Chapter 43 Lesson 15 Divorce Required Reading

The newlyweds may have been sleeping together for many years, and one day they are separated from each other, life suddenly changes, everything familiar is finally coming to an end, whether you love or hate, the pain in your heart can only be explained clearly by yourself. Holding a divorce certificate, are you full of confusion and helplessness on the street, can you remember the love and care you once had? The surrounding wind is quiet, and the people on the street are still there, but you and him (her) have really become strangers People, sing a song or want to drink a glass of wine, what can represent your mood, what can express your feelings?

The years of beatings, scolding, disputes and grudges lie between the two certificates. A few pieces of paper cover most of your life's happiness and sorrow.Maybe you really wait until the dead of night before you can still the tide in your heart, and see the traces of your marriage sailing through the flat sea. Years of bitter love, years of separation, violating the wishes of parents, breaking the feelings of friends, and then the two began to live together under the same roof, with wind, rain, sand, and waves.Once they break up, the tenacious emotions in the past will lose the last trace of maintenance.It begins with romance and sincerity, but ends with tears and brokenness. You can never find sweetness in recalling the past.Divorce has dimmed all the beautiful moments in your memory. Divorce, okay?

Cooking alone, watching TV alone, walking alone on the path in the park, lying on a cold hospital bed alone.So you miss the busy and lively dinner, so you think of the war between the two of you watching football while you watch fashion, you miss the romance of two people side by side singing flowers and enjoying the moon, and you reminisce about the spoon she handed over when you were seriously ill soup.There are also men's carelessness and women's small belly.When you get divorced, you bid farewell to all this hustle and bustle.You think you are avoiding all this deliberately, but once you really can't return, you know that what you need is all this behind you.Divorce abandons many contradictions in life and inevitably abandons more fun.Is it okay to get a divorce?

It is said that marriage is the grave of love, but everyone has sharpened their heads and drilled into it.Some people also say that "marriage is a siege, people outside want to get in, people inside want to get out".Overall, the number of people entering is still much higher than the number of people coming out.People can sleep peacefully in the grave, what's wrong with you? Horns growing? No emotion! That means that your vision is too poor and you can't blame others. No one used a gun to force you to be with him (her). .Can you guarantee to bid farewell to an unhappy marriage and re-establish a happy marriage? Divorce is actually walking from the grave to the edge of the cliff, adding a little more horror and thrill.Is it okay to get a divorce?

At the beginning, the witnesses wished you to grow old together, and you usually like words like sea dry and stone rot.Divorced, you can lose the right to continue to use them with peace of mind swagger.Is it okay to get a divorce? When you get married, you are busy and chattering, and you will become more stable after marriage.Divorce has caused you a lot of trouble. Thinking about getting married at least once, are you tired? Divorce is like putting a 50-pound sack on your shoulders every day.Is it okay to get a divorce? Divorced, people sympathize with you, hate you, admire you.Anyway, you have become the focus of attention of the neighbors in the neighborhood, which is tantamount to announcing your failure to the neighbors.Divorce provides someone else with something to talk about, and you try to avoid it all.Is it okay to get a divorce?

You have to start to be mentally prepared to be a stepdad or stepmother, you can't beat the other party's child, and you are afraid that the other party will beat your child.Divorce is exhausting, and remarriage is even more frightening.Is it okay to get a divorce? Divorced, everything in the past is divided in half.Although that person has turned around and left, you can't eliminate the traces and smells left by him (her), which always remind you inadvertently.The lingering memory of divorce is like a snake, curled up in your heart.Is it okay to get a divorce? Divorced, you lost his (her) friend, and because of your breakup, you no longer communicate with each other.A divorce destroys half of the social relationship.Is it okay to get a divorce?

Several years later, a friend who hadn't seen you for a long time suddenly called and asked about the happy life of the two of you.You said bitterly and sadly: We left long ago.Amidst his moans and exclamations, think about it.Is it okay to get a divorce? The two are strangers, but the child is shared by them.In his (her) heart, he couldn't understand everything in it.Just feel different from other families.Divorce is equivalent to giving children only incomplete fatherly and motherly love.Is it okay to get a divorce? There is an old saying: Husband and wife are originally birds in the same forest, and when disaster strikes, they fly separately.In today's peace and quiet, what is worth fighting until parted ways?

