Chapter 6 Section 5 Waking up from his childhood nightmare

"No need, let's get started." Jenny's story is actually very simple.She belongs to the kind of excellent girl who has been going smoothly since she was a child, and her parents regard her as the apple of their eye.After graduating from college, she and her college boyfriend came to Manhattan to explore the world, dreaming of starting a career.But after only a few months in Manhattan, one day she had a panic attack while walking on the street. She felt as if the sky was falling apart, and she couldn't even breathe. Such a panic attack was the first in Jenny's life, and she felt ashamed and inferior that she was completely out of control, and of course her biggest worry was that she couldn't imagine what would happen to her when she had a second panic attack.A basic principle of psychotherapy is to go to the source, and Jenny's panic attack must have its source.Manhattan was like a pressure cooker, detonating the ticking time bomb inside Jenny.

So, what is Jenny's ticking time bomb? Jenny's parents had divorced a few days earlier, and as children, the most common emotional response to their parents' divorce was depression, not panic attacks.What exactly caused Jenny to have a panic attack after hearing the news of her parents' divorce? Jenny confessed that although her parents treated her well, there was always a rift between her parents.Since she was three or four years old, she has played a delicate role between her parents. She has become the bridge, arbiter, mediator and even judge of her parents' relationship.

"How do you feel about your particular role?" I asked. "I actually don't like this character very much." "Since when have you felt this way?" "I didn't like it when I was very young, but my family seems to be able to do without me. Sometimes I wonder how I became the head of the family." "When you're just a little kid, you're forced to be a little adult and take on responsibilities that a normal kid doesn't have to have." "Sometimes I'm proud of my special status, and sometimes I feel lost, lost in the childishness of my childhood."

"In addition to the loss of childhood, you also lost your true self. You became a bridge, an arbiter, a mediator and even a judge in your parental relationship, but you forgot to be yourself." Jenny glanced at me, and her expression told me she didn't like my analysis of her.Jenny is only used to being an "adult" who points out others, not a "child" who is pointed out by others. When Jenny traveled to Manhattan full of confidence and dreams, none of the people she faced were easy-going.For a young girl who just graduated from college and came from a remote area, her "adult complex" not only does not help her to bear the super pressure of Manhattan, but only increases her anxiety.

When her parents divorced due to lack of her "care", the heavy responsibility that Jenny bears to maintain a happy family is instantly transformed into a complete denial of Jenny's "adult role".But for Jenny who lived under this "adult mask", when the mask suddenly shattered, she felt confused and strange about her real image. Jenny, who has always been a pillar, has become a child under the weight of her parents' divorce and Manhattan, and even shows a panic reaction that is not as good as a child.After the 45-minute first interview, the beautiful and competent Jenny was so helpless and weak.But she stubbornly refused further psychotherapy.She obviously couldn't accept my psychoanalysis of her, and she just asked to get drug treatment as soon as possible.So I arranged for a special psychiatrist to prescribe medication for her the next day.

"I'm so weak right now, I don't know if I'm going to have a panic attack on the way home." "Do you want me to walk with you for a while and take you to the station?" "No, I'll go back by myself." Jenny's back disappeared into the blurred night of Manhattan.How many good girls like Jenny, who came to Manhattan full of dreams, ended up with such a painful ending?Two months later, Jenny called to tell me that she had decided to give up Manhattan and go back to her native Tennessee. "Women and Drugs Ruined My American Dream" "Do you know where you can make $1,500 a day?" asked a strange question from a Greek waiter named Schaff.

"Are you saying you can make this much money without any special skills or background?" "Of course." Scharf smiled a little because he knew I couldn't answer his question. "Sounds like you know this place?" "That's right, that's Alaska's annual fishing season in February, and the highest pay can be $1,500 a day. I go there every year, and I can earn back $30,000 once I go." "You're so good at making money, why are you living in a homeless shelter now?" "That's why I came to you." "Is it because of drug use?" If such a story happens in the United States, it is probably due to drug use.The United States seems to be the number one in the world no matter what, even drug use is the number one in the world.I looked at the haggard Greek before me and wondered about his story.

"Drugs and women, women and drugs, toxic women ruined my American dream." "Who is that woman?" "A Hispanic woman. When I met her, I thought I had found my American beauty, but she was a poisonous snake. She met me broke because the drugs destroyed everything in her She slept with me and lured me to do drugs. We lived in luxury hotels and did drugs and sex every day besides drugs and sex. We spent all the $30,000 I made in Alaska in one month in California." "And what about your job?" "My income as a waiter is not bad. I can earn 3,000 yuan in cash every month. But I used too many drugs, and I couldn't even maintain my old business. I lost my house, my car, everything. I don't know why I ended up like this, is this my American dream?" Schaff bowed his head in pain.

"Although drug use is the main culprit in destroying your happiness, drug use is just a way for you to destroy yourself. In fact, it is some kind of unresolved psychological problem in your own subconscious that puts you on this path of depravity. " "You mean, I use drugs to destroy myself? Why would I use drugs to destroy myself when I came here from my parents and homeland to pursue my American dream?" "I think it has something to do with your childhood experience, can you tell me about your family situation in your childhood?" "There are 9 children in my family, and I am the eldest. My father is a policeman. He has a violent temper. I don't know how many times I was physically abused by him for no reason when I was at home. Because I couldn't stand my father's violence, I died at the age of 12. I ran away from home and wandered around the rivers and lakes. Later, I smuggled to the United States and started working as a waiter in Manhattan."

"Why did your father abuse you so much? Did he abuse other children as well?" "I don't know why, he is okay with other children. Sometimes I even wonder if I am his child, he always curses me, saying that I will accomplish nothing in my life. I have been trying to prove it to him, but I didn’t expect my current situation to prove him right.” "This is exactly the crux of the problem." Modern psychotherapy has basically formed a consensus since Freud's emphasis on childhood psychological problems: that is, the psychological problems in adulthood are related to the psychological problems in childhood. direct relationship.Schaff's father's inexplicable physical punishment of Schaff's childhood imprinted potential masochistic tendencies on Schaff's heart.Despite Schaaf's efforts to fight, his lack of awareness of his inner pain makes him a victim of the woman and the drugs she brings.The hypnotic curse of "you are doomed to accomplish nothing" from Schaff's father also draws from the bottom of the pot in Schaff's efforts to resist drugs.Even earning $1,500 a day, Schaf didn't feel the dignity he deserved from his relatively poor father.

Schaff, who wanted to realize his American dream, became a prisoner of absurd women and drugs in Manhattan's luxury.He lived out his American Dream, but it was the American Nightmare because Schaaf never woke up from his childhood nightmare.