Chapter 7 2.d Delayed gratification

The famous American psychologist Daniel Goleman who proposed the concept of "Emotional Intelligence" once conducted an experiment on "delaying gratification". Find a group of four-year-old children, give them each a piece of candy, and tell them that if they can wait for the host to come back and eat this piece of candy, they can also eat a second piece of candy.Goleman observed quietly, and found that some children became impatient after waiting for a while, and stuffed the candy into their mouths impatiently; while some children were very patient and clever, and came up with games. , Storytelling and other ways to delay time and distract attention, and finally persisted until the host came back and got the second candy.Goleman conducted a follow-up investigation on the performance of these children when they were 14 years old and after they entered the workplace, and found that the children who ate candy late had an average score of 120 points higher in mathematics and Chinese than those who ate candy early, and they were strong-willed and able to withstand It is easier to achieve success without difficulties and setbacks.

It is said that this experiment shows that if you want to achieve great achievements, you should not be eager for quick success or be tempted by the current fame and fortune. Being able to meet the needs of the society without fear of setbacks and unremitting struggle is an important factor for achievement. I don't know how many books have quoted such a conclusion, and it has been reiterated repeatedly.However, what I saw was another matter. The fact that "most children have already eaten the candy without waiting for the host to come back" can fully prove or illustrate only two things: 1) Hope that their desires will be satisfied immediately (instant gratification) is the majority Human nature; 2) Ambition is always the nature of a few people.

As for whether "resisting desire" can determine success, the answer can only be "maybe"-like all other "maybes", it is only a certain value between zero and one (excluding zero and one).If it is not "maybe" but "must", then all ascetics should necessarily succeed.But this is obviously not the case - even ascetics, like any other group, are always a minority of successful people.Can't help but think of the joke that was popular some time ago: "To practice magical skills, you must first go to the palace - even if you go to the palace, you may not be successful!"

In addition, to know whether a person has self-control ability and whether this person is talented or not is actually completely irrelevant.There are many such examples in ancient and modern China and abroad.Write down "Iron horses and cloud sculptures are all dusty, Liuying suppresses Han Gongchun. The sky is murderous and the gate is on the right, and the night demon shines on the Weibin. The country is crouching. From now on, Zhou will be an old minister." Wen Tingyun is a person who is full of talent and never lives up to expectations.After taking the exam for so many years, I failed to pass the Jinshi because of cheating in the exam and being addicted.Note that with his talent, he never had to copy others.He is addicted to helping others cheat, and he can't control his life.As soon as he went to the examination room, he finished his own papers, and then helped all the people around him - people were nicknamed "Save People".Also, as long as this buddy can get money, he will definitely go to Chunlouhua until he owes his debts.They were all sixty years old, and they were still drinking and whoring with a bunch of people. As a result, they violated the curfew and were beaten black and blue by Yu Hou...

Although everyone knows that not every desire can be satisfied, it is a certain fact that we all have endless desires.So, even if you think about it with your toes, you can understand that getting something for nothing is one of the many dreams everyone has in their hearts, and it may even be the biggest dream among them.If you can't get something for nothing, then it's best to work as little as possible but get as much as possible, and the more the better.Furthermore, most people's views are surprisingly similar or even the same: if there is a harvest, it's better to have it immediately; if there is no harvest, then it's better to have the result immediately.Everyone has this desire, but either in different degrees or in different ways.

This explains why some people are more likely to be addicted to gambling than others.Because these people want and even need immediate results more than others.Among the various forms of gambling in casinos, the favorite of gamblers is the slot machine.Gambling kings don’t play slot machines, because they can’t have fun in this kind of pure gambling, and they can’t guarantee profits.But gamblers are different. Although these gamblers have the same strong desire to make money as the king of gamblers, there is another desire that needs to be satisfied in the subconscious of gamblers-that is, "see the result immediately".Slot machines can satisfy these gamblers in this respect - its operation is extremely simple, pull the handle, and you will get the result within five seconds - the result is that winning or losing is not really important, the important thing is "within five seconds And get the result!"

In the same way, excessive drinking, prostitution, reckless drug use, and endless video game play are all caused by this "nature that hopes that one's desires will be satisfied immediately".What's terrible is that the whole society is stimulating this nature of people in various ways and making it stronger and stronger.TV commercials tell you that all diet pills work wonders and start working the same day.The medical advertisements in the newspapers tell you that no matter you are sick, don't be afraid, and you can find him--the disease will be cured at your fingertips.Various training courses tell you that no matter what you learn, you have to crash it, because life is short.There is a kind of self-defense learning class that is very popular, and you can see why it is so popular just by looking at its name-"One move to control the enemy"!

