Chapter 8 Chapter Seven Skills for Harmonious Coexistence in the Family

Carnegie's advice: Appropriately showing courtesy to his wife will not cause any damage to his public image, but will promote the relationship between husband and wife. Montgomery is a famous military strategist in British history.At the age of 38, he was still a bachelor.It was not until 1926 that his life changed when he met Mrs Caffire. No one thought that this famous general would fall in love with a soldier's widow, but of course Montgomery didn't care about this, all he cared about was his love for Mrs. Caffire.A year later, they held their wedding ceremony in a church in Chichik parish, officially starting their happy married life.

Montgomery is not as bad-tempered as the general soldiers. Throughout his married life, he has almost no rude and uneducated words and deeds. On the contrary, he has always been polite to his wife and seems to have endless sweet words. .When Betty Caffell did a housework, he always said "thank you" to his wife; he always praised his wife for being beautiful, and on ordinary days, he always said something to his wife Words to make her happy.He did everything possible to make his wife happy and satisfied, and he was satisfied accordingly. In the spring of 1937—by this time, their marriage had lasted 10 years—while Betty was walking by the sea, she was unfortunately bitten by a poisonous insect and was taken to the local country hospital with a toxic attack.Montgomery rushed to the hospital and guarded Betty.Finally, Betty passed away peacefully in Montgomery's arms.In the minutes before she died, Montgomery was still reading the Bible and hymns to her, but he could no longer wake his wife.

It should be said that Betty is happy—I mean not only that Montgomery did not remarry after her death, she was his only lover in this life—what I want to say is that most women in this world seem to be inferior to her So lucky, their married life does not seem to be so happy and romantic.If they hadn't taken the initiative themselves, they would have seen a family that had always been cold when they returned home.Before getting married, my husband was an eloquent and eloquent person, but after getting married, he seemed to be a different person. He seemed to have lost interest in everything in the family, including himself.It seemed to these poor women that a husband could not stop sweet-talking himself like Montgomery.

Francis Bacon said: "Once a man marries a wife and has children, it means that he loses his fortune and opportunities." This is the point of view of this giant when facing marriage.He disapproves of men getting married and having children, and bearing the burden of the family, and thinks it is a "very stupid" behavior for them to bear the risk that the god of fate will take away the lives of their families at any time.Obviously, Bacon expressed his pessimistic attitude towards married people, but it also implied a truth from the opposite side, that is, it takes courage for a man to get married.It used to be that single men were more courageous and unscrupulous, while those who were married were more cautious and rigid, but now it seems that this concept needs to be revised.

In fact, single men are more rigid than married men, as can be seen from their reluctance to venture to the marriage registry lest they spoil their prim plans.They are cautious and cautious, with unpredictable temperaments, just like unmarried women describe to you; they dare not jump into the ocean of marriage, just walk on the beach, occasionally test the sea with their feet, and once they encounter a big swell When they come, they will immediately flee to a place of safety. As for the married man, he possesses guts, courage, and the disposition of a gambler.Those who went bankrupt at Monte Carlo were nothing compared to this gambler's temperament, for he had staked his life, his future, his money, etc., on one woman and promised to let her Women are always happy.His opponent is the God of Destiny. He mortgaged everything to the God of Destiny, and then made faces at the God of Destiny.

We do not want to criticize these married men here, but to offer them some small suggestions to increase the happiness of their married life and pay tribute to these adventurous men.Dr. Leonard S. Currier, dean of the College of Arts and Sciences at Cornell University, has a blueprint for a good marriage design: "Happy marriages only belong to those who are spiritually mature, understand themselves, and are good at establishing good relationships with others. A responsible person who thinks about the happiness of others.” Dr. Currier proposed the secret recipe for maintaining a perfect and happy marriage. He said: "A family is united through intrinsic values, such as the satisfaction of love and companionship, which cannot be forced." Here , what he calls intrinsic value, can be developed, cared for and strengthened through a number of means.Those men who are in marriage should learn what I say below, how to get along with your significant other.

1. Thank and praise her constantly. If you always praise her and how virtuous she is, then she will be loyal to you, whether you are unemployed, or getting old and fat, she will insist on staying by your side, even if you wear it all year round Old coats won't have any complaints either.If you must save money to maintain your life, don't hesitate to give your wife "honey on the mouth".But it is a pity that among those smart men, there are not a few who do not understand this characteristic of women. Although men usually think that being able to marry their own wives is their lifetime blessing.But men don't let women know this, you know, wives never get tired of their husbands praising them.Men and women, unlike women, can easily learn how they stand in all respects.For example, if he makes a mistake at work, his boss will remind him; if he makes a big deal, he will get a salary increase or bonus, or at least the boss will reward him in public.But what about the wife who stays at home all day?They have no idea how they are doing if their husbands don't tell her.Therefore, her husband's praise is the best reward for her.

Take a good look at the happy husbands you know, and those husbands who enjoy life to the fullest while their wives do the housework, and who are happy because they know how to win a woman's heart —The surest and surest way to make women willing to serve them forever is to give them sincere compliments unsparingly and often. Rob N. Prall is a friend of mine, a columnist for the New York World-Telegraph and the author of The Great Bribe, a heroic expose of urban corruption.The most enviable thing about Rob is that he has an ideal wife that almost all men want; and his wife Jenny also thinks that he is the greatest man in the world, and she praises her husband every time.

Rob has plenty of ways to keep his wife feeling good.For example, when the publisher gave Rob a special gift book with a handcrafted cover, Rob would inscribe the message on the book on the spot: "To Jenny - my dear wife and my life." It's easier to get a woman's heart to glow than to sign a check because it's a sincere and heartfelt compliment for her successful housekeeping. 2. Be generous and considerate to your wife. At this point, I think many men have entered into a wrong thinking. They mistakenly believe that generosity means that when a woman needs it, she should pay her bills without thinking about it, and often give her some pocket money.But now I'm going to tell you that money and generosity that women value is nothing more than affiliation, and they care more when you say to her, "Okay honey, pick your mom up and have a good time with us Go ahead." This display of generosity may work better for them.

