Chapter 8 Empty, so Na Wanjing

Two strangers meet, and after brief self-introductions, consultations begin quite frequently.Because human beings are animals that pay close attention to their own needs, motivation will be generated when there is a need, and then the goal will be achieved through cooperation between the two parties. At this time, the negotiation begins.In the era when negotiation skills were not yet perfect, negotiators often broke up unhappy, and even violent battles broke out. The Opium War was a disastrous consequence of failure to achieve negotiation. Sometimes we clearly feel that the consultations cannot reach an agreed conclusion, and everyone is very anxious.At this time, we must bear in mind the old saying, "A gentleman uses his mouth but not his hands", don't worry, take your time.If the negotiation topics cannot be unified, we will reflect on the negotiation skills; if the negotiation skills cannot be discussed, we will reach a consensus on the basic principles of the negotiation.The only thing we have to insist on is consultation. Only by insisting on consultation can we avoid violent confrontation and reach a consensus.The great Mahatma Gandhi practiced this.

It is also the first time I come into contact with the culture of consultation, and my understanding is very superficial, but I am very inspired by the rules to be followed in the consultation.First, don't pay too much attention to face and self-esteem during the consultations.Only in this way will it be possible for you to objectively judge other people's criticism of your remarks.Second, during the negotiation process, you should be like a hollow bamboo, lower your mind, and be humble.When one's own position is low, other people's thoughts and wisdom will be received and flowed over.Only then can one's thoughts be guided by spirituality and return to the correct path.If the hollow bamboo is blocked, other people's thoughts and opinions cannot be accepted. At this time, people are actually isolated and closed.Third, learn to be silent, learn to listen, use your ears more and move your mouth less.Silence can drive away the interference of the complicated thoughts in front of us, and our thoughts are often led by the nose with useless information that can be seen in front of us, and we lose our goals and directions, and even lose our true heart. feel.

All three aspects involve the use of the self.Some may object to my use of the word, arguing that the ego is everything and cannot be dominated like a tool.I do not think so.I believe that people have the ability to transcend themselves, and to control and dominate themselves. People call salt the "gentleman" in food. Salt should be placed just right, and after bringing the delicacies of mountains and seas, you should hide outside.If too much salt is added to delicacies from mountains and seas, then the salt will become a "villain" and destroy the delicacy of delicacies from mountains and seas.This metaphor made me understand that it is the self that discovers the deliciousness, and it is also the self that destroys the deliciousness.The ego is indeed a double-edged sword.

Consultation stipulates that we communicate, and this requires attenuation of the ego.Too much ego, and all communication becomes an anomaly of one-sided expression.In life, we see someone expressing like this, he doesn't want others to talk, and he doesn't want other things to interrupt his eloquence.He is full of passion, and sometimes he can't help being inspired, but others may not be able to understand what he means.He expresses very successfully, but the communication is not necessarily effective. In many cases, you can become less talented and less bright than the other party, so your darkness brings out the goodness in the other party's speech.

Use your ego like a good chef uses salt, using honesty to stimulate the desire of the counterparty to communicate, and using humility to highlight the merits of the other party's opinions.Isn't the important purpose of consultations to find each other's strengths so as to form a good synergy to solve problems? Negotiation is an art, and we want to make it extraordinarily exciting. Negotiation is an art, not just a skill, but more about spiritual communication and spiritual understanding with everyone.During the consultation, research and data collection should be carried out first, and each person should learn more comprehensive information as much as possible. During the consultation, everyone’s viewpoints and materials should be put together. After putting together, these viewpoints are not just your personal viewpoints, but should be Be everyone's point of view.Let's comment and analyze, choose a point of view that most people agree with, and then take joint action, and reflect in the process of joint action, and then everyone evaluates, thinks together, negotiates again, and then takes joint action.This is the whole process and cycle of consultation.This is a more effective, new-age relationship.Only by using such an emerging interpersonal relationship can we solve our real problems, make us less confused, let our team members have a more pleasant interpersonal relationship, everyone is in a better mood, work more efficiently, and have more enthusiasm , Fully mobilize the kind and creative side of people.At the same time, in the cycle of consultation, joint action, evaluation and thinking, we will be closer to the goal and closer to the truth.The biggest obstacle in the consultation process is that the members of the consultation are very egotistical, unable to forget themselves and cling to their own views.Negative, negative, and resistant emotions arise when one's point of view is not recognized by others.This kind of mood will make us forget our goal and the truth we are pursuing. The shadow of self is greater than everything, and we mistake the concept of defending ourselves for the goal of action and the truth we are pursuing.We should understand that each member is a cell in this group, with different functions, but we have a common goal, which is to make the whole body run healthily.If extreme individualism is allowed to expand infinitely, and a certain cell grows without limit and desperately absorbs the nutrients necessary for other cells, the health of the entire body will be threatened. Such cells are cancer cells, which are not good for the body.

The world we face is diverse, and we must respect this diversity in order to be able to unite and not to blame or attack each other.This is also a very important point in forming a new type of interpersonal relationship based on cooperation and consultation.Respecting and acknowledging human diversity is actually very important to individuals, families, businesses and society.Any single model, a single functional body composed of cells is lifeless and will die. The consultation process can also increase everyone's sense of responsibility, because he expresses his own opinion, participates in it, and his opinion is respected and recognized by everyone.Once respected by everyone, each member of the group will feel more responsible to achieve goals and approach the truth.

Everyone must have an open mind and use kind language during the consultation process.Any words of mutual harm and accusation are very negative and have no meaning for achieving the goal, so it is very important to pay attention to every expression during the negotiation.We should use our smiling faces and kind tongues to make our consultations and cooperation more effective. I have thought about it for a long time and think that equality, reciprocity and democracy are the three basic principles of consultation. Equality means that everyone is equal in having the right to speak.The great ancient Greek sage said it well: "Even if I disagree with your point of view, I will defend to the death your right to speak." Reciprocity means that everyone must understand that your interests come from cooperating with others, and require When others cooperate, they must take into account the interests of others.All for one, one for all.Democracy here specifically refers to the minority obeying the majority, and we can only make decisions in this way if consultations are to produce results.

It sounds like talking about the principles of signing a multi-party commercial contract.Yes, we cannot underestimate commercial contracts.The contract system we use today is the result of thousands of years of study by Westerners.By reading history, we find that the consultation culture is the most developed in areas with long commercial cultures such as ancient Greece, ancient Rome, and ancient Venice.The basic principle of the market is the exchange of needs, and people have long realized that only negotiation can achieve the goal. I think, maybe in the primitive society, people have already started to negotiate.The barter traders who appeared later, and the later merchants who used currency, have been used for many years to carry forward the culture of consultation.The reason why businessmen are businessmen is that they are driven by interests and reach cooperation based on mutual benefit. There are a lot of negotiations in it, and they should be the best at negotiating.