Remember: Couples are always best friends. From the point of view of human conscience and principles, for couples who are at odds, outsiders can't persuade them to divorce, but instead must insist on the family principle of "a young couple who fights does not hold grudges".If not, following the wishes of the parties who have been soaked in the contradiction for too long and have fallen into a dead end of thinking, and really split a social cell, anyone will feel like a thorn in their backs and restless.Of course, it's a different matter if it is intentional to rectify people or plan to be a third party and tear people apart.In the broad and profound Chinese ethics, "matchmaker" and "old man under the moon" are synonymous with doing good and accumulating virtue, while intervening in and breaking up other people's families is a despicable act that is reviled by others.

Let alone outsiders in marriage, even parties involved in marriage crisis must always wait and see the cloud of ethics and morality above their heads, and dare not rashly step into the ranks of divorcees. The most difficult thing in the world to judge right and wrong is love, and the destination of love-marriage and family is also stained with genetic factors, and it is equally difficult to judge short and long.People have been exploring for thousands of years, but they can't come up with a generally accepted rule of love, but our ancestors have long concluded: "It is difficult for an upright official to decide on family affairs."On the road of love and marriage, smart people can seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. When the signal lights flicker irregularly, they will "slow down, watch and pass", and can avoid accidents of "car damage and personal injury".

When it comes to marriage, although it is possible not to dispute the length of a day, those who enter this besieged city must have the courage to endure happiness and pain.Marriage is a serenade of happiness, and divorce is a bloody operation.Therefore, most of those marriages that have been infected adopt conservative maintenance methods, like loss-making enterprises, and few people are willing to undergo "surgery" or declare "bankruptcy".Although the news of the divorce of acquaintances comes from time to time, it is far less frequent than the invitation to your wedding.

So, what keeps you from getting a divorce? (1) Afraid of hurting the hearts of the elderly.The elders regard divorce as a shameful thing, and usually prevent and urge their children to be cautious about divorce. They persuade the son-daughter-in-law or daughter-in-law with a "fighting face" by saying that the war at the head of the bed should end at the end of the bed. (2) Fear that the child will be innocent.Divorce may liberate a bitter couple, but the children are bound to be hurt, so children become the glue of the marriage. (3) Personal public image.The personal public image that is accepted and encouraged by the society usually includes cultured, strong sense of responsibility, hardworking, and decent, and family stability is extremely important in each standard, especially for figures in official circles. Principles are taken seriously, otherwise promotions may be jeopardized. (4) The pressure of secular public opinion.Marriage is full of guests, and divorce is quiet. No one wants to publicize their divorce. This is because divorce is tantamount to admitting that they are a failure in marriage.In addition, all kinds of "concerns" or suspicions from outsiders, squinting eyes and fingers behind the back, even positive and well-intentioned comfort are like a mountain peak, frightening men and women who want to get out of the besieged city. (5) Wisteria marriage.Climbing plants are inseparable from trees, and highly dependent people are like vines in marriage, especially women who are weak in self-reliance or wives who have been willing to sacrifice themselves to fulfill their husbands. (6) Housing troubles.There are many men and women in love who postpone their marriage due to housing, and there are also many discordant couples who save or maintain their marriage because of housing. (7) Too much trouble.Modern people lack the patience for complicated procedures when going through formalities.Divorce is not only as simple as issuing a divorce certificate. The ownership of children, property division, re-opening of the door, determination of child support, etc., the most difficult thing to separate is to borrow the broken relationship. There are so many troublesome things, those are just sick. Men and women in marriages who are not terminally ill are too afraid to divorce. (8) Look forward and backward.There are more women who don't want to be single and are afraid that they won't be able to find the one they are now.Although the concept of being single-minded has faded a lot, after a woman has a child, the conditions for remarriage will be greatly reduced, and the chance of obtaining happiness has been reduced by several percent.In the balance between left and right, the idea of ​​maintaining the status quo and improving relations has become firm. (9) The relationship is not over.This is the most important reason for the survival of a marriage that can be advanced or retreated. It is impossible to explain clearly how the relationship arises.Love is blind, and emotion is more or less rational. Therefore, emotion is the feeling that makes both parties happy and happy. As long as it is not extinguished, marriage can survive. Divorce is legally free, it is the only way