Chapter 37 6.Learn to hold a "parent meeting"

When Yuanyuan was in fourth grade, I went to a parent-teacher meeting.The teacher in charge praised several students, and mentioned Yuanyuan, saying that she skipped a grade and was the youngest in the class, but she was still one of the best students in the class.The downside is that sometimes I don't listen carefully in class. She motioned me to talk to the teachers of each subject after the meeting.So after the meeting, I went to the office to ask some teachers about Yuanyuan's situation. One of the teachers who taught ideology and morality said that she had no problems studying, but she often didn't pay attention to the lectures in class, and occasionally contradicted the teacher. She felt that the child was very proud.The teacher who taught the "Society" class next to me heard it, and then said that the child was a little proud. Sometimes the teacher was giving lectures, and she seemed very unconvinced, so she muttered below, asking her to stand up and say, she also said that the teacher was talking about Wrong.

I heard the teacher say this, and I was a little anxious.Regarding her not paying attention to the lectures in class, I don’t think it’s a problem. Based on my understanding of her, I know that she knows what she needs to listen carefully, which ones should be listened to with only part of her attention, and which ones can not be listened to at all. , she understood by herself.I even allow her to secretly read novels when she is in a class she doesn't like, which can save time and prevent talking to others.My concern is the pride issue that the teacher said.Yuanyuan has been smart since she was in kindergarten, and she has always been liked by the teachers. I worry that she has a sense of superiority and thinks too highly of herself.I hope she always has a normal heart and is down-to-earth.It's really bad that teachers have such evaluations now.

So when I got home, I told her, Mom went to the parent-teacher meeting today, and the teachers reported that you have been doing well in your studies, but you are a little proud and contradict the teacher, isn’t that the case? Yuanyuan was a little surprised, saying that she had never contradicted the teacher, and asked which teacher said it.I didn't want to tell her which teacher said it. I was worried that she would have rebellious feelings towards the teacher who gave her opinions in the future, so I said that more than one person said that.It doesn't matter who said it, the important thing is that you have to reflect on whether you have pride, and don't feel that you are anything special.

Yuanyuan looked confused, and said very quickly, I have no pride, what is pride?I know she's asking what she's doing to be proud of.In other words, the teacher didn't say anything specific, so you think about it yourself, when did you contradict the teacher, how did you speak, and whether you were self-righteous in front of the teacher.Yuanyuan got angry, and said loudly, "I don't, I don't think I'm self-righteous!" Her attitude made me unhappy, so I criticized her and said, "You didn't, then why do the teachers say this, without reflecting on it at all? Hurry up!

Yuanyuan looked extremely aggrieved, fell silent for a while, muttered "Why do they all say that", and burst into tears.Yuanyuan usually seldom cries, but at this moment, she was not only wronged, but also confused. When she cried like this, I suddenly realized that I had made the problem too serious, and it was beyond the child's tolerance.A 9-year-old child has no ability to reflect on whether she is proud or not. If she does something wrong in school, she should find a way to guide her to realize it and correct it happily.And when I say this, it will only confuse the children.She may no longer be "proud" in the future, but she will also become unconfident from then on, thinking that the teachers all said something wrong with her, she has doubts about all the teachers, and she will not have a normal mentality in her interactions with the teachers.

I quickly picked her up and put her on my lap, and said to her: "I'm sorry baby, what mother said was inaccurate and exaggerated."Not all the teachers said this, only two teachers said this, that is, the teachers who taught morality and society.None of the other teachers said anything about it.Yuanyuan felt better after hearing what I said, and stopped crying. I said, it's not right for your mother and teacher to give you a definition of "proud".But think about it, have you ever contradicted the teacher, spoke impolitely to the teachers, or refused to say hello to the teacher?