You might ask, "Is this any different?" Yes, of course it is.Women hope that their husbands will be more caring and considerate to themselves in public places, just like he should show care and respect to a strange beautiful woman, instead of being like a beggar who is sent away with money. You know how to tell in a restaurant if a man and a woman at a table are married without asking?You can test it in this way: two people sit together silently, the man just looks at the veal steak on his plate and the waiter intently, while the woman flips the food on the plate boredly, this pair seems to be very happy at first glance. They seem to be strangers to each other, but in fact they must be a married couple; on the contrary, the man carefully pulls out the chair for the lady and asks her to sit down, as if she is made of glass, and the topic is selected in advance, then this A man is either courting the woman or dining with a female client.

Once, I was at a dinner party welcoming some famous person, and the famous person was very warm to almost everyone - except his wife, because he didn't even look at her, as if she didn't exist .This is the reality of most marriages.In fact, showing courtesy to his wife properly will not cause any damage to his public image, but will promote the relationship between husband and wife.They later divorced, which of course came as no surprise to anyone, since most people probably followed suit or endured it. Since you are with her because you love her, why not show her your generosity and thoughtfulness, your kindness and kindness?Now, right now, start with your own family. 3. Always maintain your image. I think many men will have such a realization: only women should maintain attractive demeanor and proper appearance.Because it's usually only women who get these kind of warnings all the time: don't wear cold cream, don't go to bed with full curls, and don't have body odor, rough fingers, extra weight, and slouching.The reason why women care so much about being young and slim is because they are afraid that if they lose their youth, they will lose their husbands. So, how about we look at those men?Maybe he's a fashion model, but at home he looks like an uncleaned bed.On weekends, he would be content to wear a shirt and bury his head in the newspaper, walk around in stinky slippers, never take a shower or shave, and think he's pretty and it's his wife's job to marry him Blessed. Look at it from the wife's point of view: she doesn't care if her husband wears dungarees or a smart suit, and she loves him no matter what.However, even when her husband is idle at home, she would like to see him take a shower, shave his beard, and wear clothes that are in harmony with home life.Although appearance does not determine a man's status, it can change the image of a man in the eyes of women. You think everything I say is wishful thinking?So here's a list of questions that men trying to impress girls (including their wives) should be aware of: (1) Be sure to keep your appearance neat and tidy, and know that soaps and deodorants are not specially produced for women. (2) Don't keep your beard unshaven in broad daylight, unless you go fishing with your kids by the lake. (3) Get a haircut in time without delay. (4) Keep your trousers straight, only a dejected man will tolerate his trousers being wrinkled. (5) Always keep your leather shoes shiny, wear your socks straight, and keep a smile on your face. 4. Understand her contribution. Many women have personal experience in earning money and arranging their lives. With more and more professional women, they also have a certain understanding of the pressure and requirements of work before or after marriage.Men, therefore, should know a little more about the world of the housewife who was used to moving between the kitchen, the wet market and the laundromat. He must be considerate of his wife, who is more constrained by circumstances than he is, that she has no easier life than he, and that she has to attend to the daily needs of the family.As a husband, you should at least understand how boring it is to do those routine housework every day.In addition, wives have to take care of children, especially if someone in the family is sick; sometimes, they also arrange entertainment for the whole family.They are often overworked all year round, and the greatest motivation and reward is nothing but the happiness and praise of their family members. Therefore, as a husband, you should know that your wife needs more contact with the outside world to increase her stimulation and eliminate the boredom caused by boring work.Husbands should also often take their wives out to communicate with other housewives.A man has the opportunity to participate in various social activities due to his work relationship, so he hopes to obtain peace through leisure.At this time, the husband is required to coordinate his own needs with the stimulating social activities his wife needs, and handle the two in a relatively balanced manner.To do this well depends entirely on how he arranges it reasonably. 5. Always support your wife. When we are in trouble, it is a hundred times better to have a husband we can rely on wholeheartedly than the hero of a romance novel to save the beauty. A friend of mine once told me about a little crisis she had when her dearest aunt came to her home for the first time.No sooner had my friend's aunt arrived at her house than her child fell ill with bronchitis and lay in bed, ruining all plans for entertaining guests. "If it wasn't for Tom," she told me, "I really don't know what I would do. He takes my Aunt Grace out for a walk every night and makes her feel good. On the weekends, they go out together. Looking at the scenery. My aunt had a good time, which relieved my psychological pressure. Although Tom has some shortcomings, if it comes to an emergency, because he is by my side, I feel that I have something to rely on." This is definitely the voice of most wives.All the wives hope that their husbands can stand up when they encounter a major crisis, and they should support and help themselves even in small daily matters.How can we as husbands nurture and support her?For example, a wife needs the support and encouragement of her husband when she participates in parent-teacher associations and women's club activities; in social situations, a wife wants her husband to be her pride; she wants to see him having a good time, not making a fool of himself.She needs to know that no matter what emergency arises, no matter what happens, he will always be there for her to give her a sense of inner security. 