Chapter 12 Chapter 12 Imitation--a tool for building rapport

These people look exactly the same, wear the same clothes, make the same facial expressions and body language, but every single one of them will tell you, "we sing our own tunes" When we interact with strangers for the first time, we quickly infer whether these people are sincere or false to us.This kind of psychology is very similar to many animals. Animals will quickly judge their current situation out of survival instinct.Usually we look at the other person's body carefully to see if they "mimic" our own body posture.Because, imitating each other's body language can become a kind of glue between the two parties, which represents mutual acceptance and the establishment of a friendly relationship; but in real life, we are rarely aware of this subtle "imitation". ".In fact, imitation has been a social tool of humans since ancient times, helping our ancestors to successfully integrate into social life.Not only that, but imitation is one of the most primitive learning methods.

Yawning is one of the most prominent imitative behaviors: as long as one person yawns, those around him will yawn in quick succession.Robert Bunovin discovered that yawning is so contagious that you don't even have to witness someone else yawn just to see someone with their mouth open to yawn.It was once suggested that people yawn to increase the body's oxygen intake, but now we believe that yawning is a kind of imitative behavior, which can establish friendly relations between people and avoid conflicts.The same theory applies to monkeys and chimpanzees. As a woman, if you imitate other women's clothes, it is a big taboo.But if two men wear the same outfit to a party, they are likely to become best friends.

Young Prince Charles and Prince Philip walk The imitative behavior silently expresses this meaning: "Look at me, I am just like you. We have the same feelings, and our attitudes are exactly the same." This is why people will be at rock concerts Stomped together, cheered at the same time, and even made a concerted effort to make the "Mexican Wave" cause.For a member of a crowd, behaving in step with others can promote inner security.Similarly, when angry people gather in groups, they will mimic each other's aggressive attitudes; for this reason, many normally calm people lose their cool when they are in such an environment.

People's strong desire to imitate is also the basis for maintaining order in the queue.Whether waiting for a bus, in an art gallery, at a bank, or even in a war, people in line will consciously cooperate with strangers they have never met before and probably will never see each other again. Declaratively abide by unwritten codes of conduct.Professor Joseph Heinrich of the University of Michigan in the United States found that the desire to imitate others is an instinctive reaction of the brain, because cooperation with others can bring more food, better health and a faster economy to the entire group develop.This also explains why countries that are well-trained in imitation, such as Britain, Germany, and ancient Rome, have long held world hegemony.

The act of imitation can bring reassurance to others.Imitation is a powerful tool in building rapport.The act of imitation can bring reassurance to others.Imitation is a powerful tool in building rapport.We found by examining video in slow motion that imitation can extend to simultaneous eye blinking, nostril widening and eyebrow raising, and even simultaneous pupil dilation.This is really incredible, because it is impossible for people to consciously imitate such a small body gesture. Research on body language synchrony has shown that if people share similar emotions or think the same way, they are more likely to like each other and begin to mimic each other's body language and facial expressions.

Keeping "in sync" with others is a bond between people.Keeping "in sync" with others is a bond between people.In fact, when we are still fetuses in the womb, we begin to learn to "synchronize" - our body functions and heartbeat rhythm will try to match our mother's.Therefore, imitation can be said to be an innate tendency of human beings. When a couple first falls in love, we often find that both partners are making certain movements at the same time, as if they are dancing together.For example, when a girl stuffs a mouthful of food into her mouth, a boy will wipe the corner of his mouth; or when a boy has just finished the first half of a sentence, the girl will help him say the second half of the sentence.For example, when girls experience PMS, boys will become more craving chocolate; even when girls feel bloated, boys will fart.

Mimic each other's body language and facial expressions to show solidarity politics front, but also can effectively prevent one side from gaining the upper hand over the other. Body movements made him feel that way.For example, if a person eats alone at a restaurant, he will feel uncomfortable eating or drinking because he is always worried that he will not be in tune with other people.When a group of people go to a restaurant together, it is also customary for everyone to ask what others have ordered before ordering. "What do you eat?" They will ask while imitating others and order the same set meal.This also shows that background music can play a very good role when men and women are dating-because it can make couples beat the beat of the music together.

