Love and Respect for Success everyone has your chance There is a saying that goes, "Truth is not spoken, but done."When a young man graduates from university and enters the society, he enters into complex interpersonal relationships.Society is the sum of many interpersonal relationships. You must understand others and seek advice from them, instead of chatting with them aimlessly. Only in this way can you not waste your time and complete "social practice".You are bound to have relationships with some people, human beings are social animals, and it is your inescapable destiny to have relationships with others.Everything in the world is the formation and development of human relationships, relationships, relationships, relationships.

When a relationship is established, something is bound to happen.The affair is over, but the relationship has changed.There may be additions or deletions of members, or additions or deletions of feelings.After a few rounds of events, you may form a small circle.Gradually, the circle has its own characteristics. When we are busy, we work together to do familiar businesses, and when we are free, we can express certain cultures and tastes, go to karaoke or play bowling.At this time, you may feel that your "social practice" has been successful, which is about the time when Confucius said that "you should stand at thirty".

Over the years, many people have asked me why I am so popular, saying that "everyone knows Lao Pan, and Lao Pan is always smiling", etc. In short, it means that I am very popular, and I can do things in cooperation with others Well done.Thank God, I think of the people I've known over the years, and indeed most of them have pleasant faces.If I have any experience in dealing with people, I think there is one thing that I can write and share with you, that is, I cherish every opportunity to meet people, and every person has an opportunity for me to learn and cooperate. What matters is whether I can develop it.In fact, the treasures in others are often willing to be developed by you. We say that reading people is like reading books. Everyone has something for you to learn, but books are dead, and they will not convey information to others with emotion and emotion like people. you.Everyone has the desire to actively convey information to others, and is always trying to express it more clearly, accurately, thoughtfully and appreciatively, so being a good listener can satisfy his wish.Some people may say that Pan Shiyi is really cunning, but in fact, I really like to listen to people, as long as others speak the truth, kind words and insightful words, I am willing to listen.In most cases, being a good listener and appreciating others' performance is the first good way to build interpersonal relationships.Some people worry that if others talk and they don't speak, they will give others the opportunity to express themselves, and others will not be impressed with them.It is this kind of thinking that causes everyone to scramble to be a speaker, and the world becomes noisy.The rarer the listener is, the more precious it is. I still think it is better to be a pleasant listener.Speaking of which, I remembered a story.Cao Cao once had to meet a guest, and felt that his image was not very good, like a villain with a bad face.He found a beautiful man to replace him, and he himself was the guard of this man, standing beside him with a knife.After the meeting, the guest said to people, Cao Cao is very beautiful, but I respect the man with the knife next to him more.This story shows that it is not only those who stand on the rostrum who can talk endlessly can leave an impression on others, and being a listener may not necessarily be forgotten.From the point of view of the pattern, if someone speaks, there must be someone listening, and the two are an indispensable mutual relationship.If a person forgets his listener, can he still remember what he said?But now everyone wants to talk, and no one wants to be an audience.For the purpose of expression only, there is no communication at all.Many people go to meet other people. Before they go, they want to have a good communication and enhance mutual understanding.But when I sit in front of that person and express my desire, it becomes "to conquer that person with words today".If the other party is also such a person, it's over, the two of them will argue red-faced, and even fight.As a result, everyone ended politely with a strong face and a smile: Today's debate was very pleasant, and everyone is a good-natured person. The term "gentleman" is a high hat given to many egoists.For example, it is wrong for a person to get into a fight when he is drunk, but he is exonerated by being called a man of temperament.Many problems are excused by the word "temperament".

People often say "interpersonal relationships are too complicated" in a tired tone. I think it's because they make interpersonal relationships complicated.First of all, they look at it this way: everyone has a different personality, and everyone has different needs. It is very complicated to get tangled together.Now there is an epidemic called "interpersonal phobia", which means that this kind of complexity exceeds the capacity of our brains and makes us mentally pathological.Second, they think that relationships are as complicated as they think they are, so they have to be complicated themselves.What we call "smart" is often a manifestation of this complexity.Because it is too "smart" to "crash", it is a common thing.They think that people's needs are complicated, but what people really need is love; they think that people's communication requires skills, "speech and eloquence", but what is really effective is honesty; they think that interests are ebb and flow , is actually mutually beneficial.Evil against evil, the added value is still evil

Unable to deal with "complex interpersonal relationships" so that the things you participate in fail, this may be the first severe lesson for many friends who have just stepped out of school.The resulting frustration may strengthen a person's negative narcissism, thinking that the whole world is complicated and dirty, and only oneself is pure, so it is always hurt.Negative narcissism is an extremely dangerous state of mind.When one thing fails, he blames it for being out of character and rejects such things.This is a very strange phenomenon. People always think that they are good, and the reason for failure is because they are good, and the world needs evil to succeed. "Why can't I make money? Because I don't have a dark heart." This sentence has been said by too many people.