6. Know how to share with the other half. The success of a marriage depends on the "sharing" and "cooperation" of both husband and wife.When two people are dealing with family issues, they must try to transform "you" and "me" into "we". Men may think that it would be demeaning for them to participate in things like buying gifts, doing housework, and so on.However, if he wants to keep his family warm and harmonious, he should first put aside stock market analysis and try to help his wife with some housework.Since he wants his wife to be happy about his promotion to sales manager, why can't he pay attention to some of the chores his wife said today, and be interested in a great deal she picked up at the flea market? Many problems in family life are trivial things, but we don't pay attention to them because they are too small; it is also because of these small things that led to the breakdown of our marriage.The reason is that we don't know how to share with each other, for example, where we go on vacation, whether we have to replace our chair covers and TV sets, and so on.Once the husband and wife understand each other's role in life, all problems can be solved easily. André Moross, a world-savvy writer, advises men on how to relate to women: "Take an interest in what women think is important, such as what they wear, what they do for the family, Their in-depth and meticulous analysis of feelings and characters... When he is free, he might as well accompany his wife to go shopping and do some shopping... Advise her on certain things... Show interest in the little things in life, talk to him more She communicates. If she likes music, art, or reading, try to understand her hobbies. I believe it won't be long before you will be surprised to find that you are also interested in her hobbies." 7. Always express your love to your wife. Author Vicki Baum once said: "A woman who is loved is more likely to be successful." A husband must promise to love his wife. It is not as simple as putting a wedding ring on her finger, and it must be done as long as she Happy, he should put the wedding ring on her finger every day. "A man likes to feel he is loved," Metoud wrote, "but a woman likes a man to say he loves her." We may be familiar with each other, so we will not say "I love you" easily.In fact, for many men, these three words are indeed embarrassing.In fact, you can relax, even if you don't have to be as attentive as European men, you can still impress your wife.As women, they always have their own unique perception. They can feel your love through countless silent cues. For example, you can find her in a room full of people; Small hands; unexpected hugs; tenderness, and so on. From a woman's point of view, what they don't understand is why a man pursues her so passionately before marriage, but refuses to show his love to her after marriage. A young man in Toronto, Ontario, named Jack F. Tanmon, admitted in his letter that he had made such a mistake: "My wife is an ideal and perfect woman I carefully selected. After we got married, I I was so busy with work that my wife took care of everything in our lives. However, this model of life obviously didn't work. Our marriage was 5 years of misfortune and failure. Finally one day, my wife and I had a fight and I was 4 My son asked me 'Dad, don't you like Mommy'. I believed she was a good mom. I suddenly realized that I was a complete idiot. I really loved my child's mother with all my heart. I loved her This person, and I love everything she has done for me. It is because of her meticulous care that our son grows up so healthy and lovely, but I have never taken on the responsibility of being a father and husband.” "I deserved to be punished, but I decided to do what I could to make up for it. I went to my wife and asked her to help me become a better husband and father. Thank God, she made it. Now we have a real life again. A married life in the sense that this life is based on mutual respect and love. She bore me another daughter and our happiness is worth a thousand dollars. Now, my children never ask me why I don’t like them mother!" Loving a woman is not only enough to have passionate feelings, it should also cover many contents, such as understanding, attentiveness, sensitivity and respect.But those men who don't know how to manage love always like to find excuses, saying that "no one can really understand women".They stubbornly believe that men use direct current, while women use alternating current, and there is no possibility of communication between the two parties, so they can save a lot of trouble trying.I just want to tell these gentlemen here: women are not from outer space, nor do they work on another wavelength, they are not monsters, they are different genders, but they are still human.Women are not a mystery, many men have learned about women, and they have done so after they are married.But if you really want to get to know your wife, it's best to start by loving her and letting her know that you love her.Otherwise, marriage will not be good for both of you. 8. Do not torture your wife with silence. A peasant woman's exaggerated expression of her outrage at this silence is certainly telling.Like most working women, she has to cook for her family every day besides her job.One day, when it was time for dinner, she put a large pile of grass on the dinner table.The husband was very puzzled by such behavior and asked her if she was crazy.The peasant woman replied: "I thought you didn't know what you were eating! I have been cooking for 20 years, and you never once told me that what you eat is not grass but rice." Those upper-class figures in the era of Tsarist Russia understood this truth very well.Whenever they taste delicious food, they must not forget to express their gratitude and appreciation to the chef who made these delicious food.It's a pity that the men who eat their wives' delicious meals at every meal are not as polite as these upper-class people.They all seemed to think they deserved these things, so they didn't taste the food and tell the wife that he didn't eat grass! A writer friend of mine was like that.He came to me one day and told me about his troubles at home.Like Socrates, he described his wife as a rare shrew, and said she seemed moody and too difficult to serve. "She doesn't work very hard," said my friend, "but when she comes home she often moans. She likes to be vexatious, and she often breaks out into quarrels for no reason. I didn't quarrel with her, but There is never peace at home." True, the writer was quiet and reticent, and he was better at writing than talking.I suggested to him: "You try to talk to her more, maybe all she does is want you to say a few more words." A week later, this friend came to see me again, and he happily said to me: "That's true. Now I often praise her and ask her well. Her temper is still very good." In many cases, what a man ignores is often what a woman values, such as a greeting, a word of concern, or a word of love—this is an insignificant thing, but it can often make a woman happy.That being the case, why use silence to torture women? The great French novelist Balzac once wrote: "Most married men remind me of those 'gorillas who want to play the violin'." If we regard marriage as something that both men and women need to know, then we will Knowing about marriage, married men should stop looking like gorillas and look like Ferris Kreisler, the famous violinist. The "home" has been the basic unit of human beings since ancient times. It not only allows people to maintain hope for the future and maintains the present reality, but also protects, nourishes and teaches human beings.Home is actually a sacred castle. Why is it that only men can shoulder the important burden of protecting the family?Although women spend more time at home than men, this does not mean that men do not need a home.Home is not just a material concept, it also includes many spiritual meanings such as warmth, sharing, laughter, tears, happiness and sadness, and it is these spiritual meanings that add rich meaning and value to home.Obviously, all this cannot be created by women alone. It is the