No parent wakes up early in the morning planning to make life miserable for their child, no mother or father says, "Today, whenever I get the chance, I'm going to yell, nag, and Make him look bad and make a fool of himself.” Instead, every morning, many parents resolve: “Today will be a peaceful day, no shouting, no arguments, no wars.” But despite good intentions, nasty wars will happen again break out. Parents and children are filled with endless little troubles, periodic conflicts, and sudden crises.Crises require responses, and responses invariably have consequences, affecting a child's personality and self-esteem for good or ill.

We believe that only psychologically dysfunctional parents react in ways that hurt their children.But, unfortunately, even those parents who love and are good for their children blame, humiliate, condemn, ridicule, threaten, bribe, punish, characterize, or nag their children. why?Because most parents don't realize the destructive power of language.They find themselves saying what their own parents have said to them before, and find that they are talking to their children in a tone they don't like, which they didn't intend to do.This kind of misfortune in communication is often not due to lack of love, but lack of understanding of children; not lack of wisdom, but lack of knowledge.

Parents need special ways to get along with their children and talk to them.If any of us were lying on the operating table, before the anesthetist put us under anesthesia, the surgeon walked in and said, "I don't really have much training in surgery, but I love my patients and I'll take advantage of them." Use common sense to perform the surgery.” How would you feel then?We might panic and run for our lives.But for those parents who believe that love and common sense will suffice, their children will not have it easy.Parents, like surgeons, need to learn special skills in order to be competent in handling their children's daily demands.Just as a trained surgeon needs to be careful when cutting a knife, parents need to be skillful in their use of language, because words, like knives, can cause pain, if not physical pain, then emotional pain. Many painful scars.

If we want to improve our communication with our children, where do we start?It can be done by observing our own reactions.We all know these languages.We hear parents use that language when talking to guests and strangers.That language caters to your feelings rather than criticizing your actions. What do we say to a guest who forgot his umbrella?Would you catch up and say, "What's the matter with you? Every time you come to my house, you pull something down, either this or that, why can't you be like your sister? She always behaves when she comes to my house, You're forty-four years old! Can't you have a better memory? I'm not a slave who picks things up after you! I bet you would lose your head if it wasn't on your shoulders!" We We don't say that to our guests, we say, "Here's your umbrella, Alice." And we don't add, "You don't always pay attention."

Parents need to learn to treat their children like guests. Parents want their children to be safe and happy, and no parent intentionally makes their children fearful, shy, inconsiderate, or obnoxious.However, in the process of growing up, many children gradually develop some bad characters, lack of security, and lack of respect for themselves and others.Parents want their children to be polite, but they are rude; parents want their children to be tidy, but they are sloppy; parents want their children to be confident, but they are not sure of themselves; parents want their children to be happy, but they are often unhappy.

Parents can help their child become a human being of character, a human being of compassion and responsibility, a human being of courage, vitality, and integrity.In order to achieve these human goals, parents need to learn human methods.Love alone is not enough, and insight is not enough. Good parents need skills. How to acquire and use these skills is the main content of this book. It can help parents turn their desired goals into daily practice. It is my hope that this book will help parents identify goals with their children and suggest ways to achieve them.Clichés like "give your child more love," "give her more attention," or "give him more time" aren't helpful when parents encounter specific problems that require specific solutions.

We have been working with parents and children for many years, sometimes individually, sometimes in therapy groups, and sometimes in parenting workshops.This book is the culmination of those experiences.This is a practical guide, offering concrete advice and possible solutions for all parents facing everyday situations and spiritual challenges.It also gives some specific advice derived from basic communication principles, guiding parents to respect each other when getting along with their children.