Chapter 2 Chapter 1 Psychological Manipulation for Making a Great First Impression

This chapter will introduce how to make a good first impression, how to strengthen this impression after giving a good impression, and how to turn it into a good impression before breaking up. psychological tactics. The so-called "memory association" is a kind of mnemonics, which is a memory method that connects the things you want to remember with other things.Facing a person meeting for the first time, using this method will deepen the other person's impression of you.For example: if your surname is Chen, when you introduce yourself for the first time, if you simply say the word "Chen", you will only leave very little impression in the other person's mind, because there are hundreds of thousands of people with the surname Chen, How can you hope that others will be impressed by you?Therefore, it is recommended that you add some words that are easier to remember besides the name.If you say that you are "interior decorator", the other party will immediately remember that it is "Mr. Chen of interior decoration". Some people have special surnames, so they can give people a deeper impression; Add some simple and fluent words to help the other party's memory.A primary school principal always said this when meeting new students for the first time: "My surname is Zhang, the 'Zhang' of 'article', the 'Zhang' of octopus, not the 'sheet' of 'paper', nor the 'dirty' Messy 'dirty'."

This repeated explanation has a great effect. When the students meet the principal in the corridor later, even the first-grade students will immediately yell clearly and correctly: "Mr. Zhang, hello" and other words. Being late for the first meeting is a matter of politeness, and it goes without saying that it should be absolutely avoided.However, humans do occasionally make miscalculations or oversights. In reality, there will always be instances of being late for important initial meetings.At this time, the more we recognize that we have violated the basic rules of etiquette, the more we feel the importance of the matter, and the more anxious we are.

However, it is not appropriate to greet and apologize in a hurry as soon as you sit in your seat, and to make excuses.Of course, even if it is not the first meeting, it is not good to say something similar to justification, and it will show a lack of confidence. Originally, the other party might want to get into the topic earlier and not want to hear those excuses. What's more, in the occasion of meeting for the first time, the other party and oneself have not yet established mutual understanding. If you say excuses out of thin air and ask the other party's tolerance, it will give people the impression of being brazen.

If you really feel sorry for the impoliteness caused by your failure to abide by the basic rules of etiquette, then don't rush to justify for the time being, but first consider the position and convenience of the other party. Useful for your own explanation. Don't make excuses first, but sincerely apologize for your lateness, and then ask the other party whether he has to change his plan because of his lateness, and how much time is left, etc., and perform the work that should be done very skillfully. Consider the position of the other party. As someone pointed out, some people unexpectedly showed a weak side to "apology".Rather than making excuses and giving reasons to justify oneself, it is better to apologize sincerely, which will be more acceptable to others, so as to achieve the goal of "recovering lost ground".

Once, a person who wanted to research and develop came to his expert friend.He was ordered by the company to design a talent training plan, but because he was a layman, he found it difficult, so he came to ask a friend for advice.Friends gave him advice based on basic theory.But then he talked about his theory.In short, he looks like he wants to sell himself.If this is the case, it would be fine for him to say "I want to ask you to hear my opinion" at the beginning, instead of saying that he came to ask for advice with an open mind at the beginning.This is obviously hypocrisy and makes friends feel uncomfortable.

No matter who you are, there is a purpose when meeting people. However, in order to achieve the purpose, most people tend to go all out and try to impress the other party.However, many people will not be consistent from beginning to end like the above example.If you make the other person feel that you are inconsistent with your words and deeds after the meeting, or that you are a person who makes a weak impression, then the purpose you expected will not be achieved.So far, how to make people have an impression of a certain aspect of you when they have no impression of you?Our advice: It's best to think about your pitch before the meeting.

When a businessman was out, his wife took his place on the phone and received visitors.Interestingly, the wife herself does not seem to realize that when she reports to the businessman after he comes home, the businessman sounds and feels subtly differently from person to person, even if it is the first time they meet each other. "That person seems to be very eager to ask for help"; "The tone of that person's speech is not very good, as if he is coming for you" and so on, all revealed in his wife's tone.The first impression produced by the subjective consciousness of the wife greatly affects the judgment of the businessman.

