Chapter 31 connect with kids

Parents who are at war with their children over everyday chores and responsibilities should acknowledge the fact that this war cannot be won.Children have more time and energy to rebel against us than we do to suppress them.Even if we win a war and succeed in enforcing our will, they may retaliate against us by becoming listless and morose, or by becoming rebellious and slacking off. Then our task is to establish a connection with the child.How do we accomplish this daunting task?To win them over.It may seem impossible, but it is just a little bit harder, and we are capable of doing it if we begin to understand our children's perspective and listen to the emotions that trigger their misbehavior.

Through sensitive listening, parents can make a welcome difference in their children. Children feel disappointed and resentful when parents seem indifferent to their children's emotions and perspectives. Example: Shanna's father insisted that she go with the family to her brother's football game, which she wasn't interested in, so she declined.Her father was so angry that he threatened to cut off her pocket money, Shanna rushed out of the house angrily, feeling hurt and feeling that her father didn't love her anymore.When her father calmed down, he understood from her point of view why she refused. All he wanted was a happy family outing, but he didn't respect his daughter's ideas.After Shana returned, he apologized to Shana, admitting that there was no reason for her to watch a game with her family that might upset her.He also realized that if Shanna was finally forced to go, she would make it impossible for anyone else to enjoy the football game.

Many parents imagine an ideal picture of family activities, celebrations, etc., while ignoring some bad potential factors, so their well-designed happy occasions are often destroyed.Parents need to choose carefully which family activities their children must participate in.Making a child feel helpless and resentful doesn't do the parents any good either, only to suffer from a silent, angry, unhappy child.Why?Because children have many ways to retaliate against their parents, even if they themselves have to pay a little price. Consider the following example. Gellert, a man who likes to call the shots, decided to change his attitude towards the chef he hired.

"From now on, I'm going to be nice to you." "Would you stop yelling at me if I was a little late getting ready for lunch?" "No," said the employer. "If the coffee wasn't too hot, you wouldn't throw it in my face?" "Never again!" replied his boss sympathetically. "If the steak isn't a great success, you won't deduct my salary?" "No, absolutely not," Mr. Garrett reiterated. "Well," said the cook, "then I'll never spit in your soup again." Children have many ways to get back at us and make our lives unhappy.

Children whose parents don't care about their feelings and thoughts may feel that their thoughts are stupid and unworthy of attention, and that they are neither lovable nor loved. And parents who listen attentively to their children, who not only listen but empathize with their children's strong emotions, send the message to their children that their opinions and ideas are valuable and valued.This kind of attention will give children self-esteem.A sense of personal worth being recognized will allow children to deal more effectively with the people and events around them.