Chapter 20 17 Sigh of Innocence

"So, how long have you been working as a lawyer?" The partner stopped writing and raised his head. She tilted her head and thought for a while: "15 years." The partner seemed a little surprised, because she looked very young, less than 30 years old: "That is to say, after coming out of school?" She: "Yes, at first I was doing odd jobs and working as an assistant, and gradually I took on cases by myself." Partner: "Well, it's been done step by step. Then why do you suddenly feel that you can't do it anymore?" She: "I don't know, I've had that kind of thinking since last year. I feel that the industry I'm in shouldn't exist at all... um... that means I suddenly don't have a sense of identity with my profession."

Partner: "Shouldn't it exist?" She nodded: "Why should I plead guilty?" Partner: "I think you should know this question better than me, right? There has been a profession of lawyers since ancient Rome, and its purpose is to defend those who are innocent but misunderstood..." She interrupted her partner: "I mean, why plead guilty?" Partner: "You're able to find out if your client is guilty before the law makes a decision." She: "Actually, what you said is a logical limit." Partner: "Huh? I don't understand."

She said: "It is true that the guilt should be judged according to the law, but the law itself is made by man, it is not perfect, so if someone takes advantage of the loopholes in the law, then the guilty person will often not be punished .Even if the person involved really violated the law, you can’t do anything about him. And my profession is responsible for finding loopholes. The meaning of my profession has deviated from the original intention.” The partner nodded thoughtfully: "It makes sense." She: "Maybe you will persuade me to change careers, but apart from being proficient in the law, I know nothing else. However, due to psychological problems in the past six months, I haven't taken a single case. It's not that I don't have any, but I I don't want to take it."

Partner: "So you come to us to see if there is any way?" Her: "Exactly." Partner: "Okay, but before I start asking questions, I want to know why you chose this line of work in the first place?" He slyly delays the conversation to avoid psychological instincts, but it has actually begun. She paused for a moment, and after thinking for a while, she asked her partner, "How much do you know about the law? In a broad sense." Partner: "Broadly? I think that's the rule of the game." She: "You are right, so the law basically involves all fields. It is the framework and yardstick of all social behaviors."

Partner: "So?" She smiled slightly: "My family environment is more rigid and serious. My parents are serious and serious in front of me. You are very smart, so you must understand." Partner: "Uh... kudos, you're trying to say that's why you're interested in law, because you want to see outside the box." She: "That's it. I am very eager to know everything outside the framework, so when I chose a major, I chose law almost without hesitation - because it is the framework of the entire society - only by standing on the boundary can I See outside."

Partner: "Well, it's a wonderful feeling. You can see the outside without stepping out... But, I want to know, have you really never stepped out of the frame?" She: "Would you believe me if I said no?" The partner looked at her for a while: "Believe it." She seemed a little surprised by the answer: "You're right, I never went beyond the law." Partner: "But you saw it." She nodded: "Well, I have seen too many colleagues lead the parties through the gap, and then find another gap to return to the boundary." Partner: "The extra-legal land, what is it like?"

She: "Everything grows wantonly." Partner: "You mean crime?" She: "No, everything, whether it is evil or justice, grows wantonly without any restrictions." Partner: "I don't quite understand this sentence." She touched her cheek, raised her head and thought for a while: "There was a girl who was raped at a very young age, and because the child was too young, her memory of it was very vague, and she didn't remember anything except the pain. And her single mother covered everything up and let her daughter continue to live a normal life. She waited silently, but what she was waiting for was not punishment with nightmares, but something else. Years later, the murderer was released from prison, and the The mother has all the information about his life, and still waits silently. After her daughter gets married and has a child, she begins to carry out the revenge action she has planned for many years. She deceived the murderer back then to her residence and imprisoned her. Before that , She has long since changed her living place into a bathroom-like environment with soundproofing. Every day when she wakes up, she walks slowly to the murderer, reads the girl's original medical record aloud, and then uses various torture methods to torture the murderer. The man who raped her daughter back then. But she was very careful not to kill him... Do you know how long she lasted?"

Partner: "Uh...a few months? No, um...a year?" She: "For 3 years, more than 1,000 days. He is still alive, but there is no human form at all. No part of his skin is normal, and a small piece is peeled off less than an inch. That is not what she does in a day. She does a little bit every day and takes good care of the wound so it doesn't become inflamed and diseased. After 3 years, he has no teeth, no tongue, eyelids, genitals, ears, all fingers, toes, all gone Each of his bones was engraved with a word: 'hate'... and after he was found in the garbage dump, his consciousness had completely collapsed and confused, as a human being, he had only one emotion left..."

