Chapter 28 7. Criticize yourself before criticizing the other party

Introduction: It would be much better if the critic began the conversation with the humility to admit that he was not blameless before pointing out the faults of others. We all have self-esteem, and some of us even reach the point of ego.When you point out other people's mistakes and criticize others, most people will subconsciously maintain their dignity and thus take a resistant attitude towards your criticism.This is one of the weaknesses of human nature.We must understand this weakness and use the proper art of criticism to achieve our purpose of criticism.It would be much better if the critic began the conversation with the humility to admit that he was not blameless before pointing out the faults of others.

A few years ago, my niece Josephine Carnegie left her home in Kansas City to come to New York to work as my secretary.She was 19 years old, just three years out of high school, and had almost no work experience.Naturally, she makes some mistakes.Once, when she made another common-sense error, and I was about to criticize her, I said to myself, "Wait a minute, Dale Carnegie, just a moment. You're older than Joseph Fern is twice as old and has ten thousand times more experience. How can you expect her to have your point of view, your judgment, your energy--even though it's very mundane. Wait a minute, Dale, you What were you doing at 19? Remember your stupid moves, your stupid mistakes? Remember when you...?"

After sincere and fair consideration, I have come to the conclusion that Josephine is far more capable at nineteen than I was at the time—though I am ashamed to admit that I do not often praise Josephine.So, from then on, when I wanted to draw Josephine's attention to her mistakes, I would start like this: "Josephine, you did one thing wrong, but God knows, a lot of what I did To be wrong is worse than that. Of course you are not born with judgment, that can only be learned from experience. And you are much better than I was when I was your age. I have made many stupid mistakes myself, So I hate to criticize you or anyone. But if you do it a certain way, don't you think that's smarter?"

Wouldn't it be better for a critic like this to humbly admit that he was not blameless at the beginning of the conversation, and then point out the mistakes of others.As early as 1909, the elegant Prince Blow understood the need to do so. At that time, Prince Blow was Chancellor of Germany, and the German Kaiser was Wilhelm II - the arrogant William, the last Kaiser of Germany - who built a navy and army and boasted that he could conquer all.Then, something that shocked the world happened.When the German Kaiser visited England, he said many unbelievably stupid things, such as that he was the only German who was friendly to Britain; he built a navy to counter the Japanese threat; Britain, which saved it from surrendering to Russia and France; thanks to his conquest plan, Britain was able to defeat the natives in South Africa, and so on.

Worst of all, he allowed the London Daily Telegraph to publish his irrational boasting.As a result, these explosive news shook the whole of Europe and spread to the whole world. In more than 100 years of peace, no European king has ever said such a thing about him.The whole of Europe was immediately stirred up, like a wild bee being irritated; Britain was also irritated, and German politicians were even more horrified.In this situation, the German emperor was also panicked, and he proposed that the Chancellor Blow handle the matter.Yes, he wanted Prince Blow to declare all responsibility for it all on his own, for advising his lord to say these unbelievable things.

"But, Your Majesty," objected Blow, "it seems to me that no one in Germany or England would believe that I am capable of advising Your Majesty to say such things." As soon as Blow had said this, I realized that I had made a serious mistake.The Kaiser was really annoyed.He snarled, "Do you think I'm an ass who makes mistakes you'd never make?" Blow knew that he should praise the Emperor first before criticizing him, but at this point, he might as well choose the best option.He praises after criticizing.The results were fantastic—commendations often have that effect.

"I would never mean that," he replied respectfully. "Your Majesty surpasses me in many respects, not only in naval and army knowledge, but especially in natural sciences. Every time you listen to Your Majesty When explaining the barometer, the wireless telegraph, or Roentgen's rays, I am always ashamed of my ignorance of all the various natural sciences. I do not know chemistry or physics, and am unable to explain the simplest natural phenomena, so my Majesty Very much. But," Blow went on, "in compensation, I know some historical knowledge, and some politically and especially diplomatically useful knowledge."

A smile appeared on the Kaiser's face.Prince Blow praised him.Blow made himself look humble by praising him.At this time, the Kaiser can tolerate anything. "Didn't I always tell you," he said earnestly, "that we should learn from each other's strengths and be famous in the world? We should work together and be united, and we will!" He shook Blow's hand, and not only Not once, but many times.He was especially agitated that afternoon.He clenched his fists and shouted: "If anyone speaks badly of Prince Blow to me, I'll punch his nose flat!" Blow saved himself just in time—but even such an astute diplomat made a mistake: he should have started by talking about his own weaknesses and Wilhelm's strengths—rather than implying that the Kaiser was a weakling. , People in need of protection.

If just a few words of self-humility and compliments could turn an arrogant and withdrawn German Kaiser into a solid and reliable friend, you can imagine how much humility and compliments play in our daily lives.When used correctly, they must help us do wonders in our relationships. Even if one person has not corrected his mistakes, simply admitting his mistakes at the beginning of a conversation can help another person change his behavior.That phrase was recently uttered by Clarence Chau of Timonim, Maryland, after watching his 15-year-old son try out a cigarette. Of course, I don't want David to smoke.But me and his mom both smoke and we are setting a bad example for him.I explained to David that I had started smoking when he was his age and that the nicotine eventually got the better of me and made me addicted.I also reminded him that I had a terrible cough.I did not dissuade him from smoking, or warn him of the dangers of smoking.I just told him how I smoked and suffered from it.

He thought about it for a while, then decided not to smoke until he graduated from high school.He has never smoked a cigarette until now.As a result of that conversation, I also decided to quit smoking.Thanks to the support of my family, I succeeded in quitting smoking. So if you want to make yourself a popular talker without hurting feelings or offending others, there are a few tricks you can use to achieve satisfactory results. Criticism can be sugar-coated medicine: (1) Before criticizing others, point out your own mistakes and shortcomings. Under such relatively equal conditions, the other party will be more likely to accept criticism.

(2) Criticism is not an argument, nor is it a straight talk, but some methods and techniques should be used. (3) Praise the other party before criticizing, which will form a natural and harmonious conversation atmosphere, and then lead the conversation to criticism.