to dissolve a dead marriage, and is therefore irreproachable.But divorce should not become a fashion. Therefore, how to maintain love, affection, and family ties is more practical. Don’t get married and divorced eight times like Hollywood actress Elizabeth Taylor, although every time it is for love , but her feelings are like fog, rain, and wind, too erratic. Women are always indecisive when it comes to emotional issues, but women must understand that if you want to abandon your lover and come back, it seems impossible.Hope is undoubtedly an expectation of reality, and holding on to this kind of waiting is tantamount to getting disappointment. Sometimes, satisfying your hopes by glancing at an old flame once in a while will make you harder to love. If he treats you coldly, what will you do with yourself? If you are gentle, you want to restore the old relationship.It's better for you to hope and get nothing; It is not good to hope and get a little love, it will make you try harder to get him back, this time in vain, and hope for the next time, and the price you pay will be great. Wishing for an old flame to look back, or even fantasizing about a reunion, and figuring out how to make it happen will bring you back to the same old situation again.It's like he literally comes back to you, convinces you that everything is fine, and then leaves you - again and again.Experiments with animals have demonstrated that "intermittent reinforcement" induces agitated situations and long-term efforts to please researchers; the animals simply push a stick and are fed food by researchers, after which they push the stick Several times, food was only occasionally available, and as a result the animals pushed harder on the stick in hopes of getting food.Finally, the animals began beating the stick frantically, as if they were hungry for food, when they were not hungry, but were already driven by the desire for food. In the same way, the hope that your lover will return strengthens your fantasy that there will be a reunion, and you are so caught up in this hope that you cannot develop your own life.When he got married again, you are still dreaming of reliving the sweet life in the past! Therefore, you should try to avoid any contact with him. A look at him or a few words will only make you want to return to the past sweet time.He doesn't want to get back together with you, and in this situation, getting a little love from him now and then will only make you want more; Losing money but refusing to walk away, just because occasionally a few coins slipped out of the outlet. A few small wins will teach you to keep investing money, always thinking that you will hit the jackpot.You must understand that unless you imagine that he has remarried, gone abroad, or even died, you will not be able to improve your current situation.You're still sad, but you're not stuck, you're not fantasizing about a reunion, and the unhappiness you're feeling right now is just a gap between hope and reality. Knowing that you can't get back together is very important to your future happiness.It is impossible to relive the past, but it is possible to have an equally sweet relationship with another person.As long as you can give up the old hope, those sweetness and affection are not gone anymore, only "that person" is gone forever. 〖JP3〗Every woman who has been abandoned seems to be unable to help but want to change her ex-spouse's mind; she will plan again and again, spend a lot of time, and think of many ways to make her lover regret it.Then it gets outrageous, like as soon as he knows you're terminally ill, if he sees you dying, or if he knows you're going to marry someone else, he'll come back. "If, if..." Use the method of blocking thoughts to cut off these "ifs"! You're only hurting more by trying to get him back, just as you're trying to figure out how to make him love you again, and he's probably just taking advantage of you.Do you want to cook him a delicious meal, or invite him to a ballet performance? Yes, he may accept your offer to have a meal, he may come to a performance, but the end of the song What about after people leave? Wouldn’t you feel more emptiness and pain? He may also agree with you to maintain this kind of peripheral battle. Why should he tell you that everything is over? Because you are already willing to wait on the sidelines, waiting Leftover second-hand affection. Giving up hope will make you feel better in the end, and it's a surefire way to heal emotional wounds.Holding on to the fantasy that your husband doesn't love his wife despite the fact that they're already living together will destroy you.The lover who keeps you will turn back eventually, and as long as he gets through his short-term confusion, he will come to your "fantasy" again.He may still not want you, or come back to you automatically, which has nothing to do with what you did.All the efforts to bring back the lost lover are so obvious to others that they cannot be seen by the person alone. If you're still holding out hope, you'll feel like you're constantly doing something embarrassing, and each disappointment will only make your depression deeper and heavier.He may feel a little sorry for you, or even feel a little guilty, but he will definitely be annoyed by your phone calls with a forced smile. Women must understand that losing weight, dressing beautifully, and reinventing yourself are all good things, because these things do make you more beautiful and better, but don't do it for the sake of impressing others.Because if you find