For this reason, when a salesman with experience in this area visits customers, he must first try to make a good impression on the first person.If you can make a good impression on the first person to deal with it, it will also make a good impression on the last person you want to meet. At the beginning of the interview, ask clearly until what time, or a few minutes, the psychology of observing this behavior is an important factor in leading the interview to success. This is a psychological tactic in etiquette. For example, at the beginning of meeting people, after the pleasantries, ask "When is it convenient for you to talk about today?"

Or, during the interview, ask "Just a minute, if possible, can I have a minute?" In this way, the other party will feel that you first consider the convenience of the other party, and then create a good impression. Especially when arranging a short-term interview, you can also take off the watch and put it on the table to show your concern. No matter who you are, you want others to think you are very busy. This is because most people have the psychology of not wanting to waste their own time, so even in an interview, they are satisfied with the knowledge that "you are grateful for your precious time".If this satisfaction can be obtained, even if the conversation is slightly longer than the scheduled time, it will not feel painful.Situations like this are very common.

An excellent salesman can remember the other party's name correctly and without error after only meeting him once, or within two or three minutes.In their lives, it is not uncommon for a person who had only met once a few years ago to occasionally meet on the street and call out his name correctly and quickly, making the other person dumbfounded. But behind their good use of sales skills, there is an unknown process of hard work, which will not be repeated here.I will only introduce a method that is relatively simple and suitable for the general public-in the conversation, apply the other party's name as much as possible.If you talk to a well-trained salesman, you will immediately find that they never use pronouns such as "you", "section chief", "sir" and "miss" to a person they meet for the first time, even if When titles or respectful words are used, their surnames must also be added.For example: "Section Chief Wang, where is your house?" "Professor Li's books, no matter how many books there are, I will read them."