Partner: "Fear." She sighed: "Yes, he has nothing but fear, and he can't even prove who did it." The partner was silent for a while: "Dead?" Her: "Less than a month." Partner: "Did that mother tell you?" She looked at her partner and nodded. Partner: "Did you do anything?" She: "I did nothing except to be amazed and to check whether there was such a case. In fact, there was no evidence. This vengeful single mother is like a gray knight, she uses her anger as a sword, and the whole family follows her Hell...you ask me what the lawless place looks like, and this is the lawless place."

The partner murmured thoughtfully: "Yes, I understand, both evil and justice grow wantonly..." She: "I thought that being outside the law was also outside human nature, the root of all evil, but when I discovered that there was something I could agree with outside the law, I began to doubt everything about the law. Or to put it more directly : The law is actually just a form of revenge, it is no different from those in the extra-lawland, but it looks more sensible-just looks." Partner: "The law itself is a necessary pillar to form the social structure. If there is no law, our social structure will immediately fall apart..."

She: "Then let it fall apart, it was just a joke." The partner looked at her in surprise: "Can I think that your words are anti-human and anti-social?" She smiled slightly: "It's absolutely fine." Partner: "So... Excuse me, do you have a religious belief?" She thought for a while: "There is no definite one. Do you think I have this view because of my lack of faith?" Partner: "No, based on your time, experience, and perception in this business, you must have this point of view." She: "Well... Anyway, now the problem is thrown to you - what can I do to get rid of this kind of thinking? I don't want to do something extreme because I lose control one day. " Partner: "You think you're going to lose control?" She: "I'm worried because I don't know. That's why I haven't dared to take on cases in the past six months. I just passed the time by working as legal counsel for several companies." Partner: "I want to jump back to the topic - if there is no law, then wouldn't everything be out of control? Because there are no constraints." She: "When you are familiar with the law and know enough, you will find that the law is in a sense just an excuse. What it represents is a seemingly rational emotion, but the real situation is not like this. For example When it is announced that some heinous criminal has been sentenced to death, many people applaud it, don't they?" Partner: "Well... you mean: Essentially, it's just legal revenge?" Her: "Isn't it?" Partner: "But the meaning is different. Because each person has a different definition of justice and fairness, it is necessary to use the law to make an average value and use this to define the punishment method." She: "From a sociological point of view, what you said is absolutely right, but have you ever thought about it, if you look at it as a victim, is this kind of 'balanced revenge' fair? Because things didn't happen to you, people There will be no deep understanding, so it is easy to act as a so-called rational, but what if something happens to me?" Partner: "You are very correct, but excessive revenge due to emotion, or light sentencing itself due to lack of emotion, is the logical limit. And isn't there a precedent system in law? The kind of judgment that refers to precedents is relatively Can you say that it can balance a lot of these problems?" She: "What if the precedent referred to is a heavy sentence or a light sentence?" The partner thought for a while: "I see, it's not that you no longer believe in the law, but that you believe in the law very much, and you care about its perfection." She was stunned, and looked at her partner after a pause: "It seems...you're right...I never thought about this question." Partner: "Maybe it's because of your family environment, maybe because of your career. Your logical thinking is very strong, so you have already stated the core problem at the beginning: the limit of logic. That is also the limit you hope to break through." She: "Well... I have to admit that you are very professional. I have never come back to this circle by myself. So, what should I do?" The partner looked into her eyes: "Are you willing to be hypnotized?" She: "Will that solve the problem? If so, I'm willing to try." Partner: "I can't give you any guarantees, but maybe that way you can get to the root of the problem. We all know your problem, but it's not clear how it came about." She: "I know the crux, but I don't know how it formed?" The partner nodded: "Yes, because mental activity is not a fixed state, but a process. It is constantly evolving and never stops." She: "Understood, well, I want to try." In the observation room next to the hypnosis room, I asked my partner inexplicably: "Why didn't I hear the main point? Do you want me to find the reason from her family environment? Or work?" The partner adjusted the tripod without raising his head: "No, this time we are looking for problems from the bottom of our hearts." Me: "Deep in my heart? You want me to hypnotize her deeply? Is it necessary?" Partner: "I think it's necessary." Me: "What did you find?" Partner: "Any huge psychological problem starts from a very small point." Me: "Undercurrent theory again?" Undercurrent theory is a specific term between us, and it is usually used to refer to those who cannot get enough information even through talking.They are as calm as water on the surface, but if you observe carefully, you will see the thin ripples on the water surface, so you can judge that there is an undercurrent surging under the calm water surface.It is difficult for us to see that someone is abnormal from the surface, but a special tendency in their words and deeds can indicate the complexity of their inner activities. Partner: "Well, her reasons seem reasonable, but when you think about it, they are wrong, because in the end, the directionality of those reasons seems to be extreme, so if you don't go through deep hypnosis, I'm afraid you won't see anything." I opened the camera's battery compartment and stuffed the batteries in: "You mean her anti-social attitude?" Partner: "Well, it's pretty twisted." Me: "But aren't many people like this?" My partner raised his head and looked at me: "If she is an ordinary person, or the kind of depressed person, it is basically suitable, but from her description of her work over the years, it can be seen that she belongs to that kind of career. Nice person, and she knows the law well. In this case, the extremes of her acting are too contrasting. So I think there must be something deeper that makes her think this way. Maybe she doesn't want to talk, maybe There are special reasons for her to hide key issues in her bones—I mean subconsciously.” I thought about it, and I understood: "I see, you mean that there is something wrong with her that deviates all directions, and it affects a little every time, so even if everything is positive, she will still be negative in the end." Or even extreme thoughts?" Partner: "That's it." Me: "So... I have a suggestion." Partner: "What?" Me: "Deep hypnosis, and at the same time let her visualize the deepest self." Partner: "Huh? You want her to open up the core? Isn't that your least favorite thing?" Me: "The reason I don't like it is because it's too troublesome, but I think she seems to have a tendency to release herself." Partner: "Self-release...well... well, your field is up to you." "Yes, very well done, take a deep breath and try again." I was encouraging her to relax herself. She tried to inhale slowly and deeply again, and then exhaled slowly: "It's a bit like doing yoga?" Me: "You can think so, but what we are going to stretch next is not your body, but your spirit." She: "Would it be difficult for a rigid or regular person like me to be hypnotized?" Me: "No, there is no clear boundary or classification. In fact, it is more difficult for people who seem to be loose, because they don't care about anything and don't believe in anything, so that type of people is the most difficult." I'm lying. , but I had to, I didn't want to give her hints that wouldn't be good for me to hypnotize. She tried a few more times as I said: "Well, it's much better." Me: "Okay, close your eyes now, and take a slow, deep breath as I taught you just now." At the same time, my tone began to slow down on purpose. She is doing so quietly. Me: "You are safe now, slowly, slowly lean back, find your most comfortable position, and take slow, deep breaths." She spent a few minutes leaning back on the sofa, and finally settled into a position that was almost half reclining. Me: "Very good, now continue to breathe slowly, you will feel very tired..." When I was inducing deep hypnosis in stages, my partner always folded his arms and hung his head. He seemed to be dozing off, but I knew that was a sign that he was ready to enter the state.He occasionally uses a self-hypnosis method to synchronize with the hypnotized person. I once asked my partner what is the benefit of doing this. Recapture the information you need.I have also tried his unique way of observation, but it didn't work.So I have told him countless times that it is an unparalleled ability bestowed on him by God.And he did not hide his pride at all: "Yes, I am favored." "...very good... now you are in the depths of your heart, tell me, what do you see?" I started to ask in a calm voice. She: "This is...the cliff by the sea..." I pause a bit out of surprise, because the scene implies a deep sense of misanthropy in her: "Can you see under the cliff?" Her: "Yes... yes... I can see..." Me: "What's under the cliff?" She: "Sea water... black reefs, dark gray sea water..." Me: "Tell me what's around you?" She hesitated for a few seconds: "There is...a path..." Me: "Is it straight?" She: "No, it's...it's a winding path..." Me: "Can you see where this path leads?" She: "Leading to... leading to a small hill in the distance..." Me: "What's there?" She: "There is... There is a small house." Me: "Very good, would you like to go and have a look in that little house?" She: "Yes... I... I have been there..." Me: "What's that place?" She: "That's...that's where I live." I thought for a while: "Is that your home?" Her: "No, it's not...but it's where I live." I nodded: "Are you going there?" Her: "Yes." Me: "What scenery can you see along the way?" Her tone sounded a bit sad: "The barren... scenery..." Me: "Why do you say that?" Her voice was so low that she could hardly hear it: "Dry...land...grey sky...withered bushes...thorns...no human habitation...desolate...desolate...only