Chapter 41 3.Sleeping is not afraid of noise, studying is not afraid of noise

Over the years, I have visited relatives, friends or colleagues who have just given birth to babies from time to time, and found that many people always take care of the baby's sleep very carefully.He kept his voice low, and unplugged the phone line, for fear that something would wake the child up.It is understandable for parents to be eager to love their children, but it is wrong to do so, and it may just cause trouble for their children's future sleep. I am very fortunate to have read "New Parenting Encyclopedia" before Yuanyuan was born. This book is very good, written by a famous American pediatrician and child psychologist.At that time, I also bought several other "domestic" parenting books. After reading them, I felt that the concept of parenting in this "imported" book pursued "naturalness" everywhere, but it was scientific and objective, which suited my taste.For example, on the matter of baby sleep, the "domestic" books I read at the time said that after the baby is born, we should try our best to give him a quiet environment so that the baby can have a good sleep.But in this book it says:

"There is some movement in the house, which generally does not affect the child's sleep. Parents don't need to walk around the room on tiptoe, and they don't need to speak softly, otherwise the child is used to the quiet environment, and it is easy to wake up when he hears a sudden sound. Whether it is a baby or a child, as long as He is used to the general noise and talking at home, and he can still sleep soundly even when guests come to talk and laugh, or the radio and TV are on, or even someone walks into their bedroom." A short paragraph has benefited me a lot. This passage reminds me that children's sleep can be completely uninterrupted with adults' normal activities, and a slightly noisy environment is also conducive to developing a good habit of children sleeping without being afraid of being disturbed.So after Yuanyuan was born, what should we do, how loud we should talk and how loud the TV is usually.And the little baby on the bed did show that he was not afraid of being disturbed.Her performance in the photo during the full moon made my impression even deeper.

At that time, we didn't have a camera at home, so when Yuanyuan passed the full moon, I asked someone from outside to come to my house to take pictures of her.The photographer came and the little baby was asleep.Because the photographer had to go to another family to take pictures next, and we didn't want to wait, so we decided to wake up the child. I touched her face first, and called her to wake up with a normal voice, but there was no response. So he uncovered the small quilt, and spoke to her in a slightly louder voice while moving her limbs, but she still ignored her. Her father said next to her that she should wake up when she hugs her.I picked her up, patted her buttocks and back, left and right, as if they were all on someone else, and she slept more soundly with her head on my chest.

Everyone thought it was weird and funny, and even the photographer said it was really weird, why couldn't he wake up.Then we scratched the itchy flesh on her neck with our hands. She just twisted her head and neck slightly, with a faint smile on her face, breathing evenly, and continued her sweet dream. In the end, grandma used a trick and brought a towel to wipe her face. The wet and cool towel wiped her pink face, but the little guy just wrinkled his nose slightly, and then his face was calm and peaceful. , falling asleep more self-consciously, just not waking up. After nearly half an hour of tossing like this, she still couldn't wake her up. We had no choice but to let the photographer go to someone else's house to take pictures first, and then take pictures for us when he came back.But less than ten minutes after the photographer left, Yuanyuan woke up. She first twisted her body, opened her eyes, then grinned, and started to cry, ready to nurse.We were really angry and laughing - too egotistical.

This incident made us discover that children are not only "not afraid of being disturbed", but "specially not afraid of being disturbed".Since it is generally not necessary for people to wake up a sleeping baby, this phenomenon is not easy to detect.Since then, we have been less worried about any noise that can disturb her, and she can indeed sleep soundly in any sound. In fact, Yuanyuan can be easily woken up when she gets a little bigger.Since she was more than one year old, we had to get up in the middle of the night several times because of catching the train. I only need to call her lightly, and she can wake up, neither crying nor fussing, very well-behaved.But in normal times, she always sleeps deeply, as long as the voice is not specifically calling her, it can't disturb her.Her ears seem to have a special function, which can filter out irrelevant sounds.