As mentioned above, using the other person's name frequently in conversation can deepen one's impression of the person in front of you; secondly, it can also make the other person feel more cordial. You must have seen it: at the end of a concert or stage performance, the performer will face the audience, frequently change the angle and line of sight, and say: Thank you!Thanks!The audience was also delighted by their thanks, and they applauded enthusiastically, which did not stop until after the curtain ended.Why are the audience's emotions so high?It is undeniable that the performance of the singer must be remarkable, but the movements and voice of the singer at the end made the audience feel as if the singer was thanking himself.So, this can also be said to be the skill of acting! When we usually say "thank you", it is usually based on politeness, but if you want to express a kind of inner gratitude, just saying "thank you" is a bit thin anyway.You must match your expression and tone of voice, just like a singer on stage, every audience must feel: He is thanking me!Therefore, pay attention when thanking in general, it is best to add the other person's name, "Mr. XX, thank you" will give people the feeling of "I am thanking 'you'", not other people.The above explanation should make it easy for readers to understand the effect of adding the other party's name when thanking you! There was an interesting story: when Queen Elizabeth came to visit NHK in Japan, NHK Chairman Tadao Nomura, who was in charge of entertaining her, did something thought-provoking.Before he met the queen, he had considered for a long time how to entertain this guest.So some bits and pieces about the queen's life came into his mind.He thought of the queen's pet dog, Pindog, and a faint smile immediately appeared on his face that had been frowning for many days.On that day, there was a dog of the same breed as the queen's pet dog on the pattern of the tie he was wearing. Therefore, when the queen saw him, she took the initiative and warmly greeted him and shook hands with him. When two people who have never met before meet for the first time, if they can try to shorten the distance between them with a little effort, it will definitely arouse the other party's goodwill.As in the above example, Nomura is collecting various information about the other party in advance, and then filtering carefully to determine the likes and dislikes of the other party.However, we can not grasp the information of every first-timer. In this case, we should at least know the age, gender, and occupation of the other party, and then try our best to arouse the interest of the other party.Few people above middle age do not care about health; few young housewives do not care about children's education.A gentleman often talks enthusiastically with first-timers in the supermarket. The main reason is that he always goes with his pet dog.Pets are the common concern of most people, so he borrowed a puppy, which invisibly narrowed the distance between people a lot. If you meet someone you don't know well, you should try to find topics. News, daily trifles, and books are all good topics.Especially when visiting the other party's home, the shortest time should be used to leave the deepest impression on the other party. When the vast majority of people meet newcomers, they often feel that the other party has no prejudice against them, and want to deal with them with a quick mind, a sense of humor, and a sense of responsibility.However, if you blindly say shocking and shocking words, it is easy to produce false and exaggerated counter-effects. This is because: First, the use of strange words often does not match one's own thinking logic, so it is easy to cause inconsistencies; this phenomenon will not only expose one's ignorance, but also confuse one's steps and make them disorganized.Second, sometimes you come up with very strange words yourself, and you are eager to "appreciate the strange words" with the other party. and be suspected by others. Careful observation reveals that most of the people who are supported and trusted around the world are not the ones who are full of talent and win the love of others with amazing words.For example, if there is a township head, the main reason why he has gained people's trust over the years is not because his words are novel, nor is it because of his age.We might say that he just has an ordinary heart, and he doesn't overwhelm people with his talent and high profile. His speech shows that he is a simple and quiet person. Ding D. Maffey, a prolific writer who is famous for his strict books on life, and L. Kipling, who introduced his book "Successful Interpersonal Relationships", both emphasized that they should try not to use novel words, but focus on the trivial things around them. Topics are a lesson in interpersonal relationships that promote success. Especially when facing a newcomer, it is best not to deliberately show your excellence, rather let the other party have an initial impression that you are a kind and ordinary person.Because if you cannot be on a common basis with others at the beginning, it will be difficult for the other party to have a good impression and trust in you.If you put on an air of superiority, the other party will definitely treat you with the same attitude. This kind of relationship is difficult for both parties to open their hearts to accept each other. A few days ago, I saw a commercial in which a giant-like wrestler tap-dancing briskly appeared on the screen.People who have never memorized the name of the product in the commercial advertisement unconsciously remembered the name of the product in the advertisement because of the antics of the wrestler. The reason why this impression is so deep is that the strong characteristics of the wrestlers are of course the main factor, but the unexpected combination of the huge body of the super heavyweight and the brisk tap dancing can further deepen the impression of the audience.Therefore, in order to impress others, it is also one of the ways to try to emphasize the "different" characteristics. Take the bank manager for example!They are often regarded as people who always put on a bitter face, as if everyone in the world owes him a debt.Would people not be impressed if there