Chapter 30 6.No test 100 points

At the gate of an elementary school, I saw a little girl excitedly say to the mother who came to pick her up: "I got 98 points in the math test!" There was dissatisfaction, "Why can't you get 100 points in the test?" The child's original excited expression disappeared without a trace, and he looked aggrieved and frustrated. A child's grades are good or bad, not because of how many demands and hopes parents express to their children, but how they say it.Words are not exhaled air that disappears without a trace.So don't talk nonsense in front of your children, and don't just say whatever you want.Anything the parents say will leave traces in the hearts of the children. Good traces will have a good influence, and bad traces will only have a bad influence.

I also met a parent of a second-grade elementary school student at a friend's house. She was not as serious as the mother in front of her, and she seemed to have a good temperament.Friends greeted the mother and the child, asking if the child was on vacation and how the final exam was going.The child is very proud to say that Chinese is 98 and mathematics is 99.When we repeatedly praised the child for his awesomeness, my mother was also happy. She gave the child a happy look and said to the child reproachfully: "Look at your stinky show. There are several children in the class who have passed the double hundred exam. You can get a double hundred and then brag." In fact, my mother should be quite satisfied in her heart, and she said this mostly out of modesty.The child grimaced a little unconvinced and ran away.

Whether it is true or false, many parents of elementary school students make mistakes in this way carelessly when it comes to their children's scores.Although the tone and intention of the above two parents are different, the values ​​conveyed in the words are the same - a score of 100 is good and satisfactory.Parents make learning utilitarian in this way, unknowingly leading their children astray, and making them deviate from the right path of learning.Especially the former parent, she not only made the child feel vanity about learning, but also taught the child to be jealous. How excited the child is when he puts on his schoolbag and goes to school for the first time.But it didn't take long before many children began to suffer.Homework is like a mountain on them, and scores are like a river in front of them.Especially when he saw that other students got good grades in the test, but his own grades were not satisfactory, or even though the grades were good, they still did not meet the heights expected by the parents, he would feel frustrated and unconfident.

At the same time, many parents who send their children to elementary school for the first time, at this critical moment, do not learn from books or others to know how to help their children adapt to the new life as parents Confidence and good habits; but with the mentality of rolling the dice, passively waiting for the result to see whether your child is "good at learning" or "poor in learning".There are also parents who self-righteously guide their children blindly and ask their children to get 100 points in the test, thinking that it is called educating children.The common performance of these parents is to simply ask their children for grades.

I met a primary school teacher whose son was very smart. She felt that the primary school she was in was not good, so she deliberately sent her son to the best boarding primary school in the city.That elementary school is known for its good test scores.From the first grade, the children have exams every week.When this mother picks up her son every weekend, she always talks about the exam first, asking how much she has passed in Chinese, how much in math, and how many students in the class have scored 100 points in the exam.Although her son is good at studying, he always makes more or less mistakes on the test papers, and he never gets 100 points.She also understands that children need encouragement, so she always comforts and says, "It's okay, a score of more than 90 is also very good, and I will try to score 100 in the next test."In a quiz before the midterm exam, my son finally got a score of 100 in mathematics, and he was very happy.She picked up the child and went home, and immediately asked the child to call his grandma and grandma, and reported that he had scored 100 points in the test.The grandma's family and the grandma's family kept praising the child. This achievement brought great joy and happiness to everyone, and they all promised that if they got another 100 points in the midterm exam, they would give them rewards of one kind or another.When the mid-term exam was due, she repeatedly told her son to take the exam seriously, check the papers carefully, make no mistakes, and try to get 100 points in the exam.When I went to pick up the child after the exam, the little man who was less than 7 years old cried when he saw his mother and told her that he didn't get a 100 points in the exam.Although the mother was very disappointed, she did not criticize the child, but encouraged him to strive for 100 points in the next test.

This mother thinks that she is the kind of parent who can always encourage her children. She thinks that her son's tears when he didn't get 100 points is a sign of self-motivation.So when she told me these things, she also acted very confident.But I heard it with concern. Her mistake was to set the learning goal on the full score, but did not pay attention to the child's learning ability, attitude, method, interest, and true grasp of knowledge.Her behavior seems to encourage her children to study hard, but she is actually pursuing the satisfaction of being a parent.The common "full score habit" of her and her family will mislead the children in terms of learning motivation, and their various promises to the full score after the test seem to be kind, but in fact they are rude and have little motivating effect. A lot of pressure was applied.