result of the joint efforts of both men and women.Therefore, I sincerely warn men to give women a chance to think carefully about how they should play the special dual roles of "husband" and "father", and properly distribute their talents and energy in creating a successful career to their family members. "Marriage is the best litmus test of our personal maturity," writes David R. Mays, chairman of the International Marriage Steering Committee and a professor of human relations at Drew University. "Anyone can live alone if you don't want to care about others. But , if you want to live intimately with another person, you must have the ability to care for others... This is a sign of a person's maturity. Marriage has two results, or it makes us mature, or it makes us bear the burden The bitter fruit of ripeness.” A man who cannot love a woman is not a good man: (1) Marriage is not a grave. If you want, you can make marriage a paradise. The key is how you do it. (2) Take out the passion of a man in pursuing his wife before marriage, and don't get bored with life after marriage. (3) Sweet talk more, it won't hurt to do so.If you really love your wife, say it, not keep it to yourself. Carnegie's advice: learn to adapt to a man's mood, this is the best way for a woman to win a man's favor. Marriage is daunting for most men, but the great British politician Disraeli said: "I may make many mistakes in my life, but I will always plan to marry for love." are not married.Later, he proposed to a wealthy, gray-haired widow 15 years his senior.Maybe we will all ask, is there love between them?She knew he didn't love her, knew he married her for her money!So she asks only one thing: to ask him to wait a year and give her a chance to study his character.A year was approaching, and she married him. The story sounds funny and contradictory enough. Disraeli's marriage was one of the liveliest marriages in the history of all broken and stained marriages.The rich widow he chooses is neither young nor beautiful nor intelligent.When she speaks, there are often literal or historical mistakes, which make people laugh.She never knew, for example, which came first, the Greeks or the Romans, she had a queer interest in dress, she had a queer interest in the decoration of houses.But she was a genius, a veritable genius, in the most important thing in marriage—the art of dealing with men. She didn't use her intellect against Disraeli.When he came home exhausted from talking all afternoon with witty duchesses, her light chatter kept Disraeli entertained.Home became the place where he found peace of mind and basked in her loving tenderness.This time was the time Disraeli spent at home with the elderly lady, and it was also the happiest time of his life.She was his partner, his confidant, his advisor.Every evening he hurried back from the House of Representatives to tell her the day's news.And this was important—no matter what he set out to do, she couldn't believe he'd fail. For thirty years she had lived for Disraeli, respecting her property because it made his life easier.She was his heroine in turn, and he did not become an earl until after her death; but while Disraeli was still a commoner, Disraeli persuaded Queen Victoria to elevate her to peerage.So, in 1868, she was made Dame Biekenfeldt. Whatever consciousness or thoughtlessness she displayed in public, Disraeli never criticized her, never uttered a word of reproach to her;The older lady wasn't perfect, but in 30 years, she never got tired of talking about her husband, praising him.The results of it? "We've been married for 30 years," Disraeli said, "and she never tires of me." "Thank you for his kindness," she routinely told him and her friends. "My life has been one long happy drama." There was a joke between them. "You know," Disraeli would say, "I'm only marrying you for your money anyway." The wife replied with a smile, "Yes, but if you choose again, you'll have to Married me for love, didn't you?" And he admitted that was right. Half of the people in this world are men, so how to get along with men has become a problem that every woman must face.Since there are differences between men and women, and we have to accept this fact, as a woman, it shouldn't be a bad thing to think more about how to get along with men. What does a man want a woman to do for him?Comfort of course!At the end of World War II, men who continued to serve in the military were given a questionnaire. One of the questions asked: "What do you want married life to bring you?" Almost all gave the same answer-- Not mind blowing femininity, not stimulation, not excitement, but comfort in the ordinary sense! This answer may disappoint those ladies who blindly believe in cosmetics and perfume advertisements.But since men just need comfort, why not give it to them?Some ladies who have participated in a certain course, based on their experience with men, after discussion, summed up the following effective rules, which can be used as effective rules for women how to get along with men. 1. Maintain a good temper. Any woman who wants to be happy with a man, whether it's her husband, her boss, a plumber, or her 3-month-old son, should pay more attention to her temperament than to herself , because men would rather eat canned green beans in a pleasant atmosphere than eat steak in front of a sad-faced nagging woman.Taurus Dix, an expert on family issues, once said: "The first requirement for a man to choose a woman is that a woman have a good temperament." I once employed a female clerk who was a shorthand typewriter, and she was not qualified on the basis of professional skills alone-her spelling was poor, and she typed slowly and often made mistakes.But she was able to keep her job, even into marriage and retirement, thanks to her happy angelic disposition.She is not afraid of other people's complaints, complaints and criticisms, just like the sunshine in the office is as warm as the sun.As long as she's around, even if she's not doing anything, you feel like paying her a salary.I don't know if she's a better cook than a shorthand typewriter, but I've often seen her with her husband; I don't care if she can cook good meals. 2. Be a considerate woman. U.S. Open champion Jack Flick wrote for New York's World-Telegraph about how he overcame odds to win two municipal golf course franchises in Davenport, Iowa. At the time, it was a daunting task for Jack to keep the franchise without letting up on game training.As luck would have it, he married Lee Burnstead of Chicago, who brought him good luck.Li became Jack's career helper, which allowed him to concentrate on practicing his skills. Later, in 1952, the Jack family began to travel across the country.Li is responsible for caring for her 13-month-old son, Kreiro, while Jack is on the Open Tour.Jack said: "I never let Lie and I enter the game. You haven't seen the postman take his wife to deliver the mail?" Although the wife was not actively involved in Jack Frick's beloved ball game, she always stayed. He is near, so that he has no worries.A woman like Li is a real good partner for a man. A considerate woman is a man's strong spiritual backing, a man's effective assistant, and a driving force to ensure his success.Florence Maynard lives in a small town in upstate New York, she is an ordinary housewife.In the past 16 years of marriage, she only did some housework, so she always felt that something was missing in her life.Later, she finally knew that it was the affection of her partner.However, there are so few common interests and hobbies for the Maynards, and Mrs. Maynard sets out to take action to change that. “One of my husband’s main passions is professional hockey,” said Mrs. Maynard, “so I started by developing my own interest. Once I became proficient in hockey, I learned a lot about the game. My husband and I watched hockey with the same passion and kept track of when they were televised. Since then, not only have I fallen in love with this fascinating sport, but I have also discovered that I have Things to do. What I get out of this is not only the joy of enjoying the sport with my husband, but also a fulfilling life-I will never sit at home alone with nothing to do... Now that I have found some new interests besides hockey, I can share more fun with my husband again." 