Chapter 14 ●Chapter 6 Marriage-1

● Introduction to Chapter 1 (Desire Issues) Socially, and more or less biologically, marriage is a sexual relationship.Those who enter into this relationship always intend it to last forever, whether there is legal or religious sanction at the time of entering into it.Before proceeding to the subject, however, it seems incumbent upon us to consider briefly the question of abstinence or the prohibition of coitus, and the ill effects, whether real or fabled, of a husband's abstinence. The problem of desperation has always gone through several stages.A hundred years ago, this question was extremely rare to have contact with doctors.Even if there is contact, what he can say within the scope of reason is: As far as men are concerned, celibacy outside of marriage is moral, while sexual intercourse is immoral (this is just a crowning statement, private behavior is not necessarily subject to this. Restricted, that is, whether a man has sexual intercourse outside of marriage is a matter that individuals can freely choose)

.As for a woman, she is generally considered to have no sexual desires, so whether she wants to or not is not a problem.Later, when some of the readers of this book entered the WTO, social conditions changed, and people’s attitudes towards sexual issues became more open, so some people began to consult doctors and asked him to talk about the issue of lust. A principle that everyone can abide by.The result has been a number of general and vague claims that abstinence is harmless, which is quite meaningless and which is in danger of being exploited at will.For example, some Taoists and the like advocate that, except for the necessity of having children and carrying on the family line, a person can abstain as much as he wants.

In other words, only two or three times of sexual intercourse in a lifetime is enough.Moralists of this kind can take advantage of this statement to be smug.Undoubtedly, the rhythmic utilization of the general muscular system and the endocrine system is not harmful to health, and the rhythmic utilization of muscles and endocrine glands related to sexual function is also the same.However, this kind of desperation statement is too literal and false, and people in the medical profession who know a little about self-respect and self-love would disdain it. Therefore, as time goes on, this kind of specious effort falls into the hands of quack doctors and quack doctors. The general public lacks sexual knowledge, even has a half-knowledge, and most of them have traditional views, so they become this kind of quack doctors. money-making tool.The true physician is prepared to deal with actual cases, whether to prevent or cure an ill, and he comes into contact with living men and women, not with abstractions or rigid formulas.Many people now have a clear understanding of this level, and since the concept of sexual morality has not been as rigid as it used to be in recent years, how to deal with the issue of abstinence has become more active than before, and it is not limited to a stereotyped The answer is up.

In the past, people either overestimated the harm of despair or underestimated it too little.On the one hand, some people think that the difficulties and harms of desperation are insignificant, and they do not hesitate to tell others about it.Most of these people belong to the category of Taoists referred to in this article. Their interest in morality is too strong. What they worry about day and night is that the human heart is not ancient and the world is declining.On the other hand, there are those who think that all kinds of madness, all kinds of insanity, are the result of desperation.Although such an extreme point of view is partly related to some ancient legends, partly it is not the echo caused by the views of Taoists.In naturally healthy persons, as far as we know, mere desperation does not seem to produce any serious mental or neurotic disease.

People who take lustlessness as the cause of this disease have made a very common mistake, that is, they regard the relationship that happened before and after as the relationship of cause and effect.Conversely, if a person who has been sexually promiscuous throughout his life also develops this disease, it is equally illogical if we attribute the disease to the sexual impulse.Freud said a sentence in 1908: "Most of the elements organized into our society are not worthy of talking about extinction in terms of innate temperament." However, Freud went on to say a few words that are very meaningful and worthy We keep in mind the words: "Abstinence can cause great difficulties, but there must be a prerequisite, that is, the existence of a congenital tendency to neurosis. The result of abstinence will inevitably lead to neuropathy, especially the so-called melancholic neurosis ( anxiety neu rosis).

