Chapter 147 get along with people impartially

One day, Zixia, a disciple of Confucius, asked his teacher, "How is Yan Hui?" Confucius said, "Yan Hui, he surpasses me in integrity." He asked again, "How is Zi Gong?" Confucius replied, "Zigong surpasses me in agility." He asked again, "What about Zilu?" Confucius replied, "Zilu surpasses me in bravery." Ask again: "How is Zi Zhang?" Confucius replied: "Zi Zhang surpasses me in dignity." Zixia stood up and asked Confucius, "Then why do these four worship you as their teacher?" Confucius said: "Sit down, and I'll tell you. Although Yan Hui is honest, he doesn't know that there is a time when he can't be honest; Zi Gong, though quick, doesn't know that there is a time when he can't be too eloquent; I don’t know that there is a time to be afraid; although Zizhang is solemn, he doesn’t know that there is a time to be humorous and intimate. That’s why they asked me to be their teacher!”

That's why Confucius came up with the words "too much to go too far".He told us that in communication, we must be impartial and not go too far. If we go too far, we will favor one person over another and cause misunderstanding.If you are too honest with people, you become pedantic; if you are too quick, you become tactful; if you are too brave, you become reckless; It is natural to make friends with enthusiasm and sincerity, but you can’t treat others as casually as you treat your own family members, otherwise you may suffer a disadvantage and eventually lose friends. Although people have different social roles and social status, they all need to be respected and save face.If you forget this fact, when you communicate with people, you are respectful to important people and indifferent to small ones, which will naturally hurt the latter's self-esteem.At this time, it should be "impartial". "Everyone who comes is a guest", since they are all guests, everyone has the same role, regardless of their position, they should be treated as equals.

For another example, although it is said that "there are many people who give gifts, it is not strange", but too much gift will make people feel burdened, and people will think that the gift giver has ulterior motives. Therefore, in communication, we must grasp the "degree" of interpersonal communication.