Chapter 100 Politely refuse to be considerate

Asking for others may not always be answered; people asking for themselves may not always get what they want.How to not only not offend others in excuses, but win others' understanding on the contrary, this is a brilliant entertainment technique. Rejection requires not only being reasonable and euphemistically stating the reasons, but also appealing to emotion, especially sincerity.Only in this way can the other party be able to empathize with each other, so that even if one's own needs are not met, one will not be angry or have resentment. From a communicative point of view, it is art to decline other people's requests without being rude.And that simple so-called straightforward negation leaves people with a cold and hard feeling, which is detrimental to harmonious interpersonal relationships.Therefore, everyone should learn a positive communication technique - rejection, it can make you regain what you lost.

The famous comedian Chaplin once said: "Learn to say 'no'! Then your life will be much better." For many people, rejecting others is a difficult thing to do.When others make a request, they are embarrassed to open their mouths to say "no", because this is likely to hurt the other person's feelings and alienate the two people.If you agree to the request of others, you will indeed have difficulties, or your own interests will suffer great losses.At this time, we should reject others.But rejecting others should also consider the other person's emotions, and try not to hurt the feelings of both parties.It is very appropriate to politely refuse.

So, how do you politely say no?Here are a few methods for your reference. To reject the other party, if you take a simple way to say "I can't", "I don't want" and "I don't know", it will easily make the other party unable to step down and even bring unnecessary trouble to yourself.Therefore, it is a good way to politely refuse. In the Western Han Dynasty, in order to win over Sima Qian for his own use, General Li Guang once sent an eloquent retainer to Sima Qian's home with a pair of white birches brought during his expedition to Dawan.Sima Qian stroked the white biscuit, and exclaimed: "It's so round and smooth, it's really flawless!" Seeing this, the madam asked quietly, "Are you going to accept it?" Sima Qian didn't seem to have heard the madam's question. Then he said: "The most valuable thing about white jade is that it has no spots or stains, that's why people say 'white jade is flawless'."

"Bai Bi is like this, so why not people? I am a mediocre and low-grade official. I have never dared to compare with Bai Bi, but if I accept this precious Bai Bi, then there will be more spots and stains on my body." .” After hearing this, Madam felt that the worry just now was unnecessary!Then Sima Qian wrote a thank-you post, saying that he was grateful for the great general's kindness, but he was rewarded for nothing, and it was inevitable that he would be ridiculed by the world. Emphasize that there is really no way.Expressing that you have nothing to do with the other party's request is also a more effective way to refuse.Because it's not that I don't want to agree, it's just that I have more energy than I want.

The limitations and obstacles here can be emphasized from two aspects: one is the lack of certain necessary conditions to meet the requirements of the other party, such as technology, authority, funds, etc.; the other is the limitations and restraints of society, such as laws, systems, disciplines, practices and situations Wait.The two can sometimes be used alone, and sometimes they can be used together. That is to say, instead of answering right away, you ask some well-conceived questions on the sidelines, luring the other party to unknowingly deny your original request or point of view in the answer.For the other party who made the request, if you ask him "what do you think should be done?", the other party will inevitably lower the conditions of the request, or give up the request.

Do not state your motives directly, but express them in a suggestive way.For example, when we are guests, we will see this kind of etiquette: the host does not drink tea for a long time, and suddenly takes a sip of tea, which means "give it off" to the guest.When some people thank the guests, they readily agree, find the topic, and thank the guests tactfully. After dinner, several young people went to visit a certain professor.It was already late at night, so the professor picked up a young man's topic and said, "The question you raised is worth studying. Tomorrow, I will go to City A to attend an academic meeting, and I plan to talk with some experts on this question." The young man immediately got up and said goodbye: "I'm sorry, I didn't know that you will be on a business trip tomorrow, which will delay your rest." If the professor said directly, "It's getting late, we have a chance to meet again", it's okay, but this professor is very reserved , Use the "meeting tomorrow" to tell everyone your intentions and leave room for each other.

It means that while expressing refusal, in terms of psychological needs and material interests, within the scope of one's own tolerance, give the other party appropriate compensation in other aspects to make up for the psychological imbalance caused by the other party's disappointment. The last thing to say is that when you politely refuse, your attitude must be sincere.If the other party wants something from me, but I don't agree to it, the other party will not be happy anyway.Some people are careless, and when they refuse, they often only use one or two sentences hastily, and their attitude appears to be insincere. As a result, the other party feels very uncomfortable and thinks that he is arrogant.Even if it is really impossible to agree to this matter, the other party will not have the slightest understanding, and think that he deliberately refused.To do this, let the requester speak freely and let the other person feel that you have been pushed to the limit.At this time, you should fully understand the other party's request before rejecting it: "After some consideration, I still can't do it. I'm really sorry." In this way, the other party has a sense of satisfaction: it seems that he has tried his best.With this kind of thinking, the unpleasantness after being rejected will disappear.Therefore, if you want to reject the other party, you should have a sincere attitude. "As far as sincerity is concerned, gold and stone are opened", the sincere attitude is so powerful that it cannot be expressed in words.