that! Don't you know I'm proud of this? Don't you know you're the only woman I like? But I just don't want you to sacrifice so much for me. I Having seen people die of tuberculosis, I know it sucks. Do you think I'll let you take care of me and do all that shit? And, you might get sick from it too. No, bei La, don't think I'm ungrateful, but I really can't marry you." "Do you think it's just a sacrifice?" she asked in a tragic tone. "My poor child, don't you know that I love you with all my heart? When you are so happy and carefree I often feel heartache when I'm just an old and ugly woman. You may have forgotten that you kissed my hand once: to you it was just a joke, but when you go Then I cried very sadly. You wouldn't do it unless you thought I was forty years old and it didn't matter. Sometimes when you take my arm I feel like this My love is disgusting. Now, I believe, you despise me completely." She broke down instantly and started crying.But after a while she anxiously wiped away her tears and looked him in the face with her desperate pride. "Anyway, I'm just a middle-aged woman, right? I'm not even cute at all, and besides, I'm narrow-minded, because my whole life is tangled up in trivialities. Besides, I'm stupid and uninteresting. Why should I think that because I love you like a fool, you will marry me?" "Bella, Bella, don't say that. It will hurt me if you say that." "You think it's just my self-sacrifice. The reason I want you to marry me is because I want to be with you 24/7 and if you're sick I can't stand anyone other than me touching you. I Living in solitude all the time, so horribly lonely, I'm making my last bet on happiness." She sank into a chair and buried her face, while Herbert knelt down and took her hand. "Look at me, Bella...I think the reason you're suggesting this is because you know I have to get out of the bank and have personal care. It never occurred to me that you really cared about me. I feel sorry for my unthinking Shame. But you know what? The thing I want more than anything else is to be with you. Then I'll forget about my illness because it will bring me more happiness than I ever hoped for. Bella, if you If you don't mind that I'm poor and sick, and don't consider whether I'm worthy of you, then please marry me!" Suddenly, she stopped crying, and a bright smile washed away the previous sadness.At that moment, when she realized the meaning of the words, she looked at him with a little doubt; then, she bent down and kissed his hand. "Oh dear, I'm so happy." When they finally calmed down and went to see Miss Ley, Bella's teary eyes were filled with unspeakable happiness.And Miss Ley looked at Herbert in front of her, and finally understood why her cousin was so fascinated by him: his face was so frank and sweet, like a young and beautiful saint in an ancient picture scroll .