Chapter 20 Yang fire character

When modern people talk about "rituals", they will think of feudal ethics, think of those red tapes, and feel that rituals are something that restrains people. Can etiquette really restrain people?Of course!Li often talks about "making appointments with etiquette", which clearly states that etiquette should be used to restrain people.Judging from the word "etiquette" itself, Jie has the meaning of "temperance", which also shows that etiquette is used to restrain people. Isn't it good to restrict people?not necessarily! I have a foreign student friend who originally studied Western philosophy, but later came to China to study Chinese traditional culture.But he advocated freedom. When talking about the Zhou rituals advocated by Confucius, he disapproved, saying that this thing restricted people's freedom.I asked him: "How do you want to be free? Who can get rid of all constraints? The gravity of the earth binds us to the earth. Do we have to get rid of this gravitational force to find freedom?"

"It's a natural constraint, there's nothing we can do about it," he said. I said again: "The laws in your country are very sound. Isn't this also a constraint on people?" "This is a social constraint, and there is nothing we can do about it," he said. I told him: "Our Chinese etiquette is also a natural and social constraint. It binds you on the right track. If you deviate from this track, you can only suffer. If you follow this track, you will go very far. Easy, smooth. How would you like to go?" This track was summed up by the ancients after experiencing many successes and failures.Some rituals may be unacceptable to us at first glance, but in the long run, it is much better to follow this ritual than to go our own way and find another way.

Chinese laws have not been very sound since ancient times. This is because politeness has restrained people's behavior. Therefore, on the one hand, there are fewer lawbreakers; Confucius said: "The sage's defense is that it is important not to commit crimes, and the five punishments are not used, so it is the ultimate rule. Ordinary people are treacherous and thieves, and those who act recklessly are born from insufficiency, and insufficiency is born from insufficiency. The big ones are extravagant, and everyone knows no restraint." ("Confucius' Family Sayings · Five Penalties")

The so-called fortification is to formulate laws and penalties to prevent people from doing bad things.Although there is a law, the most important thing is that no one breaks the law, so there is no need to use punishment.Why do people do bad things?Because of poverty.Why are you poor?It is because of ignorance of restraint.When a person is poor, he doesn't know how to control his behavior, so he will take risks and steal; when a person is rich, he doesn't know how to control his behavior, so he will spend extravagantly, but in the end he is still poor, and when he is poor, he will break the law.Such a vicious circle.

Therefore, it is necessary to use etiquette to control people's desires and behaviors, which is also an important part of self-cultivation.We often talk about "etiquette", and etiquette means restraint and restraint.Under the constraints of etiquette for a long time, people have restraint in heart and behavior, and people will become gentle and reserved, which is called "cultivation".A polite person will always give people a good impression, this is exactly Yanghuo's personality. 15-30 years old is the best age for us to cultivate Yanghuo character.This age group is very important for a person, it is an initial stage of life.He wants to get rid of the care and care of his family when he was a child, and grow up to be an independent person who runs a family and takes care of himself.So what are the character traits of people at this stage, and what things do they need to accomplish?

Confucius once said that he was "aspiring to study at fifteen, and established at thirty." As for what else he did between the age of fifteen and thirty, Confucius did not say.We can also infer that during this period, Confucius did not do anything other than "study". What to learn?The Chinese often say a word: "Reading to understand the principles." First of all, to learn "reasons", to learn all kinds of principles, including the principles of everything in the world, the principles of human relationships, the principles of artistic articles, the principles of political economy, etc., that is, all aspects knowledge.And rationality is the characteristic of Yanghuo's character.Therefore, the rational impulse can make people learn as much as possible; and this learning process will also cultivate people's yang fire character. From the age of 15 to 30, if a person can not only acquire a wealth of knowledge, but also cultivate a sensible and sensible personality in this virtuous circle, that would be great.

