Chapter 19 Section 3 How the FBI Filters Information from Language

The purpose of communication between people is to convey and obtain useful information. FBI experts believe that in the process of handling a case, if you can calm down and listen to what the other party has to say, it will be easier to understand and grasp the other party's psychology. FBI training experts often say when training police officers: "A person can't speak because he doesn't know what the other party needs to hear. If you can see through the other party's psychological activities like a scout, you will know how to speak. How great is the power!" FBI experts said: Listening to other people's conversations is receiving information.A good listener should be good at capturing information through conversation.Listening is faster than speaking. The listener should think, recollect, and analyze the other party's words during the interval of listening, so as to get effective information from them.Listening is arguably the most powerful part of the effective communication process.Listening can understand the character of the other party, so as to choose the appropriate tone and expression; listening can shorten the distance between each other, so as to effectively persuade the other party.It can be seen that if you want to say what others want to hear, you must first learn to listen to others.Listening to the other person's speech is also a manifestation of eloquence.If you want to be a good conversationalist, you should first be a good listener.Compared with eloquent high-spirited speeches, listening to the other party's conversation can be described as unpretentious, but the effect it plays is amazing, and more knowledge and wisdom can be gained through listening.What we need to pay attention to is that when we are listening, we must ponder the subtle feelings in the other party's words, chew and taste carefully, so as to understand their true intentions.

Powell, an FBI non-verbal information expert, described a typical case when he taught police officers: Once, Mr. Martin met a famous scientist at a dinner party.He had never talked to the scientist before and hoped to gain some important knowledge from him.At the banquet, Mr. Martin respectfully listened to the scientist talk about his research topics and achievements, and talked for several hours.Mr. Martin said almost nothing, except to tell the scientist that he had been so well received and rewarded that he was praised and complimented by the scientist in front of the hosts of the banquet, saying that Mr. Martin was "the most charming ’, adding that he and Mr. Martin had a lively conversation and had a pleasant evening.

After telling the story, Powell went on to tell the police officers: "Mr. Martin, who said almost nothing for three hours, turned out to be a very speculative conversation partner. It is really unexpected, but it is reasonable. In the scientist It seems that Martin regards him as a congenial friend; but in Martin's view, he himself is just a loyal listener, who just keeps encouraging the other party to speak. From this story, we can see that being good at listening will make the other party feel The existence of one's own value, thus prompting the other party to express their inner distress or joy. Only by being good at listening to other people's conversations can we more accurately grasp the meaning of the talker."

In the FBI training class, such a listening game is often played: in groups of two, one person speaks for 3 minutes in a row, and the other person is only allowed to listen, not to speak, let alone interrupt, and body language is allowed.Then swap over.After the end, everyone takes turns to talk about what they heard from each other.Then let the other party talk about whether the information heard by the listener is what you want to express? The results shown at the end are similar to those in other training courses. 90% of the people lost the general communication information, 75% of the people lost the important communication information, and 35% of the listeners and speakers lost There are serious differences in the communication information among them. For example, one of them wants to express "marriage needs to be managed", but the other party hears "you don't have to push yourself too hard in marriage". This is a kind of communication message complete misinterpretation.

FBI experts believe that effective listening skills can be acquired through learning, which is why they often play this kind of game.They say: Knowing your own listening behavior will help you become an effective listener. Thomas, a senior FBI expert, found after long-term research that according to the behavioral characteristics that affect listening efficiency, listening can be divided into the following three levels-the process of a person's transformation from the first level to the third level, which is also the continuous improvement of his communication ability and communication efficiency the process of.

The first level: The listener does not pay attention to what the speaker is saying, pretending to be listening, but actually thinking about other irrelevant things, or thinking about rebuttals in his heart.He is more interested in speaking than in listening.Listening at this level leads to broken relationships, conflict, and poor decision-making. The second layer: The listener mainly listens to the words and content spoken, but many times, still misses the meaning expressed by the speaker through tone of voice, body posture, gestures, facial expressions and eyes.This can lead to misunderstandings, wrong moves, wasted time and neglect of negative emotions.Also, because the listener nods in agreement to show that they are listening, rather than asking for clarification, the speaker may mistakenly believe that what is being said is fully understood.

The third layer: listeners look for interesting parts from the speaker's information, and they think this is an opportunity to obtain new and useful information.Effective listeners are aware of their personal preferences and attitudes, and are better able to avoid making arbitrary judgments about the speaker or being influenced by aggressive words.A good listener doesn't rush to judgment, but feels the other person's emotions.They are able to put themselves in things and ask more questions than justify them. After long-term demonstrations, Thomas found that about 80% of people can only achieve the effects of the first and second layers, and only 20% of people can reach the third layer.So, how can we achieve high-level listening?He provides some effective methods for FBI students.

Through nonverbal behaviors such as eye contact, a certain relaxed posture, a certain friendly facial expression and a pleasant tone of voice, you will establish a positive vibe.If you show attention, concentration, and relaxation, the other person will feel valued and more secure. Listening with understanding and mutual respect shows interest in the other person's needs. Acts like a sounding board, allowing the speaker to sound out your opinions and emotions while feeling like you are present in a non-judgmental, non-judgmental stance.Don't ask too many questions right away.Act like a mirror, reflecting back on what you think the other person is thinking at the time, and summarizing what the speaker is saying to make sure you fully understand what he is saying.

Taking a personal approach to listening tends to bring your own subjectivity into the communication process, which can lead to anger and hurt feelings, or make you jump to premature conclusions and seem judgmental. Thomas believes that following these principles will help the learner become a successful listener.Getting into the habit of applying these principles from time to time will help improve your students' listening skills. In many cases, racking your brains and trying to induce and persuade the other party will not make the other party tell the truth. Experienced police officers will reduce the proportion of their own words in the dialogue, and the information provided by the other party's words will instead get you unexpected. Information.