When she was about 2 years old, one night before going to bed, her father and I argued loudly about something. At that time, Yuanyuan was in the same room with us and fell asleep.We were worried about waking her up at first, but we found that she was sleeping soundly and showed no signs of being disturbed at all, so our voices became louder and we had a lively argument.Parents set off a storm of sound, but Yuanyuan always slept so soundly like in a lullaby. Some infants and young children seem to be really afraid of noise when they sleep. In this case, except for a few particularly sensitive children, they usually develop bad habits in the first few months after birth.Some babies also experience colic during the first trimester, which can also cause them to wake up suddenly crying, and adults often mistake them for being woken up.No matter what the situation is, parents should not indulge his habit of being afraid of noise while sleeping. They should find ways to let him gradually adapt to the noise of life and learn to sleep without fear of noise.

A simple physical problem can turn into a psychological problem if it is consistently addressed incorrectly. I heard from a girl who was a graduate student that she had a roommate in her dormitory who was very afraid of making noise when sleeping.There are 4 people in the dormitory, although the other 3 people have been careful, this roommate always complains that the people in the dormitory make noise and make her sleep badly; when the other 3 people are not in the dormitory, she complains that someone talking in the corridor disturbs her; to When there is no one in the corridor in the middle of the night, she will not be able to sleep well, because there will always be sounds from time to time outside the window.Her sleep problems seem to be solved only by being Robinson Crusoe.

It is conceivable that this girl caused a lot of trouble to the people in the same dormitory, but the most painful one was herself.It is said that the girl's mother is also very afraid of noise when she sleeps, and she has been caring for her since she was a child.But this kind of care is not for the benefit of the child, but for bringing troubles that she may not be able to get rid of in her life. Just as there are often "quiet" requirements for the sleeping environment, people are also accustomed to requiring quiet in the learning environment.But just as appropriate noise helps to develop good sleep habits, appropriate noise can also cultivate children's ability to resist interference in learning.Therefore, in terms of children's learning environment, one should not pursue quietness too much, lest things will turn against each other.

Now a more troublesome tendency is that in school or at home, we are always trying our best to create a "quiet" learning environment, except that "quiet" is used as the aesthetic standard in the classroom, and noise is regarded as a bad phenomenon. Ask the children to be silent.This is often done too much. I saw in a primary school in Beijing that the activity time before school is called "management class" time. This time was originally for children to move freely, but in fact it has become a self-study class.There is a teacher in each class who supervises the children. Once a child speaks, he will be reprimanded loudly by the teacher.Some classes have poor discipline, and the teacher has to keep shouting hoarsely or knocking on the desk to maintain "order"-this kind of phenomenon of seeking quietness from morning till night is actually very common in schools, and it has been like this since I was in elementary school , and now it seems to be getting worse.

Yuanyuan began to have afternoon self-study classes in the second year of elementary school. The teacher was not always in the classroom, and most of the time the class leader maintained order.Yuanyuan was the class monitor at the time, and the teacher asked her to manage the discipline of the self-study class.The children have been under supervision for a whole day. It is not easy for them to be supervised by the teacher during this time. They are not willing to listen to the little monitor. The self-study class is always chaotic.Yuanyuan took care of this, and that person started talking again, You Qi buried her head and just finished some homework, the classroom was in chaos, and she had to stand up again to maintain discipline.The voices in the classroom were often too loud to drown her voice, and Yuanyuan had to shout loudly to restore the classroom's silence for a while.