American heart surgeon Dr. Mehamet Oz has released some surprising findings after systematically studying heart transplant patients.Like most other organs in the body, the heart's cells appear to have a memory, he notes, and as a result, some patients seem to be able to experience emotions that the heart donor once felt.Even more incredible, he also found that some heart transplant patients made the same gestures and postures as the donors, even though they had never met before.He concludes that it appears that the heart's cells are sending instructions to the patient's brain, prompting the patient to adopt the donor's body language.By contrast, those with neurological disorders, such as autism, are incapable of imitating the behavior of others, which prevents them from communicating two-way with others.The same thing can happen with drunks: Drunk people can't coordinate their body movements and spoken words, so they're less likely to imitate other people's movements in this situation.

Since there is a two-way causal relationship between body language and inner emotions, as long as you consciously use a certain body posture, then you can feel the emotion that goes along with that body posture.For example, if you are confident, you may unconsciously use the steeple stance to express your confidence; however, if you consciously adopt the steeple stance, you will also feel more confident, and others will too. Will think you are a confident person.Therefore, consciously imitating other people's body language and body posture has become an effective way to build a friendly relationship.

Geoffrey Beatty of the University of Manchester found that women are four times more likely than men to copy other men instinctively.Women are four times more likely than men to copy other men instinctively.He also pointed out that women also imitate men's body language, but if a man is asked to imitate a woman's gestures or posture, he will definitely feel very reluctant-unless he is in the period of passion. If a woman says that she "sees" that someone disagrees with everyone, then she does see that disagreement with her eyes.She must have noticed that some people's body language did not agree with the consensus; she may have also observed that this group of people expressed their disagreement by not imitating other people's body language.Why are women able to "see" other people's disagreements, anger, lies or hurt?For most men, this ability is amazing.Because men's brains are not very good at seeing details, they have difficulty deciphering other people's subtle movements in body language, and they don't consciously recognize the differences in each person's imitation behavior.