3. Be a woman who is good at listening. Almost all men think that women talk too much, and what they mean by this is that women take away their opportunity to talk.Many women make the mistake of thinking that to listen to a man is to sit in silence and listen patiently to what he has to say.In fact, you should also show a positive attitude when listening to people. If you are a good listener, you will join the conversation at the right moment. How to be good at listening?Keep these points in mind: (1) To listen to other people's conversations, you must first concentrate; your eyes should not drift, or look tense or fidgety.If you can really focus your mind, you may still learn a lot. (2) When listening to other people's conversation, the expression should be as relaxed as possible, and the expression should change according to what the other person said.A deadpan audience is the most disappointing thing for a speaker.For a stage director, the most difficult job is to train actors how to play the image of listening to other actors.If you want to be a satisfying listener, work on training yourself. (3) Successful listening also requires concentration and active cooperation.It was once joked that if a girl wants to win a man's heart, she only needs to look at him intently when he introduces a successful business of her own, and insert a sentence at the right time, "You are so good! God , you're a genius" or something like that would suffice.The clumsier she was, the more he liked her. However, this situation has changed a little bit: many girls are also successful in life, and they find it difficult to make the transition from the smart strong woman to the stupid little girl role; and the men are much smarter than before , They can tell who is the girl who really knows how to listen, and who is the girl who is deliberately flattering and flattering him.So remember, when a guy really needs a girl to listen to him, and you want to win his heart and influence him, stop playing the old "pretend to listen" trick.At this time, the best way to communicate is to ask him a question from time to time to show that you are listening to him and want to know more details; sometimes, you can occasionally put forward your different opinions.If you support his statement and are quite experienced in a certain area, you may wish to raise it between his stops, but be careful to be concise, and then give him the right to lead the conversation. Listening like this is not a monotonous monologue, but an active two-way communication.However, most people are not ideal listeners because they don't understand the rules of communication.But these can be improved with practice.Once a woman masters the art of listening, she will get along more happily with men, and get along better with other people, and this will also promote women's maturity-this is one of the ways to achieve maturity. 4. Cooperate with your husband's actions. We often see similar scenarios happen in families. "Let's have Jimmy and Mabel over tonight, we haven't seen Jimmy for a long time," said the husband of the head of the family. "Okay," the wife replied, "but it would be best to have Helen and Tom too, because we've been to their house twice recently." Then she would add, "Oh, my God. —Helen's sister lives with her, and we've got to find another male guest to keep her company. You go to the deli and get some more beer and cheese crackers. I'll do the phone calls, then make up and change, and tidy up the room. You better vacuum the carpet while I change." In the end, the husband wished he hadn't spoken.Originally, he just wanted to chat quietly with one or two friends, but he unexpectedly attracted a room full of guests.Don't think this is a funny thing, on the contrary, this is why men hate women.They still can't understand a man's mood, can't cooperate with her husband's actions, and often want to be a planner and commander on their own. Don't know if you've noticed that women generally don't do things on a whim, unless it's to buy themselves a hat-something men don't understand anyway.He also didn't understand why a woman would spend weeks preparing to go to a play, or why, when he impromptuly suggested a weekend in the country, she would say there were no suitable clothes and wait until the next weekend. Besides, to give her a chance to inform the milkman... Yes, a man's whim can sometimes be annoying for women who like to stick to a plan.I know one very happy wife who is married to a husband who likes to take short vacations.The husband often calls his wife after seeing a travel ad and says, "Pack your bags, honey! We're leaving for Los Angeles tomorrow morning." At this time, the wife, who is already used to it, will quickly pack and put away the swimsuit Suitcase, ask a neighbor to help with her little parrot, then push off all appointments and wait to get on the boat the next morning.She would also say, "It's no big deal. Any woman, with a little practice, can do it." I know that their marriage is very happy, all thanks to this friend's wife.To learn to adapt to a man's mood, this is the best way for a woman to win a man's favor.When a man suddenly has an idea, he likes to implement it immediately!If a woman cannot adapt to this impulse of a man, it will undoubtedly make them feel angry.Only girls who learn to adapt to men's emotions early can take a successful step on the road to getting along with men. A woman who does not love her husband is a failed woman: (1) Find a suitable topic for conversation.Try to find topics that the other person is interested in, not topics that you like to discuss. (2) Many wives are constantly digging bit by bit, making their own marriage graves. (3) Being in love and feeling loved is far more important to many women than sexual intercourse. Carnegie's advice: we should not criticize others, but try to understand them, especially for our family members. Regarding the causes of unhappy marriages, Dix, the number one authoritative expert in the United States, said: "In all marriages, more than 50% are unhappy; one of the reasons why many romantic dreams are shattered is that those who are useless It’s a heartbreaking criticism.” In this regard, there are two practices worth learning from.In the official life of the state, Disraeli's strongest opponent was Gladstone.The two of them were likely to argue and clash violently about everything in the British Empire.However, what they have in common is that their private lives are