In the later "Introductory Lectures" (Introductory Lectures), Freund said: "We must be careful not to overestimate the influence of abstinence on neurosis. Only a small part of the disease-causing state can be relieved by sexual intercourse that can be bought easily or paid for." We all know that Freund never underestimated the meaning of sexual impulse in life, so he A word of testimony is especially valuable.It is also worth referring to the fact that Catholic priests are mostly in excellent neurological health, and it is rare for them to experience difficulty or pain due to desire.Lowenfeld has also raised this point, and Lowenfeld has a lot of experience with this subject and has studied it with an impartial eye, and his conclusions are similar.His explanation is: perhaps because the priest's chastity life is cultivated from an early age, there is no difficulty.

We should also remember that life is an art.And the secret of this art is to maintain the balance of two opposite but complementary forces.One is Zhang, which is now called suppression, and the other is relaxation, which is now called expression or promotion.Inhibition in the broad sense, rather than in the narrow sense as psychoanalysts sometimes understand it, is also a central fact of life whose place is not that of expression.At the same time, we are always there to suppress one part of the impulse and express another part of the impulse.Inhibition itself is not bad and has benefits.Because it is a prerequisite for expression.If you don't suppress it first, how can you express it later?Repression, too, is not a peculiar feature of civilized life; it has been equally prominent in more primitive ages.It is easily observed even in animals.Since inhibition is such a natural thing, it may be inferred that it is by no means injurious to human life on the whole.Of course, there are disadvantages of improper restraint, especially for those who have shallow innate endowments and are not good at making harmonious adjustments in body and mind.But these are exceptions after all.

We do not deny, however, that the consequences of abstinence, even if they do not pose a threat to the security of life and to the sanity of mind, can cause many very real difficulties to many healthy and active persons.Physiologically, it can cause small disturbances and make people feel uncomfortable.Psychologically, sexual impulses can neither be avoided nor can they be dispelled. The result is a constant struggle and anxiety. The more a healthy sensuality develops, the more these two tendencies are transformed into a false chastity, especially in women.For example, there is a young college student here. He is very self-confident and ambitious. He is willing to put all his energy on his studies, but because of his struggle with sexual impulses, he inevitably suffers from a lot of anxiety and depression mentally.The same is true for many women. They may also be in school, or they may have joined the society and engaged in various jobs. They are impulsive and cannot be dispatched, so they have to work harder in their studies, work or sports, and even become exhausted and dizzy. Dazzling, but still can not be dispatched.The author sometimes even thinks that women suffer more than men in this aspect, not because women are more difficult to sublimate than men (Freud had this opinion), nor is it because women have more sexual impulses than men Not strong, but because the chance of having sex outside of marriage is greater for men than for women.It has always been so, and it is not so now.At the same time, there is another layer, that is, there is still a normal way out for men who guard their bodies like jade, which is the automatic excitatory effect during sleep, while for women, unless she has had sexual experience before, this effect is relatively difficult to occur.Regardless of how strong a person's sexual desire is, often the more talented a woman is, the more difficult she will be in this area, because the more she is, the less willing she is to tell her hardship.