As we covered in Why Men Don't Listen, Women Don't Read Maps, there are vast differences in the programming of men's and women's brains, as well as the way they use facial expressions and body language to express emotion. very different.Typically, a woman can make an average of six main facial expressions in ten seconds while listening to another woman.These facial expressions are not only a reflection of the speaker's emotions, but also can in turn affect the speaker's feelings.Because, the listening woman is always imitating the emotions expressed by the speaker.From the outsider's point of view, it seems as if the speaker's narration has been experienced by the two women on both sides of the conversation. When a woman listens to someone else's speech, she will try to figure out the true meaning of the words through the speaker's tone of voice, and also feel the speaker's emotional state based on the other person's body language.Therefore, if a man wants to attract a woman's attention, and wants a woman to be interested in what he is saying and listen carefully, he should pay special attention to his tone of voice and body language.Most men don't know what facial expressions to give back to women when they are listening to them; however, if a man can be good at this, he can definitely greatly improve his image in women's minds. Many men say, "If I imitate a woman's expression, she will say I'm too feminine!" But our research shows that when a man imitates a woman's facial expression while listening to a woman, women usually think that the man is considerate, considerate and considerate. Smart, humorous and attractive. Let's look at the facial expression of the man again.Men can make less than one-third as many facial expressions as women.Men are usually used to keeping a straight face, especially in public; because in the process of human evolution, men have been used to suppressing their emotions to avoid being attacked by strangers.In addition, men also hope to show their ability to control their inner emotions through their expressionless faces.This is why most men are like statues when they listen to other people talking. As long as a woman maintains a more serious expression in a business situation, men will tend to make such a judgment: this is a smart, alert and rational woman.Men wear a mask of indifference while listening, which can give them a sense of control, but this does not mean that men cannot experience emotional changes.In fact, the brain scans showed that men felt the same emotional changes as women, but the men went out of their way to keep them from showing. The key to imitating male body posture is that you have to be clear: men don't express their attitudes with their faces, but with their bodies.Most women find it difficult to imitate a man's impassive face.But, you don't have to do that when you're with a guy.If you're a woman, you just need to tone down your facial expressions so that you don't appear overly emotional or intimidating to others, and that's enough.Most importantly, if you feel that your imitation may be noticed by men, you should stop doing it immediately.If there is a misunderstanding because of this, then you will probably suffer disastrous consequences, and men may think you are a "stupid" or "ma Daha".As long as a woman maintains a more serious expression in a business situation, men will tend to make such a judgment: this is a smart, alert and rational woman. If two people have lived together for a long time and have a good relationship with each other, they will become more and more alike.This is because they have long copied each other's facial expressions, so over time the muscles in the same parts of their faces develop similar shapes.In this way, even if the couple has very different facial features, they will still look alike in the photo because they have the same smile. The Beckhams don't look alike unless they're smiling at the same time After forty years of mutual imitation - the retired Beckham couple and their pet dog Diandian In 2000, Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington in Seattle, and his colleagues found that if one partner not only failed to imitate the other's happy expression, but also poured cold water on the other with a look of contempt, the Marriage can easily fail.Because, the expression of singing a different tune with the partner will affect the mood of the smiling partner, although this effect is difficult for both parties to realize. This kind of imitation behavior can also be reflected in some people's pets.While we don't realize it, many of us prefer pets that physically resemble us, or that seem to reflect our personality. In order to verify this point of view, we may wish to look at the following legends: Do we choose pets that resemble us? The next time two like-minded people go to a social gathering or salon, you can pay attention to how many of them make the same gestures and gestures as the person you are talking to.When a person agrees with another person's thoughts and attitudes, the message of approval can be conveyed by imitating the other person's actions.It's as if the person is silently telling the other person, "As you can see, I think exactly as you do." In large gatherings, the person with the highest status is always the one who makes the first move, followed by others, and generally in order of status.In large gatherings, the person with the highest status is always the one who makes the first move, followed by others, and generally in order of status. Take the picture below on the left as an example. Two people in the picture are standing in front of the bar and chatting.They're copying each other's gestures, so it's reasonable to assume that they have similar views and feelings about the topic they're talking about.If one person assumes a thoughtful pose, or shifts weight to the other foot, the other follows suit.If one of them puts a hand in his pocket, the other does the same.As long as their views can be reached, this state of mutual imitation will continue. Mimicry occurs between friends or people of equal status, and we often see couples walking, standing and sitting in the same way.Albert Chevran found that strangers deliberately avoid imitating each other's gestures. Presidents Bush and Chirac showed mutual respect for each other by imitating each other's gestures even though they disagreed on the issues under discussion In order to further establish an attitude of mutual respect and a friendly and harmonious relationship, the steps of imitation will be extended to the voice, including the tone, intonation, speech rate, and even the stress are exactly the same. This is what we usually call "rhythm".When two people with the same rhythm talk together, it is like singing in chorus.You may often see this situation, the speaker is tapping the beat with his hands, and the listener nods in response to his rhythm.Usually, for friends who have passed the test of time, there will be less and less imitation of each other's body posture, because they can often predict the attitude of the other party. main form of relationship. Never allow yourself to speak faster than others.Studies have shown that people often feel "overwhelmed" when they encounter someone who speaks faster than they do.The rate at which a person speaks shows how well his brain is consciously processing information.So, we