Chapter 16 Four

I knew from day one that I would be the first to arrive.But the problem is not whether the first one is the first one. Not only did none of them come, but I even managed to find the private room we reserved.The table was not fully set.What exactly does this mean?I inquired and found out from the waiter that the banquet was scheduled for six, not five.This was also affirmed at the counter.I'm not even ashamed to ask any more.It was only twenty-five past five.If they changed the time, they should have informed me anyway; isn't that what the city post office is for, and it shouldn't make me "disgraceful", not only I feel humiliated... in front of the waiters" Dropped the price."I sat down; the waiter began to set the table; the presence of the waiter was somehow more annoying.When it was almost six o'clock, in addition to the lit lamps, a few more candles were brought into the private room.However, it didn't occur to the waiter that I should bring the candle immediately when I came.In the next room, two customers were eating, one for each table, their faces were gloomy and stern, and they said nothing.In one of the far-off booths there was a great noise; even yelling; a large group of people could be heard laughing; and a disgusting obscenity could be heard: women were eating together.All in all, it's pretty disgusting.I have seldom had a more miserable time than this, and when they all came at six o'clock at once, I was even glad at first, seeing them as the saviours, and I almost Forgot, I should have put on an angry look.

Surrounded by everyone, Zverkov walked in first.He was chatting and laughing with them all; but as soon as he saw me, Zverkov put on his airs, walked over without haste, bent slightly as if making a pose, and stretched out his hand to me. The hands seem to be very affectionate, but not very affectionate, with a proper, almost general-like polite gesture, as if they are stretching out their hands while guarding against something.On the contrary, I had imagined that he must have burst out laughing as soon as he entered, high-pitched as before, accompanied by a shriek, and his banal jokes and witticisms at the outset.I had been preparing for it last night, but I never expected him to be so haughty, so affectionate like a general.It can be seen that now he has fully believed that he has greatly surpassed me in all aspects, hasn't he?If he just wanted to piss me off with this general-like gesture, then I thought, that's all right; I'll spit and sniff.If he really has no intention of angering me, his goat head really thinks that he is far ahead of me, so his attitude towards me can only be one of admiration and care, then what should I do?Just thinking about it makes me gasp.

"I'm surprised to learn that you're also interested in attending our party," he began, drawling in a tone he had never used before. "We don't see each other for some reason. You keep avoiding us because of your birth. You shouldn't. We're not as scary as you think. Well, you, anyway, I'm glad, very glad." Glad we can get back-to-…” After he finished speaking, he turned around carelessly and put his top hat on the window sill. "How long have you been waiting?" Trudolyubov asked. "I came here at five o'clock sharp as agreed with me yesterday," I replied loudly, furiously, and about to explode.

"Didn't you tell him the time was changed?" Trudolyubov asked Simonov. "No. I forgot." Simonov replied, without admitting his mistake or even apologizing to me, and went on to get some food and drinks. "Then you've been here for an hour, oh, what a pity!" cried Zverkov mockingly, because it seemed to him.This is indeed very ridiculous.After him, that wretch, Ferfitchkin, barked like a puppy, and laughed loudly and vilely.He found my situation ridiculous and humiliating. "It's not funny at all!" I cried to Fairfitchkin, growing angrier. "It's someone else's fault, not mine. I've been bothered to tell it. It's--this--it's . . . absurd."

"It's not only absurd, it's even worse." Trudoliubov said flatly, defending me innocently. "You're too easy to talk to. It's just rude. Of course, I didn't mean it. What did Simonov do... Humph!" "If you do that with me," said Fairfitchkin, "I'd have to—" "You should order the waiter to come first," Zverkov interrupted him, "or you should not wait at all and let the waiter open the table." "You have to admit that I could do this without anyone's permission." I said decisively. "I'm waiting because..."

"Let's take a seat, gentlemen," Simonov called, entering, "everything is ready; the champagne, I guarantee it, will be chilled, it will be excellent... You know, I don't know where you live, where can I find it?" You?" he said, turning suddenly to me, but for some reason he dared not look at me.Evidently, there was some kind of resistance in him.Probably, after what happened yesterday, he made up his mind. Everyone was seated; I sat down too.The table is round.To my left is Trudolyubov, to my right is Simonov.Zverkov sat across from me; Ferfichkin sat next to him, between him and Trudolyubov.