filled with happiness and joy. Gladstone and his wife lived together for 59 years, almost 60, and they have always loved and respected each other.I like to imagine the most venerable prime minister in British history: Gladstone holding his wife's hand, dancing and singing around the fire rug. Gladstone was a formidable figure in public, but he was never critical at home.For example, when he goes downstairs for breakfast while the whole family is sleeping in, he expresses his displeasure in a gentle way.He would raise his voice and sing a song whose name he didn't know, filling the house with mysterious singing as a way of reminding his family that the busiest people in all of Britain were downstairs waiting for breakfast, all alone.He always maintains a diplomatic demeanor, can understand others, and tries his best to restrain himself from criticizing anyone or anything at home. The same is often true of Catherine II, Empress of Russia.Catherine once ruled one of the largest empires in history, holding the life and death power of millions of subjects and people.Politically, she was a tyrant who waged senseless wars and imposed death sentences on her enemies.But if her cook burnt the meat, she said nothing and ate it with a smile.Her tolerant and generous approach is worth learning for ordinary husbands. There is much wrongdoing in the family, as many parents criticize their children at every turn.You'd think I'd say "don't criticize" to this.But I don't mean to say that, but to say "Before you criticize your children, please read "The Inconsiderate Father" is a typical American journalism education article."This article was originally published in the editorial section of Family Chronicle.With the author's consent, I will place this article below according to the excerpt version of "Reader's Digest". "The Inconsiderate Father" is a short essay. Although it was written by the author Livingstone Lollard under the impulse of the moment, it still touched many readers, so that it became a favorite of everyone. Reprinted article.Perhaps as the author said: "It has been published in hundreds of newspapers and magazines all over the United States, and almost the same abroad. I have also allowed tens of millions of people to read this article in schools, churches, and lecture platforms. It has also been rebroadcast or broadcast countless times on TV and radio. It is strange that not only university publications reproduce it, but also high school publications. Sometimes a small article can resonate deeply with people. This article really had that effect." Inconsiderate father. My son, did you hear, I want to say a few words while you are asleep. You lay on the bed with your little hands on your cheeks, and your wet golden curly hair stuck to your slightly sweaty forehead.I just walked into your room quietly by myself.When I was reading the newspaper in my study a few minutes ago, I felt suddenly so remorseful that it was difficult to breathe.I came to your bedside with guilt. My son, I have thought of many things: I have been very cruel to you.I'll berate you when you're getting dressed for school because you just wiped your face with a towel; will yell at you. At breakfast, I found your fault again: you spilled food on the table, ate without a little self-cultivation, put your elbows on the table, and even slathered butter on the bread.When you go out to play and I'm catching a train, you turn and wave at me and say loudly, "Goodbye, Daddy!" But I tell you, frowning, "Put your chest out!" At night, everything starts again.I saw you kneeling on the ground playing marbles on the road, and your stockings were worn out with holes.I humiliated you by escorting you home in front of your mates.And I say to you, "Socks cost money, and if you pay for them yourself, I think you'll care." Oh, what a father I say to you! Do you remember?Not long after, when I was reading the newspaper in the study, you walked in cautiously and looked at me timidly with grievances in your eyes.I saw you from the top of the newspaper, and was very displeased at your interruption.I saw you standing at the door, a little hesitant. "What do you want?" I said viciously. You didn't say anything, just ran towards me suddenly, hugged my neck and kissed me with love that God also touched, and then hugged me tightly with your little hands.You then leave, walking quickly up the stairs. Not long after you left, my son, my newspaper slipped from my hands and a wave of unbearable guilt came over me.How much I suffer from habit--to be critical and quick to reprimand, and that's my reward to you little boy!It's not that I don't love you, my son, it's that I expect too much from you, and by the standards of my own age. However, your nature is full of truth, goodness and beauty.That little heart of yours is like the morning sun that embraces and illuminates the mountains—and your inner urge to come in and kiss me good night says it all.Nothing else matters!My son, I come to your bedside in the dark, and kneel here with guilt in my heart. I'm just making a confession that doesn't work.I know you won't understand when I tell you this when you wake up.But I'm going to start being a real dad tomorrow.I want to be your good partner, I will help you share when you are in pain, and share with you when you are laughing.Instead of those impatient words, I would go on and on and say solemnly: "He's just a child—a little boy!" I think I used to treat you like an adult.But, my son, when I see you now curled up in your crib, you are still a baby.You are in your mother's arms, with your head on her shoulder, and it feels like it happened yesterday.I was so hard on you before, so hard! Instead of criticizing others, we all try to understand them, especially our family members.We're going to try to understand why they did that.This is beneficial and much more meaningful than criticism.As Dr. Jensen said, "Sir, God will not judge the world until the end of the world." Please sweep "blame" out of the house: (1) To maintain a happy family life, please do not criticize. (2) Many romantic dreams have been shattered, one of the reasons being useless but heartbreaking criticism. Carnegie's advice: A person who can speak is much more important than appearance or other talents. This is a very important ability for family harmony and harmonious interpersonal relationships. Paul Bobby Rowe, director of the Los Angeles Institute of Family Relations, once said: "When most men are looking for a partner, they are not looking for a capable senior employee, but looking for someone who is both charming and satisfying. vanity, and make him feel superior. So, a female executive of a company or institution may be invited to dinner, but only once. She will probably apply what she learned in college. "Main Trends of Thought in Philosophy" was brought up as a topic, and she even insisted on paying her share of the meal expenses. But what happened? Since then, she can only eat alone. Same. When she was invited to have lunch, she would look at the man next to her with passionate eyes, and said with infinite affection: "Can you tell me more about your situation?" As a result, the man would Tell people 'she's not very pretty, but I've never met a better talker'." It can be seen that a person who can speak is much more important than appearance or other talents. This is a very important ability for family