At this age, we not only have to learn all kinds of knowledge and principles, but also learn "rituals", which are various principles of behavior.Before the age of 15, a person can be ignorant of etiquette and make all kinds of mistakes, because you are young, and everyone will forgive you; After the age of 30, if you don't understand etiquette, everyone will think you are worthless.Because, "If you don't learn etiquette, you can't stand up"!Without even the most basic etiquette in interpersonal communication, it will be difficult to "stand at thirty".

I often hear many people complaining that they are almost thirty, but they have nothing, no house, no car, and no good job.But these things are not something that a young man in his twenties can earn.Even if you can earn it and use this precious time to earn money to buy a house and a car instead of studying, I feel sorry for you!Because houses and cars are worth a lot, but compared with a person's knowledge, experience and character, they are like dung.Only the latter will always be yours, and no one can take it away. We cultivate a Yanghuo character at this stage, not to make people have a successful career, nor to make him perform so perfectly.At this stage, no matter what your experience and learning are like, no matter whether you succeed or fail in the end, you are actually learning, moving forward on our way to grow into an independent adult, and illuminating our lives .

"If the young don't work hard, the old will be sad." Only those who have passed the best age for learning can understand the weight of this sentence.Many older people have this kind of experience. It’s hard to learn something when you’re old, and you can’t remember knowledge. It’s even more difficult to cultivate good habits and character. Many things have taken shape and are deeply rooted. Can't turn it around!The period between 15 and 30 years old is the age of fire in life. People are full of energy and passion. This is the best stage and should be used for learning.Learn "reason" to enrich yourself; learn "ritual" to regulate yourself.

I have a friend who has a very successful career and bought a large villa in the suburbs of Beijing. He brought his parents, father-in-law and mother-in-law to live together, with his wife and children, and a large family.In the eyes of ordinary people, relatives live together, and the living conditions are so good, they should be harmonious and beautiful.In fact, it did at first.But as time goes by, frictions gradually arise: the wife must be more distant from her parents-in-law, while the children prefer their grandparents and are a little alienated from their grandparents.Gradually, the family formed two camps, with more and more misunderstandings and suspicions, and sometimes even quarrels were unavoidable.Facing the conflicts and quarrels at home, my friend was very annoyed. He tried to mediate, but to no avail. Everyone said that the public was right, and the mother said that the woman was right, which made him at a loss what to do.Since he couldn't solve the problem, he simply adopted a policy of evasion, busy working outside all day, so as to escape the disturbance at home.But escaping cannot solve any problems. Later, his parents returned to their hometown in a fit of anger, and his father-in-law and mother-in-law also left their villa.In the boss's house, there were only three members of the family left, and it was deserted.

