Chapter 2 conflict

Painful as it may be, the ability to be aware of conflict while experiencing it is arguably a valuable talent.The more we face up to our conflicts and seek our own solutions, the more inner freedom and power we gain.We can hope to be our own masters only if we are willing to take the hit.False coolness rooted in inner dullness is by no means to be envied.It just makes us weak and vulnerable. Neurosis has always been a matter of degree.By "neurotic" I mean a person who has reached a pathological level.His awareness of his feelings and desires has declined.Usually, the emotions he can experience consciously and clearly are fear and anger, which are often his reactions when someone hits his weak spot.Even this reaction, however, may be repressed by him.The typical neurotic is so deeply influenced by mandatory standards that he loses the ability to determine his own direction.Under the domination of those compulsive tendencies, the patient has almost lost the ability to give up decisively, let alone the ability to take responsibility for himself.

The problems involved in neurotic conflicts can also be general problems that plague normal people, the difference between the two is that the difference between the two opposites in the conflict of normal people is not as great as that of neurotic patients.As an analogy, one only differs by an angle of 90 degrees or less, while the other may be as much as 180 degrees. Also, there is a difference in the degree of consciousness between the two.Conflicts within the normal range can be quite conscious, whereas neurotic conflicts are always unconscious with respect to all their major elements.Even though a normal person may not be aware of his own conflict, with a little help he can recognize its existence.On the contrary, the main tendencies of neurotic conflict are firmly repressed, and great resistance must be overcome to free them.

Normal conflict involves making an actual choice between two alternatives.Free choice is not possible for a person caught in neurotic conflict.Two forces in opposite directions are driving him with equal intensity, and neither direction he wants to go, so that choice in the usual sense is impossible.He was "stranded" and felt helpless. To resolve this conflict, only by dealing with neurotic tendencies and changing his relationship with himself and others can he be completely freed from those tendencies. These features explain the intensity of neurotic conflicts.If we do not recognize and keep these features in mind, we cannot understand the patient's desperate efforts or attempts to resolve the conflict which constitute the main content of the neurosis.