Dr. Davis once asked such a question in her research draft for comments: Do you think sexual intercourse is necessary for the full health concept of both body and mind?We can have fun referring to the responses of more than 1,000 women to this question.Of course, we have to keep in mind that these answers, even if they can generally take into account the relatively strict physical and psychological needs, not all of them can be taken into account. Naturally, there are many unavoidable moral standards, social concepts and popular prejudices. And so on.However, from these answers, we can always understand one thing, that is, what kind of private perceptions of American intellectual women who grew up in the early twentieth century had on this issue. Of the 1000+ answers, we found 38.7% (or 394 people)

Think that sexual intercourse is necessary, some of them think it is absolutely necessary, most of them attach some special conditions, and a small part is not very sure.The majority of the rest, namely 61.2% (622 people), think it is not necessary, some think it is absolutely not necessary, and a small part is not very sure.Among the replies that think it is necessary but have conditions attached, the conditions attached are not very uniform: some think that "especially for men" is necessary.Some think "for mental health", yes, but not for physical health; others add words such as "for the integrity of life" or "for certain types of people".On the side that thinks it is not necessary, there are also many conditional statements: there are many answers that say "not necessary, but it is normal", some "not necessary, but it is possible"; Health is not necessary"; some "not necessary, but there are difficulties"; some "not necessary, but people who have no sexual experience seem to be very rough and reckless, and their body and mind also seem to be a little shriveled."A very interesting circumstantial evidence reference value is: 59.5% of those women who think it is not necessary, that is, more than half of them have the habit of masturbation; and among those who think it is necessary, more people have the habit of masturbation (76%)

, which is of course more expected and not surprising.It is natural and predictable that the party who thinks it is necessary has more examples of sexual intercourse experience than the party who thinks it is not necessary. Those who regard the difficulties and pains of cessation as not insignificant should refer to the experience of many ascetics in the desert in the early days of Christianity, such as those described by Palladius in Paradise. thing.These celibate and desperate people have strong bodies and strong wills. They are ready to concentrate on realizing the ideals revealed by asceticism. The desert environment they live in is really ideal for realizing this ideal. No more, and the sternness of the precepts they observe in their daily lives is so severe that it seems to us not only impossible, but almost unimaginable.However, what they find difficult and cannot get rid of is always the temptation of sex.All their lives, this temptation has been more or less constantly against them. There is one more fact which warns us not to follow so many quasi-moral clichés on this subject, that we may set aside the experience of the ancient ascetics, and that, as things stand, all closer investigations prove that true People who can abstain from desire for a long time, that is, people who are really not sexually active in any way, even if we include people who practice medicine, are actually very few.Unless we exclude all these methods, such as seducing the opposite sex, striking up a conversation and other normal and incomplete ways of sexual satisfaction, such as various sexual activities that vary, and various manifestations of automatism, etc., the number is natural. It is relatively large.Roy Reid is a very experienced medical scientist in this area. He said several years ago that the phenomenon of abstinence or absolute virginity does not exist at all. Just some examples of sexual anaesthesia.As for the seemingly numerous cases of sexual chastity, it is generally due to the different traditional customs in different countries, and this custom can only be done in two ways: one is the way of prostitution, and the other is the way of masturbation.In fact, doctors are divided into two factions on this topic: one group is extremely opposed to masturbation, which is regarded as a kind of tarnishment, but has a more lenient attitude towards prostitution; A dangerous and immoral behavior, but masturbation is more tolerant.Worrell, however, sees the two as the same species.In his view, the act of whoring with an innocuous opposite sex is "just a way of masturbation."This discussion is