A full score is a performance limit, and in most cases, most children simply cannot reach it.Parents' interest in 100 points just keeps creating children's sense of loss and guilt - although children can get temporary happiness from occasional good grades, most of the time, their hearts are restless and painful, because they don't Knowing what will happen in the next exam and whether he will satisfy his parents, he is unsure and anxious. He is only thinking about the score, and the real learning goal is lost. I met an old classmate at a party a few days ago. His son is in the second grade of junior high school and his academic performance has always been mediocre. He was a little worried about this.We were having dinner that day when he received a text message from his son saying that he had scored 97 on the math test.It seemed that the child was so happy that he didn't even have time to wait for his father to come home. He was eager to tell him about the good grades and asked him if he was happy.My old classmate was of course happy, and immediately announced the matter to everyone, saying that his son hadn't scored 90 in math for two years.He immediately returned a text message to his son, and when he closed the phone, he said proudly, I told my son, "I am happy, but I am even happier if you want to get 100 points in the test."He also reveled in the good feeling that he was good at encouraging his son.I said to him bluntly, you are really crazy for saying that. Not only does this destroy the child's immediate happiness, but also the little self-confidence he has just built is enough to be shattered by your words.

If children can achieve what parents ask for, then all children in the world will have excellent grades, good habits, versatile talents, and outstanding appearance-in that case, it is really easy and comfortable to be a parent. But God seems to have a kind of injustice. The phenomenon of "the less the score is, the less" is cruel but it does exist.Some parents work hard on their children's studies, but their children have poor grades and bad habits; other parents seem to do it easily, but their children feel that their grades are good.This makes many parents who are disappointed with their children lament their "bad life".In fact, these "unlucky" parents can completely change their "fate", that is, to change the incorrect concept of achievement.

Psychological research shows that in learning, too strong or too weak motivation for success is not good, one is not good for learning; the other is not good for retention.Vulgar goals can only bring vulgar stimulation to children, and will not produce good internal motivation.Pursuing grades from elementary school will cause children to develop abnormal learning motivation, become short-sighted, and eager for quick success, which will reduce their interest in learning and affect their test scores.Just like a high jumper, if he does not focus on how to run up, take off, and jump over the crossbar during training or on the field, but always considers how the audience sees him and evaluates him, he will jump over the bar. No matter what kind of reward you get, how embarrassing it will be if you can't jump over.This kind of thinking will make him worry a lot, even put on airs, then he will not achieve good results on the field.

"Scores" and "grades" are not exactly equivalent. Scores can reflect grades, but scores are not equal to grades.If parents only focus on how many points they get in each test from the moment their children start school, instead of cultivating their children's interest in learning itself, then "excellent grades" are destined to be just a temporary rainbow of dreams, which will make those parents who have no foresight and no down-to-earth Ultimately disappointed.This is why many parents feel very strange: my child was very good in elementary school and often scored more than 90 or 100 in the test. Why did he not want to learn or know how to learn in middle school?Of course, there are many reasons for this situation, but among them, there must be a large part of children who have formed bad learning motivation since childhood. Vision and ability make the space for their development narrower and narrower.