on a small hillside far away, there is a A log cabin... that's where I live... where I live..." Only then did I realize that she seemed to have a tendency to suppress herself: "Have you made it?" She: "Not yet...not yet..." Me: "Can you see what the path under your feet looks like?" Her: "Yes... I saw... it was... a dirt road..." I lowered my head to observe her expression, and it seemed that she was frowning slightly, with a slightly sad expression, but more of helplessness.At this time, I glanced at my partner. He curled up his legs on the chair like a child, hugged his knees, and frowned. I deliberately paused for a while: "Now, is it there yet?" Her: "Yes." Me: "I want you to open the door and walk in." She: "Okay, the door is opened..." Me: "Now, have you entered where you live?" Her: "No..." Why do I?" She seemed to be sobbing: "It's... Dust everywhere... It's been a long time... I haven't been back..." Me: "Was it ever clean?" Her: "No, it's always been like this... the first time, it's like this." I waited for a few more seconds: "Aren't you going to go in again?" She sobbed and took a deep breath, and paused for a while: "I... I'm in the room." Me: "Tell me in detail, what did you see?" Her mood seemed extremely depressed and gloomy: "Dust... dust everywhere, books, chairs, tables, bookshelves, windows... covered by thick dust..." Me: "Is there any furniture in the room?" Her: "There are only a few... tables, chairs, bookshelves, and some big boxes." Me: "Are they all made of wood?" Her: "Yes... yes..." I was a little relieved, because if the furniture was iron or some other weird material, it probably meant that she had a tendency to self-harm--maybe some people think it's okay, but I know what a serious problem it is. Me: "Are there many books here?" Her: "Yes." Me: "Do you know what books those are?" Her: "Yes." Me: "Have you seen it?" She: "I've seen it all..." Me: "What is written in the book?" She: "In the book...all...all...what I don't want to read..." Me: "So, what content do you not want to see?" Her: "...I can't..." I didn't understand, so I stopped and thought, "Why not?" She: "No...it's not allowed in the book...no...no..." Inexplicably, I looked up at my partner and asked him for help.He was also frowning at this moment in consideration.A few seconds later, he made a gesture of turning the pages of the book. I thought about it and understood. Me: "I want you to pick up the nearest book right now, and you'll pick it up." She seemed a little hesitant, but did not resist: "... Pick it up... Okay, I picked it up..." Me: "Very good, can you see what the title is?" Her: "Yes, I can see it." Me: "Tell me, what's the title of the book." She: "Forbid...forbid." Me: "Now, open this book." Her: "I...can't open it..." Me: "Is this a book that cannot be opened?" She: "Yes, it is a book that cannot be opened..." Me: "Why can't it be opened?" She: "Because...because the back of the book says...it says: No..." Me: "So you can't open it?" Her: "Yes." Me: "Can you see the other books on the shelf?" Her: "I can see..." Me: "Can you see the title?" Her: "Yes, I can see..." Me: "Would you like to pick a few book titles and tell me?" Her: "Okay...okay..." As she said, she raised her head slightly, as if she was looking at something. "No permission, no crossing, no way, forbidden, forbidden..." Hearing this, the partner suddenly froze for a moment, as if he had caught something. Me: "What about the other books in the room? Can you open them?" Her breathing began to be a little short: "I...I can't do it..." Me: "Is it because you can't open it, or you can't do it?" Her: "I can't open it...I can't do it..." I didn't pursue the question any further, but turned to other questions: "Is this the case with every book in this room?" Her: "Yes, every book..." I looked down at the room furnishings recorded in the book, and then asked, "Are those big boxes also books?" Her: "No..." Me: "Well, do you know what's inside?" Her: "Yes, I know..." Me: "Can you tell me what's in the box?" She calmed down a little: "clothes." Me: "The suitcase is full of clothes?" Her: "Yes..." Me: "What kind of clothes are they?" Her: "Suit, leather shoes... tie..." Me: "Whose clothes are those?" She: "It's all my clothes...all my clothes..." At this moment, my partner stood up silently and nodded to me. I raised my finger and pointed to my own forehead - this was to ask if he retained the hypnotized person's memory of this. The partner continued to nod. I turned my gaze back to her in front of me: "Can you see out of the window through the window?" Her: "Yes." Me: "What kind of scenery?" Her: "Grey, desolate..." Me: "Can you see a beam of light coming down?" Her: "A ray of light...a ray of light...yes, I see it..." Me: "You are already outside the cabin, walking towards that beam of light." She: "I'm walking towards the light..." Me: "That light will lead you back to the present, and remember everything that just happened, when I count to..." Me: "It looks like you caught it." The partner glanced at her who was drinking water in the hypnosis room through the glass, then turned around and nodded: "The root cause has been found, but it's a bit unexpected." Me: "You mean her sexual orientation?" Partner: "Yes, she's gay." Me: "Hmm, but I don't understand how she transitioned into antisocial thinking, pure