Chapter 13 3.Strip off the social packaging of the other party, and you will be spiritually liberated

There is a saying in the West that "a servant has no hero in his eyes".Heroes are always bathed in a layer of mysterious, powerful, and righteous brilliance in front of the public, but when projected into the eyes of servants, this brilliance quickly dims. The great Western philosophers Hegel and Montaigne (16th-century French master of humanistic thought—author's note) jointly recommended this proverb.People who think about the most abstract and profound philosophical problems and people who have insight into the world are both obsessed with the same phenomenon, and of course we should pay close attention to it.

The hero is actually two different people in the eyes of the public and servants.Is it because servants are inherently humble and cannot understand the lofty realm of heroes?wrong! Quite simply, distance creates "charm".A person who only sees the packaged social image will of course feel that the hero is glamorous.But if he also sees the hero shitting, or even sees the hero being very imbecile in life, is the hero being "disenchanted"? The great leader Chairman Mao taught us that "all reactionaries are paper tigers".Paper tigers are meant to scare only the faint of heart.At the beginning of the Anti-Japanese War, many Chinese were scared to the point of peeing their pants by the Japanese devils, as if the Japanese devils were invincible.As a result, the Chinese people were overwhelmed by the battle of Pingxingguan.Facts have proved that the Japanese devils also have two eyes in their bodies when the bullets hit them, and those bodies are also very weak.

So far, we have seen how social value ranking works, and where its flaws lie.And to deal with it, of course there is a way. I think that without clothes, humans may not have the confidence to call themselves "advanced animals" in front of monkeys.Similarly, we are psychologically weak in front of many people, but we are only intimidated by the "skin" of "society" they wear.Imagine evilly, if a noble lady takes off all her clothes and packaging, revealing her naked body, maybe a lot of fat, and frightened eyes, would you think she is high-end? What we have to do is to peel off their "skin"!

Ten years ago, I worked in a company.At that time, I was not a studious young man, and I didn't have the idea of ​​actively moving closer to the organization and leadership. I was especially afraid of the leadership and succumbed to his power. One day, I was peeing and singing in the toilet when the leader suddenly appeared next to me like a ghost.I felt a burst of tension, seriously doubting that he was beside me, could my urine come out?I glanced at him, and tremblingly called out "X Secretary", and I didn't dare to look at him anymore, my heart was pounding. Soon, I heard the sound of urine being rushed into the urinal next to me.I couldn't help myself, and took a sneak peek.I saw a tired and slumped face. This face was very different from the usual majestic face, as if it was a different person.Looking further down, this scene appeared in my mind: In a toilet, two men unzipped the zipper, took out their second brother, and stood side by side to drain the water.

That moment had a huge impact on me.In the blink of an eye, I suddenly felt that I was peeing in the toilet with the leader, and I was equal to the leader! Yes, in the office, in the conference room, and in all kinds of occasions that can set off his identity, he dominates me, making me tremble.However, as soon as he entered the toilet, there was no difference between him and me. The identities of leaders and subordinates were deconstructed, and we were just urine buddies, or animals.His deterrence was "disenchanted", and the toilet beat him back to his original form! A great pleasure hit my whole body violently.After living in ignorance for more than 20 years, I became enlightened.

Since then, I have launched a series of exciting reasoning.Why doesn't the leader like us calling him by his first name?It's because calling him by his first name means a kind of equality, and it means that when the name is mentioned, it brings out the real him.If so, how could he possibly awe us?So he insisted that we call him "Secretary" and deal with us through his role in the organization, reminding us that he has power over us, and we have to behave in front of him. Similarly, a rich man will never forget to remind us that he is rich, and the most correct reaction for us in front of him is to feel inferior!

I was intoxicated by the discovery of my own genius at that time, and if I went further, they were already showing cowardice.Many people who make us feel inferior are actually afraid to show us their true side.The "self" he reveals to us must not be his real self, but the "self" packaged by society. Before the "miracle doctor" Zhang Wuben's accident, a series of titles made people dizzy.Like "the first person in Chinese medicine diet therapy", "the first batch of senior nutrition experts of the Ministry of Health", "director of the Health Branch of the Chinese Association of Traditional Chinese Medicine", "researcher of the Chinese Medicine Technical Cooperation Center of the Chinese Academy of Chinese Medical Sciences", "chief health promotion expert", which one is brought out in the society? No weight in value order?Of course, it turned out afterwards that these titles were purely fictitious, and if there were any, they would be easily fooled by the masses.

The truth of the matter is often that the less a person can live by his true self, the more he needs to think that the "self" packaged by society is his real self, and make others agree with it psychologically.A person with power, a rich person, once he realizes that the self stripped of power and money is the real self, he will fall into a psychological disaster. Of course, if you can't see through the "self" that a person piles up with power and money is essentially a kind of falsehood, sorry, we are the ones who suffer the disaster. At that time, in order to break the social value ranking, the theoretical knowledge was very lacking, and I, who only had the courage of a man, once played what now seems to be crazy and risky training.