"Excuse me, do you ... work in the department?" Zverkov continued to chat with me.Seeing that I was embarrassed, he seriously thought that he should be more affectionate to me, or say, cheer me up. "What's the matter with him, do you want me to hit him with a bottle?" I thought angrily.Because I was not used to him doing this with me, I somehow became angry all of a sudden. "In so-and-so's office." I replied bluntly, looking at the plate. "And . . . you feel quite—good there? Please—what compelled you to resign from your previous position?"

"I don't want to do it anymore, that's what forced me to resign." I stretched out my voice, longer than he did, and I could hardly control myself.Fairfitchkin burst out laughing.Simonov looked at me mockingly; Trudolyubov stopped eating and began to look at me curiously. Zverkov was annoyed, but he pretended not to care. "Well-well-well, how were you treated there?" "What treatment?" "Is it salary-salary?" "Why do you test me!" Still, I immediately said how much I was getting paid.My face flushed red. "Not much," said Zverkov proudly.

"Yes, you, you can't dine in a café!" added Ferfitchkin boldly and shamelessly. "It seems to me that there are too few." Trudolyubov said seriously. "Since then ... you've lost weight and grown ..." added Zverkov, not without malice, but with shameless regret, looking at me and my clothes. "Don't embarrass me," cried Fairfitchkin, grinning. "You know, sir, I'm not feeling shabby," I burst out at last, "Listen, you! I'm here, eating at the 'café,' spending my own money, my own, not my own. Other people's money, please be mindful of this, monsiear Fairfitchkin."

"Wh-what! Who here spends their own money? You seem to..." Felfichkin caught on to my words, blushed like a prawn, and looked furiously into my eyes. "That's it," I replied, feeling that the subject was getting off track, "I think we'd better talk about something smart." "Perhaps you want to show off your cleverness?" "Don't worry, here, this is completely redundant." "My husband, what are you yelling about—ah? You are not crazy, do you think you are in your temple?" "Enough, gentlemen, enough!" cried Zverkov authoritatively.

