Chapter 5 Chapter 5 Body language to master to improve speaking skills

People's faces are like an all-encompassing encyclopedia, rich and colorful, ever-changing, containing huge emotional capacity, but the expression of expressions lies in "speaking" with eyes and conveying spirit with eyes. Eyes are the most vivid machine of the human body. A person's mouth only represents his experience, but his eyes represent his heart. Expressive eyes give people charm, quiet eyes give people peace, happy eyes give people vitality, and sincere eyes can win respect and friendship. Italian art master Da Vinci once said in "Notes": "The eyes are the windows of the soul." It means that through a person's eyes, one can see the depths of his heart.In his book "The Expressions of Man and Animals", Darwin, a British biologist, also used the changes in eye movements as a sign of human emotions.

In the 1960s, Dr. Hess of the University of Chicago in the United States used the size and regularity of pupil changes to measure a person's psychological changes such as interests, hobbies, motivations, and admiration for the opposite sex, and found that they are indeed related.Mencius in ancient China also said: "There is nothing better than eyes that exist in people. Eyes can't hide evil." This means that human eyes can express thoughts and emotions, and even express extremely subtle things that are difficult to express in words. thoughts and emotions.People's inner secrets and secrets are always revealed in the changeable eyes consciously or unconsciously.

Generally speaking, different eyes express different emotions.Clear eyes indicate open-mindedness; cunning eyes indicate malpractice; piercing eyes indicate radiant spirit; eyes like peas indicate narrow-mindedness; persistent eyes indicate lofty aspirations; floating eyes indicate frivolity and shallowness; wise eyes indicate smartness; dull eyes indicate preoccupation; A firm gaze expresses self-confidence; a decadent gaze expresses self-abandonment. In addition, the mysterious eyes are a reflection of arrogance, while the mysterious eyes are a reflection of cunning; the scorching eyes that are like swords out of a box are a portrayal of integrity and sharpness, and the cold and dark eyes that are like snakes and scorpions are dormant. Eyes are the portrayal of evil and tricky.The eyes of the honest person are like a clear spring, leisurely bottoming out; The moon; the eyes of the charming one are like the beginning of fragrance of plain flowers, and the first smile of summer plum;

If you stare blankly ahead, as if there is no one else around, then your eyes show: I am a "remarkable person"; "Haunted by ghosts"; and so on.Eyes play a great role in communication. It can reflect the communicator's communicative attitude and express the communicator's rich and colorful emotional awareness.During the entire communication process, people's thoughts, emotions, psychological changes, morality, knowledge, personality and aesthetics will be revealed through the eyes without reservation, so that the other party can see clearly and read accurately.

From the analysis of the subject of communication, looking straight up and looking straight up means understanding, equality, and liking; looking down means tolerance and love; looking up means respect and expectation.From the analysis of communication objects, the eyes of people you admire are often level; the eyes of people who like you will show enthusiasm; Turn around, and even show a tired color.A person with a bad heart always has something evasive in his eyes; an upright and innocent person has a calm and sincere gaze.The eyes between lovers will convey sweet affection; the eyes between friends will express concern and affection.When parting with comrades-in-arms, the eyes will reveal good wishes and endless nostalgia.People who are opposed to each other, although their words are beautiful, and their handshakes are enthusiastic, but the sparks of challenge will burst out in the collision of eyes.

Among all communication languages, smiling is the most contagious, and smiling is a universal "human communication skill".Often a smile can quickly shorten the distance between you and others, express your kindness and joy, and give people the warmth of a spring breeze.With a smile, the person sitting next to you may become your friend.A smile will ignite the love of a couple of young men and women.Smiles warm people's hearts, and can be considerate of people's hearts, giving people a sense of happiness and freedom.Smiling costs nothing, but has unexpected rewards.Smiling creates family happiness and builds goodwill between people.A smile makes the tired rest, relaxes the restrained, and mourns the sad. It is like an emotional mediator and a lubricant for interpersonal relationships.

But when using a smile to express your feelings, you should pay attention to the following points. First, smile naturally.A smile comes from the heart and is the appearance of a good heart.Only in this way can we smile naturally, kindly, beautifully and appropriately.Be careful not to laugh for the sake of laughing, or to pretend to be smiling without smiling. Second, smile sincerely.A smile is not only the exposure of one's happy mood, but also the gift of innocence.A sincere smile warms the heart of the other party, and sometimes it may resonate with the other party, making them intoxicated in joy and deepening the friendship between the two parties.