out that no matter how beautiful you are or how well you do, he doesn't notice and doesn't care anymore, it will embarrass you. When many divorced people talk about their divorce experience, it feels like a disaster.There have been quarrels, tears, hurt and even hatred. Relevant surveys show that: in divorce cases, it is rare for both parties to handle everything rationally and break up calmly.For their own interests, the two sides refused to give in to each other around issues such as the division of property, the ownership of children, and child support.In order to retaliate against the other party, some even use the child as a bargaining chip in their hands, causing huge damage to the child's heart. Whenever the trouble reaches the level of divorce, it means that the relationship between husband and wife is difficult to maintain.Some are both parties agree to divorce, and some are unilateral intentions, but the other party is unwilling to accept the fact.Whether it's unilateral reasons or the two parties negotiated to break up, the emotions, property, children and many other issues that have been invested in the common life in the past can be easily erased by the word "li".As a result, many divorced couples turn against each other, turning the divorce process into a bitter war. In the divorce battle, the former partner who slept together in the same bed suddenly became the sworn enemy. Is this a weakness of human nature or a tragedy of marriage? Judging from the results of this "war", the gains outweigh the losses and there will be endless troubles.Not only does the spirit of both parties suffer, but the child is tortured by the mutual hatred and struggle between the parents, and even goes astray and becomes a victim of the divorce of the parents. When the fate of husband and wife has come to an end, divorce is also a wise choice.If the ending is destined to break up, why make the process so difficult.Maybe you let out a sigh of relief, so what? What kind of pain did this experience bring to you? It’s better to be more free and easy, warm and rational.Through negotiation or legal means, strive for their due interests, and make arrangements for the custody of their children in the future.This can not only reduce some painful experiences for myself, but more importantly, prevent the two parties from becoming enemies and leave room for love to their children. 1 Tell a few close friends about the actual situation When you decide to divorce your husband due to various reasons, you should tell your real friends about the actual situation, let them help you make up your mind, get the support and assistance of your friends, and avoid being difficult to deal with alone.But you must not talk about it with everyone, because you must know that while some people sympathize with and comfort you on the surface, they are more interested in seeing your jokes.Or although he can hold a handful of sympathetic tears for you, he can't do anything to change your situation. 2 Thorough cleaning of household property No matter how the family property is divided, you must check the following items: salary, personal income, shares, real estate and gold and silver jewelry and jewelry. Unless the husband and wife have some kind of agreement, your property should be divided equally.If the wife inherits her natal property, the husband gets half, and vice versa. Sometimes in the face of a marital breakdown, a husband or wife may try to convince the other spouse to take charge of the property.If one party feels inappropriate during this process, he can turn to the law, and the court can declare this private agreement invalid.They will review your property so that it can be distributed fairly.The part about child support, in particular, has to be handled with care, as the cost of children can be quite a staggering sum in modern high-consumption life. Therefore, both movable and immovable properties should be carefully checked and allocated reasonably.If you are not sure in advance, you will regret and sue again afterwards, which will increase many unnecessary physical and mental burdens. If you own part of the family property after an agreement, it is best to ask a lawyer to confirm whether the property rights are clear, and whether there are any unpaid loans, bills, taxes, etc., and if so, they should be repaid. 3 Seriously think about the child's belonging Considering the ownership and upbringing of children is a very important issue, and you must not act emotionally.In any case, the child is the victim, and the divorce of your husband and wife means that the child will lose the love of his father or mother.When considering this issue, one must look at the social status, living ability, sense of responsibility and economic strength of both parties; the other must look at the child's own wishes.In short, no matter who you belong to, you must think about your children.Which side is more conducive to the healthy growth of the child and is willing to raise the child, then the child should belong to which side.Don't sprinkle another pinch of salt on the child's injured immature heart because of the grievances and resentments between husband and wife. 4 Don't force yourself not to divorce because you are worried about affecting your children It is very difficult when the husband and wife are not harmonious in their lives together.Instead of struggling to maintain a marriage relationship and dragging each other down, it is better to end this unhappy couple, and maybe become a happy couple after separation.However, some