The view that rich people are black-hearted will lead to hatred of the rich.The perception that others are evil leads people to be wary of each other and filled with mistrust.When we developed Jianwai SOHO, the biggest breakthrough was to remove the fence.We don't save people from evil, and we don't set up walls. Facts have proved that such an open community is the safest.The hatred of the rich is a psychology that is harmful to the accumulation of social wealth. Although most people have realized this now, and the law also stipulates the protection of private property, the egoism in human nature still exists.Attributing all good things to oneself and all evil to others will especially cause social unrest.

Saving people with evil, forming a barrier between people, the result will be chilling.During the outbreak of SARS, I had an almost absurd experience. When SARS spread in Beijing, Beijingers became unpopular in China for a while. At the beginning of May 2003, I went out from the mountain where I lived to buy milk powder for my children. I had to go through a road in a certain suburb and passed four checkpoints in total.At the first pass, I said, I have a child who needs milk, let me go out and buy some milk powder.The head of the village is a village cadre who told me that if I go out, I don't even think about coming back. We are mainly people in the eighth district of Beijing.I said, I don't go to the city, I just buy some milk powder in the county, the child is waiting for the milk, I promise to come back within 20 minutes after leaving the checkpoint.After leaving the checkpoint, I entered the supermarket, bought milk powder, flour, rice and peanut oil, and then returned to the checkpoint.The cadre left, and it is said that he left a sentence before leaving: Let me go when he comes back.I waited for half an hour and didn't see the cadre come back, so I drove to find him.I searched several places, but I couldn't find him, but I did find his cell phone number.I kept repeating the reason why the child was waiting for milk, and asked him to let me go, and finally passed the first hurdle.It was dusk when we passed the second pass.More than 30 men, women and children interrogated me together. The chief interrogator was an old man in his 60s, a bit like the old man who interrogated the Japanese devil Hanaya in the movie.He first asked me what was my name?I said Pan Shiyi.He said how to write the word YI.I said whatever.The old man was angry.I hurriedly wrote my name stroke by stroke.At this moment, in the suburbs of Beijing at dusk, there are barricades hung with yellow and red cloths, and there are more than 30 men and women with different expressions beside them. If you can take a photo, it must be a very good photo.But I didn't dare to take pictures, for fear of taking out my camera and angering them.If you can let me go, I will hurry up.The third gate is at the entrance of the village. Everyone knows me. Their requirements are very simple. Cars cannot enter, but people can enter.They believe that people do not contagious diseases, but cars can contagious diseases.I had no choice but to get out of the car, carry milk powder and rice noodles on my back, and walk on the dark path.The fourth pass is made of big stones. It is late at night and there are no people there.Although people can pass freely, no vehicles can pass.

I finally got home, and thinking about the experience of the day, I think that the main intention of the farmers in the suburbs of Beijing is not to prevent disease, but to express a kind of emotion towards the people in Beijing, a kind of power.During the outbreak of SARS, Beijingers were not welcome to go out of the city, and Chinese people were treated the same way when they went abroad.There are no people in Chinatown, no one is eating in Chinese restaurants, and more than 100 countries have imposed restrictions on travel to China.I received an email from the Japanese company responsible for designing our project, telling us that their visit to Beijing has been postponed because the Japanese government has issued three successive advisories not to allow them to come to China.

The evil that comes from nature brings fear to people, and the fear drives out the evil of man himself, who distrusts others and only cares about protecting himself.The evil of human beings is actually often a helpless and ignorant choice under fear.If we can't get rid of fear, get rid of depression, what success is there?In the movie "The Fifth Element", the planet of death is approaching the earth, and the human president ordered to launch missiles to attack the planet of death.The priest quickly persuaded: "Please don't attack. Fighting evil against evil will add value to the evil in the world." The president didn't listen and ordered the attack.As a result, the planet of death expanded rapidly, becoming bigger and bigger.The priest is right, if you fight evil with evil, there will be more and more evil.The "non-resistance movement" launched by the great Gandhi in India was also to avoid adding value to the evils of this world, and he succeeded.This is a negotiation won under the toughest circumstances, and it is also the greatest negotiation.