Third, laugh at the right occasion.Smiling is not unconditional, nor can it be used in all communication situations.Its use is very particular.When you have a smile on your face, your mood can't be any worse.When you're in the presence of a smiling person, it's hard not to smile back at him.Smiling makes people feel welcome and at ease, but it depends on the occasion, otherwise it will be counterproductive.Sometimes smiling can make you look nervous and helpless, especially if you smile too much.When you're at a solemn gathering, going to a memorial service, or discussing important political issues, it's not natural to smile.When you talk about a serious topic with the other party, or tell the other party an unfortunate news, or when your conversation makes the other party feel unhappy, you should not smile, or put away your smile in time.

Fourth, the degree of smiling should be appropriate.Smiling is a kind of courtesy and respect to the other party.But if you don't pay attention to the degree, if you smile presumptuously, excessively, and without restraint, you will lose your identity and cause the other party's disgust. Fifth, the object of the smile should be suitable.For different communication objects, smiles with different meanings should be used to convey different feelings.Otherwise, there will inevitably be counterproductive situations. The so-called acronym is to convey information through head movements.It includes nodding, shaking the head, tilting the head, raising the head, bowing the head, etc.

The acronym mentioned here only refers to the information conveyed by the overall activities of the head, and does not include the information conveyed by the organs of the head. Nodding can express the following meanings: agreement, salutation, affirmation, recognition, agreement, thanks, promise, satisfaction, and can also express understanding, obedience and other emotions. Shaking the head expresses the following meanings: dissatisfaction, doubt, opposition, negation, rejection, disagreement, incomprehension, helplessness, etc. Tilting the head (sideways head) also has multiple meanings, which can express thinking and innocence.For example, when a child is listening to an adult or thinking about a problem, he likes to tilt his head and rest his cheeks.

