Chapter 26 5. Tactfully point out the mistakes of others

Introduction: Directly pointing out the mistakes of the other party is actually criticizing the other party. One day, when Charles Scoble passed his steel factory, he saw several workers smoking cigarettes together.They apparently forgot the company's stated policy of no smoking, or like many people who make mistakes, they are lucky. Should Mr. Scoble have picked them out and criticized them harshly?Or point them to the "No Smoking" sign?This will only embarrass the other party and generate resentment towards Schauber. He walked up to them calmly, gave each of them a cigar, and said to them, "Let's smoke it outside."

These workers, of course, did not go out to smoke with Scooper, but said to him: "Ah, we forgot the company's no-smoking policy. Please forgive me." Then they hurried back to their jobs. Of course, we can understand the complex feelings in their hearts: they feel guilty for making mistakes, but also feel grateful that they have not been punished or blamed, and at the same time, they have more respect for Mr. Scoble.They will definitely not make the same mistake in the future. When you find that the other party has made an obvious mistake, in order for the other party to correct it as soon as possible, you kindly say to him: "Look, John, there is such a mistake as you just said..." You fully expect him to Thank you, but the result surprised you, and even made you feel unreasonable-he firmly refused to admit that he made a mistake, let alone thank you.

You don't need to blame the other person for this, this kind of thing is too common, almost everyone will have this problem.The average person seems to be overwhelmed when others point out their mistakes, especially outright.This will give him an incredibly powerful force that compels him to refuse to accept your criticism or correction, even though he knows you are thinking out of him. Psychologists point out that a large part of this powerful force is self-identity at work.When what they believe is doubted or denied, everyone will have a kind of anxiety, feel that their self-esteem has been hurt, and even feel that their safety is no longer guaranteed.As a result, he'll instinctively refuse to admit he was wrong, even though he may think you're right.Therefore, when you want to persuade a person to understand his mistakes, don't point out the mistakes of the other party directly.

I believe that directly pointing out the other party's mistakes is actually criticizing the other party.No one likes to be criticized by others, even if he knows that he is doing something wrong, but people often do such stupid things.We often encounter some disturbing things around us, but many times as long as we change the way of expression, we may be able to easily achieve our goals. Mrs. Margie Jacob hired some very skilled workmen to add to the house.The first few days they kept making a mess of the yard with sawdust everywhere.Once, at the end of their day's work, the clever Mrs. Jacobs quietly called her children, and together they cleaned up the sawdust and piled it in a corner of the yard.The next day, when the workers came, she was very happy and said to the workers, "I am very happy that you cleaned the yard yesterday. To be honest, it is even cleaner than our previous yard."

After hearing these words, the workers were very happy, and they all piled up the sawdust in the corner of the yard.Just imagine what would happen to the workers if Mrs. Jacobs assumed the attitude of an employer?They would not hesitate to change to another job, because there are very few good construction workers like them. Judging from the results of the above two examples, it is quite correct to indirectly point out the mistakes of the other party.Use a gentle tone and indirectly point out the mistakes of others, so as not to arouse the other party's resentment. Indeed, as long as we point out the mistakes of the other party and at the same time pay attention to maintaining the self-esteem of the other party, we will easily receive good results.This is very in line with human nature - because we have no way to change the weakness of human nature, so we can only make what we do in line with human nature.Smart people will always find ways to do this, because they know that the effect of doing so is much better than pointing out the mistakes of the other party.

The upper-level figures of some large companies or institutions are usually difficult for ordinary people to meet. Part of the reason is that they are very busy, but the "filtering" of those subordinates is also an important reason: they do not want their superiors to be disturbed, so they help their superiors. Blocked many seemingly insignificant guests.This is not necessarily a good thing for those upper class figures. Karl Furlong encountered such trouble when he was the mayor of Orlando, Florida. He pursued an "open door" policy.At that time, he stipulated that citizens could come to see him directly if they needed something.However, those visiting citizens are often turned away by the staff.Later, in order to solve this problem satisfactorily, the clever mayor came up with a clever trick: he asked someone to tear down the door of his office.

In this way, he is equivalent to telling the staff clearly and unequivocally to stop blocking those visitors.On the other hand, he hinted at the mistakes of the staff by his actions, but did not directly point them out, which gave them self-respect. When Sergeant Major Harley Keser of the 542nd U.S. Army was leading a reserve officer, he faced a problem that was common in the military.What's the problem?The biggest difference between reservists and regular army trainers is haircuts, because reservists consider themselves just civilians, so they are very reluctant to cut their hair short.

How to solve this problem?Like the Master Chiefs of the regular army, he could yell at his troops or threaten them.But he is unwilling to do so.He put it this way: Gentlemen, you are leaders.There is nothing more effective than when you teach by example.You have to be an example to those you lead.You should know the military regulations on haircuts.I'm going to get a haircut today too, and my hair is much shorter than some people's.You might as well look in the mirror, if you want to be a role model, shouldn't it be time to get a haircut?We will help you arrange time to go to the camp barber shop for a haircut.

The result is predictable.Several people took the initiative to look in front of the mirror, and then went to the barber shop to get their hair cut according to the regulations in the afternoon.The next morning, Sergeant Kayser commented that he had seen leadership qualities in some of the people on the team. On March 8, 1887, Henry Ward Beecher, America's most eloquent pastor and speaker, died.On the following Sunday, Lyman Abbott was invited to speak to pastors grieving over Beecher's death.Eager to succeed, he reworked and reworked his speeches, embellishing them with as much care as Flaubert did.

Then he read the speech to his wife, but it wasn't very well written, really bad.But if his wife is uninformed, she might say something like: "Lyman, that sucks, it's absolutely unusable. You're going to put those listeners to sleep, and that sounds like an encyclopedia. You've been preaching for so many years, you should Could have written better. My God! Why don't you talk like a normal guy? Why don't you be more natural? You'd blow yourself up if you read that stuff." If she said so, one can imagine the result.Yes, she knew the outcome.So, she said it in another way: "My dear, if this speech is sent to the "North American Review", it must be an excellent article." Lyman Abbott, of course, accepted his wife happily. Views.

Do you think he will actually send his speech to the North American Review?No, Abbott tore up his carefully prepared manuscript, and later gave a speech naturally without even using an outline.Abbott's wife praised his speech while subtly suggesting that her husband could not use it to deliver a speech.Of course Abbott knew this, so he did as his wife asked. From the examples above, we can see that in order to persuade others without hurting others, you need to indirectly point out the mistakes of others. How to make the other party readily accept his shortcomings: (1) When you find one reason to point out the other party's mistake, the other party will definitely find ten reasons to refute you.So, don't let the other party have this kind of resistance. (2) Don't let the other party feel that you are taking pleasure in pointing out his mistakes. The best way is to point them out indirectly in a peaceful tone. (3) If you try to show your brilliance and superiority by criticizing the other party, you will not be welcomed. (4) Mutual respect is the basis of interpersonal communication.