Chapter 86 Quiet yourself to win favor

American sociologist Mike Swell said: "Before others laugh at you, laugh at yourself first." In communication, we might as well borrow the advice of this sociologist to laugh at ourselves and laugh at ourselves. In this way, our communication often has unexpected results. U.S. President Reagan returned to his alma mater, and when he delivered a commencement address, he laughed at his grades at school.He said: "I came back here just to clear out my lockers in the school gymnasium... I am very emotional to receive this award, because I used to think that only the first place is an honor." This show another side of himself The lecture has achieved very good results.

It is not easy for a person to admit his shortcomings.You must know that people always have imperfections, and if you admit your shortcomings frankly, you can turn your shortcomings into your unique characteristics! The British writer Justa East is a big fat man. Due to his "large size", he is often inconvenient to move.But he is not ashamed of being fat.He once said to a friend: "I'm a man three times as nice as other people. Whenever I give up my seat on a bus, it's enough for three ladies to sit down." self-confidence. There was a bald man who changed his face on the spot when others called him "it doesn't cost money to cut hair and wash hair without water", making the originally relatively relaxed atmosphere tense.And a professor, who is also bald, said when he introduced himself: "A friend said I was very smart, and I replied with a smile, 'You underestimate me, I am already very smart.'" Then he pointed He raised his head and said: "The topic of my speech today is 'The beauty of appearance is the reflection of the beauty of the heart'." The professor started his speech like this, and the whole venue was full of active atmosphere.You are also bald, and you are also easy to be ridiculed and ridiculed by others. Why do you have different effects? The reason lies in whether you have a sense of humor.

Self-humor is often a magic weapon for us to get out of trouble.In communication, when the other party offends you intentionally or unintentionally and puts you in an embarrassing situation, it is an appropriate choice to use self-deprecation to get rid of the embarrassment. In the early 1950s, US President Truman met with MacArthur.MacArthur was a very arrogant general.During the meeting, MacArthur took out his pipe, filled it with shredded tobacco, put the pipe in his mouth, and took out the match. When he was about to strike a match, he stopped, turned to look at President Truman, and asked, "I smoke, You don't mind, do you?" Obviously, this is not a sincere request for advice, and it would be impolite if the other party said he minded when he was already ready to smoke.Truman was a little embarrassed by this impolite arrogance.However, he just glanced at MacArthur and laughed at himself: "Smoke it! General. The smoke sprayed on my face by others is more than that sprayed on the face of any American."

From this, we see that when an embarrassing fact has happened, using self-deprecation can protect your self-esteem through self-dissolution, so that it will not lose balance, and it can also reflect your generosity. Thereby adding to your personality charm. Humor is a magic weapon to show the charm of personality.At the same time, it can also give the other party a sense of relaxation, making the communication atmosphere more harmonious, and more conducive to the smooth progress of communication activities. The famous Chinese painting master Zhang Daqian once toasted Peking Opera artist Mei Lanfang at a banquet and said: "Mr. Mei, you are a gentleman-use your mouth, I am a villain-hands." Here, Zhang Daqian according to his own work characteristics, Self-deprecatingly referring to himself as a "villain", immediately enlivened the atmosphere of the banquet.

Among them, the "picture of group laughter" evoked by Grandma Liu's humor can be called "the smile of the ages".The article describes: Sister Feng scooped up a bowl of pigeon eggs and put them on Grandma Liu's table.Mother Jia said, "Please!" Grandma Liu stood up and said loudly, "Old Liu, Lao Liu, eats as much as a cow; eat an old sow and don't look up!"Everyone was stunned at first, but when they heard it, they all burst into laughter.Xiangyun couldn't hold it any longer, and spit out a mouthful of tea.Lin Daiyu laughed out of breath, leaning on the table and calling "Aiyo!" Baoyu rolled into Jia Mu's arms, and Jia Mu hugged her and called, "My heart!" Mrs. Wang laughed so much that she pointed at Sister Feng but was speechless.Aunt Xue couldn't hold it anymore, and the tea in her mouth sprayed Tanchun's skirt.Tanchun's tea bowls were all on Yingchun's body.Xichun left the seat, pulled the nurse and called "rub the intestines"...

Grandma Liu gradually dispelled the estrangement from everyone in the Grand View Garden by being humorous to herself, and successfully opened a door to her own communication purpose. So, how to make good use of "self-deprecating"?Pay attention to the following principles: One is to assess the situation and act accordingly.Although self-deprecation has a certain expressive function, it also has obvious limitations. At best, it is only an auxiliary means of expression and should not be abused everywhere.For example, it is not appropriate to use self-deprecation in dialogues and defenses, discussions, investigations, etc., but to express one's feelings, frankly and honestly confide thoughts, introduce situations, and answer questions.If you use it casually regardless of the occasion and timing, it will be self-defeating.

The second is to avoid taking a cynical attitude."Self-deprecating" in a positive sense contains the self-deprecating person's strong self-esteem, self-love and sense of responsibility.The hearts of self-deprecating people are warm, and self-deprecating is just a seemingly negative, but actually positive means they use to promote friendship and harmony in communication.And cynicism is the indifference, sarcasm and irresponsible attitude that people show towards world affairs.If self-deprecating comes from this attitude, it will lose its positive meaning and be harmful to communication.

The third is to stop using self-deprecating.Self-deprecating sometimes has the stimulating effect of "mocking others", so it should be used with extreme caution.Under normal circumstances, it should be "ordered to the end", which is enough to make people feel comprehensible. Don't indulge and chatter endlessly. Just like ordering tofu with too much brine will make the tofu bitter, excessive self-deprecating will also lead to a crisis in communication. .And if you wantonly use self-deprecating accusations, insinuations, venting personal anger, and seeking revenge, the consequences will be even worse.

Someone once said: "A language with a sense of humor is a poem, a person with a sense of humor is a statue, a family with a sense of humor is an inn, and a society without a sense of humor is unimaginable. So society cannot There is no humor.” People call the city of Karlovo, Bulgaria the “Laughing City” because it is the hometown of irony and humor. the general character of the inhabitants of the city. In fact, humor should not only be a "specialty" of Lobo City, each of us can have humor wherever we live.In order to make the city we live in more interesting and harmonious, we might as well start with ourselves and keep silent.