Chapter 5 Chapter 3 Negative thinking style and interpersonal relationship

When we're depressed, we feel tired, don't sleep well, feel lethargic, and lose our appetite and libido.Another important change is the way we think.Negative thinking, understanding and remembering take over our brains.What used to be an obvious success now looks like a failure; we used to look forward to the opportunity to take a vacation, now we see it as a pain; Not sure if we really love our family, we become apathetic.Depression changes how we think about ourselves, the world, and the future. Before depression, I always thought I was working my way in a certain direction.Now, I think I'm totally deluding myself.Joe

Before depression, I always thought that people liked me and that I was a nice person.Now, I'm starting to doubt this.hungry Before depression, I could think about many things at once and deal with them with ease.Now, I'm prone to anxiety, can't concentrate, have all kinds of worries in my head, and can't cope with anything.david These people all experience the effects of depression on their thinking and emotions.Before discussing the thinking biases caused by depression, let's take a look at why our brains get stuck in this state, what causes us to be so negative? Why does our thinking make us worse when we are down? situation.function of the brain

Why does depression make our thinking more negative? There are many possible reasons for this.One view is that everyone has some negative self-concept (such as unlovable, failing, or incompetent) to some extent.Events that can activate these negative ideas are common: loss of important things in life, or encountering setbacks.These setbacks include broken relationships, interpersonal conflicts, and intense disappointments.These events trigger negative beliefs within us (eg, I am not cute), which in turn lead us to interpret our circumstances negatively. At this point, our minds lead us in a downward spiral, and we start looking for evidence that confirms our negative beliefs and ignoring evidence that contradicts them.

Once we think about our failures, depression comes in like a black tide and swallows up all our positive qualities. There is another point of view that does not contradict the above point of view, and, in a sense, is a supplement.I am more inclined to this view.The theory is that our brains think in a completely different way when faced with a threat, a result of natural evolution. For example, if animals in the wild suddenly find something moving in the grass, how will they react? Should they ignore it, or will they run away immediately after searching for it? For most wild animals, the best solution is to flee the scene quickly.Because moving objects may be natural enemies, if this is the case, then a slight delay may cause heavy losses.In fact, just one misjudgment can cost them their lives.In this case, it is wiser to flee than to stay where you are and take the risk.Escaping may take some time to eat, but it saves life.

That is to say, when faced with a threat, our brain automatically works according to the principle of "better safe than sorry", that is to say, the brain does not rationally weigh various possibilities, but when necessary, quickly conclude Conclusion, prevent problems before they happen, and respond as quickly as possible.As long as it is safe to do so.It doesn't matter whether the hasty conclusions drawn are correct or not.What this wonderful phenomenon tells us is that our brains are wired to make mistakes, especially in stressful situations—preventing them from happening and acting defensively.Today, jumping to judgment and taking precautions can lead us into misery.Therefore, we need to tolerate with rational thinking in order to better control our emotions.

If we think about the nature of our fears (fear of the dark, of unfamiliar people or places, of disease, of abandonment, of reptiles, etc.), we discover that, over millions of years, these fears have kept us from Get in touch with animals that cause fear and better protect yourself.When a child or someone else in the family doesn't come home at the scheduled time, we feel a sudden surge of fear, even though reason tells us that nothing will happen to them, but in some cases, rational judgment cannot completely eliminate our anxiety. But how does this principle apply to depression? With insight and hard work, we can learn to correct the false assumptions our brains make.And, when our brains generate negative thoughts, we have no reason to believe that we are really stupid or irrational. All these negative thoughts are just a natural reaction of the brain.social threat

In many social behaviors, we do not follow rational principles.Why do we fall in love? Why do we pass up the opportunity to be in business and make a lot of money and choose nursing or community work instead? Why do some people prefer to work with computers than people? Why do we have children? The answers to all these questions tell We, we are emotional beings, and while rational thought plays a role in decision making, its role is limited.The science fiction novel "Star Trek" describes this phenomenon well: Mr. Spock is very rational, while his human companions are very "emotional".It can be seen that emotions belong to human beings.However, this does not mean that emotional judgment is superior or inferior to rational judgment, but that both have their own characteristics, but sometimes emotional thinking can lead us astray.Therefore, we should learn to control or change overly emotional thoughts or emotions.

We are more prone to become irrational when we feel externally threatened.Therefore, it is necessary to discuss social threats first.Today, instead of spiders or snakes threatening us when we are depressed, our fears of failure and falling behind; fears of being disapproved and rejected; fears of being trapped in unhappy situations;The point is that certain types of events naturally heighten our sense of threat and cause us to become irrational.The more threatening we experience, and the older the cortex that governs, the stronger the emotional experience that makes us act defensively.At this time, the ancient cortex will replace the neocortex more, controlling automatic thinking and emotion.