"How stupid that is!" muttered Simonov disapprovingly. "It's really stupid. We came together in a friendly way to see our friends off, and you insisted on counting you as one." Trudolyubov said rudely to me alone: ​​"Yesterday you insisted on joining us." Dude, then please don't spoil the fun..." "That's enough, that's enough," cried Zverkov, "don't say it, gentlemen, it's inappropriate. You'd better hear me tell you that I almost didn't get married the other day..." Then began the shameless slander about the gentleman who almost never got married.Yet he never said a word about the marriage, but the story kept on mentioning generals, colonels, even court guards, etc., and Zverkov was hardly the best of them all.Approving laughter began: Fairfitchkin even squealed with delight. Everyone left me alone, and I sat by in frustration and embarrassment. "Lord, how did I get mixed up with these people!" I thought. "What a fool I am to humiliate myself in front of them! And yet, I indulged this Fairfitchkin too much. Those fools thought it was my fault to eat with them." My face, but I don't know that they are not giving me face, but I am giving them face! 'Thin! Clothes!' Oh, these damn pants! Zverkov just discovered the stain on the knee...Still in What are you doing here! Immediately, immediately, stand up from the table, pick up your top hat, and leave without saying a word... out of contempt! And even a duel tomorrow. These despicable people. You know, I don’t hate those seven One ruble. They probably thought... Damn it! I'm not reluctant to part with those seven rubles! Get out of here at once! . . . " Needless to say, I stayed.I drank Lafayette and Jerez glass after glass because I was unhappy.Because I was not used to it, I soon got drunk, and the annoyance in my heart continued to grow with the drunkenness.I suddenly wanted to insult them all in the most brutal way, and then walk away.Take the time to show them off—let them say: Ridiculous, but clever...and...in a word, to hell with them! I gave them all a wild glance with my drunken eyes.But they seem to have completely forgotten about me.They quarreled with each other, shouted and yelled, and were very merry.All the time it was Zverkov who was talking.I start listening.Zverkov was talking about a plump white lady whom he had driven so captivated that he finally wooed him (needless to say, he sucked like a horse), and it was he who helped him a lot in this matter. A close friend of his, a young duke, Kolya the hussar, had three thousand serfs in his family. "This Kolya with 3,000 serfs never comes here to see you off," I broke into the conversation suddenly.For a while, everyone was speechless. "You're drunk now." Trudolyubov looked contemptuously sideways at me, and finally agreed to put me in his eyes.Zverkov silently watched me as if I were a ladybug.I lower my eyes.Simonov hastily poured champagne for everyone. Trudolyubov raised his glass, followed by everyone except me. "I wish you health and a safe journey!" he called to Zverkov. "For the friendship of many years, gentlemen, and for our future, Ulla!" Everyone cleaned up and went to kiss Zverkov.I didn't move; a full glass of wine was placed in front of me, untouched. "Don't you want a toast?" Trudolyubov growled, finally losing his patience, glaring at me. "I would like to make a speech, and say a few words alone ... then cheers, Mr. Trudolyubov." "Nasty bastard!" muttered Simonov. I straightened up in my chair and picked up my glass excitedly, as if I was about to do something unusual, but I didn't know what I was going to say. "Silence!" cried Fairfichkin. "No wonder, it's time to play smart!" Zverkov knew what was going on, and he was waiting very seriously. "Mr. Lieutenant Zverkov," I began, "you know, I hate empty talk, empty talkers and posturing... That's the first point, and after that there's the second point." Everyone commotion violently. "Second point: I hate flirting and those who love flirting the most. Especially those who love flirting!" "Third point: I love truth, sincerity, and integrity," I continued almost mechanically, for I myself had grown cold with fear and could not understand how I could say such things... "I love ideas, Zverkov Sir, I love true friendship and not ... well ... I love ... But why? I drink to your health, Mr. Zverkov. Go seduce those Circassian women Go ahead, shoot the enemies of the Fatherland, and ... and ... a toast to your health, Mr. Zverkov!" Zverkov got up from his chair, bowed to me, and said: "Thank you very much." He was so angry that he even turned pale with anger. "Fuck." Trudolyubov slammed his fist on the table and roared. "No, you, the bastard should be slapped for saying that!" cried Ferfitchkin. "He should be thrown out!" Simonov shouted angrily. "Don't talk, gentlemen, and don't do anything!" cried Zverkov solemnly, checking the general outrage. "I thank you all, but I will show him how much I value what he said." "Mr. Fairfitchkin, tomorrow you must give me a satisfactory answer to what you just said!" I shouted arrogantly to Fairfitchkin. "A duel, you say? All right," he replied, but the way I demanded a duel was probably so ridiculous and out of proportion to my appearance that everyone (and after them all, Felfichkin) laughed at it. Get down. "Yes, of course, ignore him! Isn't he completely drunk!" Trudolyubov said disgustedly. "I will never forgive myself for letting him come to the dinner party!" Simonov muttered again. "Now is the time to throw the bottle on everyone," I thought, picking up the bottle, and... pouring myself a full glass. "No, it's better to sit to the end!" I continued to think, "You guys, you want me to go. I won't go. I will deliberately sit to the end and drink to the end to show that I don't buy your account at all. I will Sit and drink because this is a tavern and I pay to get in. I'm going to sit and drink because I think you're nobodies, nothing but nobodies. I'm going to sit and drink Go on... and, if I like, I'll drink, and, you, I'll sing, because I have the right to sing... hum." But