In real life, if you assume that the other party is evil, the other party will indeed treat you with evil.When we sign a commercial contract, we assume that the other party is dishonest, so the whole contract is to prevent others from breaching the contract as the starting point, and the terms are stipulated by terms and additional terms, and the other party naturally responds in the same way.Maybe others were originally honest and kind, but you developed them into lies and evil.So I feel very tired every time I sign a contract. I heard that Americans feel more tired than I do business with Chinese people, because the legal system of the United States is extremely sound, and the reputation mechanism is very complete.Under a relatively perfect reputation mechanism, everyone does not need to over-speculate the other party's evil, and it is more worry-free to sign a contract.This habit of the Americans will be miserable in China. He starts from trusting his partners, but we start from preventing our partners. In the past, they had a lot of money from businessmen who were cheated by some unscrupulous Chinese.Now they have also become "smart", which is really sad. It is a skill developed on the premise of "evil" to protect themselves from others, called conspiracy.

I am a person who trusts others and believes that society is developing and will get better and better.Even though we have many problems now, I believe it will get better in the future.Believing is a kind of power, as long as you believe, it will become true sooner or later.For things in the human society, faith leads to spirit. This sentence is more believable than when it is applied to believing in miracles.Follow kindness like a stream, and believe that the social order will get better and better.One year, the salesmen of our company were collectively poached by another company. This was the sensational "Modern City Poaching Incident".At that time, I really hated, felt depressed, complained about the injustice of the world, and considered the problem completely in terms of evil. Evil controlled my brain and body, and I felt like a trapped animal in a cage.Later, relying on my last reason, I went back to the mountains, and returned to my home in the mountains—Shanyujian.I still think about it when I go back. I can’t figure out why such a thing happened, and I feel a headache.Seeing that the corn in our field was ripe, I simply started breaking the corn and moving it back basket by basket. I actually forgot about it and completely excluded it from my mind.When I finished harvesting the corn in the field, my sanity returned, my emotions became normal, and my mind became brighter.So, I dealt with the following things rationally, held a press conference, and completed a crisis public relations, and then the sales of Modern City miraculously improved.If you attacked evil with evil and competed with the opponent in an irrational situation, it would inevitably cause greater unhappiness.A peaceful environment seems to be able to awaken the power of goodness. The reason why I am obsessed with quietness and meditation now is because of that experience. From TV, the Internet, and various media, the most powerful things we see are aircraft, artillery, navy and army.These weapons are emphasizing a truth: there are bad guys, and you need strength to deal with them, and you need to use violence to fight against evil.Little do they know that violence itself is a kind of evil.Along with violence, there are also protests, intimidation, fists, abuse, rumors, deceit, etc. None of these things can bring benefits to our lives.Not only did it not bring benefits to others, it did not even bring the slightest benefit to the person who exerted his strength. What he brought was only destruction and restlessness.Whenever you abuse or maliciously slander others, you will definitely experience blankness, boredom and emptiness at a loss. In order to make up for this boring emptiness, you have to use worse language to abuse and slander others. After the worse language is spoken, there will be This emptiness and boredom is getting worse.Rather than saying that the above can be regarded as strength, it is better to say that they are pale and powerless, because in essence, they have all come to the opposite of real strength.I will always believe in the power of love, and belief is power.Every job is a prayer I remember what Marx once said: When the material is not abundant enough, work is for the needs of survival, to make money, support the family, and work revolves around the material; when the material is abundant, people also need work, and then work becomes The spiritual enjoyment of life is uncomfortable without work or labor.I can't remember the exact words, but that's the general meaning.But I think that when the material is not rich, work should be regarded as a kind of spiritual enjoyment in life, so that the work can be done well, the work can be more enjoyable, and the spiritual state of communism mentioned by Marx can be entered in advance. Some people say that it is mental labor, not physical labor, that has spiritual enjoyment. Therefore, in order to obtain spiritual enjoyment through work, one should seek higher-level mental labor.My experience is that there is no difference between mental labor and manual labor. (SJTXT Novel Download Network sjtxt.Com) A carpenter needs to use his brains to make a good bench; if he wants a perfect bench, he will use even more brains up.With my own hands, a few pieces of wood have turned into a beautiful bench, and the happiness is no less than that of a writer writing a novel.Writers are mental workers, right? But they also need to type, and they also need