This kind of practice is not in line with Yuanyuan's nature at all, and the teacher always asks her to be responsible for the "discipline" of the self-study class, which makes her in a dilemma.After a period of time, she actually wrote a "resignation report", requesting to resign from the position of class monitor, and wanted to become a literary and art committee member.I asked her why, and she said that the art committee does not need to manage people in self-study classes.The incident forced the child to the point where he didn't even want to be an "official"! Elementary school is a place for children's activities, and children's nature is to be lively and active.What's wrong with the noise, and can it really hinder anyone's learning?Many educators have developed "quiet addiction", and even this addiction has reached the point of harming children. I heard from a friend that her son’s primary school created a “civilized school”, and one of the projects in the creation activity was to engage in “noise-free corridors”.That is, children are not allowed to make loud noises in the corridor after class.Every day, the school sends small cadres to patrol the corridors to catch those making noise.The small cadres can't grasp the standards well, and it is often that a child who speaks a little loudly will be recorded and deducted from the class.As a result, in order to avoid deduction of points, the get out of class teachers locked the students in the classroom after class, and did not let the students go to the corridor. Whoever wanted to go to the bathroom had to queue up in the classroom first, and the other would go after one came back.I heard that the corridors of this school are indeed very quiet, and the experience has been extended to other elementary schools... What a child who grows up in the "noise-free corridor" feels is the brutality of school education.What kind of "civilization" can such an activity of creating a "civilized school" allow children to grow in their hearts? Education should work to cultivate children's habits, and should not pursue superficial tidiness and cater to certain negative habits.In terms of the learning environment, there is no need to deliberately create noise, nor do you need to pursue quietness too much. It is best to let nature take its course.If the learning environment is in line with children's nature, children can naturally develop anti-interference ability in learning, and they have amazing growth power in this respect. "Study without being afraid of noise" and "sleep without being afraid of noise" are actually the same problem, and they can have the same solution. Please see how this elementary school is doing—— The children are so free at school, and they have the final say on what class they want every day.This school never prevents children from doing what they want for the reason of "interfering with others", so in its library, some people read books, some sing, some read aloud, and some draw pictures.In the eyes of ordinary people, this place is noisy enough, but in fact, the children do not disturb each other, they do their own things and enjoy themselves.The school's purpose of doing this is to cultivate children's anti-interference ability, and the purpose is to let children learn "no matter how noisy the surroundings are, they can concentrate immediately!" This school makes children happy and every child doesn't want to leave after school and want to be there early the next morning.The students it recruits are ordinary, and some are even physically disabled or expelled from other schools, but after experiencing this kind of primary education, almost all of the students have become talents in the end-this is the famous book that wrote The best school: Ba Xueyuan, which existed in Japan more than 70 years ago, was founded by Mr. Sosaku Kobayashi, a Japanese educator. His educational ideas are still very advanced today and are worthy of praise. In the family, of course, parents should try their best to provide their children with a quiet and undisturbed learning environment, but this is normal, so don’t be too demanding; A good effect, but a bad effect. I once met a neighbor who lived downstairs from me.Around the time Yuanyuan was in junior high school, her daughter was about to take the college entrance examination.At that time, Yuanyuan was going to take the erhu grade test. Since she was in a boarding school, she could only practice piano every weekend when she went home.As a result, as soon as Yuanyuan's erhu sounded, the heating pipes began to be knocked downstairs.At first we didn't think it was aimed at us, because although the soundproofing of that building was not very good, we could only vaguely hear any sound from someone's house, and the volume would not affect us at all.After repeating it several times, we were convinced that the voice was to stop Yuanyuan from practicing Erhu. Later, I met some neighbors in the elevator. From their conversations, I knew that the mother complained that the sound of other people's houses affected her daughter's study, so she always knocked on the heating pipe, and even "visited" some people.Everyone may also feel that she has done a little too much, but people still support their children's college entrance examination, and consciously reduce all kinds of voices at home. Yuanyuan can't practice erhu at night, she can only practice on Saturday morning, when the girl goes to school.During that time, I couldn’t hear the sound of the neighbor’s playing the piano, but I heard the sound of the heating pipe knocking downstairs from time to time. It seems that the sound that affects his children’s learning is inexhaustible.At that time, I