Parents guide children to face knowledge itself instead of perfect test scores, and children's learning potential will slowly burst out.Few children grow stronger from setbacks. They need to experience success.Successful experience is not the occasional high score, but the joy of solving problems through one's own efforts. Philosopher Fromm believes that one of the most prominent psychological features of modern life is that many means and activities adopted to achieve the purpose have increasingly usurped the status of the purpose, while the purpose itself has become a vague and unreal existence . . . We have become caught in a web of means, often forgetting our ends. When my daughter Yuanyuan was in elementary school, the school did not give grades, but only graded "excellent", "good", "pass", and "fail". A score of 85 or above was considered excellent.Her grades have always been good, and she scored "excellent", but in my impression, there are some mistakes in almost every test, which means that she basically never scored 100 points.I don't want to emphasize the importance of exams, so I don't directly ask about her big and small exams. I only pay attention to her study in secret, often chat with her about school affairs, and communicate with the teachers. The teacher often asks the parents to sign the papers handed out, and my husband and I will never be excited or disappointed by the scores of the children.If the exam is good, the child is happy, and we express our happiness normally; It's all you know, and it's a pity that you can't find your own problems even though you got a high score.Saying this can guide her to get down to earth and focus on her studies. At the same time, I also pay attention to motivating the child, because she is a child after all and needs some superficial sense of accomplishment.For example, she scored 85 points on a math paper. After she revised it herself, she got 9 points correct, but there was still a 6-point small problem that she did not correct. I will be happy to help her correct it. Then put a check mark on the question, and then write "94" next to the original score with a pencil, telling her that the current score has become 94 points, not 85 points.She may correct the 6-point question right away, or she may need to think again or ask the teacher for advice the next day, or need her mother and father to explain it to her.In short, whenever I correct it, I will erase the 94 points and write 100 points.Even if the teacher has taken away the test paper, I will give her a verbal score of 100 and say to her, "Yesterday you still had a problem that you couldn't do, and it was 94 points. Today, you will be able to do it, and it will become 100 points!" " Any test paper, as long as it is modified, the grade will definitely be higher than the original one.In this way, the child discovers the correlation between the process and the result.Yuanyuan realizes that as long as she solves a wrong question, she can get a better grade; if she keeps pursuing the wrong question, the final score of each test will be 100 points.This not only lets the child know that learning should be taken seriously bit by bit, but the most important thing is that she will feel that the initiative to get 100 points is in her own hands, instead of betting on the mentality of betting like the crying little boy Ask for 100 points. Parents who don't think piously about education, don't try to understand their children with their hearts, and keep pushing for grades will most likely become parents who are losing ground in the end. There is a parent whose business is doing very well and making a lot of money, but his son has been causing him headaches.This child is now in the third grade of junior high school, and he doesn't like studying.Now he is worried that his son will not even be able to pass the high school entrance examination, let alone a key school.On one occasion, when he heard me mention the point of view of "the less the score is", he said with some disapproval, I think you are wrong, whether the child studies well or not depends on himself, I pay more attention to my son and ask him Not high, never asked him to test 100 points, he did not learn well. I know the situation of this parent better. He is very smart in business, but he is always stupid when it comes to educating children.When his child was in the first and second grades of elementary school, he invited tutors for various subjects for his son every mid-term and final exams, and he gave the children extra lessons from one month before the exams.He said to his son: "Father is not afraid of spending money, as long as you can get good grades in the exam." When his child was in the lower grades of elementary school, his grades were still above average. In order to encourage his children to achieve better grades, he always said: "Whoever parent in the class is willing to spend so much money on tutoring, you should move forward." Top 10." But not only did his child fail to enter the top 10, but began to fall back.If his son ranks 22nd in the test, he will take the child's test scores and say to the child earnestly: "Dad spent so much money on your studies, why should you be in the top 20?" After that, what he said to his son now has become: "You can even pass the exam!" For his son's study, in addition to hiring a tutor, he often gave gifts to the school teacher before the exam. When he came back, he said to his son: "You All the money dad earned was given to the teacher, who can you be worthy of if you don't study hard?" This shrewd businessman thinks that his business rules can be effective everywhere, and that spending money can achieve the effect of "ghost grinding".In fact, compared with the previous parents who "needed 100 points", he has a shallower understanding of learning, and he has worsened children's learning psychology.He constantly sets the learning goal on the "examination", which makes the child short-sighted; constantly pays attention to the "ranking" to disrupt the child's learning motivation; Use money to frivolous knowledge, let children learn vulgar thinking.How can a child who is short-sighted in learning, has no good motivation, has a flamboyant mentality, and has vulgar thinking? How can his grades not decline all the way? Which parent does not want their children to get 100 points in the test, including myself, and I am also very concerned about my child's grades.It is precisely because I am particularly eager for my child to get good grades that I never ask her for grades.Any behavior that is purely for points is superficial and destructive.What I want to do is to cultivate children's wisdom and energy, that is, curiosity about knowledge, the spirit of love to study, the ability to ask questions, the interest in finding answers, effective learning methods, a peaceful learning attitude, perseverance, etc.—— These can fulfill the child's grades and are the decisive conditions for winning in various exams.The most important exam - the good grades in the college entrance examination can only appear from here. Children are born with self-esteem and self-love, and "competitiveness" is actually a kind of nature.After the children enter school, even if the parents don't say anything, they will have the pursuit of scores and the desire for ranking.Facing the test papers, each of them will do their best to show their best self. There is absolutely no child who will do it clearly, deliberately make mistakes, and deliberately let himself get a bad grade. Parents should build up such confidence that not mentioning scores or ranking requirements will not affect their children's academic performance-children know from the attitude of their parents that learning is not for scores, not for comparing with others, but for learning by themselves.He doesn't care about the score so that he can get good grades in the end. It's a strange law -- if you want "100," don't ask your child to score 100 -- it sounds like a paradox, but it's true. ●Parents guide their children to face the knowledge itself instead of passing the test scores, so that the children's learning potential will slowly burst out.Almost no child will grow stronger from setbacks, they need to experience success.Successful experience is not the occasional high score, but the joy of solving problems through one's own efforts. ●I will never be excited or disappointed by the level of the score.If the exam is good, the child is happy, and I express my happiness normally; if the exam is not good, the child may be a little frustrated, so I tell her: "If you fail the exam, you can just find out where you are not good enough. It just so happens that you know it, and it’s a pity that you can’t find your own problems even though you got high marks.” Saying this can guide her to get down to earth and focus on her studies. ●"Yesterday you still couldn't do one question, and you got a score of 94, but today you can do it well, and you got a score of 100!" ●What I want to do is to cultivate children's wisdom and energy, which is curiosity about knowledge, spirit of love to study, ability to ask questions, interest in finding answers, effective learning methods, peaceful learning attitude, perseverance and so on— —These are the things that can fulfill the child's grades, which are the decisive conditions for winning in various exams.