For the first training, I want to test how much I can bear psychologically to the public's supercilious looks.For this reason, on a sunny afternoon, I put on dirty and torn clothes and wandered around the living area and the street without turning my eyes, and occasionally wandered into the lobby of the hotel.This is the look of "tramp + lunatic". Many people who knew me thought I was insane when they saw my appearance, pointing at my back with disdain on my face.I tried to stay calm and shrug it off.In the hotel lobby, my presence startled the uniformed waiters, and the security guard rudely chased me out.

This is a strategy of fighting fire with fire, going to an extreme to deliberately fight against the ordering of social values.I later discovered that this behavior was extremely childish, and my courage depended entirely on self-suggestion and compulsion, on a kind of "I'll fight it" mentality.I have already said before that as long as a person is shameless, he can do this.If this is also called psychological strength, it is really a huge insult to the language. Five days later, I pulled the brakes in time to declare this erroneous practice of mental strength "end of life."

The second training, I want to examine whether I have the courage and ability to have an equal dialogue with those who make me feel inferior.The specific method is to find opportunities to go to the homes of powerful people in the unit with others, speak boldly, and look directly into the eyes of powerful people, so as to cultivate the courage to despise those in power.The move was almost suicidal, but my curiosity about psychic strength at the time made me willing to take the risk. On that day, I, colleagues, and powerful people had friendly trilateral talks on issues of interest and exchanged views on certain issues.After I had dinner and left the restaurant, I visited the homes of powerful people with my colleagues. What I never expected was that my suicidal behavior did not harm me, on the contrary, it achieved unexpected success.Dare to look directly at powerful people frequently, let me find the feeling of being psychologically strong in front of him, and I can speak freely, and show sparks of wisdom from time to time, which makes the powerful people quite appreciate.After that, I slowly approached him.My conversations with him also became a form of leisure for him in the midst of his complicated power struggle. Afterwards, I reflected on this training.It turns out, painfully, that this still misses the point in terms of the demands of psychological strength.I'm still pushing myself to look strong, and meeting someone who isn't in a psychological contest with me seems like I've succeeded.But when I meet someone who tries to beat me mentally, I have only one ignominious end, which is failure. Both of these trainings are missing a very important factor, which is the method that must be kept in mind in mental strength training: don't let any information from the other party steal your own psychological response. And my method is to fight against the other party's strong identity in terms of social value ranking by forcing myself to generate courage.This is wrong and went astray in the first place.This is still tantamount to admitting that one's own identity is lower than the other's identity in terms of social value ranking, and inferiority complex is set a priori. If the rules of the game based on social value are played at the beginning, breaking it will only be a dream.Our "self" is seriously infected by the virus sorted by social value. For those who want to become psychologically strong, what they need to do is not to kill the virus, but to reinstall the system! On the road to a strong mentality in the future, I abandoned this wrong training with righteousness, turned around quickly, and walked forward.Many years later, I appeared on the Internet like a ghost wearing a "vest for posting and replying"... I think we can break the social value order in this way: Given a situation, for example, you are in front of a successful person who makes you feel inferior and stage fright, what should you do? Our principle is: only deal with him with your mind, not face him with your mind, and cut off the control chain of his halo on your mind.You should be a rational person in front of him, not a psychological animal.At the beginning of training, it is usually divided into three steps. The first step is to keep your mind sharp and active, and try to make yourself emotionally stable.The purpose of doing this is to deconstruct the "strong-weak" relationship between you and him in your heart, prevent yourself from having a "high-end-low" psychological reaction, and let all the information on him pass through your brain first. Off, and block them in your brain, instead of directly bypassing your brain and stimulating your mind. There was a historian in ancient Greece named Herodotus. He once told a story: King Darius of Persia liked to travel, and he was very curious about all kinds of strange things he encountered during the journey.He found that one tribe of Indians had the habit of eating the body of their dead fathers; but the Greeks never did this, and the Greeks cremated their fathers, thinking that this was the most natural.One day he summoned the Greeks at his court and asked them if they would eat the body of their dead father.The Greeks were shocked and said they would not do such a thing no matter how much money they were offered.Then Darius called in some Indians, and asked them if they would cremate the body of their dead father, and the Indians were greatly alarmed, and told Darius that it would be better not to mention such dreadful things. What does this story want to show?Explain that different societies and cultures have different moral standards, habits, and ways of life. You are familiar with the set played by your own society and think it is normal and justified, and that is nothing.However, if you meet people from another society, because they play differently from you, you think that others are strange and sick, and that is your problem. First, it means that you are ignorant; There are really some problems, always pretending to be great, honorable, and right.But in fact, in the eyes of others, you are just as strange and sick. According to this enlightenment, when anthropologists leave their own society and go to the deep mountains and old forests to contact primitive peoples for "field research", they must not observe and interpret the thinking and customs of primitive peoples in the same way that their own society plays and living habits.He must psychologically cut