Head up can be used to express confidence, victory, defiant, proud and complacent, etc.The head is thrown back all the time, also expressing intoxication. The emotions expressed by bowing the head include: obedience, obedience, grievance, and other thoughts. In terms of the use of the first language, we should pay attention to the following principles. One is that the action should be obvious, especially when it performs a substitute function.If you are nodding or shaking your head, let the other party see clearly and understand correctly. The second is to pay attention to the use of other communicative languages.If you cooperate with "um" when nodding, there will be no misunderstanding.It can also be used in conjunction with other body language.There are many idioms that reflect this feature, such as "nodding and bowing", "strutting" and so on. The third is to pay attention to some cultural differences.For example, the Serbs express their agreement by stretching their heads forward, and the Turks express their negation by raising their heads. Especially some peoples in Bulgaria and India, nod to express negation and shake their heads to express affirmation, which is exactly the opposite of our habit.This requires us to figure out their habits before interacting with these ethnic groups with cultural differences. The fourth is to pay attention to the natural coordination with the voice and language, and to make the movements obvious.So that the other party can understand correctly to avoid misunderstanding. Fifth, the frequency of use of the first language should not be too high.Although when listening to the other party, proper nodding or tilting the head will make the speaker feel that you are listening attentively, but the excessive frequency of use will affect the speaker's attention or feel a little superficial. In daily communication, every move of a person belongs to body language, and these actions are always watched by people.If you want to leave a good impression on others in communication, you should pay attention to your posture. Specifically, posture is a side reflection of the speaker's cultural accomplishment and taste.It accomplishes with its subtle operations and effects what language cannot do.If you properly use the silent language of gesture language, you can be more dignified and generous, increase your personal charm in your communication, and quickly leave a good impression on the other party.Have you ever had such an experience: when you meet a person, you only get in touch with him for a moment, and you feel like old friends at first sight and hate to see each other later.After meeting someone, you immediately know what kind of person he is and instinctively like or start to hate this person. We tend to judge others within 7-20 seconds, and others judge you in the same way.This is the impression left by each other in the hearts of both parties.This impression is extremely difficult to change and can last a lifetime!This is why we instinctively like and dislike some people. Although it is said that people cannot be judged by appearance, and sea water cannot be measured, but the first thing to judge a person is to guess what kind of person he is from the external "appearance".Although it is very one-sided or even unscientific to judge people by their appearance, it is a common social phenomenon, and it is the basic way for people to leave and obtain impressions on others, and it has become a habit of people. Therefore, in order to leave a good impression on others, the posture of speaking cannot be ignored. If you are listless when meeting someone, the other party will guess that you may not welcome him; if you look around and don’t look at the other party, the other party may doubt whether you have the sincerity of communication; if you are arrogant, the other party may think you are arrogant; If you are too modest, the other party may suspect that you have ulterior motives. Therefore, when meeting people under normal circumstances, your posture should be neither humble nor overbearing, and you should be generous, bow your body, shake hands to express welcome and greetings, and look straight ahead. Observing other people's posture can also understand the other's psychology, which is conducive to the success of communication.If the other person sits down heavily and shakes his body unconsciously, he may be irritable and restless; On the lap, the upper body is slightly leaning towards you, which means that he is very interested in your conversation; if he moves his body away consciously, it means that he wants to keep a certain distance from you and is wary of you; if he sits slowly Leaning back slowly and leaning into a half-lying position, he may be very conceited and has a strong sense of superiority. At this time, you must deal with it carefully. Sign language is a very expressive body language.It makes the thoughts and emotions to be expressed richer, more attractive and persuasive through the changes in the activities of the hands and fingers.For this reason, someone said: "Gestures are the second language of spoken language." Linguists believe that gesture is the earliest communication tool used in the evolution of human beings, and it precedes vocal language.Sign language was used in communication at that time with a high frequency and a wide range, which cannot be compared with today. As early as two thousand years ago, an ancient Roman statesman and rhetorician said: "All mental activities are accompanied by actions such as gesticulation. Gestures are like a language of the human body, which can be understood even by the most barbaric people. ” A professor of psychology who was lecturing in China met a group of deaf-mute children unexpectedly, and he was able to communicate with them smoothly using gesture language popular in Europe and the United States.Afterwards, the professor said humorously: "Communication in sign language is more convenient and less troublesome than using gestures for people who do not understand English." An American psychologist conducted an interesting survey while traveling around the world.During the one-hour negotiation, the Finns gestured once, the Italians 80, the French 120, and the Mexicans 180.Russians are more reserved when expressing their feelings, and if they point fingers when they speak, they will be seen as lack of education.However, in some countries in Spain and Latin America, people especially like to point their fingers at a certain part of their body when speaking. In life, people often use gestures to enhance the emotional color of spoken language.For example, when people are happy, they often pat the table, beat their legs, touch their beards, and rub their eyes; when they are sad, they beat their chests; when they are embarrassed, they rub their hands; Hold out your little finger when looking at people.During the Second World War, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill raised his right hand and clenched his fist at the end of the televised speech, extending his index finger and middle finger to form a "V" shape to symbolize the initial letter of the English word "victory", which caused the audience to cheer .People still use it to express wishes and confidence. In people's daily conversations, the speaker's palms are stretched out, which means he is honest and straightforward; if he speaks while pointing with his fingers, then he may be quite conceited; Bouncing on the table shows that he is nervous; if he makes a fist with one hand during a conversation, the fist arm is upward.It seems to be taking an oath, you have to be careful at this time, although he pretends to be honest on the surface, he may have some intentions in his heart. Handshake is the most common and widely used communication etiquette in people's daily life. When people meet each other, they shake hands when they say goodbye. This seemingly simple and commonly used movement, because of the subtle changes in the emotions to be expressed, also hides profound knowledge behind it. First of all, shake hands to pay attention to the minimum etiquette.When shaking hands, you must shake hands with your right hand, and hold each other's hand tightly. The time is generally 1-3 seconds.Of course, it's impolite to shake hands too tightly, or to casually touch someone's hand with only your fingers.After being introduced, it is best not to reach out immediately.When a young person or a person with a low position is introduced to an elder or a person with a high position, he should act according to the reaction of the elder or a person with a high position. Those who are lower should also nod accordingly.When shaking hands with young women or women from other countries, generally men should not reach out first.When shaking hands, young people should bow slightly to the elders, and those with low positions should shake hands with those with high positions.Sometimes in order to show special respect, you can greet with both hands. Secondly, the handshake must distinguish the object.When a man shakes hands with a woman, it is generally only appropriate to hold the woman's fingers lightly.Men should take off their hats when shaking hands, and avoid shaking hands with gloves.When shaking hands, keep your eyes on each other, smile or say hello, and shake hands with multiple people in sequence, and avoid cross-shaking.When shaking hands with foreign guests, you should take into account the other party's customs and habits, and at the same time be warm, friendly, generous, neither humble nor overbearing.To show respect, do not shake hands while wearing gloves. Finally, the handshake must be measured.It is impolite to refuse the other party's offer to shake hands under any circumstances, but when there is water or unclean hands, you should refuse to shake hands, and you must explain and apologize.The strength of the handshake varies from person to person.When meeting for the first time, it is not advisable to shake hands with people who are not familiar with each other.If the two parties are acquaintances and meet occasionally, they can use appropriate force or extend the holding time.Regardless of whether the two parties are familiar or not, it is not advisable to use too much force. There are many functions of shaking hands, such as expressing friendship, sincerity, best wishes, understanding, cooperation, expectation, encouragement, welcome, farewell, enthusiasm, full of confidence, reaching an agreement, eliminating misunderstandings, etc. A person's appearance is a living "business card" in interpersonal communication.It often gives people a vivid impression before language, and plays an inestimable role in the smooth development and optimization of language communication. There is often such a situation in life: a person with a good appearance, even if he does not take the initiative to greet or talk to others, there are many people around who have a good impression of him and are willing to get close to him, chat and socialize with him.In this way, his language communication naturally has a good premise, and he has a successful foundation before he speaks. Appearance is the external expression of a person's self-image, and it is also a kind of gesture language that can convey information. A person's beauty can be divided into inner beauty and outer beauty.Among them, inner beauty includes factors such as ideological sentiment, moral quality and cultural accomplishment.The essence of abstract inner beauty can only be expressed through the form of outer beauty.The beauty of appearance is not only the shell of the material body, but also reflects people's ideological cultivation and spiritual outlook, and reflects the development of social civilization.The inner beauty and outer beauty of a person are not opposite, but complementary and inseparable. Therefore, whether you are in a diplomatic situation, in a public relations situation, in a job interview or a first date in a relationship, you should attach great importance to appearance beauty.A person's appearance mainly includes body, appearance, appearance, clothing and other aspects.What needs to be explained here is that the instrument actually consists of two factors. One is congenital, or something that cannot be changed naturally, such as appearance and figure. The second is acquired, which can be changed and optimized through modification and dressing, such as beautifying appearance and paying attention to clothing.In addition, there is temperament. Temperament refers to a person's relatively stable personality characteristics, style and tolerance. It is the action characteristics of a person's psychological behavior and the sum of a person's appearance.In layman's terms, a person's temperament is what people usually call temper or disposition. Cultivating temperament must first firmly believe that one's own temperament can be cultivated.Secondly, we must fully understand the types of self-temperament, deeply analyze the characteristics of self-temperament, develop positive qualities, limit negative qualities, maximize strengths and avoid weaknesses, and complement each other to improve and optimize one's own temperament.The cultivation of human temperament also needs to work hard on the establishment of elegant taste, the cultivation of civilized behavior, especially the improvement of cultural literacy.Practice shows that the higher a person's cultural literacy is, the easier it is to observe and absorb the strengths of various temperaments to enrich and beautify himself.In this way, the advantages of various temperaments will be concentrated on him, so that the appearance features will be more prominent and fuller. Body posture plays an important role in shaping a person's overall image.A person's body posture and appearance are equally important, and together they show a person's temperament and demeanor.If you "stand