repression?" Partner: "Combined with her personality, I think it makes sense." I took another look at the records in the notebook in my hand: "Her personality...family environment...what else? Nature of work?" The partner leaned against the door with his shoulders in his arms: "Well, these are all included, and there is the most important point." Me: "What?" Partner: "Her self-awareness that is slightly distorted but has to be obeyed." Me: "Your words are too literary, I don't understand." The partner smiled: "Let me talk about it step by step. You see, there is no need to explain her family environment? Before hypnosis, she described it by herself as a rigid and serious one. What does it mean? A framework , right? Children who grow up in this environment are usually divided into two extremes, either very rebellious, or very old-fashioned and stubborn. But what is interesting is that usually the rebellious one is old-fashioned inside, while the seemingly old-fashioned She is of the second type, but her heart is extremely rebellious, even full of extreme emotions and all kinds of exaggerated, imminent thoughts. She is the second type. So far, there are already two frameworks restricting her." Me: "Well, the family atmosphere and the external character traits cultivated by the family atmosphere." Partner: "OK, the third frame comes from the nature of her work: related to law. I don't think there is any need to explain this. So far, within the boundaries of these three frames, all her ideas should be suppressed. It can be seen from her description of her heart: barren, desolate, depressed, a doomsday-like scene. But it is also this scene that proves her desire and expectation for feelings. In the barrenness, it is her Where she lives—the cabin. I think she would be much worse off if it weren't for the cabin, because it would mean despair." I nodded: "That's right, I noticed this too." Partner: "But the furnishings in the wooden house are extremely simple, right? Most of them are books, some books that can't be opened at all. Why is this, have you thought about it?" Me: "Well... it should be that she doesn't want to open it." Partner: "Correct. Then why wouldn't she open it?" Me: "This... I think... it should be... the title of the book? Is it the reason for the title?" Partner: "Very correct, that's it. The titles of those books are all kinds of forbidden, so she doesn't want to open them, so her room doesn't have any place to rest, not even a bed, so she will put all the clothes that symbolize masculinity into the box instead of hanging like normal clothes... Now we jump back, I just said, her twisted, but compulsive self-perception... Now Do you understand this sentence?" I carefully sorted out my train of thought: "...So it is like this...Then, she hides the masculine clothes, in fact, what she hides is the same-sex sexual orientation...The environment in which she grew up, her self-consciousness Cognitive, the nature of her work, that she must suppress same-sex sexual orientation urges, because she believes that it violates her external restraints and self-restraints..." Partner: "Yes, when there is no breakthrough, this suppressed force can only scurry around. It is like a caged wild animal, ramming wildly. At this time, it is no longer possible to find the door problem, but something even more terrifying: destroying the entire cage. Or we put it another way: destroying all limitations, causing everything that can limit itself to collapse, and making all frames cease to exist!" Me: "Yes... outside the law..." Partner: "The root cause is only that she can't express her sexual orientation..." Me: "So how are you going to solve this problem?" Partner shook his head: "There's nothing we can fix." Me: "Huh? Are you going to give up?" Partner: "No, just tell her clearly." Me: "Is it that simple?" The partner nodded: "It's really that simple, sometimes you don't need any recovery or treatment, you just need a positive attitude." Me: "Uh...I always feel..." Partner: "What?" Me: "I mean, I'm afraid it will cause trouble for her. You know, although we all say that work is work and life is life, work is also a part of life, and it will definitely affect , I'm just a little worried." Partner: "You don't need to worry about anything, we are born to deal with problems, every day." I took another look at the hypnosis room and nodded. Partner: "Let's go, she's still waiting." Saying so, the partner grabbed the doorknob leading to the hypnosis room.However, he did not open the door, but stopped for a while holding the handle. how do I?" The partner turned around: "I just remembered something." Me: "What?" Partner: "Her description of her heart is very similar to a scene described in a poem by a gay poet." Me: "That barren scene?" The partner nodded: "Yes." Me: "So it's like this..." I looked at her in the hypnosis room through the glass door, and she was also looking at us at this time. Partner: "Although her profession is related to the law, she has lived in the framework for too long. She can exonerate others, but cannot forgive herself... It is like relying on legal provisions, and her self-release is also It takes a verdict to pardon myself..." Me: "When you talk to her later, are you going to give her a verdict of not guilty?" The partner pressed the doorknob: "No, all she needs is an innocent sigh."