was a bank manager who liked to tell jokes at this time?In the same way, a TV actor who usually wears tracksuits and jeans is naturally impressive when he is unexpectedly interviewed in a black suit one day.Although denying the common ground is equivalent to denying one's own characteristics, if the "similarity" can be combined with the "difference", it will often produce unexpected and surprising effects. The occasion of meeting for the first time can be said to be an important period for establishing a good interpersonal relationship, and it also depends on the efforts during this period to make a good impression on the other party.Therefore, when meeting for the first time, try to avoid behaviors that deny the other party.You know, pointing out the contradictions in the other party's words directly, or making an argument that contradicts his theory in person, although it can make a very close relationship, it is also the main cause of destroying relationships.What's more, when you meet for the first time, even if you make suggestions to the other party based on morality, the other party often cannot calmly listen to the content of those suggestions and make judgments, but just blindly doubts your motives, resulting in refutation or disgust.In addition, people who meet for the first time sometimes fear that others will deny their comprehensiveness with a very small part, which is because they have not yet fully understood the relationship between people. All in all, when you want to express a contrary opinion or your own opinion to someone you meet for the first time, you should try to avoid expressing it in front of him, because this is the most unbearable thing for the person involved.Conversely, if you can borrow the views of ordinary people or quote the views of a third party who was not present at the time, it will not cause the other party to refute.However, some people refuse this kind of advice, and still insist on their own views, thinking that it is ideal to state their opinions directly, thus causing uncoordinated interpersonal relationships. Generally speaking, the clerks in department stores who sell products to customers, or beauticians, tailors, etc., all have their own skills to attract customers. What they have in common is that they can quickly understand the mentality and wishes of customers, so Can get good performance. Take some time-honored department stores for example!It is said that the counter girls in those department stores always regard the figure of the customer when they sell western clothes.Judging the size of the clothes they try on, if they are fat, they will automatically subtract one size, and if they are thin, they will increase one size.Of course, customers themselves are quite aware of the size of their clothes, so they will immediately correct the judgment of the clerk, but they are secretly happy.After listening to the clerk, they usually don't forget to add: "I'm sorry! You really don't look like a person who wears this size." In this way, although the customer himself is wearing XL clothes, he is very happy that he looks like a person wearing L clothes, and he will leave such an impression in his heart: This clerk really knows me too well . For another example, beauticians usually say to people who are concerned about their lack of curly hair: "It's really enviable that you can have such naturally wavy hair even though you don't perm it." The writer who is urged to write will write quickly because "with the speed and skill you write, these times are more than enough".Employees who are eager to climb to the position of section chief will also be ecstatic because "the director also thinks that your promotion to section chief will be helpful to the company". The above examples illustrate that people with good interpersonal relationships are often sensitive to what kind of evaluation the other party expects.In other words, they understand that most people are often dissatisfied with their status quo, but they cannot change it. They can only hold an expectation.Therefore, a fat person wants to look thinner, a person with curly hair expects his curly hair to look more beautiful, a writer expects to hand in the manuscript earlier, and a person who is eager to be promoted to section chief knows that this road is very difficult. Ups and downs, but still looking forward to the day of realization.People are like this, they often hold a fantasy image, and hope that others will evaluate themselves well. Therefore, if you can secretly detect that state of mind and come up with a way to deal with it, people will naturally feel happy because of your empathy ability, and will further develop a good impression of you.In short, to be able to accurately grasp the mentality of people's inner expectations and evaluations is to master a skill in interpersonal relationships that is different from flattery and flattery. "Echoing" is the easiest signal to listen to what the other party is saying.However, if these techniques are used indiscriminately for their simplicity, they can sometimes have side effects.For example, if you "echo" too many times, it will destroy the speaker's speaking rhythm and make him feel very bored.It is said that when broadcasters are trained, the first thing is to ask them not to agree too much during the interview.This kind of situation often occurs when some laymen visit. Maybe they didn't feel it at the time, but as long as they listen to their own interviews afterwards, I believe they will feel very harsh.Therefore, everyone must remember that random echoes will mess up the rhythm of the speaker, so you must pay more attention! Another side effect is that too many echoes can make the interviewer feel a kind of mechanical reaction fear.Whether you understand or don't understand, whether you are sure or not, blindly agreeing with the other party's opinion will leave the other party with the impression of being dishonest, and may even make the other party lose interest in speaking. If you really listen to other people's conversations with your heart, there should be things you don't understand, things you admire, or things that are truly amazing.The best way to listen is to express the listener's feelings more actively. For example, if you can add words such as "Is this really