Chapter 25 4. Suggest, not order

Introduction: Advising others, rather than ordering them forcefully, not only maintains a person's self-esteem and gives him a sense of self-respect, but also makes him more willing to cooperate rather than confront. I recently had the honor of dining with Miss Ida Temple, America's most famous biographer.I told her I was writing, and she and I started talking about being human.She told me that when she was writing a biography of Jan Owen, she interviewed a gentleman who had worked in the same room as Mr. Young for three years. The man said that in that long time he had never heard a direct order from Jan Owen to anyone.He always "suggests", not "commands".For example, Jan Owen never said "do this, or do that" or "don't do this, don't do that".He always said "you can think about this" or "do you think that would be appropriate".

When he dictated a letter, he used to say, "What do you think?" After reading a letter written by his assistant, he often said, "Perhaps it would have been better worded that way." Doing things without ever telling his assistants how to do them; he leaves them to do it themselves, enabling them to learn from their mistakes. Advising others, rather than commanding them forcefully, not only maintains a person's self-esteem and gives him a sense of self-respect, but also makes him more cooperative than antagonistic.A method like this makes it easier for a person to correct his mistakes.And the anger caused by some elder's rough manners may last longer, even if what he corrected was an obvious wrong.Don Stan Riley, a teacher at a vocational school in Weming, Pennsylvania, said one thing.

A student blocked the school gate because of illegal parking.A teacher rushed into the classroom and asked in a very aggressive tone: "Whose car is blocking the gate?" When the student got up to answer, the teacher yelled: "You drive the car away immediately, or I will tie it up with an iron chain and drag it away." The student was indeed wrong, the car should not have been parked there.But from that day on, it wasn't just the student who was angry at that teacher's behavior, but the whole class was always doing things to inconvenience the teacher and make his job even more difficult.

He could have handled it in a completely different way.If he asked kindly: "Whose car is at the door?" The car drove away, and he and his classmates would not be so angry. Even if you are an elder or a superior, you can't speak to your juniors or subordinates in a rude manner; otherwise, what you get will not be cooperation, but fierce confrontation.In the same way, the way of suggestion can make customers better accept and adopt your opinions, do according to your requirements, and meet your needs. At a small factory in Johannesburg, South Africa, manager Ian MacTangie had the opportunity to land a large order, but he knew he wouldn't be able to meet the deadline.Although the job was already scheduled at the factory, the time required to complete the order was so short that he was unlikely to accept it.

He didn't push the workers to work faster to meet the order, he just got everyone together, explained the situation to them, and told them what it would mean to them and to the company if the order could be completed on time. how big. "Is there any way we can fulfill this order?" "Can anyone think of another way to handle it so we can take this order?" "Is there any other way to adjust our hours and distribution of work to move the whole situation forward?" As a result, the employees offered many opinions and insisted that he take the order.With a "we can do it" attitude, they finally got the order and delivered it on time.

Asking each other some questions not only allowed the small factory to receive an order, but also stimulated the creativity of the workers, resulting in a good cooperation and harmonious atmosphere.Therefore, if you want to persuade others without hurting feelings and arousing resentment, please pay attention to your tone of voice, change your speaking attitude, and try to put forward your request in another way: suggest the other party instead of directly giving orders. Benefits of "suggestions" over "commands": (1) A request or suggestion is actually a weakening of an order, but it will have a completely different effect.

(2) Without orders, compulsions, or demands, there may be no resistance and resistance. (3) If you can express the order as your idea or suggestion, to some extent, it will be inconvenient for the other party to refuse you. (4) Even if you are on the side of "authority", in order to maintain the self-esteem of others and persuade them better, you must use suggestions instead of orders.