If we hold certain basic beliefs, such as: We are unlovable, inferior to others, others cannot be trusted, etc., our threshold for experiencing threats will be lowered.It is worth noting that sometimes, we do not have a strong negative concept, but we also experience emotional threats such as failure, loss, and abandonment.It is true that negative early experiences can lower the threat threshold of the ancient cortex, leading us to all kinds of negative emotions, but most of us have some automatic emotional responses.For example, although we may never have experienced grief, when our loved ones pass away, we are suddenly plunged into grief. This is a natural response that is common to all humans and even certain animals in this way.

Social Threats and Human Needs On the whole, humans are happier in some environments than others.We mentioned grief earlier, saying that when a loved one dies, anyone can be in great pain.We don't learn how to grieve, it's a natural emotional experience.Of course, our beliefs can affect the level of our grief, for example, if we believe that we will meet our dead relatives in heaven, we will get some comfort. The table below lists situations in which humans generally feel happy and sad, respectively. happy situation sad situation To be loved and needed.Not loved, not needed. Intimacy with others.being abandoned.

To be accepted and to belong.Not accepted, rejected. have friends.no friend. A member of a small group.Outsiders, expelled. valuable.no value. To be appreciated and valued by others.be taken advantage of by others. Feel attractive.Feeling unattractive. Have status and be respected.No status, no respect. win.fail. The above lists some of the situations that, for humans, can increase or decrease our happiness.In other words, the situations listed on the right are the situations that make us experience a sense of threat.How can these situations affect our emotions? The reasons are complex.In general, humans have social needs.If these needs are met, we are happy, otherwise we are unhappy.Our brains preprogram these needs, and those who can satisfy themselves ("socially successful people," in evolutionary terms) do better than those who can't.By "good" I mean they are more likely to survive and reproduce.So, biologically speaking, humans tend to strive for situations on the left and avoid situations on the right.Social success is emotionally charged, and the more our perceptions are turned to the right of situations, the more we feel threatened. interpersonal relationship It is said that no one is absolutely alone.Sometimes we need the care of others. If we are sick or in the hospital, we need others to take care of our bodies. If we are sad, we need others to encourage and comfort us.We need both physical care and emotional reassurance.Intimate, soothing human contact can lead to the release of brain chemicals called endorphins that make us feel better. Under normal circumstances, their concern will make us feel relaxed and calm.Instead, let's imagine what would happen if we had negative beliefs about our emotional needs. These negative beliefs include: ．No one cares about me. ．My needs are trivial. ．I am a burden to others. ．Needing love and comfort is pathetic. ．I cannot survive alone. ．I will always be alone. ．Trying to get support from others is childish. ．People who need others are vulnerable. ．People who need others are greedy. ．My needs are overwhelming for others. These beliefs keep us from meeting our emotional needs.As a result, we can't sort out our emotions, when we really need help from others and when we can handle it ourselves.In such situations, we often give up our emotional needs and become more depressed.Communicating with others is beneficial because we can turn to others for help in this way.Make your own needs met.In fact, knowing our needs and being able to express them is critical to mental health, especially when we have successfully enlisted the help of others. Of course, we also have certain ideas about other people.Among them, there are two main categories of our concern: that is, when others refuse or are unable to help us, and when others should help us and others do not show concern for us.The first category of ideas includes: ．He is busy and has no time for me. ．They have no obligation to control me. ．They will punish me for our needs. ．They can't understand me. ．They don't want my needs mostly. ．Getting a little help won't help. Examples belonging to the second category are as follows: ．Others should help me when I need it. ．My needs are more important than the needs of others. ．If they don't give me the help I need, then they don't love me. It is part of our instinct to need others, and when we are under stress, our need for others will naturally increase.As we enter adulthood, it is normal for our needs to no longer be fully met.People often fail to understand how we feel and, therefore, fail to meet our needs. Sometimes, we often put our own needs aside and consider the needs of others. At this time, the typical ideas that appear are: ．I have to put other people first. ．It is selfish to put your own needs before those of others. ．I have to live as others ask me to. ．Self-sacrifice is good. ．I need to be needed by others. ．