Perhaps the business organization that best exploits human nature is the bank.Want to live in a big house?it is good!I will arrange a loan for you, pay it back slowly, don't worry, just pay it off within 30 years.Want to buy a new car?OK!I will give you a loan, and you don’t have to pay it back too quickly, you can pay it off within three to five years.I have a house, a car, what else do I want?Said it was okay.Don't be afraid that you don't have money, I can apply for a credit card for you, overdraft, and give you a credit line of 100,000, you can buy whatever you want!This is an era of "enjoyment comes first"!And everyone does!Of course, the bank never advertises, and tries to keep it secret, about how it deals with those who end up defaulting on their debts.

In fact, it is easy to admit that it is in your nature to "hope your desires are satisfied immediately".Because calmly accepting and correctly understanding one's own nature is the first step in changing one's nature.Even if the nature is hard to change sometimes and cannot be completely changed, at least it can be controlled and improved slightly.It is not necessary to control every aspect of yourself, it is not difficult to do, it is simply impossible.This is especially true for people with extra-active brains.Therefore, sometimes you need to be dull to become a master. The fundamental reason why Guo Jing in Jin Yong’s novels became a master of a generation is more likely because he is stupid to a certain extent. Therefore, many people or things are temptations to others, but they are simple to him. It just doesn't exist; therefore, he can use ordinary IQ to focus on one thing that should be done for a long time, and eventually become invincible in the world.

The correct way to control this nature is to carefully examine where in yourself is this nature particularly strong?Take out the pen and paper again.After days or even months of long-term back-and-forth, you'll find that list gets longer and longer.Don't be afraid, believe me, everyone is like this-at least 99.9% of people are like this.Then pick the most important one from the list (or another one, if you are ambitious), and write it where you can see it at any time, constantly reminding yourself that this aspect must control this nature. Personally, I think it is most important to control this nature in work and study.In order to be able to control one's nature in this aspect, sometimes it is very necessary to indulge a little in other aspects.Believe me, there's nothing wrong with getting drunk once in a while.Playing two days and two nights in a row occasionally is not only good for physical and mental health but also a good social activity.However, in terms of work and study, resolutely don't indulge.Both work and study are hard, the journey is long, and the results cannot be achieved overnight.Experience tells us that skills are certainly needed in the process of work and study, but the skills that are effective on the spot are very few, and even if they are found, it is only one of two situations: 1) It has cost too much to find this skill. More time; 2) This technique may have sequelae, but it is not known yet.

In fact, "delayed gratification" is a necessary ability for a mature person, and it is also an ability that can only be acquired through struggle and exercise.In life, only a very small number of people finally mastered this ability, which makes them different and often confuses others. "Why can't I see how he is better than me?" In fact, to put it bluntly It's very simple. People who have mastered the technique of "delaying gratification" have already experienced great benefits that only a few people will get.As a result, they end up appearing to be "more patient" than most people—even, amazingly patient.These patiences are used to bear more blows and setbacks calmly, and face more threats and temptations with ease; even, maybe just because of their amazing patience, those blows and setbacks are no longer for them. It can be called a blow or a setback, those threats and temptations don't exist for them at all... Again, this is a truth that can only be truly experienced and understood by relying on experience - so many people cannot obtain this kind of experience and cannot understand this kind of truth in their entire lives.The previous paragraph, although wordy again, is worth reading repeatedly -- try to use your mental ability to think, to experience, to practice out of thin air, and then, to master the principles and skills.Experience once again the joy of using your mind to be liberated. If you really have patience, even amazing patience, your life will change drastically from then on.You'll find that you've lost interest in chasing the latest electronics gadgets -- one of the main avenues for which you've been wasting time and money in the past.You'd naturally wait until the next new product was out, buy it for a relatively low price, and then, avoiding all the compatibility hassles, have that once-stylish product in your hands. Practical product. Dr. Anita Clayton, a psychologist at the University of Virginia, even designed a sophisticated and rigorous experiment, using its statistical results to illustrate that all husbands should learn to "delay gratification" through practice. "Skills, that is, by deliberately reducing the number of sexual intercourse, and prolonging the time of talking and caressing before sexual intercourse, greatly improve the quality of sexual life.According to Anita Clayton, sexual repression and unsatisfied sexual desire are directly related to various common mental illnesses.She said she was amazed and wondered why people would either live with it for the rest of their lives, pay big bucks for expensive drugs or see a psychiatrist — often at In the end it was just nothing? Patience has magical powers.While everyone procrastinates and ends up scrambling, your life is pretty unhurried.Because you know from the very beginning that all your ease and comfort today may be a cost in the future; therefore, you have already arranged some ease and comfort for a certain period of time in the future, and calmly complete the corresponding work every day.So, you are not only calm, but also happy.You will become a person who is punctual, a person who lives a regular life, and a person who is trusted by friends around you.You will go to the gym regularly, never worry about losing weight too slowly, and at the same time use diet or even swallowing laxatives to lose weight, because, when those people who complain because of helplessness are facing despair, you have already continued to lose weight. A healthy person who has exercised for many years.