She thought for a while and said, in the ideological and moral class, the teacher asked to answer "the meaning of watching TV", but no students raised their hands, the teacher asked Yuanyuan to answer, Yuanyuan couldn't think of the "meaning" of watching TV, so she said something "Watching TV is pointless".Many students laughed.The teacher was very upset, saying that watching TV can learn knowledge, isn't that meaningful? How can it be said that it is meaningless?Yuanyuan retorted, why are parents unwilling to let their children watch TV, saying that watching TV delays their studies?The teacher was particularly upset by her rebuttal, criticizing her for thinking you knew more than the teacher.As for the social class teacher, Yuanyuan couldn't think of any specific conflicts, she just didn't like this teacher.She said that the teacher often said incorrect things in class. For example, southerners are smart, and northerners are "big biaozi" (Yantai dialect, referring to a person who is stupid, reckless, or heartless), and often scolded students. The classmates don't like the social class teacher, so she doesn't like to say hello when she meets this teacher.

I don't know what to say, I appreciate Yuanyuan's questioning spirit, which is a disadvantage in the eyes of some weak teachers.She's always been a child who doesn't hide her thoughts and emotions at her age.But she left such an impression on the teachers that it must be a problem that needs to be addressed. I was not sure how to talk about it with her, so I waited for her father to come back at night. After we discussed it, I talked about it with my child the next day. We first tell the child that there is nothing wrong with her answers in the ideological and moral class, and that she can answer whatever she thinks, which is an advantage.But since most elementary school teachers are not used to debating with students, there is no need to say that in class in the future.We suggest that if she has any ideas in the future, she can talk to the teacher after class. If the teacher shows that she is unwilling to listen, she can take some ideas at school home and talk to her parents. Parents especially like to hear her "different views".We also talked for a while about "the significance of watching TV", which made Yuanyuan realize that the teacher's question was a bit boring, but her own answer was also a bit absolute.

In order for her to better accept all kinds of teachers, we told her that the profession of teachers is the same as any other profession. Some people have high quality and some people have low quality. The teachers who arrived were all satisfactory.But we must respect every teacher in the school, not for their bad habits, but just like respecting anyone in the world, as long as this person does not do bad things, but has some problems that we don’t like, we should respect him .A person with low quality is already very unfortunate. This is because he has not encountered a good educational environment since he was a child. If he received a good education, he must not behave like he later.If we don't respect him now, he will be even more unfortunate and his quality will be more difficult to improve.

Our words made Yuanyuan feel acceptable. After the conversation, she went about her own business and seemed to be in a good mood.We feel that we need to communicate more with the teacher in the future to learn more about the child's situation at school, but we can't simply educate her or teach her a lesson without seriously communicating with the child after returning home.Everything should be looked at from two sides, not only the teacher's opinion, but also the child's feelings must be considered.After this parents' meeting, if you criticize her regardless of the matter, and ask her to respect the teacher simply and bluntly, it will actually intensify the conflict and deteriorate the relationship between her and the teacher.She would be angry and feel aggrieved at the time; later she would lose confidence and become coquettish or servile.Our goal should be to let her learn to get along with the teacher, adjust herself appropriately in the current environment, and coordinate herself with the environment, but she must maintain self-confidence and not lose her independence of thought.