very worthy of reference by physicians. When they practice medicine, they are concerned about the various symptoms that occur due to dissatisfaction of sexual desire, such as local congestion, insomnia, irritability, depression, headache, and various neurological symptoms. , must be treated or alleviated, and such discussions will be quite useful by then.If symptoms of this kind go a step further and approach the realm of the psyche, we can always find some other cause of cooperation. Psychoanalysts have found it in the subconscious or subconscious realm in order to deduce this kind of cause. There are quite a few winding trails.According to Loewenfeld's observations, the life of abstinence under the age of twenty-four produces few difficulties for men.That is, after the age of 24, although there are difficulties, they are not to the extent that it is necessary to seek medical treatment.However, Hirschfeld believes that men who have had sex before their 30s and who have just married after their 30s will feel some hardships. In any case, in order for the experience of abstinence to be a cause of neuropathy, congenital badness is a necessary condition, and this neuropathy, according to Freud, Lowenfeld and others Men and women, mostly in the form of so-called melancholy neuroses. Symptoms caused by abstinence need to be cured, but the so-called treatment in the field of sexuality, in fact, often takes the form of drugs rather than health care.And this method has to be prepared before it happens before it will be effective.This recuperating method includes: simple life, simple food, cold bath, prevention of extravagant habits, avoidance of all strong physical and mental stimuli, cautious communication, rather busy work, plenty of outdoor exercise, etc.A child with an innocent family background, gifted and healthy, who can get this kind of recuperation from an early age, unless there are inevitable dangerous accidents, is very likely to be able to delay the development of sexual consciousness for several years. In theory, although we admit that children have their own sexual activities, this theory is very abstract after all, and does not conflict with the retardation of sexual conscious development.And because although the conscious development of sex is delayed, the implementation of a considerable amount of sex education can still be carried out, and there is no hindrance in it.But once the sexual self-awareness has been developed, and the organic sexual impulse has made a powerful impact on the consciousness, this kind of good recuperation method is not as effective as some people say.In any case, these measures are worth pursuing, although they are not as effective as previously stated, and sometimes they do not fail to reduce or check the sweeping force of the sexual impulse, but we must not expect it.Appropriate body movement, in fact, not only cannot suppress sexual desire, but is often a stimulus that can arouse sexual desire, which is the same for both men and women.Only exercise that is too violent and wears out the whole body has some restraining effect, but this kind of exercise violates the principles of health.The avoidance of meat is likewise ineffective, and Hirchfeld has pointed out that the sexual interest expressed by carnivorous beasts is lower than that of corn-eating beasts.As for mental work, sometimes even a purely abstract kind is apt to excite sexual excitement.This is not surprising. Any general method of health preservation has the effect of increasing energy for the whole body, and the sexual field is a part of the whole body, so we must benefit from it; we must not try to teach the whole body at the same time. The energy increases, but the other side imposes interference, preventing part of the excess energy from being distributed to the sexual field. It is true that we can transform sexual energies into other and more sublime ways, but as we have mentioned before, and there is opportunity for further consideration, only a small part of this energy can be sublimated in this way.Freud said it well, sexual energy is to our body what heat is to a machine, only part of it can be transformed into work.Of course, we can also use drugs to deal with the remaining sexual energy. The most versatile and perhaps the most effective are various compounds.However, the use of drugs is limited after all.It is useful for a certain kind of person, the neurasthenic, hypersensitive person whose sexual excitement is not a natural expression of sexual energy.For people who are physically strong and energetic, bromide is often completely ineffective, unless it is due to a particularly large dose, but if the dose is large, the performance is certainly restricted, and other more delicate mental