Chapter 55 10. A relaxed family atmosphere is the long-term solution

Introduction: When we are in an angry mood, we don't notice that we are at fault, but only base the path of reconciliation on the other person's change. Life will not always be smooth sailing, and we don't need to always limit ourselves to those negative and pessimistic emotions.You know, everyone has the instinct to be happy.If you go against this instinct, then you will lose your happiness. In the park, two children are playing together.Suddenly, one of the children yelled because the other party didn't give him a chance to play on the swing: "I hate you! I will never play with you again!" He said and ran away.But after a while, they got together and played dunes again, as if nothing had happened.

Are they forgetful?The two who were sworn enemies just now reconciled as before and became so close.To us grown-ups, this seems like an incredible thing to do.But this kind of nature of children is showing the most innocent side of our humanity. The reason why they do this is actually very simple. They think that happiness is more important than everything else. Children seem to be better at the pursuit of happiness and happiness than we are.We adults seem to be more willing to use right or wrong as a reference, and happiness and happiness have taken a backseat.We seem to forget that we create families to be happy, not to tell who is right and who is wrong.Almost every day, you and your wife or husband will argue about some important or unimportant issue, and will say the wrong thing out of impulse, thus destroying the harmonious atmosphere that has been worked so hard to create.We regret to discover that friction in even the best marriages seems inevitable.

Therefore, when you are discussing a problem with your wife or husband, please pay attention to the atmosphere of your conversation at all times. A friend of mine, Sally, was deeply moved when she talked about this topic with me.Like most wives, she had to say something like this to Brooklyn every day: —That tie you're wearing is really bad.What about the one I bought for you? ——You came back very late today, is there something wrong with the company? Brooklyn's reaction to those words can be very different at different times.When he was in a good mood, he was more than happy to accept some of the right things in Sally's words, regardless of her disapproval.Sally always complained that Brooklyn was coming home late, but Brooklyn always found a way to make his wife's troubles go away.This kind of atmosphere is of course the best, no matter what she says, Brooklyn will not be angry.

But when he's in a bad mood, things can get really bad.He'd yell at Sally, "I just love that tie!" or suppress his anger and collapse on the bed without saying a word.At this time, no matter what she said, his attitude would be very arrogant, and he would even avoid talking about anything. This phenomenon happens to each of us.Psychologists tell us that when we're angry, we don't notice what's wrong with us and instead base our path to reconciliation on the other person's change.We no longer listen to each other calmly and are less motivated to proactively solve problems.In this way, even if it is very difficult for two people to stay in the same room, all problems will not be solved, and the trouble will even get worse.

Maybe you think this situation is normal, and of course you can't listen to the other person when you are in a bad mood.But the marriage between Augustine and Mary may give us some enlightenment. Mary hopes that Augustine can spend more time at home every day, but she doesn't know how to tell Augustine, because he earns many times more money than Mary, and she also knows that he loves this family very much, and his job is really good. I'm so busy that I hardly have time for it. Although Mary did not make this request, she hoped that Augustine would realize it himself.And Augustine simply didn't have the time and energy to think about these things.As a result, their relationship went from bad to worse.It's hard for the two of them to see a smile on the other's face, or even sit down and have a good conversation, because the moment they sit down, the atmosphere seems to freeze immediately.An atmosphere of indifference between them lasted for 5 years and ended with their divorce.

Seems incredible, doesn't it?They are completely able to solve this problem, so why did they break up the marriage?Mary could have suggested cutting back on the family budget, which would have relieved Augustine of some of the stress of work and allowed him to spend more time at home.But she didn't do that. There is no solution to any problem, the question is whether you want to actively solve it.Everyone has an instinct to create happiness, and if you don't recognize it, then sooner or later your marriage will go this far.Although the reasons for marital problems are not so simple, the atmosphere is an important factor.The depressive atmosphere made it difficult for both of them to speak, and it was also the atmosphere that made it unbearable for both of them, so they had to make their marriage fail.

The atmosphere in the family is indeed not to be underestimated.Therefore, try not to do things that will make the atmosphere bad.When you find that the atmosphere is not so harmonious, you might as well calm down first, think about what the other party should be right, or use another method to persuade her.Don't let the other person think that you have irreconcilable conflicts with her, this will make her insist on her point of view more, instead of giving in. So, what to do for our family happy life!Brighten up the mood.A friend of mine is very good at dealing with problems like this.

Once, he and his wife disagreed over whether to buy a Jeep or a minivan.He thinks a Jeep would make weekend getaways easier, but his wife thinks a minivan is more affordable.Just when they seemed to destroy the harmonious atmosphere, he stuck out his tongue, imitating their 5-year-old son.Seeing this scene, the wife couldn't help laughing.The tense atmosphere then eased down.He then calmly explained to his wife why the jeep was more suitable for them, and she finally agreed with him. In addition to creating humor to ease this tense family atmosphere, there is another good way-an emergency call.When you find that things are developing in a direction beyond your control, you should stop your argument in time.Don't let your bad conversation continue, it will hurt your relationship like a devil.

If you have indeed made the atmosphere very bad, then find a way to salvage it.You can do it in a variety of ways, the key is how you plan to do it. There is often friction between my wife and I, but we never let this unpleasant atmosphere last more than two hours.In this situation, I usually say to my wife, "Excuse me, what I just did was really stupid, I may have been too stressed. Let's get back together!" and give her a warm kiss.And she would say, "It's all my fault, let's forget about it!" In this way, our atmosphere will be good again. One of the most common and stupid practices in all families is that everyone implements a "cold war policy".Yes, this is a very stupid approach. I don't know what positive meaning this approach has other than hurting the other party and hastening the failure of the marriage.

You know, the family atmosphere at this time is awkward.On the surface, they seem to want time to heal the wounds, but in fact, this is just a manifestation of their laziness and irresponsibility.You can't rely on time or anything like that to maintain, repair, and grow a relationship unless you both do something about it. Love is managed by two people: (1) When you are about to express an opinion, consider the atmosphere of the conversation at the time. (2) Don't make the atmosphere bad, if the atmosphere becomes bad, find a way to make it better. (3) Admitting your mistakes can help you convince others because it will make them follow your example.

(4) Don't stubbornly think that your opinion must be right, and taking the initiative to make concessions will be more persuasive.