long hours of physical labor at their desks.Whether it is physical labor or mental labor, the indicator of spiritual enjoyment is whether you can get happiness from it.This sense of happiness is generated and continuously enhanced from the moment the work starts, not just after the work results appear.There is also beauty in the work process, such as the beauty of the process, from which you can also gain happiness.A perfect work process will inevitably lead to a perfect work result. The Buddha Sakyamuni said that "difficulty" is the only way to seek the truth in life and achieve enlightenment.For us ordinary people, the place where we can find the most "sophisticated" feeling is work.We have marveled at the quips of many great men, and believe that their words convey the truth.And the witty words spoken by these great achievers are the conclusions they have drawn through a lot of practice and experience after hard work. Their words are only a very small part of the iceberg of their great life. Work is the most important part of my life, and I talk about it a lot in this book. First of all, what I want to say is to enter a state of mind when working. What does this state look like?It should be calm and selfless. It may seem a bit lonely to outsiders, but it should be joyful inside.The emotions that destroy this state or prevent one from entering it are impetuosity, jealousy, hypocrisy, and hatred.A few days ago, I saw a sentence that said, "Every job is a prayer!" I think this is the most accurate description of the state of work. A few years ago, during the design phase of Jianwai SOHO, Japan Riken Yamamoto Design Office sent a group of young architects to work in our office. I found that their working areas were always very clean and quiet.Later, as the project progressed, they moved to the temporary building on the construction site to work, and the working environment was still very clean and quiet.At the same time, they are also very serious and dedicated to their work. Although they work until after one o'clock in the morning every day before going back to rest, when they see them, everyone is still full of energy, happy and efficient at work.The state of their work reminds me of the earnestness of the Japanese in flower arrangements and tea ceremonies, which may be a state close to prayer. A few days ago, I had dinner with a national team player who played chess. He was very quiet and spoke very little.After dinner we discussed this state together. Everyone said that chess players should practice very quietly because they have to enter a state of ecstasy in the process of playing chess.This state is very similar to prayer. If you also think that the state of work should be like the state of prayer, to be quiet, you have to respect others, don't disturb others when they enter this state, and don't make loud noises.Because your impetuousness will destroy other people's work status, make other people's work inefficient, and even fail to do their work well.At the same time, people who have entered this state must also have the ability to resist interference, not easily disturbed by the surrounding laughter, noise, and telephone ringing, and can quickly re-enter the quiet state even after being disturbed.To achieve this level, I think the easiest way is to use less mobile phone calls and send more text messages before work, so that it is not easy to disturb yourself or others.If you regard every job as a prayer, work is not only a means of earning money to support your family, but the process of working will also become a kind of spiritual enjoyment, and the results of work will become creative works, and this kind of work is yours. Done with God.Speaking of God, I think of Jehovah in the Bible.Yahweh also has to work. From Monday to Saturday, he created everything in the world and human beings like a devout mason.I would venture to think that God himself is also religious when he works, because work is the only way to carry out his will.Our work imitates the actions of God, which is the highest praise of work in the Bible. To turn the work process into a kind of spiritual enjoyment, only by fully understanding the meaning and value of one's own work can it be realized.In my understanding, work is the most valuable behavior of human beings. It has at least the following aspects of meaning and value: work is an effort to unite and serve others, and it is also a way to realize social value and prove yourself It is the process of a qualified person or a successful person. When you gain value from your work, you love it, and the work itself is a loving endeavor because you provide beneficial products and services to the people you love through your work. No matter how much you have achieved personally through work, it is insignificant before God.Work is a means by which you move towards an eternal soul.This point, you can experience more and more deeply in continuous work.Buddhism says "karma", which means that everything you do when you are alive will get retribution in the next life.Everything you currently do in the world is influenced by your deepest motivations, and it is all related to your understanding of the eternal soul.The sublime man, everything he does, embodies the harmony of his spirit and eternal soul.So every work we do should be a prayer that, through our work, we take another step toward the spiritual realm. Whenever I try to describe a man who is at work, I picture his single-minded, serene, powerful posture.I think this is one of the most beautiful gestures of human beings, he is like praying, showing a great spiritual power.Therefore, I am very willing to join in the work and pray for a better job with the work.