activities will inevitably suffer. Shrunken blow.Sexual impulse is a great natural impulse, and if it is used in moderation, it can bring many benefits to life. If this benefit is ruined by drugs, it is certainly not a satisfactory solution.All in all, coping with sex during the period of abstinence is a very difficult problem. We should admit that our current knowledge is limited and we cannot solve it, but we should pay attention to two points. First, when encountering many difficulties caused by the social environment, we should Acknowledge them clearly and don't brush them aside with platitudes.Second, to the extent possible, we should let the person who has the problem try to solve his or her problem by himself. We'd better not pretend to be understanding to help others, so as not to be a waste of help. Some people in the medical field boldly said openly: "For this problem, they themselves must take an unlimited responsibility." A woman with an impotent husband, because of a long-term relationship of desperation, this person obviously has some neurological problems. These doctors patted their chests and said: "Our responsibility has come, and we must firmly persuade him (her) to find opportunities for sexual intercourse." The author thinks this is wrong.Regardless of whether the prescription for sexual intercourse is really effective, that is, whether the person who prescribed the prescription can vouch for it, and regardless of whether the prescription is ethical or not, a doctor who speaks casually beyond the scope of his business can at least have to Consider: If the person who asks him for advice really acts according to his prescription, what kind of influence will happen to the person who asks for advice besides the physiological side.As far as the two points mentioned just now are concerned, the author thinks that the first point may not be very effective.Regarding the second point, the author thinks it is simply immoral. The doctor secretly advises this kind of opportunity to seek sexual intercourse, while he may be against all promiscuity in public.Either expressly objecting, or implying objection between words, always means that he does not approve of promiscuity.Now there is one kind of speech in public, but another kind of speech in secret, and the two are completely opposite. Isn't this immoral?As for the impact on the person who seeks advice, the author can also explain. If the priest or the widowed woman really followed the prescription, in the former, the result would inevitably conflict with his religious beliefs and professional personality; It plummeted.How can the impact of this conflict and the decline in social status be beneficial in terms of physical health alone?Its disadvantage, perhaps, goes further than what happens through the ascetic struggle; the ascetic struggle goes, the moral struggle comes, and the result is only violence for violence, and in fact the moral struggle probably causes more pain than the ascetic struggle. above.The author believes that if a doctor has to go beyond his duties, he should clearly, broadly, and impartially explain the rights and wrongs of the problem and various possible ways out to the person who seeks advice.As for which way out to choose, it should be decided by the person asking for advice, because this is his own responsibility, and no one else can do it for him.The doctor's responsibility here is like a judge who supervises the jury. He can only try to understand the whole story of the case. As for the verdict of guilt or innocence, it is the jury's business and not his business.If a doctor can really do this, not only can he avoid trouble, but at the same time, he can make the person who asks for advice calmer and more reasonable in his attitude, so that he does not have to do it.Forcibly tie a knot that is not easy to untie.The quick way to cut the mess may be useful in other places, and others may come up with such an idea, but when it comes to sex, it is very inappropriate to say it from the mouth of a doctor. There is only one common way in the world to remedy the ills of desperation: as long as the environment is good and the conditions are right, it is undoubtedly the most perfect way, that is, a marriage that is suitable for one person and one place. ● Section 2 The Desirability of Marriage Modern doctors have one more task than before, that is, many more people ask him for advice on the advisability of marriage than before.Anyone who is about to marry and has questions about the future happiness of the husband and wife or the health of the children always turns to him for help.The doctor's opinion in this regard was not taken seriously before, but now it has more weight.Therefore, doctors should be very careful in the future, and