Chapter 3 basic conflict

It is not easy to discover neurotic conflicts, partly because they are largely unconscious, and more importantly because the patient often denies their existence.The fact is that every neurotic symptom indicates the presence of conflict; that is, every symptom is a direct or indirect product of conflict. We shall see how unresolved conflict produces states of anxiety, depression, hesitation, dullness, isolation, etc.An understanding of causes helps us to turn our attention from the manifestations of the disorder to the root of the disorder. Another sign of conflict is self-contradiction.The patient is sometimes aware of this paradox in himself, but more often he cannot see the paradox which would appear obvious to an inexperienced observer.

Contradiction is a sure sign of the existence of conflict. Unlike symptoms, paradoxes often contribute to a tentative analysis of the nature of the conflict.For example, deep depression (symptom) only reveals the fact that the patient is caught in a dilemma.Whereas a doting mother forgets her child's birthday (paradoxically), we can assume that she is more concerned with the ideal of being a good mother than with the child himself.One could even admit the possibility that her ideal of good motherhood was in conflict with an unconscious tendency to abuse—disappointment, frustration—on the one hand.

Sometimes conflicts will surface and be experienced consciously, but what actually appears on the surface is just a deformation or distortion of the real conflict.A man is in the midst of this conscious conflict when he finds himself compelled to make a major choice despite the effective tactic of avoidance.So he endured great torture, tossed between the two opposing parties, unable to make any choice at all.He may seek advice from a psychoanalyst, but he is bound to be disappointed, because the present conflict is nothing but the final detonation of dynamite that has been rubbing inside him.The question that troubled him at the moment could not be answered without retracing the long and winding road to acquaintance with the conflict that lay beneath.

Sometimes, the inner conflict may be externalized and appear in the patient's conscious thinking, manifested as the contradiction between himself and the surrounding environment.Or, when a person discovers that seemingly unfounded fears and inhibitions are getting in the way of his will, he may realize that the inner conflict has deeper roots. The better we know about a person, the better we can recognize contradictory factors that explain symptoms, inconsistencies, and apparent conflicts.This, however, is all the more confusing because of the number and variety of contradictions.So it is natural to ask: Is there not, beneath all these various conflicts, a fundamental conflict, the root of all conflict?

Freud asserted that the two sides of the basic conflict are the instinctual drive of desperate pursuit of gratification on the one hand and the hostile environment - family and society - on the other.The hostile external environment is internalized in childhood, and since then it has emerged as a terrifying superego. Freud's reference to mental states must imply that the neurotic retains the capacity to strive wholeheartedly for a purpose, and that his efforts are only thwarted by the hindrance of fear.And it seems to me that the source of the conflict lies in the neurotic's loss of the ability to strive for something single-mindedly, because his desires are themselves fragmented, that is to say, contradictory.This constitutes a far more complicated situation than Freud imagined.

I see the basic conflict in the neurotic's ambivalence toward others.For example, the patient may be frail, sensitive, sympathetic, and helpful on the one hand, and fierce, rude, and selfish on the other.I mean that a fundamentally contradictory nature is often vividly expressed in the patient's attitude towards others. "Basic anxiety" refers to the sick child's sense that he is alone and helpless in a potentially hostile world.Various unfavorable factors in the external environment can make children feel insecure, including: direct or indirect strict control; indifference and wrong training methods; disrespect for children's personal requirements; lack of guidance; contempt for children ; too much praise or no praise; lack of warmth; discord between parents forces children to side with one side against the other; places too many responsibilities on children or leaves them idle; isolation; injustice, discrimination, inconsistency towards children; hostile atmosphere; etc.

The only factor to pay special attention to is the hypocrisy that the child feels is lurking all around him. Obsessed with these unsettling conditions, the child is groping for his own way of life, for ways of coping with the menacing world.In spite of his isolation and his suspicions, he unconsciously forms his strategies for dealing with the various forces at work in his environment.In doing so, he develops not only corresponding strategies but also enduring dispositions that become part of his personality.I call these tendencies "neurotic tendencies." Although we temporarily lose sight of the details, we can clearly observe the major steps the patient takes to cope with the environment.The situation may appear chaotic at first, but at some point three main directions of development gradually become clear: the child may be close to the person, or against the person, or avoid the person.

When a child is close to others, he is willing to face up to his own helplessness; although he is also self-estranged and suspicious, he still wants to win the warmth or cling to others.Only then does he feel safe with others.If there is a dispute in his family, he is on the strongest side, and by being consistent with the strong side, he gets a sense of belonging, a sense of support, which makes him feel less weak and isolated than he used to be. helpless. When he confronts people, he faces the hostility around him, takes it for granted, and makes a conscious decision to resist.He blindly doubts the feelings and intentions of others.He resisted in every way he could think of.He wants to become strong and defeat others, not only for self-defense, but also for revenge.

When he avoids people, he wants neither to belong nor to rebel, but to keep his distance.He felt that he had so little in common with others that they did not understand him.He built a world of his own—a world made up of nature, toys, books and dreams. In each of these three states of mind, one of the elements involved in the basic anxiety is greatly exaggerated; the first is the state of helplessness, the second is hostility, the third is isolation.But in fact, none of these three tendencies can completely occupy the whole mind of the child, because under the conditions of the development of these states of mind, all three tendencies must be present.What we get from statistics is only the dominant tendency.

This fact becomes still more evident if we study fully developed neuroses.We have all seen adults who embody one of the three attitudes mentioned above prominently.But we can also see that his other tendencies have not ceased to function. The dominant attitude is that which governs actual behaviour.He represents the means with which a particular patient is at his disposal against others.At the same time, the dominant attitude is often the state of mind most readily accepted by the patient's consciousness. This is not to say that otherwise insignificant attitudes are weaker.It has been proven by many facts that secondary tendencies that are masked can be of great power.In many instances, the dominant attitude swapped places with the secondary attitude.This can be seen in children, but also in adults.

When the neurotic changes course and shows a change of attitude, it seems to be due to a change in personality resulting from the experiences he has acquired as he enters adolescence or adulthood.But this change is actually not that big.What actually happened was that internal and external pressures combined to force him to abandon his previously dominant attitude and go to the other extreme.However, this change would not have occurred had there not been a conflict in the first place. From a normal point of view, the three attitudes should not be mutually exclusive, but complementary and harmonious.In neuroses, however, there are several reasons why these attitudes are incompatible.Patients cannot flexibly respond to the outside world.He has no choice but to submit, to fight, or to evade, whether or not that action is appropriate in the particular situation.Had he acted otherwise, he would have panicked instead.Thus, when all three attitudes are strongly expressed in him, he is caught in a severe conflict. There is another factor which greatly increases the scope of the conflict, namely, that the above-mentioned attitudes are not always confined to the patient's relations with others, but gradually spread to the whole personality, like a malignant tumor to the whole tissue.These attitudes completely dominate not only the patient's relations to others, but also his relations to himself and to life itself. It is not uncommon for conflict to begin in our relationships with others and eventually affect our entire personality.Human relationships are hugely determinant, destined to define our character, the goals we set for ourselves, and our lofty values.All of this in turn affects our relationships with other people, so they are intertwined. My point is that the conflict arising from contradictory attitudes forms the core of the neurosis and should therefore be called the basic conflict.This point of view is at the heart of the new theory of neuroses.This theory can be seen as an extension of my earlier view that neuroses are manifestations of disturbances in human relations.