Since then, we have paid attention to how to bring back the situation at the parent meeting and share it with the child. Whether it is aimed at her strengths or weaknesses, we have paid attention to the fact that the conversation can promote her instead of disturbing or hitting her.At the end of her first semester in high school, the school held a parent meeting, the main content of which was to report the situation of the semester exam.Yuanyuan's overall grades are good, but she is poor in mathematics.Her mathematics was not her strong point from elementary school to junior high school. After high school, the students in the science experimental class were generally strong in mathematics. In contrast, her mathematics scores were not satisfactory.The homeroom teacher is a math teacher. I chatted with her for a while after the meeting. The homeroom teacher also mentioned that Yuanyuan is weak in mathematics. She thinks she should find ways to improve her mathematics, and her basic knowledge should be more solid. On the way home, I thought about it and rejected the idea of ​​enrolling her in an extracurricular math class.One is that high school students are already very busy studying, and if she is not given some free time on weekends, it will be detrimental to her overall study arrangement.Mathematics performance may improve, other subjects will be affected.The second is that I think her mathematics learning is not satisfactory, not because of the class time, but because of her interest and self-confidence.The two math teachers Yuanyuan met in elementary and junior high both influenced her interest in mathematics. If she can mobilize her confidence and interest in mathematics, her grades will definitely improve.One of the favorable conditions now is that the class teacher is a math teacher. Her lectures are very good, and the class teacher's work is also very good, and she is deeply respected by the students in the class.Maybe this is an opportunity for improvement. After I got home, I informed her about the content of the parent-teacher meeting and handed her the report card.The report card is very detailed, listing the personal grades of each subject, the average grade of each subject in the grade, the average grade of each class in the class, and the individual's ranking in the class, etc., all listed in detail.Yuanyuan's class is the school's No. 1 experimental class. The students are all doing well in their studies, and their grades in all subjects are higher than the grade average.Yuanyuan's grades in all subjects were basically higher than the class average, only math was lower than the class average.She didn't say anything after reading the report card. I knew she was dissatisfied with her math grades, but because she was not strong in math, there was nothing she could do. I think I must never tell her the exact words of the math teacher at this time.Although what the teacher said is an objective fact, the child himself knows this fact. Speaking out will not be meaningful to her progress except to strengthen her weakness in mathematics and make her feel unconfident in this subject.Parents can't assume that children are heroes who overcome difficulties. If a deficiency is pointed out, they will be able to overcome it; There was nothing he could do, so he had to accept his fate. My purpose is to build up the child's self-confidence and motivate her to learn mathematics well, so I have to change the term. I said to her: "The teacher said that although you didn't do very well in the math exams these few times, she thinks you have great potential in math." Hearing what I said, Yuanyuan was slightly surprised: Is that right? My math test is so bad, how could the teacher think I have potential?I said: Your teacher is so good at teaching mathematics and has taught so many students one after another. Based on her experience and feelings, she should know which students have potential, otherwise why would she say that. I could see that Yuanyuan's heart was moving.The head teacher can say this, which surprised her, and she has a new understanding of her math ability, and it turns out that she has potential. I said to her again, the teacher told you not to worry, don't rush to compare your grades with your classmates, you have to be down-to-earth and follow the teacher's teaching seriously.Don't overly pursue solving difficult problems, grasp the basic knowledge well, and continue to pursue the problems encountered until you understand a problem thoroughly, don't leave any dead ends, and there will be no problems after solving the problem-these words about learning are actually the teacher's understanding of the problem. What all parents say, it certainly applies to every child.Arouses her self-confidence and gives her sincere expectations, which is a great encouragement for children.As for how to learn, I know that I have no ability to guide her, but I firmly believe that a down-to-earth attitude is a platform for learning to take off. With this attitude, she will naturally actively seek various methods that suit her. Will use their ability to the maximum. As I write this, I think that some parents, although they have very little knowledge of a certain subject, think that they have the ability to guide their children's learning, so they come up with random ideas and directions.For example, some parents want their children to learn to write essays, so they snatch a novel that is full of interest from their children and let them read anthologies; some parents rely on advertisements or other parents to buy various novels for their children. The extracurricular exercise set stipulates how many questions children should do every day; some parents take it for granted that they set the goal of memorizing 10 English words a day, 300 a month, and 3,600 a year.So I emphasize once again that as a parent, you must not be self-righteous. If you are not fully sure, don't dictate your child's studies.What parents have to do is to protect their children's interest in learning and build up their confidence in learning.With interest and self-confidence, are you still afraid that he will not be able to learn well, or that he will not find a way by himself? Facts have proved that Yuanyuan has indeed made great progress in mathematics in the