don’t dismiss the seeker with clichés rashly. Instead, they should try their best to give him serious and careful consideration before speaking.The scientific data on which such considerations must be based are not yet complete and have not yet been sorted out.For at least a large proportion of marriages, this data is not yet very applicable.However, the work of sorting has already begun, and it will be applied in the not-too-distant future, when we may be able to predict the possible outcome of a marriage, although this prediction may not be completely accurate, it will be much more accurate than it is at present.For now, Ms. Karen Horney After studying this issue for a while, it is also said that it is the method of psychoanalysis (she has great faith in this method) Nor can it teach us to peek under the surface of marital problems and know what to predict.However, the marriage problem is ultimately a sociological problem. If we try to find out the root cause, we will inevitably go beyond the scope of our topic.What we can discuss here can only be limited to a small part of this problem, or even just some clues of this part. Give a simple example that happens from time to time.A young man or young woman, without explaining to his family, relatives and friends in advance, and without listening to other people's advice before the event, suddenly announces that he is going to marry so-and-so.But such a marriage, even though it does not violate any eugenic principle on the surface, is actually absolutely inappropriate from other standpoints.Perhaps the third party can't see it, and always hopes that such a bad marriage can be resolved, so he consults the doctor, and sometimes expects him to declare clearly that the person who has acted rashly is actually a mentally unsound person.Whether the other party is mentally healthy or not is a question that should be carefully discussed. However, as far as most cases are concerned, this is a statement that is close to making a crime. The so-called reckless counterparty may have some slight genetic tendencies to neuropathy.But this kind of abnormality, even if it can be called abnormal, is very slight in weight and does not exceed the limit of ordinary physiology. Therefore, it is not enough to call a doctor and rely on his words to make a decision.It is true that lovers like Romeo and Juliet described in Shakespeare's plays completely ignore the social barriers against their union because of the excitement of the moment.But they are not crazy, unless we accept from a literary standpoint that Bourdain, repeated in Anatomy of Melancholy, thinks that people in all states of love are crazy.In most cases, what we meet is by no means two crazy people, but two young people who have not yet emerged from the "storm".The newly developed sex life was originally a part of this storm. When it comes suddenly, it is bound to produce a kind of physical disturbance and the mental imbalance caused by this disturbance.The wind stopped in an instant, the physical disturbance disappeared, and the mental balance was naturally restored, and it would not happen again. Let me give another very representative example.An upright and pure young man, either because of a momentary curiosity, or because he listened to a friend's instigation by accident, or completely by chance, met a prostitute, fell in love with her, and wanted to marry her. His motives are very ideal. Yes, he thinks a prostitute is the most despicable thing in the eyes of ordinary people, who is ruined by others and can never be turned over.With his coming, he can rescue her and leave the sea of ​​suffering forever, isn't it a great merit.At least this was his conscious motive at the time. In his less conscious mind, a sexual impulse that was groping in the dark certainly did not exist, but at that time it was inevitably concealed by the ideal of rescue and could not be seen clearly. .In principle, there is nothing wrong with marrying a prostitute. In fact, there are many examples of happy results.However, as a man, he must be a mature and experienced person, and he must have made some careful choices before getting married.If you act recklessly in a fledgling man with innocence and the general enthusiasm aroused by ideals, the result will probably not be satisfactory.When we encounter this kind of example, the best way is to temporarily adopt a false and condescending attitude, and then dissuade them from the camera.Far from being feasible, direct and strong measures of restraint are sufficient to arouse his enthusiasm and make a big mistake even worse.The purpose of the hypocrisy and reluctance is to make him postpone the marriage.During this period of delay, you can try to teach him the opportunity of quiet observation