Chapter 2 ☆Introduction

Children's development depends on parents So far, I have worked in the field of education for 40 years.In college, I am a professor who develops students; at home, I am a mother of three children.From this point of view, I have been engaged in a job of "teaching people knowledge, teaching people virtue, and strengthening people's physique" all my life. In the process of raising ignorant and ignorant children, I deeply realized that the words and deeds of parents determine the habits and growth of children.Just like the saying that every parent is familiar with: "If you sow melons, you will reap melons, and if you sow beans, you will reap beans."

My father's teachings have made me a good teacher and helpful friend for my children My father is the late former Prime Minister Zhang Zexiang, and I am his third daughter.My family was one of the three big families at the time, and it could be said to be famous; my father devoted his life to the independence movement. Born into such a distinguished family, I was naturally regarded as the apple of my parents' eye.If I was like an ordinary woman and found a well-matched family to marry, then I would have lived a peaceful and peaceful life without worrying about food and clothing. My father has been fighting for the prosperity of the motherland all his life. Under the influence of his father, when I was 19 years old, I embarked on the road of studying in the United States with enthusiasm.Before leaving, my father told me: "Study in the United States is to serve the motherland better in the future." With this kind of entrustment, I left the motherland that I deeply love.

Long before I came to the United States, I announced that I would not spend a penny of my family's money and would complete my studies on my own.Calloused hands have witnessed my promise, relying on part-time jobs to make ends meet, I finally got my degree. Just when I was moving towards my goal step by step, I met my three children.My current husband, who used to be my co-worker, lived alone with his three children after his ex-wife passed away.One can imagine how difficult it is for a man to live with three children. Since there is no complete family, the three children are often entrusted to others, so they are very eager to have a complete and warm home.

In the process of interacting with my husband, the three children were very attached to me, and they needed enough care from me.In the end, it was because of these three children that I made up my mind to marry my husband. After getting married, I formed a new family with my husband and three children, which also heralded a new journey for me.Since they lost their mother at an early age, the children have been living an unstable life, and they are not used to the sudden new home.The three children didn't know how to be humble to each other since they were young, and they often quarreled over little things.When doing things, the attention is not concentrated, and the behavior is very sloppy.The second child was also diagnosed by the doctor as being unable to concentrate due to psychological stimulation as a child.

In the boundless troubles, I even felt a little hopeless, but the memory of my father revived me. Father never forced us to do things.However, he asked us to abide by a "fundamental principle", that is, no matter how young you are, you must be responsible for what you do.He made us distinguish the difference between freedom and self-discipline. During the difficult period of studying abroad, many international students were eliminated because of deviant behavior, but I persisted in studying hard and finally completed my studies. This is thanks to the "basic principles" my father taught us back then.

During that period of social turmoil, my father studied in the UK. He was very keen on studying, but he never forced his children to study. He only said when he saw that we didn’t study hard, “If you don’t study, you can’t catch up with your motherland.” Step forward." It was my father's teaching that "action depends on self-awareness" that made me sit in the library and study even while drinking coffee during my study abroad. Fathers often say, "Raising children is not as simple as taking care of their daily necessities." If you think that the role of parents is just to feed and clothe children, you are completely wrong.

Thinking of my father's teachings, I began to work hard to become a good teacher and helpful friend of the children.The so-called "good teacher and helpful friend" is to become a role model for children by relying on your own wisdom and others' trust in you. However, when I really made up my mind to be a good teacher and helpful friend of the children, I was very nervous in front of the children.Because what I say and do now may affect what the children will do in the future, so I began to be cautious in doing things, even the small things like eating became cautious, trying to be a role model for the children.

My behavior paid off in the end, and the children grew up by my example. Think about it, is there anything better in the world? No matter what the situation, I do not force the children to do anything, but try to be their role model.I have firmly grasped this principle during the time I have lived with children. I always lead by example myself before I want my children to do something.I turned down all kinds of social drinking parties, and I tried to avoid even some legitimate entertainment activities, because I knew that my every move would be watched by the children. When watching TV or taking a break, I will deliberately sit at the desk and pretend to be studying or writing a thesis.When the children saw my actions, they all dropped their toys one after another, picked up their books and began to read seriously.Under this subtle influence, learning has become a part of their lives.Now, the three adults who have grown up recall their childhood and feel that studying was not a task or a burden for them at that time, but a part of daily life just like eating and sleeping.

Fortunately, my children were admitted to Harvard University and Yale University respectively, and finally entered the upper class of the United States, becoming veritable talents of pillars.However, I have never educated them according to any so-called educational theory, nor have I found any special educational methods.I am convinced that our couple's role model in life is the secret to their thriving. The way to educate children is in the mother's heart I firmly believe that good parents will raise good children.When some parents ask me the secret of educating their children, I always tell them such a secret that is not a secret: "The cause of the problem should not be found from the children, but from the parents themselves."