That is, in his deserted house, we drank together and talked about family affairs, and I said, "It's your fault!" Of course the head of the family is to blame.What is he to blame?Nothing else to blame, just a lack of fire in his character. Fire corresponds to the head of the family.Who is the head of the family?The backbone of the family, the backbone.In the big families in the past, the head of the family was often the old man or the old lady. Now the family is smaller, and the head of the family is the pillar of the family: the man. People with a Yanghuo personality know how to restrain themselves because of reason, know how to restrain themselves, and know how to weigh the pros and cons.People with negative fire personality argue for reason because they don't understand it.Among the people of Yanghuo, understanding reason is not for the purpose of arguing who is right and who is wrong, and understanding reason is different from "clarifying the essence".A thing has many essences, and each angle has a different essence. Everyone stands at a different angle, and naturally they will say that the public is right, and the mother-in-law is right, so everyone starts arguing.Why are some families always noisy?It is because everyone is arguing on their own grounds.This requires the head of the family in the fire position to be able to reason and see the overall situation. As the saying goes, "It is difficult for an honest official to decide on housework." Although housework is difficult, it cannot be continued. The heavy responsibility of judging who is right and who is not falls on the parents.Therefore, the head of the family must have a more positive personality, discern the truth, give a correct judgment among family members, and then adjust and resolve conflicts.It's a complicated thing.The rest of the family can use the excuse that "an upright official cannot judge housework" as an excuse not to judge right and wrong in the family, except the patriarch.Of course, the implication of "It is difficult for an honest official to judge housework" is: in a family, no one except the parents has the right to make rash conclusions about housework.In this way, the responsibility of parents can be heavy. And people who lack this kind of Yanghuo personality, like this friend of mine, only know how to avoid.Ostriches in the desert will bury their heads in the sand every time they encounter danger.When we see such a scene, we will definitely feel that the ostrich is stupid. Hiding like this does not avoid danger. If a wild animal comes, it will still be destroyed.But not only my friend, many people use this kind of self-deception when dealing with family relationships.Everyone in the family has their own hobbies and interests and different personalities.There will also be different reactions and feelings about what happened.These are very normal.But if, as the head of a family, you fail to recognize this difference and fail to resolve these conflicts in a timely manner, then the problem will only get worse. As the head of a family, you must be able to actively cultivate your own Yanghuo character.A family needs to be run with care, not to mention the big family my friend is facing.The more members there are, the more conflicts there will be. At this time, it is even more necessary for the head of the family to stand up, distinguish right from wrong, mediate conflicts, resolve grievances, and unite the family. Why is a red card in football the worst warning?Why does a red traffic light mean stop?Why do people use red to symbolize revolution?Why do Spanish matadors use red cloth to annoy bulls?Why do festivals, weddings and other festive occasions use red as the main color? This is not simply a convention, it also depends on people's physiological and psychological mechanisms.Red is considered to stimulate the secretion of human male hormones, so those who wear red clothing in sports competitions can achieve better results; red expresses the color of love; red is a commonly used color for Christmas; the stock market in North America, red Indicates the decline of stock prices; in the East Asian market, red indicates the rise of stock prices; red can make people excited and arouse joy in people's hearts, thus better creating a festive atmosphere.Therefore, whenever there is a happy event, red has become an indispensable main color. Seeing red greatly strengthens the inner strength and strengthens the belief. Therefore, red is the color of revolution.It can concentrate people's attention at once, remind people in time, and stop certain behaviors, so red is used as a warning color. If green or black is used, others will not care or even pay attention.Therefore, when we are depressed and depressed, we can use red to adjust, arouse the vitality of the heart, and stimulate the potential of the heart. Everything has advantages and disadvantages.Someone did an experiment in a psychiatric hospital, and arranged the room red for a manic patient with schizophrenia. It turned out that this patient was so manic that he could not be restrained. Put the patient to sleep a little.That's what red does.Doesn't red elevate the heart energy and make people excited?Therefore, patients with hyperactive heart yang are taboo to see red. Chinese people belong to earth, red belongs to fire, and fire can produce earth, so Chinese people like red, and they also want to use red to ignite their passion to make life lively and beautiful.In China, red traditionally means festive. For example, red is used to decorate weddings and Spring Festival; red also represents nobility. In ancient China, the walls of many palaces and temples were red. Lord, the so-called "Zhumen" and "Zhuyi"; red is also believed to have the function of warding off evil spirits. In the year of birth, people wear red belts, which means that they hope to ward off evil spirits and bring good luck to themselves. Red belongs to the heart, and the heart is associated with joy. The color corresponding to the heart is red. Red is an exciting color, and it can also affect people's character.People who like red are born optimists, they are happy to discover the difference in life.And when you get along with people who like red, you will also find that their optimistic mental state can infect the people around them and become optimistic together. We should not only choose red to make ourselves feel good, but also ensure that we have a good body through good mood.In life, we will find that some elderly people prefer bright colors, such as blue, green, purple, etc., especially the noble and fiery red.And most old people who like these colors have cheerful personalities.For them, most of their lives have already passed, and the rest is to maintain a happy mood and enjoy life.