of the loved one.As a result, his estimate of the value of the other party may drop, and it is not far from the estimate of relatives and friends.At that time, such a marriage will not disappear on its own. Another example is a young woman who is temporarily driven by emotion and wants to marry someone hastily.A parent or guardian can often try to get her to change her environment and let new interests and new friendships take their place.Sometimes (and this was not uncommon during the First World War) a young woman, on the spur of the moment, wishes to marry a man of a lower social class than herself.However light we may be to our ideas of class, such a marriage should be vigorously opposed.Because it is not easy to have a happy result, and the woman involved, if she can rein in the horse, she will never regret that the horse should not be reined in.In recent novels, Mrs. Chatri fell in love with a peasant boy for a while, but if she really wanted to marry him as his wife, her future life would never be happy.This kind of combination based on love at first sight often has a series of tragic results.Therefore, it is always reasonable if we can try to prevent marriage before it is consummated.Of course, we also admit that under the saying of "distant relatives and distant relatives" or "a flower seen from a distance, but numb when seen close up", the more obstacles there are, the more passionate the young people in the state of love are, the harder they pursue, and the more unwilling to give up.Even if the obstacle takes effect and makes a marriage fail, it may be a lifelong regret for the person involved.The experience of the great British novelist Dickens (Dickens) is also experienced by many people who are not as famous as him.Di Shi once fell in love with a woman in his early years, but she was finally rejected by her and did not conclude a marriage.Later, this woman became a perfect female model in Di Shi's imagination.The heroine in his works also used her as a model invisibly, but when the two parties had the opportunity to meet again in the end, Di Shi was finally disappointed and dejected. Marriage, too, has many peculiar problems that escape our outsider's attention.But if you can't see it, it doesn't mean that there is no problem.Between a man and a woman, it is enough if there is no marriage discussion, otherwise there will always be some problems to be solved. Although the aspects of the problems are very inconsistent, they are the same. Some of them will be consulted with doctors.In recent years, more and more people ask for advice, and the number of questions they ask for advice is also increasing day by day.We can only briefly touch upon this particular class of questions here, for one thing is limited by the scope of this book, and another is that it is not easy for us to have any simple answers that are fixed and universally applicable. .Every question in every marriage has to be answered individually, and what may be most beneficial to A may be the most harmful to B.Perhaps in the future, in every major city in the world, there will be a kind of marriage consulting agency, which will help married and married men and women seek answers to various aspects of marriage problems.The established Sexual Institute of Berlin can be seen as a precursor to such an institution. Such issues include age, personal health and family health or heredity, premarital medical examinations, readiness and readiness for married life, delay and abstinence of childbearing, and especially the degree to which the couple is likely to be physically and mentally compatible , because the depth of this degree often has a lot to do with the size of marital happiness. The age of marriage is the problem of dealing with late marriage and early marriage.How sooner or later is most beneficial to the happiness of the couple and the production of healthy children is a matter of considerable disagreement.As far as the current situation is concerned, the amount of information in this area is too small, and the scope is not wide enough, making it difficult for us to make some answers that can be applied to most people.In Philadelphia, USA, Hart and Shields measured the relationship between age and the degree of marital life according to the cases handled in the marriage relationship division of the court and the number of times each couple filed lawsuits because of Park Creek. Early marriage was found to be inappropriate.At the same time another Philadelphia writer, Patterson, found that discord was no more pronounced in marriages entered into under the age of 20 than in marriages entered into over the age of 20.In the survey conducted by Dickinson and Ms. Beam, it was found that the average marriage age of wives who can be