should try to speak at the same rate as other people, or a little slower than others, while imitating their tone of voice and tone.We should try to speak at the same rate as other people, or a little slower than others, while imitating their tone of voice and tone.When we want to invite someone to an appointment over the phone, "pace" becomes very important, because the voice is the only tool you can use to communicate on the phone. Understanding the meaning of mimicry is one of the most important lessons in body language learning, because it's the most obvious way other people communicate approval or affection to us.In the same way, we can imitate other people's body language, directly and conveniently let them feel our kindness. Get approval by imitating someone's body language If a boss wants to build rapport with a tense employee and foster a relaxed conversation, he can do so by mimicking the employee's body language.Similarly, a motivated employee who listens to his boss's point of view will mimic his boss's body language in order to communicate his approval.Armed with this knowledge, you can influence how others perceive you by mimicking their gestures or gestures that express positive emotions.In general, your imitative behavior will bring tolerance and relaxation to the other person, because he can "see" that you agree with him very much.In general, your imitative behavior will bring tolerance and relaxation to the other person, because he can "see" that you agree with him very much. Managers will view subordinates' imitation behavior as a sign of arrogance. Before imitating other people's body language, you should still think about your relationship first.Let's take this example: A senior company employee asked for a salary increase, and the manager then asked the employee to come to the office to discuss the matter.When the employee walked into the manager's office, the manager first asked him to sit down, and then made a combination of "slingshot" and "four-legged" sitting posture to show the employee that he was superior and dominant status.At this time, if the employee imitates the manager's body language, can the request for a salary increase be met? Even if the employee's manner and tone of voice are quite respectful, the manager will still feel contemptuous because of his imitation behavior.The employee's job is likely to be in jeopardy as a result.This example shows that facing those who have a strong desire to dominate, they have the same body posture, and the distance between their bodies is very small.This shows that they are friends, and probably when they are going to a business meeting together for a similar purpose, imitation behavior can create a sense of intimidation to this kind of person, and even disintegrate their superiority.Many accountants, lawyers, and managers come across as defiant, with their haughty body language in front of those of lower status.You can panic them and force them to change their body position simply by imitating their posture.However, this trick must not be used on your own boss. Studies have shown that when a leader in a group makes certain gestures and gestures, his subordinates will imitate them, and the imitation behavior generally occurs gradually in order of status.Studies have shown that when a leader in a group makes certain gestures and gestures, his subordinates will imitate them, and the imitation behavior generally occurs gradually in order of status.Likewise, when entering a room, the leader is often the first person in the group to step through the door, and his seat is usually at the top of a sofa, table, or bench rather than in the middle.When company executives walk into a conference room, it's usually the person with the highest status who steps first.When the participants are seated, the boss is generally sitting at the top of the conference table, and the distance from the door is the farthest.If the boss makes a "slingshot" sitting posture, his subordinates are likely to follow suit in order to maintain their important position in the group.You're most likely to see this mimicry happen when people in a meeting show favoritism among themselves, because they're expressing their favoritism in a mimetic way.So, this also allows you to predict in advance who will vote for you and who will vote against you in the meeting. Bill Clinton used to be the most powerful man in the world, but when Hillary next to him made a certain gesture, he would still unconsciously imitate it, and when they walked hand in hand, Hillary's hand was usually in the lead. the location of the For members of the negotiating team, imitation is a pretty good strategy.Charles leads the way, Camilla slightly behind, close behind; in 2003, when the Iraq war began, Tony Blair began to imitate George Bush's body posture, thumbs tucked into the belt for members of the negotiating team For the most part, imitation is a pretty good strategy.Members can agree in advance that when the speaker makes a gesture or a body gesture during a statement, all members will imitate it.Not only does this make the whole team appear extremely united, but it can also create a sense of panic among your competitors, who will secretly assume that something is wrong, even though they may not be able to pinpoint exactly why the atmosphere is wrong. When you present an idea, product or service to a couple, watch for who among them is imitating whom, as this can reveal whether it is the husband or the wife who has more power in the family or who makes the final decisions .If the wife first makes certain movements, no matter how subtle, such as crossing her legs, intertwining her fingers, or making a thoughtful gesture, and the man imitates them, then you can be sure that it is right for the man to make the decision. Pointless - because he has no power to make decisions at all. When someone else makes a certain body position, you have three options: ignore it, use a different body position, or imitate it.Mimicking someone else's body language makes them feel accepted and creates a bond for each other.Usually this happens naturally between friends and people of equal status.By contrast, we don’t mimic the body language of people we don’t like or strangers, such as someone we meet in an elevator or in line to buy tickets at a movie theater. Mimicking another person's body language and tone of voice is one of the most powerful ways to quickly build rapport.When meeting someone for the first time, you can imitate how they sit, how they look, the angle they are facing, gestures, expressions, and tone of voice.It won't take long for him to sense that there's something he likes about you - he'll describe you as an "easy going" person.This is because he sees his own shadow in you.We have to warn you though: when meeting a new friend, don't start imitating his body language too early, because since the first edition of the book "Body Language" was published, many people have begun to recognize the importance of imitating. Tactics, and over a million viewers even tuned in to a TV show about it.When someone else makes a certain body position, you have three options: ignore it, use a different body position, or imitate it.Imitation can bring you rich rewards, but when a person makes body language that expresses negative emotions, you should never copy them blindly.Mysterious signs of cigarettes, glasses, make-up