was worried about this girl in the third year of high school. When the parents tapped the heating pipe loudly, they were actually constantly reminding the children that there was noise here and there.Can you focus on your studies if you prick up your ears to search for noise all day long? It's a pity that the girl really didn't get into the university, and the result I know is that she repeated it again. Of course, it is also possible that the child does not want to study and finds an excuse that others are arguing with her. In this case, parents should not encourage the child's bad habits. Physically strong people cannot be cultivated in a sterile cabin, and it is unreasonable to complete learning by eliminating normal sounds around them.A child who is disturbed in a normal environment is also easily disturbed in a quiet environment. It is not the sound that really disturbs him, but his habit of looking for the sound. Children will encounter many problems in their growth, and it is impossible for parents to create every ideal growth condition for their children.Cultivating a child's ability to adapt to the environment is equivalent to providing him with a good environment that he can carry with him. When Yuanyuan was in high school, her grandma came to my house, always worried that the sound of the TV would disturb her study.We told her again and again that grandma is fine, and you can watch TV whenever you want. We are telling the truth, as long as the TV is not moved into Yuanyuan's room, she will not be disturbed by anything at all once the door of the cabin is closed.We have been consciously or unconsciously cultivating her anti-interference ability, and even encouraged her to do homework while watching TV when she was in elementary school. Two months before the college entrance examination, construction started on a new building less than 100 meters from my home.Large vehicles can only drive at night because they cannot enter the urban area during the day.So every eleven or two o'clock in the evening, the roar of large trucks, the sound of loading and unloading steel and stones, and the shouting of workers during operation began to be heard outside, and it continued until three or four o'clock in the morning.There are two other candidates on the same floor as us. Their parents have gone to the construction site, but to no avail.There seems to be a regulation in Beijing that during the college entrance examination period, construction sites near residential buildings are not allowed to work at night, but the construction site did not stop overnight.The construction unit just kept posting apology notices in the residential buildings, hoping for people's understanding. Her father and I were also a little anxious, but thinking about the difficulties the construction unit had, we felt that it would be useless to go to them.All we can do at home is avoid reminders instead of complaining. We never said a word about the noise on the construction site in front of Yuanyuan.Observing her peace of mind every day, I guess she may not have noticed this problem at all, and we pretended that nothing happened, showing no anxiety about the noise at all. Yuanyuan's sleep was also very good at that stage, which may also be due to the habit of not being afraid of noise when she slept since she was a child.Before the college entrance examination, Yuanyuan said why she didn't feel very nervous, maybe she was out of shape.After the exam, she said in amazement how the exam passed and she didn't lose sleep once. Only then did we dare to ask her if she was disturbed by the construction site outside.Yuanyuan only found out that the construction site outside was started after we reminded her. She said that she sometimes felt the noise outside was very loud these days, but she didn't pay attention to it, and she didn't realize that it was so noisy. Parents should give their children a positive influence and let them learn to live in harmony with the surrounding environment, instead of being harsh and wanting to change everywhere. When we look at "noises" in this way, they are no longer noises - the sound of TV from neighbors' homes, quarrels, the sound of cars driving on the road and their horns, the roar of machines on the construction site - they are There is no need for us to be bothered by these sounds. With such a calm attitude on many similar small problems, the solution may be a big problem. Rather than saying that "sleeping without being afraid of noise" is a physiological problem, it is also an educational problem to some extent. ●Children's sleep can be completely uninterrupted with adults' normal activities. A slightly noisy environment is also conducive to developing a good habit of children sleeping without being afraid of being disturbed. ●Parents should not pamper their children's habit of being afraid of noise while sleeping. They should find ways to let him gradually adapt to the noise of life and learn to sleep without fear of noise.A simple physical problem can turn into a psychological problem if it is consistently addressed incorrectly. ●Education should work to cultivate children's habits, and should not pursue superficial tidiness and cater to certain negative habits.In terms of the learning environment, there is no need to deliberately create noise, nor do you need to pursue quietness too much. It is best to let nature take its course. ●Children will encounter many problems in their growth, and it is impossible for parents to create every ideal growth condition for their children.Cultivating a child's ability to adapt to the environment is equivalent to providing him with a good environment that he can carry with him.