If I give a lot, others will also give me back. Here, there should be a balance between giving and receiving.If we take sides (for example, feeling that we are giving too much and getting too little), we will feel uncomfortable.If we are honest with ourselves, we will often care about others to make ourselves feel more comfortable :(( I am a good person because I care about others.” As long as we are honest, we will realize that we care about others in order to make ourselves feel Better, or to be fairer. If we delude ourselves, “I care about others with pure motives and no strings attached,” then we get frustrated when others don’t reciprocate us. Sometimes, in an effort to feel better about ourselves, we try our best to act as a caring person, but then we find ourselves overwhelmed by the needs of others, and we frantically try to get the weight off our shoulders.But if you fall into the trap of self-sacrifice, you don’t see this need to escape as a way to step back and take better care of yourself, and become a source of bad feelings like guilt. If you behave like a servant, others will treat you like one.It is difficult to form mutually beneficial relationships with others unless you face your own needs.Since we are human, we all have social and emotional needs.But some people are either overly needy or stubbornly see themselves as weak and incapable of getting their needs met. cheat When we're depressed, we become hypersensitive and often care about what others think of us. The reason for this is that humans have evolved a sensitivity to being deceived. It’s common for humans to feel angry about being cheated on, whether by a spouse being unfaithful, a friend letting us down, or someone not keeping their promises—all of which can fuel our negative emotions as we feel we’ve been cheated. We have an innate sensitivity to being lied to (because being lied to is a threat).However, when we are depressed, we find that deception is everywhere.Because once we feel threatened, the brain jumps to conclusions quickly.For example, when Jane went to work from illness and her co-workers asked her how she was, she thought, "They're just asking that to make themselves feel worse, and they don't really care about me." Said that her colleagues were cheating on her. When we are depressed, we become more sensitive and suspect that others are pretending to be nice and deceiving ourselves.If they let us down a little bit, or ignore us for some reason, we get a lot of meaning out of it.This is because depression makes us more wary of social threats. Depressed people often feel that they give a lot and get very little in return. "I call people a lot, but no one calls me." When we are mentally healthy, we can very well realize that the reason people don't care about us as much as we need to do is because "life is meant to be" ’ or say ‘that’s what they are’.Just because people don't care about me that much doesn't mean that people don't care about me at all.However, when we are depressed, their behavior irritates us, and we think that others are not taking enough time to care about us. Realizing that this is a hasty conclusion of the mind is crucial, and while you may feel that others are pretending to care about you, or that you feel unworthy of their concern, remember that this is not necessarily the case.When we're depressed, it's natural to think this way.Yet, as we'll see, there are many ways to challenge our thinking lest depression trick us into believing things that don't really exist, or that exist but are less of a serious threat. social class Many depressive beliefs are related to our sense of status and self-worth, which reflect our low self-esteem.When we're depressed, we often compare ourselves to others and come to conclusions that we're inadequate, imperfect, failing, or somehow unwelcome—conclusions that often bring us down a notch. Mary's man is in love with another woman.Actually, Mary didn't really feel bad (because she always wanted to end the relationship), however, she was often morose about her thoughts about "status, rank": why "she can have it and I can't? Maybe Am I bad at sex? Maybe I'm not as attractive as I think I am?" It was this idea of ​​why she lost to another woman that drove her into depression. Feelings of inferiority often manifest as feelings of shame and inadequacy.When we are depressed, the brain sees information that threatens our ability and self-confidence, so that one failure or setback is seen by the brain as evidence that we will fail again and again. After losing his job defense, John thought: "I didn't express myself well, I'm not capable enough, and I will never succeed in important things." After recovering, he said that although he usually suffers from failure Disappointed, but he lives by the motto: "When you gain, you lose." But this failure made his brain jump to conclusions.At this time, his love also suffered a turmoil. This pressure may have increased the secretion of his stress hormones, making his brain easily feel a sense of failure. We know that animals do not always fight each other, but only after a period of growth when they think they are sure of victory.Our brains also have mechanisms that help us judge our own likelihood of success.Many situations can affect this - mechanism - eg.Fatigue, illness, insomnia, stress, etc.The problem is, when we're depressed, the difficulties we face can seem like they're beyond our capabilities.Once this happens, we start working in a "better safe than sorry" mode where we feel like we can't succeed at anything, that we're doomed to fail.Live at the bottom.Although the evolutionary meaning of this mechanism is to prevent us from challenging situations that have no chance of winning, once we fall into depression, our energy is exhausted, and we tell ourselves "don't even try."In a sense, this mechanism also avoids the possibility of our further failure.Until now, however, humans have pushed the brakes too far.In addition, because humans often think about their own failures and use them to judge themselves, it exacerbates our depression.