like this?" "But, it will be very tiring in the future?" "What you said..." "Why?" deep impression. However, expressing your opinions without restraint in order not to leave the impression of blindly agreeing with others will also leave an unreal impression on the other party, so you should bear in mind. Generally speaking, common topics can easily shorten the distance between each other, but if not properly arranged, it can easily lead to a bad relationship, so special attention must be paid.For example, when two people who like golf meet for the first time, they will often boast to each other what they are good at, and talk with great interest about how they are all-powerful on the golf course.However, before you know it, this situation will turn into a hot scene due to the rise of "hostile" consciousness, as if the two have really competed on the court.For example, one party advocates that golf can be improved through practice, while the other party argues that even practice is meaningless. The two sides gradually forget the original purpose and fall into golf disputes.At this time, if the positions of each other are very different, the powerful person will often gain respect; but if the status of each other is equal, the situation will be very bad. Everyone has been known to brag unconsciously when it comes to their specialty or subject of pride.Therefore, although there is a sense of intimacy with the other party who has the same hobbies as oneself, sometimes the intimacy becomes disgust due to the different attitudes of the other party. Another example is that deliberately letting the other party win at the mahjong table is often the secret to establishing harmonious interpersonal relationships. If you show a mentality of competing for victory at this time, it will deteriorate the relationship between each other, and even make trouble very unpleasant. In this way, no matter how hard you try, you can't eliminate the bad impression you left in the other party's heart. All in all, remember to try to act as a loyal listener when you have the same expertise as the person you are meeting for the first time and are proud of it. In order to win customers, a businessman visited several companies in one day. Most of the people who received him were section chiefs, but one of the companies was received by the director.Of course, depending on the size and system of the company, the person who receives the guests may be the section chief or the director, and there is no fuss.The problem is that after he visited several companies that day, and both parties handed each other business cards with titles printed on them, he still mistook the director for the section chief, so he always referred to the other party as "section chief" during the discussion. When he returned to the company, he sorted out the business cards he had received and found out the mistake. He felt nervous and hurriedly called to apologize, but the director didn't mind and said, "Oh! That happened, You don't have to take it to heart." Situations like this can be seen everywhere in our daily life.Even children's learning and etiquette education are the same. Teachers and parents uphold the principle of respecting children's self-esteem and letting them discover their own mistakes will be more effective than direct accusations. The relationship between teachers and students is more harmonious. I believe everyone has had this kind of experience: when you make a small mistake in a meeting with someone for the first time, if the other party directly interrupts the topic to point it out, it will definitely make the scene very awkward and both parties will feel unhappy.This is because the person being blamed is often wracked with shame and has to work hard to recover. Therefore, the attitude adopted by the director mentioned above can be called extraordinary wisdom.If the method he adopted at that time was to directly accuse, the accused businessman would have put aside his own mistakes while being ashamed, and hated the director from the bottom of his heart, thinking that he was simply "picking the bone". , narrow-minded, not worthy of cooperation." Of course, this is not to emphasize that no one should be blamed for making mistakes, but that it is necessary to criticize the place that should be corrected, depending on the seriousness of the matter. In a word, for some insignificant and innocuous mistakes, one should try to ignore them as much as possible, especially in the delicate interpersonal relationship when meeting someone for the first time.In this way, not only can you avoid temporary tension, but you will also gain a lot. When people are late for a meeting, they often use excuses such as "I'm late because my car broke down" or "I happened to be late due to traffic jams" to prevaricate the fault of being late.This justification is simply not sufficient.Because it's like saying to the attendees that "the reason for their lateness is all because the car broke down and traffic jams, and there is nothing wrong with them." Therefore, if you encounter this situation, first of all, you should avoid using such expressions as "because" and "so", and secondly, you should adopt a non-mentioned or ambiguous attitude towards "being late", so as to make the atmosphere more harmonious.In other words, avoid using underlined expressions such as "because" and "so" to make the expression more tactful. This kind of ambiguity is most often seen in delicate interpersonal relationships. Therefore, if you can really use it when you meet for the first time, you will definitely get great help. Just imagine, if the two parties who did not have any dislike when meeting for the first time, if one party's insistence on reasoning makes the contact with others become secondary, wouldn't it be putting the cart before the horse and not distinguishing the truth?Generally speaking, if the two parties who meet for the first time are competing to reason, it is best to think that the two may become closer because of the same conclusion.But if the situation is just the opposite, then the opposition between each other will arise from this. In any case, excessive use of words such as "because" and "so" when meeting for the first time will often inadvertently arouse the disgust or vigilance of others because