Chapter 45 Section 5 Sadistic-masochistic relationship

In Corey and Laney's relationship, we can clearly see the sadomasochistic relationship.Based on my years of observation, I was surprised to find that this kind of sadomasochistic relationship is actually a mainstream form in people's common love relationships. In the relationship between Yard and Laura, Yard expresses an implicit sadistic desire to cripple Laura's legs, and Laura is lucky to escape from that relationship in time to avoid it.In Corey's relationship with Laney, Laney literally puts herself in a masochistic position, enticing Corey to be an abuser.The sadistic-masochistic relationship is a relationship of internal exchange, the abuser will be transformed into the masochist invisibly, and the masochist will also be transformed into the abuser invisibly.While expressing sadistic desires, Yard actually wishes to make himself a masochist (become Laura's servant and do everything for Laura).Lannie made herself a physical abuser and succeeded in making herself a torturer of Yard's soul; while Yard abused Lanni physically, he was actually enduring Lanni's abuse of his soul.Sadomasochistic relationships are obviously absurd relationships, but such absurd relationships are common in people's love lives because of the immediacy and proximity of sadomasochistic relationships.The traditional Chinese family relationship is a relationship with obvious sadistic-masochistic tendencies. Parents' beating and scolding education to their children has made the child's inner relationship prototype long ago shaped into a sadistic-masochistic tendency. Relationship.There are many subtle variants of this masochistic-masochistic relationship.

Tommy is a handsome man. Before marrying Nina, Tommy was a prince in love.It's a pity that all of Tommy's advantages seem to be only reflected in his appearance, and he has no expertise in economics.Nina excels in her career, and what she lacks in romance, she just makes up for in Tommy. The first marriage of the two was happy, but after a long time, Nina complained about Tommy's incompetence.Tommy also tried to cheer up at first, but he couldn't meet Nina's request, and he didn't advance but retreated, which made Nina very disappointed.As a result, the life of the couple was full of gunpowder. Nina began to press on Tommy every step of the way, trying every means to awaken Tommy's self-motivation;

"My marriage is miserable," Tommy lamented to me. "Since it hurts so much, why not just break up." I like to point straight to the ultimate answer to the problem. "Where do you find a woman as talented as Nina?" "Do you really appreciate her talents, or are you unwilling to give up the affluence of material life that you can only enjoy with her?" I still went straight to the point. "The women I've dated in the past all wanted to squeeze me out financially. I really feel the pleasure of being rich when I'm with Nina, so I can't let this woman go no matter what." Tommy was straightforward.

"So you are willing to endure her endless torment on your self-esteem?" "Forbearance, do you understand, this is my biggest characteristic. If a man can't bear it, how can he achieve great things?" Tommy showed a sense of pride in his forbearance, which is quite similar to Han Xin's forbearance. spirit. "Since you have such endurance, why don't you open up your mind, work hard, and create a beautiful career for husband and wife together?" "It's easier said than done. I also understand that I will never be able to become the person Nina wants in this life, so I can only endure!"

After talking for a long time, I didn't expect Tommy to still go around in circles.He was the kind of person who would rather endure than break up with Nina.The relationship between Tommy and Nina is a mutually nourishing relationship in material and physical terms, but it is a sadistic-masochistic relationship in spiritual pursuit. Such a relationship is obviously a split relationship.When there is an obstacle in the material or physical relationship, the overall relationship between two people will immediately be in crisis. Tommy has a very strange expectation for Nina's career: he doesn't expect Nina's career to be invincible, because Nina's overly successful career will make Nina's attitude towards him too domineering; The failure of Nina's career, because the failure of Nina's career will make the safe haven of wealth he found with great difficulty disappear, so the state he most expects is that Nina's career keeps running with bumps.In this way, Nina's attitude will not be too high-spirited, and he is willing to be Nina's moderate punching bag, and endure Nina's small career setbacks vented on him.

Nina and Tommy's sadistic-masochistic relationship is basically positive and non-masochistic in intent.But in real life, if one party puts his own selfishness and malice secretly into the sadomasochistic-masochistic relationship, then such a relationship may evolve into a relationship of terror and crime. Yang Shi reincarnation play When I was in China, a psychiatrist told me a peculiar case.Ling and Jian are a couple. Ling is quite attractive, and Jian is just an ordinary worker.After marriage, Ling thinks Kin is too ordinary and often criticizes Kin.Jian also knew his trump card, thinking that he could marry such a beautiful wife, and it was reasonable to endure a little grievance.Seeing that her husband is cowardly, Ling has the idea of ​​cheating on her.After a long time, Jian naturally also heard about his wife's bad reputation.Jian suddenly became wise this time, and devised a sinister plan in his heart to deal with his prodigal wife.