off the connection with the society he lives in, and only take one pair of eyes to see, and only one brain to think and interpret.Failure to do so would prevent him from seeing things as they really were, and reduce his "scientific research" to a game of self-deception. Because of this, Morgan, an anthropologist, even went to live with primitive people for forty years when he wrote "Ancient Society".It has to be said that this man is cruel enough to himself in cutting off the psychological connection with society. From a methodological point of view, our first step in breaking the ranking of social values ​​is roughly the same.This one will be a bit difficult at first, but that's okay, let's move on to the second step and find his exposed flaws. As mentioned above, a person who uses clothes, decorations, fame, money, status, and looks to make himself look very high-end is basically because he dare not show his true colors to others. Such a person is psychologically unconfident.And any packaging can't be perfect, there are loopholes, and it will expose a person's ordinary and ordinary side.There is a myth in ancient Greece that there was a hero named Achilles, who was so strong that he was invulnerable to swords and guns, and had the indestructible body of King Kong.But he has a fatal flaw, that is, the heels of his feet are very weak. As a result, after he hacked to death countless people in a fight, an expert saw through his flaws and shot his heel with an arrow and died. A TV guest told a story. He was invited to participate in a TV talk show. The host was a woman.However, he soon found confidence because he scanned the host's body from top to bottom and found that this high-end beauty actually had a pair of big feet, and she didn't wear stockings, and her insteps were rough.This discovery caused the beauty to be "disenchanted" in front of him. It turned out that she was not a noble fairy, but an ordinary person like him.He quickly found his confidence. The second step in breaking the order of social value is to capture as quickly as possible the camouflage elements that may be exposed by a person, as well as any defects that may be exposed by the body and body packaging, and transform the other party from a social role such as a leader, boss, or celebrity. , reduced to a person, an ordinary person like you! Montaigne, the 16th century French humanist thinker, reminds us that the reason why dignitaries look higher than us is because they wear stilts on their feet.He earnestly taught us: "A man can have many servants, live in a beautiful mansion, exert great influence, and have a huge income. All these may be his own things, not his own things... Get rid of his feet Stilts, measure his actual height, let him throw away his wealth, strip off his ornaments, and meet us naked..." A person who can scare the weak of mind usually uses these two steps To put yourself at the high end of the social value ranking: one is to "work hard" in society to gain money, power, status, and titles. These things are the "background" of a person's identity; In itself, it is the "image design" of a person performing. Both "background" and "image design" "enchant" a person. What you want to do is exactly the opposite, which is to restore the "enchantment" process that he has painstakingly worked on, dispel his "enchantment", and bring him back to his original form! I highly recommend this mentally strong workout.Because, this is not obscenity, it is not the spiritual victory method played by Ah Q brothers; it does not go to the extreme of Buddhism, seeing through all phenomena in the world, and everything is just a cloud; it is not advocated by many psychological inspirational books The kind of "confidence" that you have in mind, those things can't give you much except a kind of "courage" for a short time; To be "confused", the essence is just as I said before, in order not to suffer, people might as well become like pigs without thinking, which is degeneration.In order to get rid of psychological pain, an adult becomes psychologically like a child, which is called "regression". In addition, this kind of training has a kind of subversive fun, which is very interesting.Think about it, when you strip away the "powerful" attributes of a person, go beyond these appearances, and find that he is actually weak, does a kind of pleasure arise spontaneously from the bottom of your heart? You might think that doing so is risky.What if you can't control your reactions well, and you are caught and offended by the "successful person" you are dealing with? When "successful people" get angry, the consequences are serious. There may be such problems.So, there is a third step.All I'm saying is, take it easy, you have plenty of leeway. I would like to ask, when you see a beggar begging on the street and you drop him a dollar, what happens in your brain and heart?You must have a psychology, that is sympathy; at the same time, you must also have such a cognition, that is, he is not a professional liar!However, this kind of psychology and cognition does not appear at the same time as your behavior of throwing a dollar, but constitutes the background of your behavior.Just because they are the background of the behavior, you may not be aware of them sometimes, so the chic action of throwing money is like an automatic response, clean and neat, never muddled. What enlightenment can we get from it?It's very simple, just as a successful person makes us feel inferior, so we deal with him with an inferiority complex, or in other words, just as "successful people are superior to us" constitutes the psychological background for us to deal with him, We can also "disenchant" him and incorporate him into the psychological and cognitive context of our dealings with him. This is what the third step does: strip off his "charm", and then incorporate it into the psychological and cognitive background, filling in the psychological background that he is awesome in your heart and makes you feel inferior, which is dispelled by the previous two steps The space left behind, and very importantly, still deal with his character as your character. Is it logically wrong to deconstruct the "self" packaged by a successful person-the role he plays; while still dealing with him in his role?is it possible? Totally possible!Both are chronological.After seeing through his powerful illusion and deconstructing his role, in your heart, he is no longer awesome, and you have been liberated.After that, you will feel relaxed all over your body, and you can completely face up to what role he is intellectually and mobilize yourself to deal with it.