time since then, and her grades have become more and more stable.Of course, when she failed the exam, she would show some frustration, and we hinted to her that she had potential in mathematics.Tell her that there will always be some accidents in the exam, and that finding the problem itself is a gain, let her calm down and study steadily.Her math teacher also encouraged her.A confident and down-to-earth attitude is the best "cram class", which has enabled her to make great progress in mathematics learning, and her grades have changed from the middle-lower in the class to the top. Communication between parents and school teachers is an effective way to understand their children, and teachers will generally truthfully tell parents about their children's various situations.However, parents need to use some brains on how to "convey" it, and don't convey it to their children "truthfully" regardless of the situation.You must consider how your "conveying" methods and words will affect your children, whether they will be constructive or destructive, and whether they will stimulate or inhibit your children. Now there is a heart-wrenching fact that many primary and middle school students are particularly afraid of holding parent-teacher meetings, and the days of parent-teacher meetings often become their "days of suffering", especially for some boys with poor academic performance. Their "punishment notice".In their experience, the parents' meeting is the "score ranking meeting" and the teacher's "complaint meeting".The consequence is that when they go home, they will be reprimanded at least, or beaten at worst. Parents who beat and scold their children after the parent meeting must be simple and rude parents.Most of them do not take the initiative to communicate with the teachers at ordinary times. They only hear about their children's school situation during parent-teacher meetings or when teachers "invite parents".The teacher reported to him various problems such as the child's undisciplined or poor grades, which are all reasons for his anger.On the way home from school, he didn't think about how to solve the child's problem, didn't reflect on whether he had made any mistakes in education, and didn't think about how to help the child effectively. He just wanted to settle the score with the child as soon as possible.Such parents treat their children simply and rudely, and punishing their children after the parent meeting is not so much trying to "educate" the children, it is better to say that the parents just want to calm their anger and vent their anger.But this only makes the child's problems worse. Children are sensitive and fragile. If the meeting between teachers and parents becomes a horror event that shames and scolds children, the consequences can only be that children hate teachers and school; Loss of self-motivation and judgment; and most of them will be reflected in studies in the end, affecting academic performance.Even if it is discovered from the parent meeting that the child has regressed in learning, does not observe discipline, fights with classmates, or even absenteeism and other serious problems, you should not beat or scold the child after returning home.It is necessary to analyze and communicate with the teacher first, and try to find the source of the problem as much as possible. Children don't have problems out of thin air.When there is a problem, there must be some long-term accumulated crux that has not been resolved, or some external factor makes some small problems worse.For example, if a child suddenly does not want to go to school, it is necessary to consider whether there is a problem with the relationship between him and his classmates, whether he feels wronged by a teacher's criticism, whether he has encountered threats from others, etc.; You should consider whether you are properly managing your child's learning, observe how he is emotional recently, what he is interested in, who he mainly associates with, what blows or temptations he encounters, etc.The most important thing is to communicate well with your child, first let him trust you, be able to tell you his confusion and difficulties, and then get your encouragement and help. 孩子表现不好，把他骂一顿，揍一顿——这是多么容易的事啊，做起来也很痛快，每个家长都能做到的——所以它为许多家长所钟爱。It's just that it can't solve any problems; therefore, it will also let those parents who are used to solving problems "quickly" and "easy" slowly taste more unhappiness brought about by not being able to teach their children in the days to come and not easy. And after hearing the child's problem, be able to act calmly, be able to reflect on oneself, have a sincere dialogue with the child, try to understand the child, try to motivate the child, and help the child solve the problem skillfully - these behaviors are difficult and require parents to pay a lot Rationality and thinking——Parents who can think about the growth of their children throughout their lives, can't they pay for their children?Education is in the little details.You put in a little rationality, thinking and wisdom at this time, and handle the various problems you encounter more artistically, and your child will repay you with ten times the excellence. ●Children are sensitive and fragile. The meeting between Zhiguo teacher and parents has turned into a horrible event that humiliates the child and changes training. Lose self-motivation and judgment in other aspects; and in the end, most of them will be reflected in their studies and affect their academic performance. ●Punishing the child after the parent meeting is not so much about "educating" the child, as it is just the parents wanting to calm their anger and express their anger.But this only makes the child's problems worse. ●What parents need to do is to protect their children's interest in learning and build up their confidence in learning.With interest and self-confidence, are you still afraid that he will not be able to learn well, or that he will not find a way by himself? ●孩子表现不好，把他骂一顿，揍一顿——这是多么容易的事啊，做起来也很痛快，每个家长都能做到的——所以它为许多家长所钟爱。It's just that it can't solve any problems; therefore, it will also let those parents who are used to solving problems "quickly" and "easy" slowly taste more unhappiness brought about by not being able to teach their children in the days to come and not easy.