Finally one day, Jian collected enough evidence to prove Ling's infidelity.After Ling returned home, Jian suddenly revealed all the evidence in front of Ling. Ling was caught off guard and had to admit her mistake to her husband.In the next few nights, Jian continued to conduct a moral trial on Ling, so that Ling could not sleep.But because Jian didn't have any violent behaviors, and Ling felt ashamed in her heart, she naturally didn't like to have an outbreak.But Ling never dreamed that Jian's moral trial against her every night was just the prelude to Jian's plot. A week later, Ling's mental state fell into extreme exhaustion. Jian pretended to be heartbroken and wanted to take his wife to see a doctor. The psychiatrist in the hospital was Jian's good friend, and Ling could not evade it.After seeing the illness, the two returned home. Unexpectedly, Jian suddenly became vicious. Of course Ling stood up to defend herself, but Jian, who had always been cowardly, beat Ling mercilessly.As a woman, Ling naturally couldn't resist Jian's attack, and she was beaten unconscious.

When Ling woke up, she saw Jian kneeling in front of her with tears streaming down her face and bruising her. Ling, who was full of resentment, didn't know how to vent her emotions for a while.Jian told her that the reason he hit her was because he loved her so much that he acted out of control.Thinking of her own moral injustice, Ling forgave Jian in a muddle-headed way. Ling didn't realize at all that all of Jian's actions were a pre-arranged conspiracy. In the following days, this absurd scene of beating and apologizing was repeated in their home.Ling finally couldn't bear it anymore, and she cried to the old mothers about her tragic experience to the street, the first complaint point for solving family problems in China.When Ling showed the scars on her body, the old ladies were filled with righteous indignation and promised to seek justice for Ling.But what surprised Ling was that after a few days, not only did the old ladies not seek justice for her, but the way they looked at her suddenly changed.Not only did Jian not receive any punishment or condemnation, but he also won the support of the old grannies.Ling really couldn't understand what kind of magic Jian used to prevent her grievances from being resolved.

Ling then went to Jian's unit to report to Jian's leader.In China, unit leaders are like the blue sky, controlling everything.In Jian's unit, Ling cried out to the leader about her tragic experience, and the leader promised to seek justice for Ling.But what also surprised Ling was that after a few days, not only did Jian not receive any punishment or reprimand, but his abuse of her intensified. Ling gradually lost hope in the whole world. She felt lost when walking on the street, as if the whole world had become less real.She still couldn't understand why everyone didn't believe what she said, and finally turned to become Jian's accomplice.Finally one day, Ling came to the bank of the Huangpu River and climbed up the embankment. She wanted to die to escape her painful married life.But before she died, she was still not reconciled to what had happened.Ling standing on the embankment naturally attracted the attention of many people, no matter how people persuaded her, she refused to come down.At this time, it happened that a leader of the Women's Federation passed by here. After persuasion, Ling was finally willing to believe the words of the "leader" in front of her, and hoped that the leader would really make decisions for her.

The leader of the Women's Federation arranged for Ling a barrister.After hearing Ling's cry, the barrister naturally went to visit Ling's tyrant husband.After Jian saw the barrister, he couldn't help being a little flustered, but he still wanted to repeat the old trick. This was what the barrister was most curious about: what kind of magic did Jian use to make everyone become Jian's accomplices. Jian took out a yellowed medical record card. It was the same medical record card that Jian took Ling to the hospital. On it, Ling's diagnosis was clearly written: schizophrenia.Jian then began to repeat the lie to others countless times: Ling suffers from serious self-abuse behavior, and every time she tried her best to torture herself, Jian was the last savior.The scars on Ling's body were not caused by Jian, Jian also saved her, endured the pain that ordinary people could not understand, and did not divorce a mental patient.

Ken's magic didn't work this time.The barrister took Ling to see the psychiatric authority, and the result of the appraisal was of course to return Ling's innocence.Thus, a civil lawsuit becomes a criminal lawsuit.In court, Jian is facing the possibility of being sentenced to prison. As the plaintiff, Ling now has the power to kill Jian.Jian looked at Ling, knelt down on his knees, wept bitterly, and was willing to be a cow and a horse in this life to atone for his sins.Everyone in the court was waiting for Ling's decision, but to most people's surprise, Ling forgave Jian, and Jian escaped from death.Afterwards, we have no way of knowing the living conditions of the couple, people just say, maybe they will be fine. This is a ridiculous story that happened in China.The success of Caine's trick stems from the ignorance many people have about psychosis.Everyone thinks that mentally ill patients are the reincarnation of the devil, so they would rather believe their own prejudices than their own eyes.Even if he saw Ling's scars all over his body with his own eyes, he could remain indifferent.The relationship between Ling and Jian is actually a naked sadomasochistic relationship. The most direct symptom of a sadistic-masochistic relationship is violence.In today's life, obvious physical violence is increasingly condemned and punished, but more hidden psychological violence deserves people's attention.In the above case, Ling forgave Jian at the last moment, which is incomprehensible in the eyes of many people.In fact, the reason why Ling forgives Jian is because she believes that Jian's bad behavior originated from Jian's love for her, and now as long as the physical violence stops, all that remains is love.Ling's logic is very simple, but this logic is actually quite problematic.First of all, the body and mind are connected. If the problems between husband and wife are not fundamentally resolved, the disappearance of physical violence will definitely turn into psychological violence, and the psychological violence will turn back to physical violence to a certain extent.