The problems that arise in the parents can also be reflected in the children.Parents do not lead by example, but blindly ask their children to do this and that, it is impossible for children to do well. To give a simple example, parents are sitting in the living room while constantly changing the TV channel while forcing their children to study. Which child would be willing to sit at the desk obediently and read? If you want to train your child to be an excellent talent, parents must first be role models for their children to learn from.In the process of educating children, parents must adhere to their own educational principles.Before talking about developing children's creativity, we must first lay a good foundation for children.

Parents are the people who know their children best and know what their children need better than anyone else.Therefore, parents are the best candidates for educating their children.However, some parents are too concerned about gains and losses, so they do not believe in their ability to educate their children.In fact, only parents know their children best, and the correct way to educate children lies in the hearts of parents. Parents should not be disturbed by the so-called orthodox educational theories of the outside world, but should focus on their own children, and establish their own educational methods diligently and carefully.From the so-called theories and rules, it is impossible to find out the essential method of cultivating children. The method of educating children mainly comes from the mother's nature and intuition. Of course, this does not mean that all theories are completely negated, but as I said above, first believe in your own strength, and then learn from others.When studying other people's theories and doctrines, you must stick to your own correct principles.One of the most important points is that parents must have accurate judgment and be able to distinguish which methods are suitable for their children, which methods are desirable, and which methods should be discarded. The correct educational method is established by parents in the process of long-term observation and continuous understanding of their children.Instead of sending your child to a training class and spending time researching theories, it is better to pay close attention to the child's actions, observe what the child is thinking, what is the interest, what are the specialties, and what are the shortcomings... Then, through these observations , summed up an own educational framework, and established its own educational methods. During my stay in the United States and Japan, through contact with children, I gradually understood a fact: every child has different potentials and creativity, but if they are not guided and developed well, it will spread in their young minds. Sowing the wrong seeds can have serious consequences. American and Japanese parents teach their children the basics first While living in New Jersey, USA, I was commissioned by many Korean expats to start a Korean school.At that time, I asked these expatriates why they left their hometowns and came to this strange place to suffer, and their answers were surprisingly consistent: "Although we have passed half our lives and our lives are basically set, the children are young and their future is full of possibilities. Compared with South Korea, the growth conditions here are much better. If it is not for the children, we will not go to a foreign country Come to suffer from another country!" However, I didn't realize how good the growth conditions in this educationally advanced country are. There are actually some misunderstandings in the minds of Korean parents.Although the United States is called the "American" country, it is not as "beautiful" as we imagined-it enjoys freedom to the fullest, and uses its talents to the fullest. From the life of an average middle-class American family, we can immediately see the current state of American life.Here, the rules that should be followed must still be followed, and the traditional way of education in the United States is as rigid as ours.American children also have to abide by the time, sit at the desk on time to study, and have their own troubles, even their parents have to ask about things like making friends. Some people can't help asking, isn't this still a traditional educational method?That's right, it is indeed the case, but this is the final correct answer that Americans have spent decades in exchange for.After getting rid of the Puritan-style ethical education, Americans immersed themselves in writing a series of educational methods to extend the connotation of freedom and creativity.But the result is that children lack basic human nature education and basic education during their growth, resulting in a large number of hippies appearing on the streets.The deep pain made Americans realize that the educational method in the 21st century is still "stick to the basics" education. Having experienced the lessons of failure, Americans know that without basic education, potential and creativity are out of the question.In a famous school in New York, the children have to go to class at 7 o'clock in the morning and go home after 9 o'clock in the evening.The children's instructor said that if the children only learn by themselves, they will not be able to lay a good foundation, so it is impossible to talk about what kind of achievements they will achieve in the future.Therefore, it is necessary to lay a solid foundation for inspiring their creativity and developing their potential through strict teaching methods. In Japan, I also personally felt the similarities between Japanese education methods and American ones.While the Japanese advocate abandoning the old education system and switching to an education model that can stimulate greater creativity, they have always insisted on getting the basics right. In order to develop children's potential, education based on freedom is important, but parents in the United States and Japan know very well that a solid foundation must first be laid before this. However, Korean parents do not realize this.Especially some young parents, while trying to cultivate their children's creativity, they ignore the education of basic content. Cultivate children to be well-behaved talents There are infinite talents in every child, and likewise, every parent has his own set of education methods.Moreover, this educational method has nothing to do with the education level and economic conditions of the parents. Every parent can and should establish his own educational method. This book records some of the things that happened in the process of raising my three children, and some of the things I experienced after contacting many children in the United States, Japan, and Korea. I wonder if some parents will regard this book as a theory for educating their children.But in any case, I believe that as long as you stick to your own educational method, absorb some content you think is useful in the process of reading this book, and discard the useless content, then you will have a certain effect on perfecting your own unique educational method. s help. I hope that through this book, you will become a mother who insists on your own educational methods, pays attention to basic education and sets an example.At the same time, we also hope that all children can become talents with excellent character and learning.