harmony and harmonious interpersonal relationships. Men should appreciate the time and thought women put into the pursuit of beauty.All men tend to forget—although they know it too—that women care a lot about how they dress.For example, when a man and a woman meet another man and a woman on the street, the woman seldom pays attention to the man opposite, but usually pays attention to the clothing of the other woman. A few years ago, my grandmother passed away at the age of 98.Shortly before her death, we showed her a photograph of her taken more than thirty years ago.Even though her eyesight is not good enough to read the photo, the only question she asks is: "What was I wearing at that time?" Please think!An old lady in her dying years, was ill in bed for a long time, and she was very old. Nearly a century had exhausted all her energy, and her memory had even declined to the point where she could not even recognize her own daughter, but she still wanted to know where she was. What clothes were you wearing more than thirty years ago!I happened to be next to her sick bed when she asked this question.This incident left an indelible impression on me. Male readers of this book will not remember what clothes he was wearing 5 years ago, and they don't have the heart to remember these things at all.But for women, it's different -- and we men should take note.In France, the men of the upper class do this very well, and they not only praise women's dresses and hats, but many times a night, not once. Fifty million French men are doing it, and for good reason. In former times the pampered elite of Moscow and St. Petersburg were well educated in this respect.In the era of Tsarist Russia, there was a habit among the upper class, that is, after they enjoyed a delicious meal, they would definitely invite a chef to praise them face to face. Why not treat your wife like this?Next time her chicken chops come out perfectly crispy and tender, tell her so and let her know you appreciate her cooking—you're not eating grass.Or, as Texas Jean often said: "Big compliments on that little woman." If you want to do this, let her know how important she is to your happiness and happiness.Disraeli was the greatest statesman in England, but as I have just said, even to the whole world, he would not shyly admit that he was "very grateful to that little woman". One day, while reading a magazine, I came across an interview with Eddie Kant. “I got more help from my wife,” Eddie Conde said, “than anyone else in the world. She was my best friend when I was young and helped me to After we got married she saved every dollar she invested and reinvested. She built me ​​a fortune. We have 5 lovely kids and she built me ​​a warm and cozy home .If I have achieved anything, it is all due to her." In Hollywood, marriage is such a risky business that even Louis Insurance Company in London dare not undertake its insurance.But Warner Buster's marriage was one of the few particularly happy ones. Mrs. Buster, whose maiden name was Winifer Bryson, gave up her flamboyant performing arts career to marry Buster.But she never spoiled their marital happiness by such a sacrifice of hers. "She lost the opportunity to perform successfully on stage," Warner Buster said, "but I have done my best to let her know that I appreciate her and be satisfied by it. If a woman wants To get happiness and joy from her husband, it must come from his sincere appreciation and sincere love. If this kind of appreciation and love come from the heart, then he will also get love and happiness from it." Create perfect happiness with sweet words: (1) Put love throughout the entire marriage process. (2) Married couples also need to talk. Although there are multiple channels for emotional communication, verbal communication will never be eliminated. (3) Happy marriages are rarely the product of chance, they must be designed with reason and heart, like buildings. Carnegie's advice: Conflicts are caused by different opinions, different perspectives, and even different solutions, and couples who have an intimate relationship will naturally have problems in this regard. In the halls of marriage, we hear the familiar phrase of the wedding ceremony: "For better or worse, poor or rich, sick or healthy, you will love each other hereafter, until the day of death." However, Later in life, we find that such oaths cannot be trusted.We know that even as I write these words, countless families are fighting, and countless men and women are grieving.If we broaden our horizons, we can turn our observations into one sentence: where there are people, there are contradictions and conflicts - and families are no exception. While this result may sound disheartening, it needn't be.It's great to be friendly and loving, but even a few conflicts make our married life more interesting.Conflict is caused by different opinions, different perspectives, and even different solutions, and couples in an intimate relationship naturally have problems in this regard. Maybe you think your wife might look more comfortable without makeup, and you want her to accept your point of view, but unfortunately, she insists that she is more attractive with makeup, and even thinks that without makeup, she will not feel confident, and the result The two argued endlessly.When such a family conflict arises, we will find a way to deal with it. At the same time, we always hope that both of us are satisfied with the result of the settlement. From this point of view, the above solution to the makeup issue is not appropriate.Faced with these inevitable conflicts in life, how should we resolve them? The method I advocate is that you cannot use coercive language to persuade the other party or order the other party to do anything, as I mentioned earlier, because the result of doing so will only be unfavorable to you. I think many of you have heard this old story.Because he wanted to prove that he was stronger than the sun, the wind said to the sun: "I am much stronger than you, and I can easily prove it to you - I can quickly take off that person's clothes." Hiding, he began to exert his power.But the harder the wind blew, the tighter the man wrapped himself in his clothes. Finally, the wind had to give up its efforts.At this time, the sun came out from behind the dark clouds, warming people's bodies.The man began to sweat and took off his coat. The sun said to the wind: "The power of kindness is always stronger than the power of coercion." Indeed, coercion often fails to achieve its purpose.There's an old saying that you can't lasso a man with a gun.Of course, this may be one-sided, because you can't put a gun on a woman.It means that you cannot force your wife or husband to do something.If you don't care about the repercussions, like creating a rift in your family, then I have nothing to say. Not long ago, I had a one-on-one conversation with the CEO of a large corporation.He is a young successful man, and because of his excellent work, his photos often appear on the prominent pages of major newspapers in the United States.He was very excited at the beginning of the conversation, but when we talked about his beautiful wife, he started to scowle and moan. "Alas!" said the president, "my wife never understands me. I give her everything she needs to become more educated and qualified, but instead of thanking me, she seems to be Very dissatisfied with my