of the sharp edges and corners in the words. In election occasions, it is common to see that some candidates not only constantly use their popularity to promote themselves, but also develop the so-called "handshake tactic". This tactic not only deepens the relationship between voters and candidates through skin contact with each other. It can be said that it is a psychological technique to use the other party's "hand" to make it remember its own name. Normally, when we want to remember something, we tend to use all our senses.But when most people want to sell themselves, they only appeal to the other party's sight and hearing. That is to say, people ignore the sense of smell and touch that can be used.Many people must still remember that Khrushchev often hugged people face to face when they met for the first time like old friends for many years. This is just a Khrushchev style used to deepen their self-impression It's just tactile selling.In elections in recent years, some candidates often visit the public, shaking hands and saying hello, that is, in addition to seeing and hearing, they also use the sense of touch to deepen their self-impression.If you can add perfume, toilet water and other methods of appealing to the sense of smell, it will be more effective.Women's perfume is not only a cosmetic product, but also a small prop to impress men.In short, in order to leave a deep impression on others, please make full use of the "four senses" that everyone has. A character critic goes to visit a certain corporate celebrity.When the appointed time came, the celebrity in the business world asked the secretary to send a message to the character critic who was waiting in the reception room, hoping that he could wait another minute.A few minutes later, the celebrity in the business world appeared, and he said apologetically: "I have been holding important meetings, and I am afraid that when I meet you for the first time, I will still face you with a serious expression in the meeting, making you think I am an unfriendly person." And leave a bad impression, so in order not to be rude, I have to let you wait for a long time to recover and return to my usual kind expression." Although this is a short story, it clearly points out a fact: no matter how much one hides and conceals one's mind, it will still be revealed on the outside and fully revealed on the expression.Therefore, if you want to make a good impression on the people you meet for the first time, the concerns of the famous corporate world are necessary.However, when most people arrive at a date place, they often only check whether the tie is straight, whether the hair is messy and other clothing and grooming issues, but ignore the importance of facial expressions.The same is looking in the mirror, please check whether your expression is different from usual, if you are too nervous, you might as well try to giggle at yourself in the mirror. Generally, when meeting for the first time, if one party wants to end the conversation, there will often be unconscious actions such as looking at the watch that are not noticed by the other party.If you can detect and understand the meaning of this kind of action earlier and deal with it well, you will be able to leave a good impression on the other party.However, most people often ignore these imperceptible small places, and still keep chattering endlessly, which makes the other party disgusted.Therefore, when we see the other party looking at his watch anxiously, or looking at the sky and asking about the current time, we should end the conversation as soon as possible to let the other party understand that you are not a mindless person, and you understand and respect his will. Decide, so as to leave a good impression on the other party. I believe that everyone has experienced this kind of experience: visiting friends in high spirits, when returning home and still considering whether to go elsewhere, the door is slammed shut, so that the previous warm hospitality has been wasted, and the mood suddenly turned bad.Maybe it was just a friend's carelessness, but I still have a grudge, and even doubt whether I am welcome. There are not a few cases where the overall impression of the interview is changed in the brief moment of breakup like this.And the approach of an entertainer is unforgettable to this day. The entertainer is very modest, so that the other party can speak freely in the conversation.In the end, she made a conclusion: "Listening to your words has benefited me a lot, and it will also be of great help to my future acting career. Thank you so much." Although the other party never saw the entertainer again, his farewell was deeply etched in his heart. Like this, as long as I make a conclusion about my feelings at that time, I can leave a deep impression on others. If exaggerated words are often used in normal speech, they will often be annoying and contemptuous.But if you use it without hesitation at the end of the meeting, it will be easy to attract the attention of the other party. Someone called in an expert to do some analysis on teenage issues.At that time, many participants expressed their opinions, but two or three days later, the experts received a thank-you letter from the organizer, and other participants also received it, and the content was different depending on the target audience.The most touching thing is that he also put forward his views on the content published by everyone. The reason why this matter is brought up is to illustrate that if you want to leave a deep impression on people you meet for the first time, letters play a great role.Because ordinary people usually meet each other, and everything is over after meeting, and they never think of sending letters to deepen the other party's impression.As everyone knows, after the first meeting, sending a letter for "after-sales service" can make the other party review the impressions in their minds, and reviewing can achieve the effect of strengthening memory.But reviewing it when that memory has gradually faded will have no effect.Therefore, in order to deepen the impression, the letter should be sent immediately after the meeting, so that the content of the meeting and the impression left in the mind of the other party during the meeting will be more profound.