couples take into account the happiness of the next generation and do not let them become fatherless or motherless children. They usually maintain their marriage relationship reluctantly, but they no longer have the basis of love as a marriage.Of course, this approach has his rationale, because family breakdown does have a great impact on children, it will hurt their hearts and make them innocent victims.However, a discordant couple who seems to be in harmony with each other, intrigues, or is noisy all day long will also have a bad influence on the child.They may find it difficult to be a good person, or feel that life in this disharmonious family is really meaningless.Instead of this, it is better for the husband and wife to break up and rearrange their lives for the children. Maybe the situation will get better. It is difficult to maintain a marriage, and it is also difficult to not have a marriage.The marriage was over, but the pain didn't go away.A series of sequelae will seriously endanger people's physical and mental health. Divorce usually causes some undesirable psychological factors: 1 sense of loss The protracted divorce proceedings are over.The other half of the old life is no longer there, and it is back to the single life before marriage (perhaps with an extra child).At this moment, for those who have not broken up because of the intervention of a third party, most of them will have a sense of loss. After resuming her celibate life, the feeling of intolerance and even hatred towards the other party before the divorce also came to an end due to the divorce.Some people will unconsciously recall the past happy times and feel that they have lost the most precious parts of life, youth, love, family... Memories of the family and speculation about the present life of the separated spouse (including children) often haunt the mind.Some people feel that they have lost the meaning of life. In their hearts, family, spouse, and children are the center of their lives. Their emotions are caused by this, and their emotions are also produced and vented.Now that the family has been disintegrated, they are at a loss and cannot get used to the new life for a long time. 2 confusion Many passive divorcees feel confused when their spouse breaks up with them.They usually think of themselves as model husbands or good wives and mothers, and they feel good about marriage.When receiving the divorce proceedings, it was determined that the other party was at fault.As a result, they will continue to tell people about their innocence and the other party's ruthlessness in order to win people's sympathy and compassion. They often do not realize the destructive effect of their own shortcomings on marriage. In fact, the dissolution of a marriage is slow and natural, creeping in bit by bit.The discord that arises in daily life does not make many couples feel that marital changes are coming.When one party realizes that it can no longer continue, the other party still does not understand the reason for the breakdown of the marriage.Maybe they will think and reflect in the future, but the initial confusion will make them have all kinds of blaming thoughts. Some people pursue practical material life in life, while others pursue fulfilling spiritual life.If these two kinds of people are combined without proper adjustment, family life will inevitably produce sharp conflicts and make the survival of marriage impossible.It often happens that after the marriage breaks up, the party who is puzzled by the breakdown of the marriage would rather believe that the other party is because of reasons such as liking the new and disliking the old, rather than believing that it is only caused by spiritual factors. Regardless of whether the divorce was voluntary or not, it is common for divorcees to develop low self-esteem after divorce.For divorced people, traditional moral concepts and public opinion often make them feel oppressed among colleagues, neighbors and friends.In the presence of happy couples, divorcees often lament their inability to create or maintain a happy marriage. No matter how great the divorcee may be in other respects, he is a failure when it comes to marriage.The more strong and self-respecting a person is, the easier it is to have a strong sense of inferiority complex. It's just that some people are good at using superficial open-mindedness and optimism to cover up their inner loneliness and desolation. Divorce is often referred to as divorce and divorce. Indeed, many divorces are caused by fighting.In order to prove their innocence and each other's despicableness, many divorced couples often expose each other's secrets and attack their weaknesses.So after the marriage breaks down, the divorcee often becomes a transparent person who is mentally stripped of all clothes and has no personal secrets.When all the privacy and shortcomings of a person are exposed to the public, it is difficult for this person not to feel inferior.A sense of inferiority makes the divorcee live in isolation, and artificial loneliness will aggravate the feeling of inferiority. For quite a long period of time after divorce, the divorcee will be devastated, at a loss, and have mental, psychological, and emotional obstacles.Some people change their living habits and develop bad habits, such as smoking and drinking; some people are hurt by emotions, and their health is also damaged, and even their physical fitness declines rapidly, leading to various diseases. Therefore, I hope that people can realize that hasty marriages