regarded as satisfactory (that is, both parties can adapt to each other without regret) is several years older than the average marriage age in all surveys.When considering the length of cohabitation life after marriage and the relationship between separation or divorce, it is found that the period of cohabitation is not the shortest among those who have been married the earliest. Of course, women who marry later are more aware of what they need most in life and can have some healthy opinions. This is certainly an advantage.But at the same time, the mental habits of this kind of people have probably become fixed, and in terms of the body, they may already have some minor problems.The existence of such habits and defects will always cause a lot of difficulties for the adaptation of married couples.Conversely, women who marry early are not only easier to adapt to the new environment psychologically, but also physically sound. They do not feel difficulties in sexual intercourse, and they are easier to cope with childbearing.This kind of comparison is not well understood by ordinary people, but it is true.However, in fact, the problem is not only about age, but also about personality, intelligence and experience.In terms of age alone, the present average of marriages is perhaps high enough, and often too high.Among writers on marriage in recent years, Burgdorfer has advocated early marriage.At the same time, Hagen and Christian concluded that, from the standpoint of eugenics, the age of marriage for men should be 25, while for women it should be before 25. If this is done earlier, various difficulties will inevitably be encountered.Such difficulties, no matter how great, should be overcome with the greatest courage, and should not be shunned or flinched.In Germany, the average marriage age for men is 29 and for women is 25. However, a few centuries ago, men were under 19 and women were under 15. The difference is too great. No matter what age you get married, both men and women should have a thorough medical examination for the future relationship between husband and wife and the bearing of children.This layer is not only beneficial but worth doing.From a moral standpoint, it is also imperative.Check the formalities and do it early.Before the engagement was announced.It should be done before many relatives and friends know about it.Of course, the inspection work must also include gynecological examinations for women and reproductive and urethral examinations for men.Some people even advocate that there must be a certificate after the inspection, and whether the certificate should be the first condition for the success or failure of the marriage contract.Therefore a person who is about to marry should be compelled to undergo an examination to show his or her examination certificate.在有的地方，这种主张已经有实现的倾向。不过这种检查的关系实在是大多了，即专为未来夫妇的幸福着想，而不参考到本节范围以外的种种优生学的需要，即将结婚的男女也是应当照做而愿意照做的，自不待外界的强制。 婚姻还应有另一种准备工作，其意义的重要更要在医学检查之上，而必须双方当事人在私下自己做的。这种准备工作是性知识和性感觉的自我检查。婚姻关系最重要的一部分当然是性关系。在发生这种极亲密的关系以前，双方对于自己和对方即将发生这种关系的条件，应当有一个比较清楚的认识。他们应当自问，对于自己和对方身体的构造和生理以及彼此对于性题目的情绪反应，已经有充分的了解。就一惯的情形而言，狄更生和比姆女士在他们的研究里所说到的一点是很寻常的，就是“少不更事的未来新郎觉得对方是'太神圣得'不可侵犯了。因此，对于她内部的结构，不便作什么探索的尝试。在未来的新娘方面也把自己当作是一棵树，那么一根实心的木头。这种男女对于生理与解剖的知识比起古代的波斯人来，并不高明得多少。”他们应当特别自问一下，他们对于婚姻之爱或床第之爱的观感究竟如何。我们知道有的夫妇深怕对方触摸到自己的私处和其他平时不大表露的发欲带部分；有的夫妇从来没有在浴室里碰过头，不是他怕见她，就是她怕见他。在这种情形下，身体上的开诚布公、和盘托出，既谈不到，要取得精神上的推心置腹、肝胆相照，更不必说了。这样，试问还有真正的婚姻结合可言么？戴维斯女医生发现，凡属婚前的准备，不论在哪方面都比较充分的女子，比起没有准备的来，其婚后生活的比较圆满，在百分数上要多占许多。 这种互相的认识当然不限于性的方面。婚姻关系中，性的关系既属中心，但并不是惟一的关系。我们了解有许多婚姻的例子里，真正的性关系始终不曾有过，但因双方有十足的性格上的认识，所以也不能算完全不圆满。许多婚姻的研究都认为性投情合是婚姻幸福的最大的钥匙。两个人的性情，单独看也许是很不差的，但放在一起，就合不起来，因此必须在婚前加以认识。留待婚后再加以体验是不适当的。最好在结婚以前，男女双方就能有较长期住在一起的机会，这同居住的环境必须能供给种种寻常必须解决的问题以至特别不容易解决的难题，让双方共同设法应付。果真这样，双方才可以观察到彼此，对自己、对第三者以及对一般事物的反应的方法。笔者特别提到对第三者以及一般事物的反应，因为只看双方彼此间的反应是不够的。这些，在婚前婚后往往有很大的不同。天主教里的修士和修女必须经过一个见习期，见习及格才可以正式做修士和修女，笔者认为婚姻也应当有一个见习的阶段，见习有合格，才许在婚姻祭坛前立下正式的誓约。这种见习功夫究竟做到什么程度，包括不包括性交在内，是一个次要的问题。 所谓性情的投合，不一定指性情的相同，有时相反的情形也可以彼此和协，不过只是性情的投合还嫌不够。见解、兴趣与才能的投合也是极关重要的。性情的不同，例如一个内向（introvert），一个外向（extrovert）也许是和谐而相辅相成的，也许比性情的相似和反应的相同更可以促进婚姻的幸福。不过要这种幸福的长足进展与长久维持，趣味与才能的相投也是极基本的，而所谓相投自然也不一定非相同不可。一方不喜好音乐，而一方则专心致志于音乐，这大概是不容易调和的。政治的见解不同，即使性关系很和合，怕也不一定能维持长久的美满。倘若宗教的信仰完全不合（如罗马式的天主教和福音主义的耶稣教），则婚姻决无和乐之理，无论如何不缔应结。应该知道在今日的时代，做太太的已经不止是一个纯粹的家庭的员司，她多少总有一些家庭以外的兴趣，所以对于外界社会生活里各种较大的活动与潮流，双方理应有些共同和相似的见解，只要大处相同，细节不同，就不要紧，所持的原则同，方法不同，也就不要紧，但如大处和原则上便有冲突，婚姻生活就难期美满。 不过我们总要记住，对于任何一桩婚事的事前的一切劝告或多或少总有几分臆断与预料的性质，未来是否一定成为事实，是谁也无法断定的。一对当事人，尤其要是很年轻的话，是会因发展而随时变迁的，今天如此，明天就不一定如此。 埃克斯纳（Exner）说得好：“从心理的立场来看婚姻， 把婚姻当作一个富有创造性的人格关系看，它根本是一个造诣的过程。这种关系，这种过程，在行婚礼的时候，不一定就会发生或开始的。”这造诣的过程也常常很缓慢，也许要费上好数年渐进的功夫，一种圆满的与深切的婚姻关系，才真正配叫做婚姻的婚姻关系，才有希望确立。表面上已到白头到老的阶段，而这种关系还没有确立的例子，也所在而有。 世间也有不少人，因为若干特殊的个人的原因不适宜于婚姻，而我们也便不以婚姻相劝。另有一部分人，因遗传的关系，为种种的健全起见，可以允许其结婚，而不许其生育子女；对于这种人，比任何方法要高明许多的不生育的方法是让做丈夫的接受绝育的外科手术。