without standing", "sitting without sitting", and "walking without walking", no matter how beautiful your appearance is, it will be greatly reduced.Appearance is born, but body posture can be changed to the ideal posture through acquired training. Sitting posture language is a language that conveys information through various sitting postures. Sitting postures include sitting and sitting postures.Take your seat lightly and slowly, walk to the seat, turn around, and sit down quietly without making any loud noises.After sitting down, keep your upper body straight, keep your head upright, and look straight ahead or the person you are talking to.The back of the back is slightly against the back of the chair. In formal occasions, or when there is a venerable person, the seat cannot be filled. Put the palms of the hands downward on top of the legs. The legs are naturally bent, the calves are basically perpendicular to the ground, and the feet are flat on the ground. Face, the distance between the knees, it is better for men to loosen one or two punches, while it is better for women not to loosen.In informal occasions, it is allowed to stack or tilt your legs after sitting down. When crossing, try to keep them close together above the knees. No matter what kind of sitting position, you should naturally relax and smile.In social situations, do not lean your head up on the back of the seat or look down at the ground; do not lean your body forward or backward, or tilt to one side; do not make redundant movements with your hands; do not spread your legs too far apart, and do not put your The calf rests on the thigh, let alone stretch the legs straight, or shake them repeatedly.These are signs of lack of breeding and arrogance. Standing posture language is a language that conveys information through standing posture.A person's state can be seen from a person's standing posture. Many people like to use one leg as a support when standing, and some people like to lean on something.These are not stances that can be used in formal occasions, making people feel relaxed and impolite.We must pay attention to standing upright, with a straight back, looking straight at the eyes, and showing a feeling of joy and confidence. Standing is one of the most basic behaviors in people's life, work and communication.The correct standing posture is to stand upright, stable, natural and kind.The upper body is upright, the head is upright, the eyes are flat, the face is smiling, the lower jaw is slightly retracted, the shoulders are flat and the chest is straight, the waist is straight and the abdomen is straight, the arms are naturally drooping, the legs are close together, and the toes are in a "V" shape.Women can keep their feet together and feel a slight contraction in their muscles.If you stand for too long, you can alternately take a step back with your left or right foot, but your upper body must still be straight, your outstretched feet should not be stretched too far, your legs should not be too far apart, and your changes should not be too frequent.When standing, if the whole body is not straight enough, the feet are spread too far, the feet are moving freely, listlessness, free and arrogant posture, it will be considered indecent or impolite. Gait or walking posture is the language that conveys information through walking gait.Different from sitting posture language and standing posture language, step posture language is dynamic, so it should be put into dynamic study. There are three types of gaits. Steady and self-satisfied.When walking, walk steadily, hold your head high, look up and stride, the pace is slow and the stride is large. The meaning of this gait is "happy, self-satisfied, and proud." Free and easy.When walking, the mood is relaxed, the pace is moderate, the pace is not too fast or slow, the upper body is upright, the eyes are looking straight, and the hands are swinging naturally.The meaning of this gait is "comfortably relaxed, relatively calm". Solemn etiquette type.When walking, the upper body should be straight, the steps should be vigorous, the bend of the knees should be small, the range and speed of the steps should be moderate, the steps and hand movements should have a strong sense of rhythm, and the eyes should be straight ahead.The meaning of this gait is "serious, warm and polite". First, nature is the primary requirement for body language.When some people speak, their movements are blunt and rigid; while others perform deliberately, their movements and postures are contrived, as if they are "reciting lines".It all feels inauthentic and insincere. Sun Yat-sen once warned people that "everything comes from nature", even if "sometimes the words are clumsy", "don't pretend to be amazing", so as to win people's trust.That's why some people say that it is better to be natural and elegant than to be artificial and clever.This is not without reason. Second, the posture and movements are simple and refined.Hands and gestures should conform to common living habits, be concise and clear, and easy to be understood and accepted by people.Don't make it complicated and sloppy, don't grin your teeth and dance like you're performing a drama.Otherwise, it will not only overwhelm the guest, hinder the normal expression of the vocal language, but also make the listener dazzled and at a loss.Pay attention to overcoming bad habitual movements, and redundant body language must be removed. Third, the use should be moderate and appropriate.The so-called moderation is to require the right amount of movement, so as not to affect the listener's attention to your speech, and don't use too much.Some people do more actions than words, that is not eloquence, but performance.The so-called appropriateness means that the actions must be in harmony with the speech content, emotions, and atmosphere, and there should be no pretentious gestures, mystification or even inconsistency between words and words.It is said that former U.S. President Nixon raised his hands to call reporters to stand up at a reception, but said "please sit down", which made the reporters very troubled.Thus, this incongruity between speech and action became anecdotal. Fourth, be lively and energetic.Vividness is the detailed requirement for body language, making it dynamic and moving in use.Only vivid body language can express artistically and give people a sense of beauty, thereby generating appeal and conquest.In fact, body language is also rich and colorful.For example, the action of "look" has more than 300 different ways of expression, such as looking squarely, squinting, staring, staring, looking up, contempt, contempt, etc., each of which represents a different emotion, and the difference between them lies in the facial features. on the details.Therefore, only by using body language skills flexibly and fully demonstrating the vitality of expressive expressions can we achieve beautiful and vivid expression effects.