and divorces will not only bring social instability, anxiety to relatives and friends, and pain in personal life, but also bring great damage to the physical and mental health of the parties involved. . There is a lyric that expresses the voices of many women: "Divorce is a helpless choice."Many women don't want to divorce, but it has become a reality. Whether it is an agreed divorce or a court decision, the final result is the disintegration of the family.Facing the reality of divorce, some women often have greater emotional fluctuations, lose confidence in life, and do not know how to start a new life.At this point you should fight The following methods: 1 Understanding reality In the face of divorce, I may feel like the world is falling apart. My husband is gone, my family is gone, and I seem to be sinking into the bottom of my life.Your mood is depressed, melancholy, lonely, lonely, and you can't get out of the shadow of divorce for a while.If you are a woman who is more dependent on personality and lacks the ability to live independently, the single life after divorce will be even more unimaginable.Divorce is indeed a difficult thing for women, especially in China, where people still seem to have some prejudices, and it is inevitable to criticize other people's divorce. If your parents or relatives and friends can't understand, then you have to face it. under great social pressure. 2 Change cognition The reason why I have a greater emotional reaction to divorce is often because you have some unreasonable views on things.For example, some absolute concepts, such as the world is too unfair, why did the disaster of divorce happen to me; life should be smooth sailing, not what it is now.But life is often independent of individual will.Or the horribly bad idea that divorce is the worst thing in the world and life is hopeless after divorce.In fact, there are many worse things in life than divorce. Although you are divorced, you are in good health, have many relatives and friends, and have the opportunity to start a new life.Therefore, you have to change these unreasonable concepts, that is, change your cognition of facts, which helps to adjust your emotions. In addition, changing cognition also includes changing some inappropriate views of the caller about themselves, such as being divorced means that I am not good enough, and I am a failure in life; I am not attractive, others don’t like me; I cannot find happiness again, etc. Wait.These are all negative perceptions of self.You should try to discover your positive side, and you should not deny yourself completely because of a certain failure.This divorce may have taught me some lessons and given me the opportunity to build a new life. 3 relax properly If your emotional state is very bad, it is recommended that you find some things to adjust your emotions and relax yourself, such as looking for friends for a walk, chatting, listening to music, reading novels, making new friends, especially if you can do things that you have always wanted to do in your previous marriage. Do things you don't have time to do. %%%4 Positive vision If a person always immerses himself in an atmosphere where he cannot live, he may feel that there is really no way to live.Not necessarily so.You should make some positive plans to make the caller feel something to do and hope to look forward to. 5 Find support For example, you can find some people who are in the same situation as you to communicate with. Because of the same situation, you may understand each other better.At the same time, support each other, learn from others' good lifestyles, and motivate yourself to live better. Divorced life is indeed very different from married life, and there is undoubtedly an adjustment problem with divorce.For such problems, you should adjust in the following areas: 1 Adjust the negative impact of divorce Although some people compare the previous marriage to a cage, and now they have broken free, but the material or spiritual discomfort is also One after another.For example, some divorced single mothers, from an economic point of view, although the other party gives some support to the child (some do not give it at all), it is difficult to raise the child mainly by one person's salary, and all the housework and the child's study have to be done. It is not easy to rely on one person.Some divorced people have no children and no burden of housework, but their hearts are extremely lonely. They go to play with friends, and others have families, so they can’t stay with them all the time; .All these things make you bear everything alone. 2 Adjusting to material difficulties If your income is low and you really have financial difficulties in raising your children, you can file a lawsuit to increase the child support fee (many laid-off female workers do face this problem); Alimony.In terms of children's education, divorced single mothers can hire tutors for their children. If they have financial difficulties, they are also obliged to be tutors. Many college students carry out such volunteer activities.On the one hand, it can reduce the burden of children's study, and also contribute to the healthy growth of children's mental health. 3 adjust the psychological state It is normal for you not to adapt to life after divorce, because we are all mortals, and it is impossible to arrange life after divorce as you like all at once.It is unrealistic to expect yourself to enter a good state right away, and if you fail to achieve it, you will be more disappointed. If you accept the discomfort, you may reduce the pressure, and you don’t have to be so anxious and nervous. 