Chapter 22 Chapter4 8 communication skills to make others agree with you

Introduction: Trust is the basic premise for people to communicate.If there is no trust, even if people are talking to each other, it is not true communication. When Lincoln ran for the U.S. Senate in 1858, he needed to speak in places in southern Illinois to win votes there.But it is very difficult to achieve this goal-people in those places have great distrust of him, and even hostility. This is because Lincoln was an abolitionist, and the farmers in those places had a large number of black slaves, so they would naturally not like Lincoln's election.This conflict of political views and interests is very sharp.They even threatened to kill Lincoln as soon as he came.These barbaric locals wear short guns and sharp knives even in public.

Faced with such great danger, we can imagine how much courage Lincoln needed to make a decision at that time.As it turned out, the threats didn't stop Lincoln from advancing, saying, "Give me a few minutes and I'll convince them." Before speaking, Lincoln shook hands with the most important local leaders one by one, and then delivered a speech: Friends from Illinois, friends from Kentucky, friends from Missouri!I've heard a rumor before I came that some of you are going against me—if there is, then these people must be sitting down there, right?But I do not believe this is true, because you have no reason to do so; because I, like you, have climbed out of the hard country with difficulty, and am a straightforward and straightforward commoner.So why can't I express my opinion like you guys?friends!I know you better than you know me!You will know what kind of person I am in the future.I don't want to be against you, so you will never be against me.Now that I'm standing here, we've become friends.I believe you will be willing to make me this friend, because I am a humble person.I sincerely ask you to give me time to say a few words.You—brave and generous people—would never refuse this small request from my friend.So now, let's have an open and honest discussion about serious issues!

After listening to Lincoln's words, the originally angry people began to applaud him.As a result, most of the people here later became Lincoln's friends—they began to trust him for life.It was these people who later helped him become the president of the United States. The difference between mistrust and trust is so great, which is what Lincoln realized.Therefore, he tried his best to explain to these people that there was no insurmountable gap between him and them, and that he and them were friends.Fortunately, he managed to do just that. Trust is the basic premise for people to communicate.If there is no trust, even if people are talking to each other, it is not true communication.

I was once entrusted by a company and asked a scholar friend of mine to help them.At the beginning, things seemed to be going smoothly, but a few days before the start of work, the relevant person in charge of the company called me and said that for some reason, this scholar was suddenly unwilling to work for their company.The company persuaded him in every possible way, promising to extend the start date, reduce working hours, and increase wages, etc., but he has always refused to accept it. I decided to find out what caused the change of attitude of the scholar, so I went to visit him together with the person in charge.He was still very enthusiastic after seeing me, and talked to me about many things.I believe none of these things have anything to do with the matter itself.

Later, I asked him directly why he refused to serve this company.He gave some reasons, but I think the most important one is that he is worried about whether the company can fulfill the contract, and whether the cooperation with the company is tacit enough. Hearing this, I felt that it was useless to continue persuading him, so I left.On the way home, I said to the person in charge: "I don't know why he feels this way about your company, but what you have to do is to make him trust you. Before that, any job It will all be of no avail." The next day, the person in charge of the company called me and said that the academic had changed his attitude.It turned out that after leaving the scholar's home, he returned to the door of the scholar's house, and stopped a taxi to wait for the scholar, and then sent him to the plane.This sincere attitude has won the trust of scholars.In addition, the person in charge also used their free time to explain to the scholars that they were willing to fulfill the company's obligations in the contract in advance.This makes academics promise to go to work as soon as they come back.

We cannot blame the scholar for being backlash or being too cautious, because this is a very complicated society.All kinds of people, all kinds of things, truth, illusion, sincerity, and hypocrisy, are all very active in this world.The relationship between people is no longer a pure mutual cooperation relationship, but has added elements of mutual competition and mutual deception.Therefore, distrust always occupies a place in people's hearts. We can't imagine a person who is wary of us following our advice, and sometimes, it overwhelms us.How can we gain the trust of others so that they will follow our advice?

In fact, although I did not directly point out this method in this book, the methods of speaking and communication in each chapter can already help you gain the trust of others.As long as you follow the method I said, then you will definitely give people the impression of sincerity and trustworthiness. With trust, communication will produce results: (1) Trust does not exist at the beginning, it needs people to work hard to build. (2) Mistrust can lead to inexplicable conjectures.The other party will have doubts about what you said, even if you express it clearly, he will still have a different understanding.

(3) When you don't know why the other party rejects you, you should consider that the other party may have a strong sense of distrust towards you.