Chapter 33 6.e Don't waste time "proving yourself"

Proving yourself is a natural desire for most people. There is nothing wrong with "proving yourself", however, many people are actually struggling to "prove themselves to others".As everyone knows, "proving yourself to others" is precisely the most wasteful behavior of life. Because, if you are outstanding, you don’t need to prove that you are outstanding, others will see it; if you are mediocre, you don’t need to prove that you are mediocre, others will still see it.If you are outstanding, but you still have to prove it deliberately, you may cause unnecessary troubles, such as attracting the jealousy of villains-one of the most terrible things in the world; if you are mediocre, I guess you will not want to ask others Prove how mediocre you are. In fact, you are more likely to do everything possible to prove that you are not mediocre. Then, what others see is just a clown.I think of a popular saying in the world recently, saying, "All idiots are self-certified", and I think it actually has some truth.

Want to know why you are obviously better than the people around you, but they firmly refuse to recognize you? First of all, it is likely that in fact, you just "feel" that you are obviously better than the people around you.Everyone has this tendency.Psychologists have observed this fact for a long time, and have designed various psychological experiments from different angles to verify this universal human psychological tendency.For example, when a team succeeds, everyone will tend to attribute the success to their own contribution and ignore the existence of others; when a team fails, everyone will tend to attribute the failure to the fault of others Try to exclude yourself as much as possible.This is called "self-serving bias".

Plus, people generally don't know it.How far do you not know yourself?Psychologists have done a survey: the vast majority of drivers firmly believe that their driving skills are above the middle level.If, if possible, you can do an experiment and ask people around you to rate their appearance, the highest is 10 and the lowest is 1; then you will laugh and find that the lowest score most people give themselves is 6 points, even if some of them look as horrible as me. (Some psychologists argue that this is actually a self-preservation function of the human brain. I really agree with this view. Because, if you look carefully, you will come to the conclusion that, in fact, although we always It is said that "people value self-knowledge", but, many times, for many people, "self-knowledge" may even be very cruel.)

So, even if you are better than other people, other people may not really notice it, because they also think that they are better than other people-no matter what the truth is.If you can think clearly about such a truth, then you will understand how meaningless your troubles are. Therefore, I often advise my friends not to spend time trying to find ways to make others admit that they are better than them, because it is almost impossible to do. If you can't think about it and insist on letting others admit it, then listen to my advice and remember one thing: you are a little better than others, it is useless at all, and you are not only better than others, but also better than others for things that are really useful Only a lot can be done.

However, do you know what situation you will face if you end up being much better than others in a certain aspect?Haha, it may be beyond your expectation - the people around you no longer compare with you in this aspect, they will automatically give up, and then compare with you where you are not as good as them!Not to mention, in fact, there is some reason for them to do so.Because according to the barrel theory (the amount of water that a barrel can hold depends on the shortest wooden bar), only one aspect does not determine everything. The truth is very simple to say, but not so easy to do.

For example, sometimes we are forced to prove ourselves.Look around, most people have certain ambitions, whether they are mediocre or outstanding.The language we use often doesn't make sense - the ideals of good people are often called "ambition", and the ideals of mediocre people are often called "ambition", which is really the same thing.People who are stupid can't have ideals, can they?strangeness. But the problem started to appear from here. outstanding mediocre ideal 1 2 no ideal 3 4 If you are the first type of person, really good, and "ideal", usually, your life will not be too sad.Because no one can stop you, just like "no one can stop the wheel of history rolling forward".

If you are the fourth type of person, mediocre and not too ambitious, then life will be relatively peaceful.People have known you for a long time, and they will envy you to some extent, because you are always "contented with fate", and some people can't help but not envy you for that tranquility. The most common people in this world are the second type of people, who are extremely mediocre but have great ideals.Such people often have to use particularly weird methods to win by surprise.In fact, they are often relatively successful, as if bad money can eliminate good money; and a few unlucky ones who fail are called "careerists" by people.

And if you are the third kind of person, then you are out of luck.Because, the second type of person will mistake you for the first type of person, and therefore regard you as their enemy or competitor.The second type of people will not believe that you have no "ideal" or "ambition".As a result, you have to be forced to prove yourself, and you don't know how much trouble is added to your life. This analysis is only preliminary, and there are more complex ones.Knowing yourself is a long and difficult process.My own experience has been weird.It was only when I was thirty that I accepted the fact that my mind was actually mediocre with surprise and calmness; after I was thirty, I was pleasantly surprised and unexpectedly discovered that my muscle genes were extremely good.What's more, as I grow older and my mind matures, I gradually find that my so-called ideals in the past actually have too many meaningless elements-but it is definitely not the "ideal disillusionment" that the mediocre people say, on the contrary, it is getting better and better. The feeling appeared.

Therefore, it is not easy to distinguish clearly.Are you really good, or are you just thinking you are good?And, do people really think that you are really good, or do people mistakenly think that you are good?Or, others just pander to you and say you are outstanding, or you are indeed outstanding but are underestimated by those around you... And there are so many situations to analyze about whether it is "mediocre". At the same time, you have also seen that no matter what you do, it is still difficult for you to be recognized by the other party, because your thoughts and actions cannot affect their judgment.Therefore, it is really meaningless to find a way to "obtain proof"-but I don't think this is a manifestation of "lack of self-confidence".Who says confident people can't get angry?

However, at this time it depends on your own control ability.Long-term observation and thinking are beneficial to exercise one's ability to calm down.Anyway, how others think, how to evaluate or comment, in fact, there is no way to affect your own state at all.However, once you start to be upset, cranky, and even have some boring actions because of this, then you are not only unlucky but also pitiful, because you have been manipulated.Being at the mercy of others is one of the saddest states a person can be in.