I didn't sing.I just tried not to look at any of them; I assumed an air of independence, impatiently waiting for them to speak to me first.But, alas, they did not speak.How much I thought at this time, how much I wanted to reconcile with them!Eight o'clock struck, and finally nine.They left the table and sat down on the couch.Zverkov leaned on the sofa and put one foot on the round table.The waiter brought the wine over.He did bring them three bottles of his own wine.Needless to say, he sat me down without an invitation.Everyone sat around him on the couch.They listened to him almost with reverence.It was obvious that they all loved him. "What do you love him for? What do you love him for?" I thought to myself.They sometimes get very drunk, and kiss each other in a rapturous way.They talked about the Caucasus, about real enthusiasm, about card games, about the lucrative positions at work; about the income of the hussar Podharzhevsky, whom no one had ever seen, and heard that he had a lot of income, and everyone and they spoke of the extraordinary beauty and grace of the Duchess, whom none of them had ever seen; and finally of the immortality of Shakespeare. Smiling contemptuously, I was on the other side of the private room, directly opposite the sofa, pacing along the wall, from the dining table to the stove, and from the stove to the dining table.I tried my best to show that I could live without them; at the same time I stomped on my heels and squealed my boots.But all is in vain.They ignore me at all.I patiently walked up and down in front of them, from eight o'clock to eleven o'clock, always in the same place, from the table to the stove, and from the stove back to the table. "I just walk on my own, and no one can stop me." The waiter who came into the private room stopped to look at me several times; because I kept turning around, my head was dizzy; sometimes I felt as though I were in a state of delirium.During these three hours, I sweated three times, sweating and sweating, and sweating and sweating.Sometimes I feel a deep pang, and a thought stabs at my heart: ten years, twenty years, forty years, even forty years from now, I will still remember with disgust and humiliation This most nasty, ridiculous and horrific moment of my life.It's just self-defeating, and there's nothing more shameless and voluntary than that, I know it all, I know it all, but I keep going back and forth from table to stove and stove to table paced squarely. "Oh, if only you could know how rich my feelings are, how deep my thoughts are, how developed my mind is!" I thought sometimes, and said to my enemies on the couch.But my enemies act as if I were not in the room at all.Once, just once, they turned to me, that is, when Zverkov was talking about Shakespeare, and I suddenly laughed contemptuously.I laughed so affectedly and so viciously that they all broke off their conversation at once, and watched me for two or three minutes in silence, gravely, without laughing, as I walked along the wall from the table to the stove, and I How to ignore them and sneer at them.But nothing came of it: they still didn't speak, and after two minutes they left me again.The clock struck eleven. "Everyone," cried Zverkov, rising from the sofa, "everyone go over there now." "Of course, of course!" said the others. I turned sharply towards Zverkov.I have been exhausted by their torment, and I have lost my normalcy. Even if they cut me with a knife, I hope it will end soon!I feel like a fever: my sweat-drenched hair dries up and clings to my forehead and temples. "Zverkov! I beg your pardon," I said decisively and resolutely. "Ferfitchkin, I beg your pardon. Please forgive me. I have offended everyone." "Aha! There's no friendship in a duel!" Ferfitchkin muttered viciously. My heart seemed to have been stabbed severely. "No, I'm not afraid of duels, Ferfitchkin! I'm going to fight you tomorrow, but only after reconciliation. I even insist on a duel, and you can't refuse me. I want to prove to you that I am not afraid of duels. You You can shoot first, and I shoot in the air." "Self-comfort," Simonov said. "That's bullshit!" commented Trudolyubov. "Please let me pass, you're in the way! . . . What do you want?" Zverkov replied contemptuously.Their faces were all flushed; their eyes were stared from too much wine. "I ask for your friendship, Zverkov, I offended you, but..." "Offended me? You-you! Offended me-me! You know, sir, that you can never offend me under any circumstances!" "Come on you, get out of the way!" Trudolyubov echoed. "Let's go." "Gentlemen, Olympia is mine, it's settled!" Zverkov cried. "We won't snatch it! We won't snatch it!" Everyone replied with a smile. I stood there spurned.Their gang walked out of the room talking and laughing, and Trudolyubov sang a goddamn song.Simonov paused for a moment to tip the waiter.I went up to him suddenly: "Simonov! Lend me six rubles!" I said firmly and desperately. He was very surprised and looked at me with straight eyes.He was also drunk. "Are you going there with us too?" "yes!" "I have no money!" He said decisively, sneered contemptuously, and walked out of the room. I grab his coat.It was a nightmare. "Simonov! I see you have money, why don't you lend it to me? Am I a scumbag? If you don't lend it to me, be careful: if you know, if you know, why should I borrow money from you?" , you will not refuse me! Everything depends on this, my whole future, all my plans..." Simonov pulled out the money and almost threw it at me. "Take it, since you're so shameless!" he said mercilessly, and ran after them. Leave me alone for a moment.Cups and plates were messed up, food leftovers, broken wine glasses on the floor, spilled wine, cigarette butts left over from smoking, a feeling of drunkenness and dizziness in the head, painful troubles in the heart, and finally the waiter, he Seeing everything, hearing everything, looking into my eyes curiously. "Go there!" I cried. "Either they all kneel down and hug my legs and beg for my friendship, or...or I'll slap Zverkov in the face!"