Chapter 7 Tip 5: Big Kids Are Egocentric

Remember that old joke?The comedian came onto the stage and the first thing he blurted out was, "Why, do you still like me so far?" The audience in the audience was amused every time.The reason is simple, each of us silently asks this question all the time.Whenever we meet someone for the first time, we always have a vague idea of ​​how they feel about us. are they looking at meIs there a smile on your face?Are you leaning towards me?Do you know how to appreciate me, an outstanding and special person?If the answer is yes, then I like them because they have good taste.If the other party ignores it accordingly, obviously not paying attention to my advantages, then they are simply idiots!

When two people first met, they were like two puppies sniffing each other, trying to find out the details of each other.Although we don't have tails like puppies, we can shake them happily, or stand up our hair to show hostility in our hearts, but we have eyes, which can be enlarged and contracted.We also have hands, which can be clenched and fisted, or subconsciously relaxed in a gesture of surrender.When we first meet people, we have many non-self-disciplined actions, which are actually worth studying. Lawyers are especially aware of this when selecting juries.They pay close attention to the gut reactions of a person's body to see if you confront them without flinching.Also notice how much you lean forward or backward as you answer the questions.They inspect your hand, and if it is relaxed and slightly open, palm up, it means you accept what they are saying.If your hands are clenched into fists with the knuckles facing outward, it means you are resisting.They'll listen to your opinion on high-stakes subjects like high damages or the death penalty, and they'll read your face while you're talking, even if you look away for a fraction of a second.Sometimes, the legal assistant next to the lawyer may only have one task, which is to carefully record every little action you make during the entire meeting.

Attorneys and paralegals end up analyzing your subconscious body language.At the end, they give you a score, and depending on that score, you could be on the jury or just wasting your time in the waiting room. From the famous 7-person case in Chicago in 1936, it can be seen that litigators are sensitive to body language.Defense attorney William Consler at the time went so far as to file a formal legal protest against Judge Hoffman's gesture.Judge Hoffman leaned forward as plaintiffs' attorneys closed.Attorney Consler pointed out that this gesture undoubtedly told the jury that the judge was interested in that passage.However, when Consler, the defendant's lawyer, closed his case, the judge leaned back, suggesting that the jury was not interested.

Lawyers can decide whether they want you to try their case, and in real life, everyone you meet subconsciously decides whether they want you in their life.Their final verdict rests largely on the same message—that is, how you body language answer their unspoken question—"Do you still like me so far?" Some initial physical reactions may determine the overall relationship later.If you're expecting something from a new friend, you're bound to answer silently, "Wow! I really like you!" If a 4-year-old feels awkward, he will bend over, hang his head, fold his arms over his chest, and take two steps back to hide behind his mother's skirt.However, if he sees Dad coming back, he will rush to Dad with a smile on his face, eyes wide open, and arms outstretched for a hug.At this time, the child's body is like a small flower bud, blooming brilliantly in the sun.

After living for thirty or forty years, the reaction is still the same.The little boy grew up to be 40 years old, and whenever he felt timid, he would arch his body and cross his hands on his chest.If he wanted to turn down a salesman or businessman, he would turn his back and say "no way" with a lot of body language.But if a grown man welcomes a loved one home, he opens his arms like a daffodil weathered by a storm, opening its petals in the sun. Once I went to a corporate reception full of canopies.I was traveling with Carla, a very charming friend of mine.Kara had just divorced, and she was originally a creative staff member of a big advertising company, but the industry was very depressed at that time, and many companies cut down their establishments one after another.So Kara just got out of a relationship and just happened to be unemployed again.

This banquet is a great opportunity for Kara, and it is likely to start a new page in her career and private life.When Kara was standing and chatting with me, there were several "prey" who seemed to be business people, and they circled around us intentionally or unintentionally.These handsome men always showed their white teeth and smiled at Kara.To these opportunistic suitors, Kara smiled curtly sideways, then returned to our conversation as if every word I said counted.I knew Kara didn't want to be too eager, but she was screaming, "Why doesn't he come and talk to us?"

Soon, another alumnus smiled at Carla again, but because Carla's response was not very enthusiastic, he had no choice but to return to the social circle of the banquet boringly.Finally, I have to say Kara. "Kara, do you know who that person is? He is the head of a well-known advertising company in Paris. Their company is looking for creative personnel who are willing to work in Paris, and he is still single!" Carla regretted. At this moment, we heard a small voice from the left, "Hi," the voice came from Kara's feet, we all looked down at the same time, and it turned out to be 5-year-old Willy.He is the mistress's son, and everyone loves him.Willie tugged at Kara's skirt, obviously hoping to be noticed.

"Hey," Carla replied loudly, with a big smile that was warm and friendly.Carla knelt down, touched Willie's elbow, and said softly, "Hi, hello, Willie. Did you like Mommy's party?" The little boy's eyes sparkled immediately. When Willie finally hopped around to catch the attention of the next group, Kara and I were back to our conversation.While we were chatting, there were still men coming over to smile, but Kara returned the half-smile as usual.None of the men took any further action.It was clear that Carla was very disappointed.I kept holding back, but in the end I couldn't take it anymore.I said, "Carla, have you ever noticed that four or five men used to come up and smile at you?"

"Yes," Carla said in a low voice, looking around anxiously, fearing that someone might overhear our conversation. "But you always half-smile at them," I went on. "Oh." She muttered, a little confused by my words. "Remember just when little Willy came to grab your skirt? Do you know how bright and charming your smile was? You faced him seriously and warmly welcomed him into our conversation." "Yeah... Carla still looked unsure. "Karla, now I have a request. The next man who smiles at you, I want you to show that big and charming smile just now. It's best to reach out and touch his arm, as you would for Willy, please. He joins our conversation."

"Oh, Lil, it can't be done." "Carla, do as I say!" Sure enough, not long after, another charming man came over and smiled.Kara was perfect this time around.Showing her white teeth, she turned to him and said, "Hi, come join us." He accepted Carla's invitation without hesitation. It didn't take long for me to find an excuse to get out.Neither of them noticed until I left because they were chatting animatedly.The last time I saw Carla at the banquet that day, she was leaving on the arm of my new friend.

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Meets everyone and responds to his older child ego.From the moment someone introduces you to each other, be responsive.Give the other person a friendly smile, turn your whole body towards him, and focus all your attention on him, just like treating a child.If a little guy crawls up to your feet, with a cute little face facing you, smiling, you will definitely respond with all your attention.Just do the same with everyone you meet.Giving 100% attention to someone new to you means you're saying out loud, "I think you're very, very special!"

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In that moment, what I call the Big Child Egocentric Technique was born.This technique can help you win the hearts of all kinds of prey in various social or occasions. Remember, there is a child inside of us who longs for others to know how special he is.The next technique further dispels their doubts that they are the center of the universe.