4 Redefining the problem I redefine my original question of "not adapting to life after divorce" as: how do I start a new life after divorce.The former emphasizes not adapting, while the latter emphasizes how to do it.To this end, you can plan how to start your new life: (1) Have a plan for your own life. The original married life pattern needs to be changed, such as what to do every day and how to arrange weekends. You must have an idea in mind.The feeling of doing nothing after divorce is mainly due to the lack of purpose and operability in life. (2) Increase social contacts and meet new friends.It is recommended that you take part in more outdoor activities.Such as parks, scenic spots, etc. (3) Create a happy life for yourself.Psychologists once said that happiness can be created, and you should find some pleasant things for yourself, such as listening to music, watching humorous stories, doing things for others, and experience the fun from it. (4) Concentrate yourself on a certain thing, such as participating in a certain training class, learning new knowledge, or participating in some leisure activities, such as bodybuilding and mountain climbing, which can not only exercise the body, but also be good for regulating emotions. All of this, not only can improve your emotional state after a divorce, but it can also contribute to your self-discovery and personal growth. 1. Don’t Compare Your Current Spouse With Your Ex-Spouse There is often a mentality of comparing the current spouse with the original spouse between remarried couples.Because both men and women may sometimes legally dissolve the marriage relationship, but they still have some excuses for the original spouse emotionally.And after establishing a new family, it is inevitable to run into the previous spouse.Whether we meet each other on a narrow road or meet by chance, how to treat each other, what attitude the new partner has towards this, if these issues are not handled properly, the newly established relationship between the remarried couple may be hurt .Now that you are remarried, you have to face the reality, forget the past, and don't constantly compare yourself with the original spouse psychologically.Everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages. The current spouse is definitely not as good as the original spouse. Similarly, the original spouse is also not as good as the current spouse.It is inevitable that there will be conflicts in the family, and there will be some quarrels. Once something unsatisfactory happens, if you always compare the strengths of the original spouse with the weaknesses of the current spouse, then you will get into the horns of your mind, and the more you compare, the more unpleasant it will be. , The more you compare, the more hurt your feelings.If you say "you are not as good as her" in person, it will stimulate the current spouse even more and hurt it deeper.Practice has proved that this kind of psychological comparison is indeed not conducive to consolidating the marriage relationship. 2 Treat the children of both parties equally One of the main problems encountered by remarried couples is how to treat each other's original children correctly.The relationship between a child and his biological mother or father is congenital, and after remarriage, the relationship between stepparents and stepchildren appears.Firstly, the children are not familiar with the stepfather or stepmother, and secondly, due to the traditional concept and influence of "the most ruthless stepmother in the world", couples may be suspicious and think that each other is "partial".At the same time, in this complex family relationship, conflicts may arise between the original children of both parties, and conflicts may also occur between the children and the stepfather or stepmother.If these contradictions are not handled properly, it is possible to deepen and intensify the contradictions between remarried couples, and make the newly formed family crack again.According to relevant data, the divorce rate of remarried couples is forty times higher than that of first-married couples.The most important reason is that children's problems are difficult to deal with properly. 3 Don’t be too narrow-minded about property issues Both remarried couples have some belongings from past family life.Not only the property or debts of each person are different, but also the attitude towards money and the way of managing money are also different.If the woman remarries, she will be unhappy about having to financially support his and his ex-wife's children, even though her ex-husband is also financially responsible for her original children.At the same time, remarried couples are often reluctant to disclose their past economic situation, including savings and property, to each other, and sometimes leave a lot of private money. One thinks it is entirely their own and has nothing to do with the other;点给自己原来的子女；三则对这重新缔结的婚姻信任度还不高，不愿意全部财产都混到一块，以防日后婚姻失调时分不清楚。但是，既然结成夫妻，彼此不是又一次不幸婚姻的循环吗? 4夫妻共处的机遇不要轻易错过 再婚夫妻之间，切忌在日常家庭生活中，总是绕着各自的轨道运行。否则，会使对方感到他的心目中没有自己，觉得没有自己他也照样过，从而在感情上格格不入。也不要把过多的心思放在原配偶的子女身上，使新配偶感到对方并不关心自己，自己在对方心目中并没有占多少位置。所以再婚夫妻不要做“两股道上跑的车”，一定要把握住“共处”的机遇，多进行思想感情的交流，增加彼此的了解，从而使双方都觉得“我们是真正的伴侣”。 5要学会从过去的婚姻教训中总结经验 婚姻关系的破裂总是人生的一大不幸。现在虽然再婚了，还要痛定思痛，多反思过去的缺点和不足之处，并注意在新的婚姻关系中加以改正。不要认为过去离婚全是对方的错，而自己是百分之百的正确，完全是“受害者”。如果这样想，那么今后的婚姻关系很可能还是处理不好。有些再婚夫妻再次离婚，往往是由于过去导致离婚的劣恨性后来并未消除。如一个丈夫因为搞“大男子主义”，打骂虐待妻子而导致离婚；一个妻子因为生活作风不严谨而导致婚姻破裂，再婚后如果恶习不改，又怎么能和他人白头偕老呢?