behavior." "How do you do it?" I asked him. "Oh," the president replied, "I want to send her to New York University—I think that's something she needs urgently. I'm going to send her there for a year and then run the company with me." As far as I know, he has a high degree of education and is proficient in business management knowledge. More importantly, he is very interested in this work.But I don't know if he was sure that his wife shared his interest in business management.I asked him this question. "Undoubtedly," said the gentleman, "how can she not be interested in this, since she is married to me, and has lived with me for nearly five years?" Although I am not sure that his judgment is wrong, I know that the reason why his wife is dissatisfied with his decision must be due to interest.Like most people, this gentleman also made a very easy mistake, that is, he judged that they had the same interests and hobbies just based on the fact that the other party was his wife. So he was forcing his wife to take his advice—which at this point seemed to be an order.If I analyze it with the reason I mentioned before, even if his wife originally wanted to obey him, when she finds that she is being ordered, she will unconsciously develop a mentality of resistance. Such truths are not necessarily only known to psychologists or marriage experts.People who have lived a happy life know this and never use obsessive words to their wives or husbands.They never say "what should you do" or "you shouldn't think that way", but express themselves in more subtle ways. Compulsive language seems to be playing out all the time.Most men are wary of their customers for fear of saying a wrong word, but yell at their wives like a tyrant.They are always used to instructing their close lovers how to do things and how to speak.No wonder Dix said, "It's surprising that our family members are the ones who say the most hurtful things." Oliver Hames describes such a situation in his book "The Dictator for Breakfast" .But Harms himself is not like this, he never let his wife see his face, even if he is in a bad mood, he does not vent his anger on others. Dorothy Dix once remarked that more than half of all marriages fail.In her opinion, a large part of the reason for marriage failure is related to compulsive language.She questioned: "What puzzles the wives is why they can't be more gentle with them when they can use gentler means instead of coercion?" "A man knows that flattery can make his wife do anything desperately. He knows that as long as he praises his wife's housekeeping, she will give her last penny to help the family; he knows that as long as he praises his wife for wearing clothes last year The old-fashioned clothes she bought were very beautiful, and she would not think about the high fashion in Paris. He knew that his kisses could make his wife prefer to be blinded and hoarse. All these methods, the wife has already told He's gone, but why doesn't he seem to know at all?" As a man, I can tell wives with certainty that these methods apply to them as well.Therefore, for the happiness of the family, all should give up using obsessive language, because we all know that such a strong attitude will never bring the other party to its knees. Bow your head because of love: (1) Respect the other party, which is one of the important prerequisites for you not to use compulsive language. (2) Between husband and wife, no one is in a leadership position. (3) Don't think that your conflict is absolute. In fact, there is no absolute conflict. The key is to resolve the conflict properly. (4) Don't lose your temper because of meaningless trivial matters. You don't have to win or lose in trivial matters. This is absolutely meaningless behavior. Carnegie's advice: All words of power that become a joke are as common as "hello" and lose their original meaning. Among all the contradictions and conflicts between husband and wife of all kinds, only the requirement of divorce seems more excessive and more difficult. "Let's get a divorce" is a phrase no one likes to hear, and certainly no one likes to say it.It can be said-if you are not afraid of being too extreme, when you hear this word, people will feel as scared as a defendant who has been sentenced to death by a court. I am afraid that most people will agree with what I said. However, I need you to note that I am referring to solemn declarations, not jokes.For all powerful words, if turned into a joke, are as common as a word like "Hello," and lose their original meaning.Sadly, it seems like a lot of people are making jokes about it, at least not taking it seriously. Of course, ordinary people still don't often use it to joke, and this sensitive word is rarely touched by fools.But according to my observation, more and more husbands or wives have abused this sentence against their spouses recently, and they will threaten each other with divorce at every turn, in order to achieve the purpose of changing the other party or making the other party at their mercy.They naively think that everything can be solved with this kind of aggressive talk. Many people who talk about divorce often think this way: "If he loves me, he will be willing to change for me." They expect this kind of weighty condition to change the other party, and if the other party is in this situation If nothing can be changed, then they will cash this check - take action, that is, divorce.They regard divorce as the "touchstone" of marriage.Unfortunately, such touchstones are often ineffective. Instead of receiving the desired effect, they really ruin the marriage. Recently, Visa, a student in Carnegie's eloquence training class, received such a letter from his wife who had been married for 10 years. "The reason I'm writing to you is because you can't listen to what I'm saying. In fact, I've warned you many times that I'm going to divorce you, but you seem to think it's just me threatening you. Or force you. Now, I must say, unless you do something about it, I'm going to make it a fact." Visa was very nervous when I read the letter, but after I read it, he still asked me: "Mr. Carnegie, do you think what my wife said is true?" I was stuck with such questions and found it difficult to answer him because only he himself could give the answers.When a letter with such strong wording appeared in front of him, he still doubted whether it was true.There are two explanations for this situation: one is that Visa is extremely stupid - which I can deny with great confidence; the other is that his wife has used this too much, as the letter says. The method threatened him, so that he still thought it was just a threat. Sure enough, in the ensuing conversation, I learned that Visa's wife had said to him several times in a serious tone: "If you still don't correct it, then I will divorce you." What needs to be mentioned here is, There were times when things seemed more serious than this one, when he thought his wife had made up her mind.Visa told me that he really wanted to correct his shortcomings, but he didn't believe his wife would divorce him. Every time he looked at such warnings with a skeptical attitude, but this time the result was beyond his expectation - he was not as lucky as usual.In the end, his wife did divorce him. Visa regrets this.Like many men, he complained that his wife left him without warning, which made him feel too sudden.When his wif